*nix jokes

[Th3Professor]

Got jokes? (Related to Linux, Unix, etc.) Share them! :)

Here's something...

UNIX COMMANDS:

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man: : Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

% sh $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

[Diabolis]

very funny lol. I wish I could type them.


make: *** No rule to make target `love'. Stop.


Didn't work, I think I'll report it as a bug.

[3rdalbum]

These are hilarious, but only a couple of them work these days :-(

[Triggerhapp]

I lol'd

[FuturePilot]

Yes almost none of these work anymore since Ubuntu switched to Dash instead of Bash starting with Edgy.
They're still hilarious though. :lol:

[init1]

This might work better in csh
Click to install (apt:csh)

[Th3Professor]

Yeah. Notice the %?
(Requires csh.)

[Diabolis]

still in csh not all of them work, this one does:

% got a light?
got: No match.
:lolflag:

[Diabolis]

While trying to do some homework, I found the site haha.

http://sunsite.nus.sg/pub/humour/

It does have good content.



Politically Correct UNIX
To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been renamed "euthanise."

:lolflag:

[Th3Professor]

Hey cool... thank you for reviving an old thread of mine :D ...I enjoy keeping my old threads on life-support. ;) <lol>


While trying to do some homework, I found the site haha.

http://sunsite.nus.sg/pub/humour/

It does have good content.



:lolflag:


That's a pretty good link... Here's a really cheesy one-liner from it:

"ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!"

[DeadSuperHero]

Yes almost none of these work anymore since Ubuntu switched to Dash instead of Bash starting with Edgy.
They're still hilarious though. :lol:

Really? I had no idea!

Good thing OpenSolaris ships with BASH! I still can try these out without a lengthy reinstall! Oh, happy day!

[Alasdair]

Dash is used as sh rather than bash because it's faster, the default login shell for all users is still bash.

[nkri]

Politically Correct UNIX
To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been renamed "euthanise."

I seriously almost died laughing when I read this:)...

[gletob]

me@couch:~/make me_a_sandwich
NO
me@couch:~/sudo make me_a_sandwich
password: please
OK
ERROR: no bread please run apt-get install walmart white-bread

I added the pass and error part my self

[Th3Professor]

me@couch:~/make me_a_sandwich
NO
me@couch:~/sudo make me_a_sandwich
password: please
OK
ERROR: no bread please run apt-get install walmart white-bread

I added the pass and error part my self

:)

[gletob]

I also like this too
wife@kitchen:~/sudo apt-get remove lazy-husband
password: now
The following packages will also be removed: mother-in-law smelly-dog lib-stinky-futon lib-crap-in-garage

[Th3Professor]

% cat 'the can of tuna'
cat: cannot open the can of tuna

[ice60]

i remember someone saying they were on a plane going to a unix conference and the woman next to him asked where he was going, so he told her, then she asked him if he was a singer and he said NO, i said unix - U-N-I-X not eunuchs. lol

[ice60]

i remember someone saying they were on a plane going to a unix conference and the woman next to him asked where he was going, so he told her, then she asked him if he was a singer and he said NO, i said unix - U-N-I-X not eunuchs. lol
singing eunuchs
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQkMUDOLXcg

although they aren't proper singing eunuchs, they used to sing in operas. i love how eunuchs and unix sound the same lol

EDIT: i found a better singing eunuch
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wv-S3uoeTXg

you know what? that guy above was rubbish! he should have saved himself, i saw a program on eunuchs and the whole point was the power of the voice, that guy was crap! this bloke is better but he's not a eunuch but i think sings the same range.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=9zQX2XqAE8c

[Th3Professor]

Vivaldi = one of the greatest composers. :KS

[Th3Professor]

...that's not a joke... unless someone thinks Vivaldi's a joke, uhm, a *nix joke.

:mad:

[juanmoreno92]

DOS is like going out with an ugly girl except you know what you're up against, so you can work around it.

Windows is like going out with the same ugly girl but this time she is wearing make-up.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! That killed me.:lolflag::lolflag::lolflag:

[Th3Professor]

:)



% ^what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% drink bottle: Cannot open
opener: Not found

[jimi_hendrix]

Yes almost none of these work anymore since Ubuntu switched to Dash instead of Bash starting with Edgy.
They're still hilarious though. :lol:

wait...weve been using dash???? MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[sisco311]

sex the unix way:

unzip;strip;touch;finger;mount;fsck;more;yes;spray ;umount;eject;sleep

[Yownanymous]

These made me laugh. Unfortunately I tried them in terminal with csh and they didn't work.:(

[Grant A.]

In the irc with Ubottu:



18:14 <Grant-A> !people
18:14 <ubottu> Sorry, I don't know anything about people




18:12 <Grant-A> !myself
18:12 <ubottu> Sorry, I don't know anything about myself


He's running off of a Linux-server... I guess that counts...

[Dvorakis]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sandwich.png
Don't know if that technically counts.
I think its funny.
Nobody else in my school thinks its funny.

[damis648]

Hehe... :-P

damian@damian-laptop:~$ sh
$ [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
sh: [Where: not found
$

:lolflag:

[damis648]

wait...weve been using dash???? MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

No, Dash is used with 'sh'. Try 'dash' or 'sh' in terminal. You get a different shell. Now try 'bash'. You get your normal shell. Bash is the normal login shell.

[Grant A.]

grant@monster:~$ grant
bash: grant


Bash doesn't like me. :(

[damis648]

Anybody know about this easter egg?

damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude moo
There are no Easter Eggs in this program.
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -v moo
There really are no Easter Eggs in this program.
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vv moo
Didn't I already tell you that there are no Easter Eggs in this program?
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvv moo
Stop it!
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvvv moo
Okay, okay, if I give you an Easter Egg, will you go away?
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvvvv moo
All right, you win.

/----\
-------/ \
/ \
/ |
-----------------/ --------\
----------------------------------------------
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvvvvv moo
What is it? It's an elephant being eaten by a snake, of course.

[Grant A.]

That's a new find AFAIK.

[Th3Professor]

No, Dash is used with 'sh'. Try 'dash' or 'sh' in terminal. You get a different shell. Now try 'bash'. You get your normal shell. Bash is the normal login shell.

if ya do dash or sh, type: echo $SHELL
...it's bash in ubu.


Anybody know about this easter egg?

damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude moo
There are no Easter Eggs in this program.
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -v moo
There really are no Easter Eggs in this program.
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vv moo
Didn't I already tell you that there are no Easter Eggs in this program?
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvv moo
Stop it!
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvvv moo
Okay, okay, if I give you an Easter Egg, will you go away?
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvvvv moo
All right, you win.

/----\
-------/ \
/ \
/ |
-----------------/ --------\
----------------------------------------------
damian@damian-laptop:~$ aptitude -vvvvvv moo
What is it? It's an elephant being eaten by a snake, of course.


That is awesome! :D

[sisco311]

That is awesome! :D

apt-get moo


sisco@acme:~$text=`fortune` && cowsay "$text" && espeak "$text"
________________________________________
/ Q: How many hardware engineers does it \
| take to change a light bulb? A: None. |
| We'll fix it in software. |
| |
| Q: How many system programmers does it |
| take to change a light bulb? A: None. |
| The application can work around it. |
| |
| Q: How many software engineers does it |
| take to change a light bulb? A: None. |
| We'll document it in the manual. |
| |
| Q: How many tech writers does it take |
| to change a light bulb? A: None. The |
\ user can figure it out. /
----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||

[Th3Professor]

can't remember where i found this but loved it...

Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.

The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands.
He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully.
He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Microsoft, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands.
He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Intel not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Sun, we don`t **** on our hands."

[mcduck]

if ya do dash or sh, type: echo $SHELL
...it's bash in ubu.



$ ls -l /bin/sh
lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 4 2009-04-05 21:26 /bin/sh -> dash
sh points to dash, while bash is the default interactive shell for users.

[Th3Professor]

$ ls -l /bin/sh
lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 4 2009-04-05 21:26 /bin/sh -> dashsh points to dash, while bash is the default interactive shell for users.

hey! post a *nix joke! ;)