Scammer (thick accent): I'm calling from Microsoft technical support company because you have a virus on your Windows computer.
Me: Eh? I didn't catch that. Can you speak more slowly?
Scammer: I'm... calling... from... Microsoft... technical... support... company... because... you... have... a... virus... on... your... Windows... computer.
Me: I couldn't understand you. You have a very thick accent. Could you repeat that?
Scammer: YOU... HAVE... A... VIRUS!
Me: Oh. I have a virus? Nonsense. I'm perfectly healthy.
Scammer: NO. ON YOUR COMPUTER!
Me: Why are you yelling at me? Is this how you treat customers?
Scammer: Sorry. You have a computer virus.
Me: A computer virus? Where did you say you were from?
Scammer: (fuming): I am from Microsoft technical support company.
Me: Microsoft? You're from Microsoft?
Scammer (very frustrated): Microsoft technical support company.
Me: So you're an employee of Microsoft?
Scammer: No. We are support company.
Me: So you're not from Microsoft?
Scammer: WE ARE MICROSOFT SUPPORT COMPANY.
Me: I don't understand. First, you're from Microsoft, then you're not from Microsoft, then you are again. Don't you know where you work?
Scammer: YOU HAVE A WINDOWS VIRUS!
Me: I have a Windows virus? How do you know?
Scammer: Your computer is telling us that it has a virus.
Me: I still don't understand you. Your accent is very thick.
Scammer: YOUR... COMPUTER... IS... TELLING... US... IT... HAS... A... VIRUS.
Me: My computer is telling you?
Scammer: Yes. It is telling us.
Me: Who told it to tell you?
Scammer (exasperated): It is telling us that you have a virus!
Me: But I didn't tell you.
Scammer: YOUR COMPUTER IS TELLING US!
Me: But I didn't tell my computer to tell.
Scammer: We have REPORTS here that you have a virus!
Me: Where did you say the reports come from?
Scammer: YOUR COMPUTER!
Me: My computer is sending reports to you?
Me: To Microsoft?
Scammer: To US!
Me: And you're Microsoft?
Scammer: WE... ARE... MICROSOFT... SUPPORT... COMPANY!!!!
Me: I don't understand why you can't just give me a simple answer. Am I speaking to Microsoft?
Scammer (long silence): We. Are. Support. Company.
Me: Ohhh! You're a support company! Not Microsoft?
Scammer (even longer silence): Microsoft. Support. Company.
Me: So you are getting reports from my computer?
Scammer: You. Have. Virus.
Me: You mean MICROSOFT IS SPYING ON ME?!
Scammer: WE HAVE REPORT OF BAD VIRUS!! YOU DON'T CARE?
Me: Why is Microsoft spying on me? Are you really from Microsoft or are you from the CIA?
Scammer: I HOPE YOU GET &$%#)%*! VIRUS ON YOUR *)%#^^(&$#@% COMPUTER #$#%#)(*&%^!!!
Me: I don't understand what you are saying. Your accent really is very thick. Microsoft should pay for English lessons.