swoody
December 1st, 2008, 07:15 AM
Well, while I was working on my homework tonight, my fiancée thought it would be funny to write a little story about how geeky she thinks I am. Little does she know, this is the beginning to an epic tale, of what talent will verily challenge that of Homer's Odyssey. I thought what better way to combine the two greatest(geekiest) things around - online forums and cool sci-fi action - than to make this a community thing! So rather than replying with comments, please reply by adding more to the story!
So without further ado here is...
Adventures of Linux: The Chosen One
http://i1216.photobucket.com/albums/dd376/smwoodruff/map.jpg
Chapter 1: The Summoning of a Hero
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away... over the rolling meadows, past the ancient forests, and across the deep blue seas, lived a young man about to embark on a great journey that would change his life and shape the history books forever. This was a journey only a few brave and open-minded men had made before... the Journey of the Great Linux!
The young man, Smruff, was chosen and trained by the members of his community specially for this task. Smruff's town of Ubuntu was small, but powerful nonetheless. Some of the greatest men to have lived had grown up in this town. They had high expectations for Smruff on this journey. He was to travel to the far reaches of the map, and traverse dangerous territories, to banish the evil Emperor Vista to the Dark Worlds forever!
Smruff's mentor, Jaunty, had instructed Smruff in the ways of the realm. He taught him how evils in the world could disguise themselves under the good of Linux, and to be weary in all encounters. Luckily there were ways to tell those evils apart from the rest - such as a man in a Red Hat, a baby in a Fedora, or anyone walking a Puppy. Jaunty had also supplied Smruff with equipment to help him on his journey - a vessel of Re'Boot, several Virus-Demolishing Arrows, and the Spam-Filtering Shield of Kro'komen. Smruff was also given a very magical map of the land. It was more detailed and intricate that any other map in the world, and Smruff knew the ancients must have created it. They simply called the map Go'gle World.
Tonight was the eve of the great journey. Tomorrow morning, Smruff would go from Ubuntu and venture out into the world of Linux. However, that night, Smruff was summoned by the elders. He anxiously went to their sanctuary to meet with them.
When he arrived at #ubuntu-elders-sanctuary he was greeted with very grave and sober faces. The eldest member approched Smruff and spoke in a hushed tone, but was unable to hide his fear...
"Sit my dear Smruff. There is much more to be told before the sun rises...."
Chapter 2: The Dawn of Hope
"Smruff," another elder called to him, "we fear this may be beyond our abilities... We have less hope now than we ever have, but we must try! We must give it everything we've got. For if we don't it will be the end of Ubuntu... nay, the world of Linux as we know it!"...and with that, the elders dismissed him.
As Smruff turned to leave, a wizened elder caught his arm and handed him a small box. "This, young one, is a relic of the past. It holds great power, for good or evil. Use it well!" The elder went on to explain that contained in this box was a powerful weapon, one to which the forces of MorDows were particularly susceptible. "It's codename is Tro'janz, and it is a virus of great power."
Smruff promised to do all he could for the cause of justice. As he left, the elder's voice echoed in the halls behind him: "Good luck, young Smruff, and may the Shell be with you!"
Smruff, unable to sleep that night, tossed and turned in his bed - the elders' warnings echoing through his mind. The doubt and fear grew within him like a plague. He finally fell asleep, only to have his dreams portray what nightmares were to come...
Smruff found himself amongst others who looked familiar, but he didn't quite know who they were. Families were setting down for supper. Children played in the street. Everybody seemed so happy, and everything just seemed to work. A gentle breeze blew across the town, sweeping with it a smell of the sweet lilac. Everything seemed so peaceful... so perfect.
An elder with flowing grey hair approached Smruff with a gait that exuded confidence and wisdom.
"Where am I?" Smruff asked of the elder.
"This is what you know," replied the elder, "This is Ubuntu as it is today." Smruff could hear the elder's voice, although his lips did not move.
"Everybody is so happy, and there's no problems here." remarked Smruff.
"Exactly," replied the elder in a reassuring tone, "this is how the world is supposed to work. Notice how well everybody gets along, and the way that everyone can all work together for the common good. There are no extremely wealthy, or extremely poor, and everyone is the happier for it.... but it doesn't always work this way. The threat we are facing from the far west will make the world a much different place. Here, let me show you...."With that said, the elder waved his arm in a circle, and the two of them were enveloped in a swirling silver cloud.
A moment later the silver cloud faded away, and Smruff was left letting his eyes readjust to the new world in front of him. A bright light shown down from above, and Smruff started back up at it.
"That," spoke the elder, "is the evil forces' lair. It's a mobile beast that walks upon three appendages, and suspends the capitol building high above everyone else so as to keep watch on those below. The spotlight you see is the watchful eye of Ball Gites, the richest man in the world, and he keeps an eye on everyone else to make sure they stay in line with his rules and continue to have to pay his taxes. If anyone gets out of line he sends his goons after them."
The elder pointed back to the street in front of them. "That man approaching the house over there is one of his Layers - note the cheesy suit and briefcase. Those goons are sent whenever something happens. Whenever someone has a child, buys a new car, moves into a new home - anything that is new - and he makes the people all agree to whatever License Agreements they see fit. If someone doesn't want to sign, their car, home, or even baby is repossessed and the people lose all rights to use it."
He then pointed towards a military group down the road with an array of satellites around them. "Those, Smruff, are the watchers. They keep an eye on all forms of communication going in or out of the city. Whenever something crosses through their equipment in a language they don't understand, they take it as a threat, and promptly destroy it. They usually send a nice email letting those people know that there is a "good" way to communicate, and tell everyone to use that way. And just sometimes they set up walls of fire to prevent normal citizens within the city from communicating at all with the outside world!"
"This is horrible..." Smruff gasped as he took in the whole scene.
"Yes, it is, but this isn't the worst yet. Look over there, that clan down by the house at the end of the street. They are the band of roaming terrorists. They stike fear into the hearts of every man, woman, and child in these cities. They are Virus Gangs. They were supposed to be wiped out for good some years ago, but they just say "Hey! I'm not with the Viruses!" and the government believes them. They will break into your house, pillage your life-savings, watch your TV, and then steal all your family albums as they leave. But there is very little they do about it here. Do you also see those clear walls on the houses?"
Smruff was confused, he had never seen a house you could see into before. "Yes, what are they for? We don't have those back in Ubuntu."
"They're called Windows, and they let the evil forces gaze into everybody's lives much easier. These days all new houses have at least 2 or 3 of these Windows installed. The people who made having Windows mandatory said it would be for people to see and enjoy the world from inside their own house, but with how dismal this world is, nobody looks out them anymore - but the evil forces can use them to look inwards."
Smruff was overwhelmed - his powers seemed pathetic and weak. It was impossible, he thought, the awesome responsibility that lies upon me is too great. Smruff, in desperate call of action, ran out into the street and stared emptily into space.
"The dangers of this world cannot possibly be fit for me," he said downhearted.
The elder happened to overhear him and remarked "Why, young Smruff, what bothers you?"
"I just can't-I mean-well, it is too much of a daunting task to give me," he said quietly.
"Smruff," he said, "we can't give up, we have fought bravely against our enemies to win our freedom. There was a time when we fought amongst ourselves, but now it is the time to fight them. Our village and your family are what is you are fighting for, and you must do all to protect it. Besides, do you want to see your loved ones sitting inside Windows?"
Smruff realized what was at stake and gained renewed determination. "You are right" said Smruff,"I was foolish but now I shall fight with all my strength!"
Smruff awoke from his dream with a scream that sounded more like a battle yell than a frightened cry. If that was what was to become of his friends, family, and the rest of the world, he would do whatever was necessary to vanquish these evil beings once and for all.
With that, Smruff picked up his weapons and closed the door to his 127.0.01 behind him. He had a vicious look on his face that you would not want to be on the receiving end of, and he was prepared to go fight with fierce willpower the other operating system's of the world.
Chapter 3: Know Thy Enemy
Smruff was well informed by the elders on what to expect, but he also knew if he wanted to defeat his enemies, he had to learn everything about them. He must first understand them, and have an intimate knowledge of their behaviors, before he could hope to destroy them. There was only one place in the Linux World that could provide him with such age-old knowledge, and Smruff was already on his way there. In ancient times this place was known as W'kepedinopida - translated to modern tongue as "The Community of Intelligence." More commonly known in this era as W'kepedia. The ancient scrolls of W'kepedia dated back some 10,000 years, back to the age of beasts that nobody could fathom today. Back during a time of great dark-ages when computers nearly took up an entire room. Smruff knew this is where he needed to begin, and the knowledge he would leave with would aid him in his quest.
As Smruff entered the city of W'kepedia, he couldn't help but notice the strange, but unique feeling about the city. The buildings were all a faded gray color, showing their age on their facades. Everything about the city gave it a strong, noble feeling - the tall buildings, the wide roads, the majestic old-age trees strewn throughout. Although thousands of years of wars have gone past and through W'kepedia, the city had never once been captured. It has remained it's own independent state since long before the oldest records were written. The buildings and landscape had no scars of battle either, making their strength even more mystical.
Smruff had stopped his horse in front of a building that looked very similar to the others, but he knew this was the one he was looking for. He walked inside and went straight for the international section, only stopping to register in case he wanted to edit any of the 10,000 year old texts.
The volumes of ancient texts, scrolls, and books he found left him reading well through the night and into the next day. He had discovered many things that would be of crucial importance in the battle against the evil-forces from the West. Smruff knew he would end up traveling to the city of Seatt'le - where the evil forces first banded together to take over the world - before his journey would be over. He also discovered they had a thing for St'rbucks.
Smruff was reading the last ancient text he could find. This one seemed more frail and aged than the others. If the dating was correct on this document, it was written about 12,500 years ago, making it the eldest document in W'kepedia. As he carefully turned the last page, Smruff's jaw dropped, his stromach tightened into a knot, and he felt fear once again rush into him faster than a cold winter wind. He could not believe what he was reading. From outside a loud and terrible thundering arose followed by shouting and yelling. Not wanting to leave behind the document, Smruff packed it into his satchel and ran outside.
Chapter 4: A Call to Arms
After Smruff's departure from Ubuntu, the elder's were still uneasy. They sent out their fastest riders to spread word to the farthest reaches of the Ubuntu Forums that they were going to take on the massive forces from the West, and needed any aid they could get. Alliances in this world came and went quickly. The previous day's enemy could be tomorrow's ally. Many treaties and alliances had been broken over the years, so the chances of reinforcements being sent was almost nil. The elders' prayed that the other cities would rise up and join together against a common foe, but until official word was received the city of Ubuntu sat in a tense waiting game - and tense indeed was the room. The previous generations of fighting had left it's negative effect. The Great Tex't Editor Wars was a major division that created a huge split. The elders knew that small skirmishes existing and the number of flame wars was plentiful. They thought hopelessly to themselves. Many had given up and accepted fate and wished to live as a small community at least. But the elders knew better. Mordows would not stop at limiting their freedom, they would completely annihilate them.
To completely unite them the elders needed a plan. Mordows had been cunning and sly and the elders had few or any plans. Such a huge split inside the Linux world would take a change in philosophical ideas to able to fight them. They could not forget Saruple, who had gained power and was now abusing it now that it had tasted success. The elders had sent Smruff as a knight, a hero, and hope. He truly was their only hope. Smruff had to unite their broken nation. The difference between each distri'bution was like night and day. They had one hope and it rested on Smurf.
Help us young Smruff, you are our only hope...
For now they called the *nix team together and planned silently.
Chapter 5: A Friend in Need
Smruff ran out through the large heavy door, and back into the street. A large explosion echoed out through the air, coming from nearby. The shock-wave stopped Smruff in his tracks. A small group of local W'kepedians ran down the street frantically coming from the direction of the blasts.
"What's going on!? What's happening?!" Smruff yelled out to them.
"It's Mor'dos!" one of the locals called back, "they're attacking W'kepedia!!"
"Why would they attack W'kepedia? This is a peaceful city based on knowledge!"
"That's exactly it!" The local answered heaving deep breaths, "They're saying that they were the original creators of Archives, and that anyone who has one now is just copying them! So they're out to destroy our city!"
"That's horrible," Smruff mumbled to himself, "I need to act quicker."
"Luckily it was only a small reconnaissance group that was sent from Mor'dos, The W'kepedia Freedom Fighters were enough to hold them off, and make them retreat, but they will be back! Next time we won't be able to hold them off!"
Smruff mounted his horse swiftly, and rode as fast as he could towards the Political District.
Arriving at the end of a long corridor of buildings, Smruff unmounted his steed and ran up the steps of a large cathedral-like building. This was the residence of the Elder of W'kepedia - Jim'y Wales. Smruff swung the heavy metal door open, and strode briskly towards the Elder's chambers.
Wales sat at his throne in front of the War Room. His highest ranking Generals and Intelligence Officers stood before him arguing loudly about how to respond to this new threat from Mor'dos. Smruff's entrance into the chambers went unnoticed, so he remained quietly at the rear of the room.
"These heathens will destroy our city and everything we've worked so hard to accomplish! We must take preemptive action and DESTROY MOR'DOS!" yelled an older General who was red in the face from all the excitement.
"We cannot stand against Mor'dos!" Replied a younger Officer, "Their forces will crush us, and if we put up a struggle, they will make us suffer horribly!"
"You coward!" Bellowed back the General, "We will not tremble in the face of fear!"
"You are old and senile, General Malathas! You will cause every W'kepedian to lose their life for this!"
At this the room burst back into arguing and shouting. Smruff looked around the room. Between the doors he entered from, and another set of doors that led to Elder Wales' personal chambers, hung an enormous golden gong. It was used to summon all the Generals and Officers in time of emergency. This must have been what he had heard from back inside the Archives earlier. He approached it, and noted the large mallet that lay at it's base - it was nearly the size of a man. He bent down and heaved the mallet to his shoulder. It was much heavier than he had expected, but he swung it with all his strength and the gong let out a deafening ROAAARRRR through the room. The Generals and Officers stopped arguing and eyed Smruff with confused looks. The room was silent for a minute more after the echoing stopped, and everyone in the room glanced at one-another.
"First!" yelled an Officer
"Second!" replied a General
"Do not want!" responded an Officer who was holding his ears.
"WTF?" replied another.
"Checx out ma LOLZ cat!" said another Officer, and everyone in the room laughed out loud.
"Gentlemen," Smruff spoke in a calm tone that demanded authority, and the room silenced again. "Thank you. Now then... The enemy you face is not a new one. Mor'dos' tyrannical rule has been plaguing the lands of Linux for generations! They are now at your doorstep, and threating the city of W'kepedia. You could do nothing - tuck your tails between your legs, and try to hide as much of the archives as you can. This may work... temporarily, but Mor'dos will not stop. They will not be content with your disappearance. They will hunt you down like beasts, until they find every last one of you, and every last scroll of the Archives, and everything will be destroyed. They will erase W'kepedia not only from the world, but they will remove you from the record books! Everything this great city has worked so hard for will all have been for naught.
I am launching a movement against Mor'dos that will destroy their tyranny once and for all! This is not a fool proof plan, but with the strength of all of the Great Cities combined, we CAN defeat this great evil! We need your help W'kepedia! We need your knowledge for this movement, and the world will need your knowledge for ages to come! So what say you W'kepedia? Will you join us in freeing this world, or will you go into hiding and make Mor'dos' power stronger?!"
The room fell silent for a moment while the Officers and Generals fell into deep contemplation.
"Young man, what is your name?" inquired the Elder Wales.
"Smruff, Sir... of Ubuntu"
"Smruff... hrmmm...." Wales scratched his chin, and thought a moment, "You come into my chambers uninvited, young Smruff, and interrupt the proceedings of my most decorated Officers and Generals, you hurt my ears with that damned gong, and you assume WE need YOUR help.... you are an odd person to think we have any reason or need to align with you. W'kepedia has stood for longer that time has existed!" the Elder was obviously becoming irritated with Smruff, "You have the nerve to enter my chambers and demand things of us... How dare you assume such things! W'kepedia does not need your help!" The Elder stated the last line with a tone of finality.
Smruff looked around the room at all the faces looking at him. He spun and walked to the chamber doors in an obviously irritated manner. He pulled open the large wooden chamber door.
"However..." spoke the Elder again. Smruff paused in the doorway. "Mor'dos has been keeping their work and information private for centuries thanks to their closed-source military. If your "movement" was able to defeat them, we could gain much knowledge about how their evil ways have worked... It would be a struggle for you to defeat them alone. You would need the help of a Great City... one as great as W'kepedia.... Yes Smruff, we will aid you in your quest against Mor'dos." Smruff let a grin slip onto his face, "You will need a great many allies if you are to have a chance at success. You must first visit the Great City of L'opard. They too are ancestors of the great Unix Clan, but their loyalties have been waning in recent times. Seek out and speak to King Wozniak and find where their alliances lie."
With this Smruff left the chambers and mounted his horse again. He rode out of town to the north - heading to L'opard. He had no idea of what was in store for him...
Chapter 6: Making New Friends
The gates to L'opard lay just ahead of Smruff as he rode he trusty steed with full might. He could see a gaurd shack next to the locked gates, and knew he would have a tough time entering the city. The L'opardians were descendants of the Saruple people, they had once stood side-by-side and called each-other friends. The L'opardians had supposedly seceded from Saruple many years ago. They had fled from the SaruPle kingdom, and moved as far away from that land as they possibly could. Smruff knew that L'opard's close proximity to Mordows could make it a great strategical ally for his cause, but this close proximity to Mordows also gave Smruff an uneasy feeling about where the loyalty of L'opard may lie.
As he came closer to the great white gates Smruff spotted a gaurd shack next over to one side. As he approached, he slowed and rode up to the guard post.
"Hail!" Smruff yelled out to the small white building. Several moments went by, and nobody answered.
"Hail, I say! Gatekeeper!" Smruff yelled out again.
A minute later a man appeared in a small window several stories up. He was an odd looking fellow. He wore a pair of denim trousers, with a white button-up shirt that lacked a collar. His hair was slicked back, and he was wearing thick black plastic glasses that made him look like a tool. He looked down at Smurff with disdain. Then he rolled his eyes, sighed and spoke.
"What do you want?" The gatekeeper responded with discord in his voice.
"I am Smruff. Hero and Saviour for all the is good in this world! I seek to gain entrance to your great city, so that I may speak with your king!" Smruff announced boldy.
The gatekeeper replied with an outrageous French accent: "You?? You little plithering peasant? You claim to be a Hero? HA! I have seen better heroes in the bottom of my toilet!"
"Sir, you do not understand! The matter of which I need to talk with your king is of GRAVE importance!" Smruff yelled back with great haste in his voice.
"Oh, really?!? Well in that case.... NO! You meandering, meaningless, pipsqueak of a person! I would not let my own mother in if she were shot with an arrow! And you... you are just a pitiful, pitiful little man!" With that, the Gatekeeper stuck out his tongue at Smruff and let out a loud "PFFFFtttt"
Smruff mumbled under his breath, "You L'opardians are most certainly the oddest lot of people I have ever met..."
"What was that?!? Did you say something??" The Gatekeeper bellowed back.
"No, nothing at all, good Sir. Still I request entrance to your great city so that I may speak with your noble King!"
"Hmmm... NO again! You are not worth the toilet paper that the king wipes his rear end with! If I had an anus, I would fart in your current direction! Now I say good day!" And with that the Gatekeeper slammed the port window shut.
Smruff stood there in astonishment. He knew that the L'opardians were quite full of themselves, but this was just beyond what he could have imagined. He stood for another moment, pondering over what just happened, when the Gatekeeper opened the port window again, and laughed towards Smruff.
"Oh, you silly, silly man! I just kid, I kid. Of course you may enter!" The gatekeeper pulled a lever in front of him, and the immense gates in front of Smruff swung open slowly.
"Thank you, kind Sir!" Replied Smruff. The Gatekeeper replied back by sticking out his tongue as Smruff entered the city.
*****
The city was a bizarre one indeed. The people all walked around with their noses stuck into the air, they all wore denim trousers, button-up shirts, and had those ridiculous, wide black glasses. Smruff had no idea how the L'opardians could be a force to reckon with, but knew their power was not one to challange.
He approached the castle of the great King Wozniak. It was a massive castle indeed. It appears that the King had many artists working on the design of his castle. It was grand and beautiful, but had smooth and minimalistic lines. A very strange combination, but it worked well. Smruff dismounted his steed, and tied him to a post outside the castle entrance. He walked with haste up the front steps, and through the entrance.
King Wozniak's chamber was more massive than any Smruff had encountered before. It was a large grey room, that was completely bare save the beautiful art the hung on the walls. Smruff saw the king sitting in his throne on the far side of the room. He was alone, and had a big grin on his face.
Before Smruff could make it halfway across the room, King Wozniak spoke, "Ah, well hello there, Smruff, and welcome to my kingdom." The king's voice was whiny and higher pitched than you would expect for a noble king. "I trust your trip was a safe one, yes? Haha. What do you think of my art? You know everyone says pretty pictures makes a kingdom better!"
"Why yes, great King, the trip was fine, thank you. You're pictures are also very pretty. They look.... umm... pretty." Smruff replied back.
"Haha! Well you don't need to tell me that, I acquired them myself after all." With that, the King's face turned solemn and serious. "So, you've come here for a reason, Smruff. You feel that Mordows is gaining power and threatens the existence of your little linux community of Ubuntu. Yes? You're also on a mission to gain the support of the Great Cities to ally with you in the fight against Mordows, eh? Sounds like a pretty big quest for one man."
Smruff was bewildered, "Yes, but... how did you know all of that already? I haven't spoken but two words to you, yet you know everything I'm going to say."
"Oh, well you know, I have eyes and ears in many places. I know many things as a matter of fact." The King responded with an arrogant grin. "Perhaps you'd care to stay here in L'opard and I can share with you many great truths. I can teach you things beyond your wildest imagination - like how to create such pretty pictures."
"No, King. I apologize, but I am here to receive your support, and then I must be on my way to warn the other kings of the land."
"I figured you would say that, Smruff. You're... 'people'... are like that." The King replied, his grin never leaving his face. "I think you'd be missing out on a great chance to learn the real truths of this world. You know all of the little bickering, and fighting between the different linux communities would all cease with the help and guidance of Mordows. In a world with Mordows, everyone would be able to get along, and learn to live together."
Smruff suddenly felt his stomach clench up in a knot. "Sir, I don't think you understand what you're saying..."
"Oh yes I do, Smruff." The king interrupted, "I know full well of the praise I speak for Mordows. It's a shame really, you'll never live to know how great this world will be when Mordows is in control." With that, the King snapped his fingers. From the chamber doors, the Elite Guards of L'opard swarmed in, filling the room.
**If you like this story, add a link to your signature so other people can join in the fun, too!!**
So without further ado here is...
Adventures of Linux: The Chosen One
http://i1216.photobucket.com/albums/dd376/smwoodruff/map.jpg
Chapter 1: The Summoning of a Hero
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away... over the rolling meadows, past the ancient forests, and across the deep blue seas, lived a young man about to embark on a great journey that would change his life and shape the history books forever. This was a journey only a few brave and open-minded men had made before... the Journey of the Great Linux!
The young man, Smruff, was chosen and trained by the members of his community specially for this task. Smruff's town of Ubuntu was small, but powerful nonetheless. Some of the greatest men to have lived had grown up in this town. They had high expectations for Smruff on this journey. He was to travel to the far reaches of the map, and traverse dangerous territories, to banish the evil Emperor Vista to the Dark Worlds forever!
Smruff's mentor, Jaunty, had instructed Smruff in the ways of the realm. He taught him how evils in the world could disguise themselves under the good of Linux, and to be weary in all encounters. Luckily there were ways to tell those evils apart from the rest - such as a man in a Red Hat, a baby in a Fedora, or anyone walking a Puppy. Jaunty had also supplied Smruff with equipment to help him on his journey - a vessel of Re'Boot, several Virus-Demolishing Arrows, and the Spam-Filtering Shield of Kro'komen. Smruff was also given a very magical map of the land. It was more detailed and intricate that any other map in the world, and Smruff knew the ancients must have created it. They simply called the map Go'gle World.
Tonight was the eve of the great journey. Tomorrow morning, Smruff would go from Ubuntu and venture out into the world of Linux. However, that night, Smruff was summoned by the elders. He anxiously went to their sanctuary to meet with them.
When he arrived at #ubuntu-elders-sanctuary he was greeted with very grave and sober faces. The eldest member approched Smruff and spoke in a hushed tone, but was unable to hide his fear...
"Sit my dear Smruff. There is much more to be told before the sun rises...."
Chapter 2: The Dawn of Hope
"Smruff," another elder called to him, "we fear this may be beyond our abilities... We have less hope now than we ever have, but we must try! We must give it everything we've got. For if we don't it will be the end of Ubuntu... nay, the world of Linux as we know it!"...and with that, the elders dismissed him.
As Smruff turned to leave, a wizened elder caught his arm and handed him a small box. "This, young one, is a relic of the past. It holds great power, for good or evil. Use it well!" The elder went on to explain that contained in this box was a powerful weapon, one to which the forces of MorDows were particularly susceptible. "It's codename is Tro'janz, and it is a virus of great power."
Smruff promised to do all he could for the cause of justice. As he left, the elder's voice echoed in the halls behind him: "Good luck, young Smruff, and may the Shell be with you!"
Smruff, unable to sleep that night, tossed and turned in his bed - the elders' warnings echoing through his mind. The doubt and fear grew within him like a plague. He finally fell asleep, only to have his dreams portray what nightmares were to come...
Smruff found himself amongst others who looked familiar, but he didn't quite know who they were. Families were setting down for supper. Children played in the street. Everybody seemed so happy, and everything just seemed to work. A gentle breeze blew across the town, sweeping with it a smell of the sweet lilac. Everything seemed so peaceful... so perfect.
An elder with flowing grey hair approached Smruff with a gait that exuded confidence and wisdom.
"Where am I?" Smruff asked of the elder.
"This is what you know," replied the elder, "This is Ubuntu as it is today." Smruff could hear the elder's voice, although his lips did not move.
"Everybody is so happy, and there's no problems here." remarked Smruff.
"Exactly," replied the elder in a reassuring tone, "this is how the world is supposed to work. Notice how well everybody gets along, and the way that everyone can all work together for the common good. There are no extremely wealthy, or extremely poor, and everyone is the happier for it.... but it doesn't always work this way. The threat we are facing from the far west will make the world a much different place. Here, let me show you...."With that said, the elder waved his arm in a circle, and the two of them were enveloped in a swirling silver cloud.
A moment later the silver cloud faded away, and Smruff was left letting his eyes readjust to the new world in front of him. A bright light shown down from above, and Smruff started back up at it.
"That," spoke the elder, "is the evil forces' lair. It's a mobile beast that walks upon three appendages, and suspends the capitol building high above everyone else so as to keep watch on those below. The spotlight you see is the watchful eye of Ball Gites, the richest man in the world, and he keeps an eye on everyone else to make sure they stay in line with his rules and continue to have to pay his taxes. If anyone gets out of line he sends his goons after them."
The elder pointed back to the street in front of them. "That man approaching the house over there is one of his Layers - note the cheesy suit and briefcase. Those goons are sent whenever something happens. Whenever someone has a child, buys a new car, moves into a new home - anything that is new - and he makes the people all agree to whatever License Agreements they see fit. If someone doesn't want to sign, their car, home, or even baby is repossessed and the people lose all rights to use it."
He then pointed towards a military group down the road with an array of satellites around them. "Those, Smruff, are the watchers. They keep an eye on all forms of communication going in or out of the city. Whenever something crosses through their equipment in a language they don't understand, they take it as a threat, and promptly destroy it. They usually send a nice email letting those people know that there is a "good" way to communicate, and tell everyone to use that way. And just sometimes they set up walls of fire to prevent normal citizens within the city from communicating at all with the outside world!"
"This is horrible..." Smruff gasped as he took in the whole scene.
"Yes, it is, but this isn't the worst yet. Look over there, that clan down by the house at the end of the street. They are the band of roaming terrorists. They stike fear into the hearts of every man, woman, and child in these cities. They are Virus Gangs. They were supposed to be wiped out for good some years ago, but they just say "Hey! I'm not with the Viruses!" and the government believes them. They will break into your house, pillage your life-savings, watch your TV, and then steal all your family albums as they leave. But there is very little they do about it here. Do you also see those clear walls on the houses?"
Smruff was confused, he had never seen a house you could see into before. "Yes, what are they for? We don't have those back in Ubuntu."
"They're called Windows, and they let the evil forces gaze into everybody's lives much easier. These days all new houses have at least 2 or 3 of these Windows installed. The people who made having Windows mandatory said it would be for people to see and enjoy the world from inside their own house, but with how dismal this world is, nobody looks out them anymore - but the evil forces can use them to look inwards."
Smruff was overwhelmed - his powers seemed pathetic and weak. It was impossible, he thought, the awesome responsibility that lies upon me is too great. Smruff, in desperate call of action, ran out into the street and stared emptily into space.
"The dangers of this world cannot possibly be fit for me," he said downhearted.
The elder happened to overhear him and remarked "Why, young Smruff, what bothers you?"
"I just can't-I mean-well, it is too much of a daunting task to give me," he said quietly.
"Smruff," he said, "we can't give up, we have fought bravely against our enemies to win our freedom. There was a time when we fought amongst ourselves, but now it is the time to fight them. Our village and your family are what is you are fighting for, and you must do all to protect it. Besides, do you want to see your loved ones sitting inside Windows?"
Smruff realized what was at stake and gained renewed determination. "You are right" said Smruff,"I was foolish but now I shall fight with all my strength!"
Smruff awoke from his dream with a scream that sounded more like a battle yell than a frightened cry. If that was what was to become of his friends, family, and the rest of the world, he would do whatever was necessary to vanquish these evil beings once and for all.
With that, Smruff picked up his weapons and closed the door to his 127.0.01 behind him. He had a vicious look on his face that you would not want to be on the receiving end of, and he was prepared to go fight with fierce willpower the other operating system's of the world.
Chapter 3: Know Thy Enemy
Smruff was well informed by the elders on what to expect, but he also knew if he wanted to defeat his enemies, he had to learn everything about them. He must first understand them, and have an intimate knowledge of their behaviors, before he could hope to destroy them. There was only one place in the Linux World that could provide him with such age-old knowledge, and Smruff was already on his way there. In ancient times this place was known as W'kepedinopida - translated to modern tongue as "The Community of Intelligence." More commonly known in this era as W'kepedia. The ancient scrolls of W'kepedia dated back some 10,000 years, back to the age of beasts that nobody could fathom today. Back during a time of great dark-ages when computers nearly took up an entire room. Smruff knew this is where he needed to begin, and the knowledge he would leave with would aid him in his quest.
As Smruff entered the city of W'kepedia, he couldn't help but notice the strange, but unique feeling about the city. The buildings were all a faded gray color, showing their age on their facades. Everything about the city gave it a strong, noble feeling - the tall buildings, the wide roads, the majestic old-age trees strewn throughout. Although thousands of years of wars have gone past and through W'kepedia, the city had never once been captured. It has remained it's own independent state since long before the oldest records were written. The buildings and landscape had no scars of battle either, making their strength even more mystical.
Smruff had stopped his horse in front of a building that looked very similar to the others, but he knew this was the one he was looking for. He walked inside and went straight for the international section, only stopping to register in case he wanted to edit any of the 10,000 year old texts.
The volumes of ancient texts, scrolls, and books he found left him reading well through the night and into the next day. He had discovered many things that would be of crucial importance in the battle against the evil-forces from the West. Smruff knew he would end up traveling to the city of Seatt'le - where the evil forces first banded together to take over the world - before his journey would be over. He also discovered they had a thing for St'rbucks.
Smruff was reading the last ancient text he could find. This one seemed more frail and aged than the others. If the dating was correct on this document, it was written about 12,500 years ago, making it the eldest document in W'kepedia. As he carefully turned the last page, Smruff's jaw dropped, his stromach tightened into a knot, and he felt fear once again rush into him faster than a cold winter wind. He could not believe what he was reading. From outside a loud and terrible thundering arose followed by shouting and yelling. Not wanting to leave behind the document, Smruff packed it into his satchel and ran outside.
Chapter 4: A Call to Arms
After Smruff's departure from Ubuntu, the elder's were still uneasy. They sent out their fastest riders to spread word to the farthest reaches of the Ubuntu Forums that they were going to take on the massive forces from the West, and needed any aid they could get. Alliances in this world came and went quickly. The previous day's enemy could be tomorrow's ally. Many treaties and alliances had been broken over the years, so the chances of reinforcements being sent was almost nil. The elders' prayed that the other cities would rise up and join together against a common foe, but until official word was received the city of Ubuntu sat in a tense waiting game - and tense indeed was the room. The previous generations of fighting had left it's negative effect. The Great Tex't Editor Wars was a major division that created a huge split. The elders knew that small skirmishes existing and the number of flame wars was plentiful. They thought hopelessly to themselves. Many had given up and accepted fate and wished to live as a small community at least. But the elders knew better. Mordows would not stop at limiting their freedom, they would completely annihilate them.
To completely unite them the elders needed a plan. Mordows had been cunning and sly and the elders had few or any plans. Such a huge split inside the Linux world would take a change in philosophical ideas to able to fight them. They could not forget Saruple, who had gained power and was now abusing it now that it had tasted success. The elders had sent Smruff as a knight, a hero, and hope. He truly was their only hope. Smruff had to unite their broken nation. The difference between each distri'bution was like night and day. They had one hope and it rested on Smurf.
Help us young Smruff, you are our only hope...
For now they called the *nix team together and planned silently.
Chapter 5: A Friend in Need
Smruff ran out through the large heavy door, and back into the street. A large explosion echoed out through the air, coming from nearby. The shock-wave stopped Smruff in his tracks. A small group of local W'kepedians ran down the street frantically coming from the direction of the blasts.
"What's going on!? What's happening?!" Smruff yelled out to them.
"It's Mor'dos!" one of the locals called back, "they're attacking W'kepedia!!"
"Why would they attack W'kepedia? This is a peaceful city based on knowledge!"
"That's exactly it!" The local answered heaving deep breaths, "They're saying that they were the original creators of Archives, and that anyone who has one now is just copying them! So they're out to destroy our city!"
"That's horrible," Smruff mumbled to himself, "I need to act quicker."
"Luckily it was only a small reconnaissance group that was sent from Mor'dos, The W'kepedia Freedom Fighters were enough to hold them off, and make them retreat, but they will be back! Next time we won't be able to hold them off!"
Smruff mounted his horse swiftly, and rode as fast as he could towards the Political District.
Arriving at the end of a long corridor of buildings, Smruff unmounted his steed and ran up the steps of a large cathedral-like building. This was the residence of the Elder of W'kepedia - Jim'y Wales. Smruff swung the heavy metal door open, and strode briskly towards the Elder's chambers.
Wales sat at his throne in front of the War Room. His highest ranking Generals and Intelligence Officers stood before him arguing loudly about how to respond to this new threat from Mor'dos. Smruff's entrance into the chambers went unnoticed, so he remained quietly at the rear of the room.
"These heathens will destroy our city and everything we've worked so hard to accomplish! We must take preemptive action and DESTROY MOR'DOS!" yelled an older General who was red in the face from all the excitement.
"We cannot stand against Mor'dos!" Replied a younger Officer, "Their forces will crush us, and if we put up a struggle, they will make us suffer horribly!"
"You coward!" Bellowed back the General, "We will not tremble in the face of fear!"
"You are old and senile, General Malathas! You will cause every W'kepedian to lose their life for this!"
At this the room burst back into arguing and shouting. Smruff looked around the room. Between the doors he entered from, and another set of doors that led to Elder Wales' personal chambers, hung an enormous golden gong. It was used to summon all the Generals and Officers in time of emergency. This must have been what he had heard from back inside the Archives earlier. He approached it, and noted the large mallet that lay at it's base - it was nearly the size of a man. He bent down and heaved the mallet to his shoulder. It was much heavier than he had expected, but he swung it with all his strength and the gong let out a deafening ROAAARRRR through the room. The Generals and Officers stopped arguing and eyed Smruff with confused looks. The room was silent for a minute more after the echoing stopped, and everyone in the room glanced at one-another.
"First!" yelled an Officer
"Second!" replied a General
"Do not want!" responded an Officer who was holding his ears.
"WTF?" replied another.
"Checx out ma LOLZ cat!" said another Officer, and everyone in the room laughed out loud.
"Gentlemen," Smruff spoke in a calm tone that demanded authority, and the room silenced again. "Thank you. Now then... The enemy you face is not a new one. Mor'dos' tyrannical rule has been plaguing the lands of Linux for generations! They are now at your doorstep, and threating the city of W'kepedia. You could do nothing - tuck your tails between your legs, and try to hide as much of the archives as you can. This may work... temporarily, but Mor'dos will not stop. They will not be content with your disappearance. They will hunt you down like beasts, until they find every last one of you, and every last scroll of the Archives, and everything will be destroyed. They will erase W'kepedia not only from the world, but they will remove you from the record books! Everything this great city has worked so hard for will all have been for naught.
I am launching a movement against Mor'dos that will destroy their tyranny once and for all! This is not a fool proof plan, but with the strength of all of the Great Cities combined, we CAN defeat this great evil! We need your help W'kepedia! We need your knowledge for this movement, and the world will need your knowledge for ages to come! So what say you W'kepedia? Will you join us in freeing this world, or will you go into hiding and make Mor'dos' power stronger?!"
The room fell silent for a moment while the Officers and Generals fell into deep contemplation.
"Young man, what is your name?" inquired the Elder Wales.
"Smruff, Sir... of Ubuntu"
"Smruff... hrmmm...." Wales scratched his chin, and thought a moment, "You come into my chambers uninvited, young Smruff, and interrupt the proceedings of my most decorated Officers and Generals, you hurt my ears with that damned gong, and you assume WE need YOUR help.... you are an odd person to think we have any reason or need to align with you. W'kepedia has stood for longer that time has existed!" the Elder was obviously becoming irritated with Smruff, "You have the nerve to enter my chambers and demand things of us... How dare you assume such things! W'kepedia does not need your help!" The Elder stated the last line with a tone of finality.
Smruff looked around the room at all the faces looking at him. He spun and walked to the chamber doors in an obviously irritated manner. He pulled open the large wooden chamber door.
"However..." spoke the Elder again. Smruff paused in the doorway. "Mor'dos has been keeping their work and information private for centuries thanks to their closed-source military. If your "movement" was able to defeat them, we could gain much knowledge about how their evil ways have worked... It would be a struggle for you to defeat them alone. You would need the help of a Great City... one as great as W'kepedia.... Yes Smruff, we will aid you in your quest against Mor'dos." Smruff let a grin slip onto his face, "You will need a great many allies if you are to have a chance at success. You must first visit the Great City of L'opard. They too are ancestors of the great Unix Clan, but their loyalties have been waning in recent times. Seek out and speak to King Wozniak and find where their alliances lie."
With this Smruff left the chambers and mounted his horse again. He rode out of town to the north - heading to L'opard. He had no idea of what was in store for him...
Chapter 6: Making New Friends
The gates to L'opard lay just ahead of Smruff as he rode he trusty steed with full might. He could see a gaurd shack next to the locked gates, and knew he would have a tough time entering the city. The L'opardians were descendants of the Saruple people, they had once stood side-by-side and called each-other friends. The L'opardians had supposedly seceded from Saruple many years ago. They had fled from the SaruPle kingdom, and moved as far away from that land as they possibly could. Smruff knew that L'opard's close proximity to Mordows could make it a great strategical ally for his cause, but this close proximity to Mordows also gave Smruff an uneasy feeling about where the loyalty of L'opard may lie.
As he came closer to the great white gates Smruff spotted a gaurd shack next over to one side. As he approached, he slowed and rode up to the guard post.
"Hail!" Smruff yelled out to the small white building. Several moments went by, and nobody answered.
"Hail, I say! Gatekeeper!" Smruff yelled out again.
A minute later a man appeared in a small window several stories up. He was an odd looking fellow. He wore a pair of denim trousers, with a white button-up shirt that lacked a collar. His hair was slicked back, and he was wearing thick black plastic glasses that made him look like a tool. He looked down at Smurff with disdain. Then he rolled his eyes, sighed and spoke.
"What do you want?" The gatekeeper responded with discord in his voice.
"I am Smruff. Hero and Saviour for all the is good in this world! I seek to gain entrance to your great city, so that I may speak with your king!" Smruff announced boldy.
The gatekeeper replied with an outrageous French accent: "You?? You little plithering peasant? You claim to be a Hero? HA! I have seen better heroes in the bottom of my toilet!"
"Sir, you do not understand! The matter of which I need to talk with your king is of GRAVE importance!" Smruff yelled back with great haste in his voice.
"Oh, really?!? Well in that case.... NO! You meandering, meaningless, pipsqueak of a person! I would not let my own mother in if she were shot with an arrow! And you... you are just a pitiful, pitiful little man!" With that, the Gatekeeper stuck out his tongue at Smruff and let out a loud "PFFFFtttt"
Smruff mumbled under his breath, "You L'opardians are most certainly the oddest lot of people I have ever met..."
"What was that?!? Did you say something??" The Gatekeeper bellowed back.
"No, nothing at all, good Sir. Still I request entrance to your great city so that I may speak with your noble King!"
"Hmmm... NO again! You are not worth the toilet paper that the king wipes his rear end with! If I had an anus, I would fart in your current direction! Now I say good day!" And with that the Gatekeeper slammed the port window shut.
Smruff stood there in astonishment. He knew that the L'opardians were quite full of themselves, but this was just beyond what he could have imagined. He stood for another moment, pondering over what just happened, when the Gatekeeper opened the port window again, and laughed towards Smruff.
"Oh, you silly, silly man! I just kid, I kid. Of course you may enter!" The gatekeeper pulled a lever in front of him, and the immense gates in front of Smruff swung open slowly.
"Thank you, kind Sir!" Replied Smruff. The Gatekeeper replied back by sticking out his tongue as Smruff entered the city.
*****
The city was a bizarre one indeed. The people all walked around with their noses stuck into the air, they all wore denim trousers, button-up shirts, and had those ridiculous, wide black glasses. Smruff had no idea how the L'opardians could be a force to reckon with, but knew their power was not one to challange.
He approached the castle of the great King Wozniak. It was a massive castle indeed. It appears that the King had many artists working on the design of his castle. It was grand and beautiful, but had smooth and minimalistic lines. A very strange combination, but it worked well. Smruff dismounted his steed, and tied him to a post outside the castle entrance. He walked with haste up the front steps, and through the entrance.
King Wozniak's chamber was more massive than any Smruff had encountered before. It was a large grey room, that was completely bare save the beautiful art the hung on the walls. Smruff saw the king sitting in his throne on the far side of the room. He was alone, and had a big grin on his face.
Before Smruff could make it halfway across the room, King Wozniak spoke, "Ah, well hello there, Smruff, and welcome to my kingdom." The king's voice was whiny and higher pitched than you would expect for a noble king. "I trust your trip was a safe one, yes? Haha. What do you think of my art? You know everyone says pretty pictures makes a kingdom better!"
"Why yes, great King, the trip was fine, thank you. You're pictures are also very pretty. They look.... umm... pretty." Smruff replied back.
"Haha! Well you don't need to tell me that, I acquired them myself after all." With that, the King's face turned solemn and serious. "So, you've come here for a reason, Smruff. You feel that Mordows is gaining power and threatens the existence of your little linux community of Ubuntu. Yes? You're also on a mission to gain the support of the Great Cities to ally with you in the fight against Mordows, eh? Sounds like a pretty big quest for one man."
Smruff was bewildered, "Yes, but... how did you know all of that already? I haven't spoken but two words to you, yet you know everything I'm going to say."
"Oh, well you know, I have eyes and ears in many places. I know many things as a matter of fact." The King responded with an arrogant grin. "Perhaps you'd care to stay here in L'opard and I can share with you many great truths. I can teach you things beyond your wildest imagination - like how to create such pretty pictures."
"No, King. I apologize, but I am here to receive your support, and then I must be on my way to warn the other kings of the land."
"I figured you would say that, Smruff. You're... 'people'... are like that." The King replied, his grin never leaving his face. "I think you'd be missing out on a great chance to learn the real truths of this world. You know all of the little bickering, and fighting between the different linux communities would all cease with the help and guidance of Mordows. In a world with Mordows, everyone would be able to get along, and learn to live together."
Smruff suddenly felt his stomach clench up in a knot. "Sir, I don't think you understand what you're saying..."
"Oh yes I do, Smruff." The king interrupted, "I know full well of the praise I speak for Mordows. It's a shame really, you'll never live to know how great this world will be when Mordows is in control." With that, the King snapped his fingers. From the chamber doors, the Elite Guards of L'opard swarmed in, filling the room.
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