funniest quotes

[myusername]

what are the funniest quotes you have ever heard?

[-grubby]

Umm, what? Were the elephants running on Linux or something?


My favourite quote

[myusername]

the best quote i have ever heard was from my math teacher
I was born at a very early age

[cardinals_fan]

http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/greatt.jpg

[MaxIBoy]

"You need to work on your pro-nownce-ee-ay-shun."
-friend of mine.

[Frak]

Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.

You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

If We Don't Take Care of the Customer, Maybe They'll Stop Bugging Us.

If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.

The Secret of Success is knowing who to Blame for Your Failures.

When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into deadly projectiles

There are No Stupid Questions. But there a LOT of Inquisitive Idiots.

It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

If you're not a part of the solution,there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly."

It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.

None of us is as dumb as all of us.

If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who try to find it.

Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.

Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.

[lisati]

the best quote i have ever heard was from my math teacher
I was born at a very early age
to which we can add a speech about being born in a house that you helped your parents build......


"You need to work on your pro-nownce-ee-ay-shun."
-friend of mine.
:):):)

Patience is a virgin
(close family member)

[jimi_hendrix]

@Frak

are all those from those demotivational posters i find when i google nouns like sucess?

[Frak]

@Frak

are all those from those demotivational posters i find when i google nouns like sucess?
yes

[geogur]

meh!

[elmer_42]

"You need to work on your pro-nownce-ee-ay-shun."
This one is lost on me. :confused: