So I am completely new to ubuntu, I have used Wubi in the past on other laptops, and installed it easily, but nothing very technical. I have many questions I need answered and help with.

Samsung Series 7 (15.6'') Computer
I have EFI and Secure Boot on, Idk about if HDD boots with EFI or what.
I have 12.10 .iso file
No USB Drive / CD slot

Now here's what I want to know:
How do I go about installing Ubuntu? I have read the problems associated with EFI but I don't know what guide to follow.
How can I install it without a USB drive or CD slot?
I want to dual boot it with Win8, not within but in its own partition. How can I do this?

I have read many guides but all seem different and I am not sure what to do at this point.