View Full Version : Microsoft Dictionary

October 9th, 2005, 10:35 PM
Just for fun, I thought I would create a dictionary that attempts to define some terms and phrases Microsoft sometimes uses. :)

Facts: A convenient set of fictions that are biased in Microsoft's favor.

Innovation: The right for Microsoft to do anything including violating national and international antitrust laws.

Assimilation: Same as innovation.

Free and Open Source Software: Something that stifles innovation.

Antitrust: The opposite of innovation.

Anticompetitive: There is no such word.

Free Markets: Any market that Microsoft controls.

Ecosystem: Any environment that runs multiple products. "Healthy Ecosystem"; Any environment that exclusively runs Microsoft products.

Indemnification: A concept used to create the illusion of impending and inevitable mysterous lawsuits against anyone who does not use Microsoft products.

Open Standard/Format: Anything standard or format that Microsoft says is open. These include all standards and formats Microsoft has ever created.

Locked-in Standard/Format: Any standard or format that Microsoft does not control.

Proprietary Standard/Format: There is no such word.

Enhancement: A new standard/format that Microsoft defines. See "Open Standard/Format."

Integration: Binding Microsoft products to other Microsoft products and/or Windows such that they cannot be separated.

Vendor lock-in: There is no such word.

Secure: Any product or service that Microsoft creates or patches.

Insecure: The opposite of secure; any product or service that Microsoft has neither created nor patched.

Freedom of Choice: Having the right to choose as long as you choose Microsoft.

October 9th, 2005, 10:50 PM

October 9th, 2005, 10:54 PM
Nice :)

October 9th, 2005, 11:40 PM
Unstable: Any version of Windows not being the current in development (We swear the next one will be solid as a rock)

Stable: Is in the eye of the beholder, please hold for the next service pack

Truth: Whatever Ballmer dictates

Lies: Whatever those commie Linux bastards claim

Your data: Our data

Trusted Computing: double talk for the user getting an asspwning from.. everyone

Spam: A means of selling the next upgrade

Virusses: Also a means of selling the next upgrade

Spyware: Mana from the heavens

Ownership: All your stuff are belong to us

Piracy: Our version of free.. till we catch you

Geninue: We bastardised it from OS X

Innovation: This was in UNIX 20 years ago

.NET: cross platform as long as your platform of choice is.. Windows - don't you care mention those hippies who develop Mono

Shared Source: Please do our job then pay us

End user license agreement: (X) I hereby contend that I own Microsoft: an arm, a leg, my immortal soul and my first born

Suitable hardware: Whatever Intel's latest model is

Obsolete hardware: You broke the seal on the packing

Good: us

Bad: you

Collaborator: Our good friends at SUN says hi

Resistance: is futile, you will be bought off

Oracle stock: Toilet paper

Get the facts: Latest lie

SCO: Trustworthy, honest and hardworking

RedHat: Hippies

Crack: What we were smoking when we designed the Vista interface