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View Full Version : Microsoft seeks patent for office 'spy' software



Dr Small
January 16th, 2008, 04:54 AM
MICROSOFT seeks patent; software monitors brain signals from laptops, cellphones...

I found it on Drudge Report... quite interesting... just another reason why to ditch Microsoft. :D
http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article3193480.ece

Dr Small

angryfirelord
January 16th, 2008, 04:59 AM
It looks like you are angry today, how may I help you with that:

-Write a letter
-Kill Clippy
-Explode computer
-Dump Vista

Tundro Walker
January 16th, 2008, 05:09 AM
Q: "It looks like your angry today, how may I help alleviate that?"

A:

1) do what I want you to do, instead of randomly doing something else

2) stop freezing up randomly, or on purpose...you know what...just stop freezing up, is that too much to ask?

3) let me save my work before crashing the program

4) get me a direct line to Bill Gates so I can yell at him personally

5) give me compensation for the time/money you've just caused my company to waste having to do all this work over

6) stop wasting resources acting like my psycho-therapist, and start doing your g** d*** job, which is to compute stuff and process my feedback, you moron

What would really impress me is if Microsoft invented a computer that would actually perform better if you swore at it. Not this mumbo-jumbo "try to make you feel good, but don't actually solve your problem" crap.

Æniad
January 16th, 2008, 05:19 AM
*MS Paper clip pops up*

"Sounds like you're depressed; would you like to compose a suicide note?"

http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9810/16/clipdeath.idg/clip.jpg

FranMichaels
January 16th, 2008, 05:22 AM
After all the Borg and "resistance is futile" jokes in regard to Microsoft... It is crossing over into creepy territory with all this.

Where do all the contact points go for the vital signs? Also, what kind of privacy rights must an employee sign away to allow this... And wireless too?

What's next? Is there going to be a Microsoft Live Implant Professional VersionTM? :razz:

PilotJLR
January 16th, 2008, 05:47 AM
I was just starting college when Clippy was first introduced. One of my friend's roommates would talk to Clippy and (evidently) hear responses in his head.
Weird stuff.

barbedsaber
January 16th, 2008, 06:52 AM
http://www.userfriendly.org/cartoons/archives/05oct/uf008409.gif

seeing as we are talking about clippy, thourght id mention that.

Presto123
January 16th, 2008, 07:08 AM
Ah yes. I could just see their responses to my moods...

Boss walks up: "You okay? Your computer told me that you were feeling a bit frustrated/annoyed/depressed/worried. It also told me you were talking to yourself. Should I call a psychologist?"

Me: "Get away from me!"

Microsoft Program: "Red ALERT! RED ALERT! HOMICIDAL WISHES!!!"

Me: *Smashes computer* "I feel REAL productive now!"

LOL.

Dark Hornet
January 16th, 2008, 08:40 AM
*MS Paper clip pops up*

"Sounds like you're depressed; would you like to compose a suicide note?"

http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9810/16/clipdeath.idg/clip.jpg

LOL...love it!

FuturePilot
January 16th, 2008, 08:49 AM
MICROSOFT seeks patent; software monitors brain signals from laptops, cellphones...

I found it on Drudge Report... quite interesting... just another reason why to ditch Microsoft. :D
http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article3193480.ece

Dr Small

Scary 8-[

I love Linux, the freedom ;)

Tenken
January 16th, 2008, 09:00 AM
Next time we see Bill Gates will he be a mustachio'd man? :)

fatality_uk
January 16th, 2008, 11:16 AM
*MS Paper clip pops up*

"Sounds like you're depressed; would you like to compose a suicide note?"

http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9810/16/clipdeath.idg/clip.jpg

Never noticed it before, but MAN does that paperclip have an EVIL look about it. Or are my tablets waring off again?

GSF1200S
January 16th, 2008, 12:02 PM
Never noticed it before, but MAN does that paperclip have an EVIL look about it. Or are my tablets waring off again?

I thought it looked cool when I used Windows... oddly now it does look evil :evil:

nowshining
January 16th, 2008, 09:08 PM
source: techworld + http://www.linux-tutorial.info

Microsoft has a patent pending on potentially hugely controversial software, which remotely monitors, big brother style, a worker’s productivity, physical wellbeing and competence. According to the Times newspaper, a patent application was filed by Redmond for a computer system that links workers to their computers via wireless sensors that measure their metabolism. The system would allow managers to monitor employees' performance by measuring their heart rate, body temperature, movement, facial expression and blood pressure, said the Times, which claims to have seen the patent application...

Just how close do you think Microsoft can get to you? Find out by reading the rest of this article at
TechWorld.com (http://www.techworld.com/security/news/index.cfm?newsID=11143&pagtype=all).

Æniad
January 16th, 2008, 09:20 PM
It's amazing what we allow companies to do to their employees.

fatality_uk
January 16th, 2008, 09:22 PM
Cool. I think we will be switching back to MS Windows. I want to know what Danny is up to while he is meant to be coding. No hang on. Blood pressure, hmmm!! I did have to repremand him for his, err, surfing habits. Maybe I don't wanna know that ;)

matthew
January 16th, 2008, 11:00 PM
I merged two threads together on this topic...sorry for any confusion.

Linuxratty
January 16th, 2008, 11:16 PM
This is truly disturbing...
I can think of so many ways this can go wrong in the very worst ways...
Who thinks up this stuff?

some_random_noob
January 16th, 2008, 11:42 PM
Never noticed it before, but MAN does that paperclip have an EVIL look about it. Or are my tablets waring off again?

No, he looks evil alright. He has shifty eyes.

And yeah, this whole idea of monitoring people is disgusting. One day it will be common practise. The world is going downhill.

Tundro Walker
January 17th, 2008, 03:27 AM
source: techworld + http://www.linux-tutorial.info

Microsoft has a patent pending on potentially hugely controversial software, which remotely monitors, big brother style, a worker’s productivity, physical wellbeing and competence. According to the Times newspaper, a patent application was filed by Redmond for a computer system that links workers to their computers via wireless sensors that measure their metabolism. The system would allow managers to monitor employees' performance by measuring their heart rate, body temperature, movement, facial expression and blood pressure, said the Times, which claims to have seen the patent application...

Just how close do you think Microsoft can get to you? Find out by reading the rest of this article at
TechWorld.com (http://www.techworld.com/security/news/index.cfm?newsID=11143&pagtype=all).

Steve Ballmer: "But we can assure you, Microsoft is NOT gathering ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION what-so-ever! Promise!"

barbedsaber
January 17th, 2008, 04:03 AM
AWW noone followed my link, *sniff* Well I thought it was funny. hmph.