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corney91
December 20th, 2007, 07:07 PM
Everyone, post your fortune:

$ fortune
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens

A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.

The Metamorphosis LITE(tm)
-- by Franz Kafka

A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.

Lord of the Rings LITE(tm)
-- by J. R. R. Tolkien

Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.

Hamlet LITE(tm)
-- by Wm. Shakespeare

A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy
girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.


(I can't believe this thread hasn't been posted!)

corney91
December 20th, 2007, 11:15 PM
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect "Hungry."
-- a Larson cartoon

:lolflag:I love this command!:)

p_quarles
December 21st, 2007, 06:06 AM
Yep, it's pretty cool.

lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.

FuturePilot
December 21st, 2007, 07:03 AM
nick@GutsyGibbon:~$ fortune
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.

Is there anything left?
:-k

xyz
December 21st, 2007, 08:40 AM
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain

-grubby
December 21st, 2007, 08:55 AM
well this one is long:


nathan@nathangrubb-linda:~$ fortune
You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
nathan@nathangrubb-linda:~$

corney91
December 21st, 2007, 06:47 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not
make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."
-- George McFry

christhemonkey
December 21st, 2007, 06:56 PM
Excellent time to become a missing person.

Nice.

TidusBlade
December 21st, 2007, 06:59 PM
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Finally, something nice.

smartboyathome
December 21st, 2007, 07:08 PM
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One leg is both the same.

Um... ok... :???:

corney91
December 21st, 2007, 08:32 PM
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One leg is both the same.

Um... ok... :???:

:lolflag:I've never understood that one


dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.
-- Chuck Barris, creator of "The Gong Show"
Like it:)

-grubby
December 21st, 2007, 10:43 PM
hmm...this doesn't make any sense

nathan@nathangrubb-linda:~$ fortune
You are as I am with You.
nathan@nathangrubb-linda:~$

rune0077
December 21st, 2007, 10:48 PM
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy
and live in eucalyptus trees.


I do not even want to know what that means!?!

atomkarinca
December 21st, 2007, 10:52 PM
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.

Indeed :)

p_quarles
December 21st, 2007, 10:56 PM
Bummer. :(

lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.

mellowd
December 21st, 2007, 10:56 PM
root@simba:/# fortune
Stay away from flying saucers today.

Short and sweet

mellowd
December 21st, 2007, 10:59 PM
root@simba:/# fortune
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim
that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking
around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at
the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted
and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

Then I get a long one

p_quarles
December 21st, 2007, 11:05 PM
For anyone curious, the data files for fortune are located in /usr/share/games/fortunes/ :D

hard_i
December 21st, 2007, 11:06 PM
[~] fortune
If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk.
If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it.
If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.
-- Chinese Proverb
[~]

corney91
December 22nd, 2007, 12:42 AM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
Errrrr....yeah?
:-P

Oh yeah, you can get offensive fortunes (apt:fortunes-off) but imo they're not very good

-grubby
December 22nd, 2007, 01:35 AM
er...ok

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue-elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with
a blue-elephant gun.

DirtDawg
December 22nd, 2007, 02:04 AM
They say that a clever wizard can have stats: 18/** 24 18 24 24 24.

I got mine from a Nethack fortune cookie. Does it still count?

BLTicklemonster
December 22nd, 2007, 02:07 AM
bill@bill-desktop:~$ fortune
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
bill@bill-desktop:~$

Oh great. 49 years, and now they tell me.

p_quarles
December 22nd, 2007, 02:14 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Q: What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
A: The same middle name.

-grubby
December 22nd, 2007, 08:24 AM
hmm this fortune program has some weird thoughts

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.

Presto123
December 22nd, 2007, 09:03 AM
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One leg is both the same.

Um... ok... :???:

Hahaha...I've never heard this joke spread very far. To clarify this as I have finally understood the point (Just now, really!) is that legs are between a duck and their legs are both the same size, hence the "difference" part. Blah blah...yadda yadda. Here's mine that's a bit funny.


fortune
Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.

xyz
December 22nd, 2007, 10:10 AM
This for people -like me- who had never heard of fortune... (http://packages.ubuntu.com/dapper/games/fortune-mod)


These are the machine-dependent parts of the fortune package, i.e. the fortune program and the programs used for generating the data files. The fortune package displays epigrams selected randomly from a selection of fortune files. This is an enhanced version of the BSD program. The data files (which can be shared) are contained in the 'fortunes-min', 'fortunes', and 'fortunes-off' packages.

-grubby
December 22nd, 2007, 10:20 AM
a bad future

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
nathan@linda:~$

DirtDawg
December 22nd, 2007, 11:43 AM
Hahaha...I've never heard this joke spread very far. To clarify this as I have finally understood the point (Just now, really!) is that legs are between a duck and their legs are both the same size, hence the "difference" part.


"Legs are between a duck"? Now I'm really confused!

padams10001
December 22nd, 2007, 11:49 AM
phil@phil-desktop:~$ fortune
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
in eucalyptus trees.

fatality_uk
December 22nd, 2007, 11:54 AM
fatality@fatality-desktop:~$ fortune
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.


You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

Oooohhhhh :D

vishzilla
December 22nd, 2007, 12:11 PM
Here's mine

Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure

Nevon
December 22nd, 2007, 12:18 PM
Lol wtf!?


nevon@lolcat:~$ fortune
Q: Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A: To impress Jodie Foster.

Bachstelze
December 22nd, 2007, 12:19 PM
firas@itsuki ~ % fortune
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action Required: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not,
complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

-- Bar Troubleshooting

vishzilla
December 22nd, 2007, 12:33 PM
:confused:

An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.

corney91
December 22nd, 2007, 01:02 PM
Guess this doesn't apply anymore:

dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Q: Would you like to see the WINE list?
A: What's on it, anything expensive?
Q: No, just Solitaire and MineSweeper for now, but the WINE is free.
-- Kevin M. Bealer, about the WINdows Emulator

But this one's quite profound:

dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

p_quarles
December 22nd, 2007, 08:47 PM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He was giving it last rites.

Wiebelhaus
December 22nd, 2007, 09:00 PM
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-- Mark Twain


lol

insane_alien
December 22nd, 2007, 09:01 PM
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.


This thing totally gets me.

jken146
December 22nd, 2007, 09:08 PM
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest"

p_quarles
December 22nd, 2007, 09:18 PM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
to the earlier joke.

corney91
December 22nd, 2007, 10:51 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
I was attacked by dselect as a small child and have since avoided
debian.
-- Andrew Morton

corney91
December 22nd, 2007, 11:14 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
vuja de:
The feeling that you've *never*, *ever* been in this situation before.

-grubby
December 22nd, 2007, 11:19 PM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's
heel.

smartboyathome
December 22nd, 2007, 11:29 PM
Are you a turtle?

:lolflag: Um... no!

geirha
December 23rd, 2007, 02:14 AM
Q: Know what the difference between your latest project
and putting wings on an elephant is?
A: Who knows? The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...

Bachstelze
December 23rd, 2007, 07:11 PM
firas@Nobue ~ % fortune gentoo-dev
<Halcy0n> spyderous: was your last commit message even in English. wtf
is that? :)
<antarus> Thermal ellipsoid plot program for crystal structure
illustrations. -> this one? Makes perfect sense to me ;P
<Halcy0n> Freak
<spyderous> you'll get really excited when i commit the next one
<spyderous> DESCRIPTION="A crystallographic real-space electron-density
refinement and optimization program"



firas@Nobue ~ % fortune gentoo-dev
<tberman> oh man, im so avoiding touching mailman right now
<tberman> that ebuild is so getting pawned off to srcerer
<seemant> isn't your wife the one supposed to touch the mailman?

smartboyathome
December 23rd, 2007, 07:17 PM
Sheriff Chameleotoptor sighed with an air of weary sadness, and then
turned to Doppelgutt and said 'The Senator must really have been on a
bender this time -- he left a party in Cleveland, Ohio, at 11:30 last
night, and they found his car this morning in the smokestack of a British
aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.

This is a bad sign...

Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
thing he tells you.

corney91
December 23rd, 2007, 08:05 PM
:lolflag:


One day,
A mad meta-poet,
With nothing to say,
Wrote a mad meta-poem
That started: "One day,
A mad meta-poet,
With nothing to say,
Wrote a mad meta-poem
That started: "One day,
[...]
sort of close".
Were the words that the poet,
Finally chose,
To bring his mad poem,
To some sort of close".
Were the words that the poet,
Finally chose,
To bring his mad poem,
To some sort of close".

-grubby
December 23rd, 2007, 09:20 PM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.

p_quarles
December 23rd, 2007, 09:37 PM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -a
Just a few of the perfect excuses for having some strawberry shortcake.
Pick one.

(1) It's less calories than two pieces of strawberry shortcake.
(2) It's cheaper than going to France.
(3) It neutralizes the brownies I had yesterday.
(4) Life is short.
(5) It's somebody's birthday. I don't want them to celebrate alone.
(6) It matches my eyes.
(7) Whoever said, "Let them eat cake." must have been talking to me.
(8) To punish myself for eating dessert yesterday.
(9) Compensation for all the time I spend in the shower not eating.
(10) Strawberry shortcake is evil. I must help rid the world of it.
(11) I'm getting weak from eating all that healthy stuff.
(12) It's the second anniversary of the night I ate plain broccoli.

corney91
December 23rd, 2007, 11:33 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
<kira> is a surgical war where you go give the foreign troops nose jobs?

init1
December 24th, 2007, 12:59 AM
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.

nikoPSK
December 24th, 2007, 01:28 AM
niko@home:~$ fortune
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
not worth sending.
niko@home:~$

:lolflag:

-grubby
December 24th, 2007, 08:01 AM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Q: How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."

quanumphaze
December 24th, 2007, 09:04 AM
Here's mine [1]:

andrew@3680:~$ fortune
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.

nikoPSK
December 24th, 2007, 06:31 PM
Here's mine [1]:

andrew@3680:~$ fortune
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.

hehe?

heres another of mine...

niko@home:~$ fortune
Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One and a half.
niko@home:~$

:p

corney91
December 24th, 2007, 11:38 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Our problems are so serious that the best way to talk about them is
lightheartedly.
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

overdrank
December 24th, 2007, 11:45 PM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.

p_quarles
December 25th, 2007, 03:12 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
"I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now
when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..."
-- Steven Wright

Samhain13
December 25th, 2007, 03:22 AM
"Don't feed the bats tonight."

-grubby
December 25th, 2007, 03:59 AM
:(

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.

Presto123
December 25th, 2007, 04:00 AM
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.


Crrrapp!

p_quarles
December 25th, 2007, 04:10 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program
doesn't deliver it.

init1
December 25th, 2007, 08:21 PM
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed
down-stairs a step at a time.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

http://www.coe.neu.edu/cgi-bin/fortune

wesley_of_course
December 26th, 2007, 12:28 AM
Another one ;

wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
Neurotics build castles in the sky,
Psychotics live in them,
And psychiatrists collect the rent.
wesley@Ratdog:~$

p_quarles
December 26th, 2007, 02:24 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then
you clearly don't understand the situation.

-grubby
December 26th, 2007, 02:29 AM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain

p_quarles
December 26th, 2007, 03:07 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 4

proof by personal communication:
'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete
[Karp, personal communication].'

proof by reduction to the wrong problem:
'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is
decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.'

proof by reference to inaccessible literature:
The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found
in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian
Philological Society, 1883.

proof by importance:
A large body of useful consequences all follow from the
proposition in question.

lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
The only real advantage to punk music is that nobody can whistle it.

foxmulder881
December 26th, 2007, 03:14 AM
http://img.techpowerup.org/071225/Screenshot-1.png

-grubby
December 26th, 2007, 04:00 AM
:lolflag:

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Beware of low-flying butterflies

zmjjmz
December 26th, 2007, 04:05 AM
zj1992@Blokhmen:~$ fortune
You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially
if they are dead.

XD

corney91
December 26th, 2007, 02:03 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
-- Carl Zwanzig
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Lady Nancy Astor:
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill:
"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
"...and scantily clad females, of course. Who cares if it's below zero
outside"
(By Linus Torvalds)

-grubby
December 26th, 2007, 09:31 PM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
-- Mark Twain

p_quarles
December 26th, 2007, 10:30 PM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
o_O

-grubby
December 26th, 2007, 10:31 PM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
o_O

:confused: :lolflag: :shock:

init1
December 27th, 2007, 04:33 PM
People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.

corney91
December 27th, 2007, 07:13 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
There is a fly on your nose.
Where? Where?:lolflag:

-grubby
December 28th, 2007, 08:21 AM
I feel so relieved

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

lisati
December 28th, 2007, 08:33 AM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
-- Carl Zwanzig
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Lady Nancy Astor:
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill:
"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
"...and scantily clad females, of course. Who cares if it's below zero
outside"
(By Linus Torvalds)

The following is supposedly true:

Self-righeous titled lady: Mr Churchill, you're drunk
Winston Churchill: And you're ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober.

p_quarles
December 28th, 2007, 08:36 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.

xyz
December 28th, 2007, 10:29 AM
.....

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't
understand his own meaning.
-- George D. Prentice

init1
December 28th, 2007, 06:26 PM
The truth you speak has no past and no future.
It is, and that's all it needs to be.

-grubby
December 28th, 2007, 07:38 PM
I win

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.

FunkyJack
December 28th, 2007, 07:47 PM
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.

init1
December 28th, 2007, 10:43 PM
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.

p_quarles
December 30th, 2007, 02:37 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

xyz
December 30th, 2007, 10:32 AM
...

You are the only person to ever get this message.

p_quarles
December 30th, 2007, 10:54 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Copying machine, n.:
A device that shreds paper, flashes mysteriously coded messages,
and makes duplicates for everyone in the office who isn't
interested in reading them.

-grubby
December 30th, 2007, 06:57 PM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.

haricharan
December 30th, 2007, 06:58 PM
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
-- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"

amingv
December 30th, 2007, 07:50 PM
I think mine hates me:


amin@MI6:~$ fortune
So you're back... about time...
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You need more time; and you probably always will.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You will be divorced within a year.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Your lucky color has faded.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Questionable day.

Ask somebody something.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

The last two shock me the most.

-grubby
December 30th, 2007, 08:43 PM
I think mine hates me:


amin@MI6:~$ fortune
So you're back... about time...
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You need more time; and you probably always will.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You will be divorced within a year.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Your lucky color has faded.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Questionable day.

Ask somebody something.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
amin@MI6:~$ fortune
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

The last two shock me the most.
:lolflag:

-grubby
December 30th, 2007, 08:44 PM
the terminal insulted me!

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.

init1
December 31st, 2007, 04:00 AM
The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
-- Mark Twain

xyz
January 5th, 2008, 02:50 AM
You will be run over by a bus.

Thnx a lot!

Lostincyberspace
January 5th, 2008, 03:08 AM
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.

Lostincyberspace
January 5th, 2008, 03:09 AM
Don't worry. Life's too long.
-- Vincent Sardi, Jr.

Lostincyberspace
January 5th, 2008, 03:09 AM
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.

kostkon
January 5th, 2008, 03:17 AM
kostkon@teras:~$ fortune
You will contract a rare disease.

Nice! Thank you fortune... :confused:

FuturePilot
January 5th, 2008, 04:29 AM
This was too ironic. These two were consecutive

~$ fortune
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
~$ fortune
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.


:lolflag:

-grubby
January 5th, 2008, 04:41 AM
This was too ironic. These two were consecutive

~$ fortune
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
~$ fortune
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.


:lolflag:

:lolflag:



nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"--which is
but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention;" but the wise
man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and--WATCH THAT BASKET."
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
nathan@linda:~$


why am I getting so many mark twain quotes?

wesley_of_course
January 5th, 2008, 04:46 AM
wesley@Ratdog-3:~$ fortune
We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh. Josh [Gibson]
comes up in the last of the ninth with a man on and us a run behind. Well,
he hit one. The Grays waited around and waited around, but finally the
empire rules it ain't comin' down. So we win. The next day, we was disputin'
the Grays in Philadelphia when here come a ball outta the sky right in the
glove of the Grays' center fielder. The empire made the only possible call.
"You're out, boy!" he says to Josh. "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh."
-- Satchel Paige
wesley@Ratdog-3:~$

p_quarles
January 5th, 2008, 04:51 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
You do not have mail.
:???:

-grubby
January 5th, 2008, 04:53 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
You do not have mail.
:???:

:lolflag:

djdarrin91
January 5th, 2008, 05:27 AM
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens

A man in love with a girl who loves another man who looks just
like him has his head chopped off in France because of a mean
lady who knits.

Crime and Punishment LITE(tm)
-- by Fyodor Dostoevski

A man sends a nasty letter to a pawnbroker, but later
feels guilty and apologizes.

The Odyssey LITE(tm)
-- by Homer

After working late, a valiant warrior gets lost on his way home.

p_quarles
January 6th, 2008, 01:33 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
"Don't discount flying pigs before you have good air defense."
-- jvh@clinet.FI
Wise words.

-grubby
January 6th, 2008, 02:29 AM
apparently Mr.Holmes is very materialistic...

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!
-- Sherlock Holmes
nathan@linda:~$

p_quarles
January 6th, 2008, 06:00 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
I wish you humans would leave me alone.

-grubby
January 6th, 2008, 06:02 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
I wish you humans would leave me alone.


:lolflag: (my third :lolflag: of this page, woops, now 4th)

xyz
January 6th, 2008, 05:01 PM
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
...

Samhain13
January 6th, 2008, 07:00 PM
"Your sister swims out to meet troop ships."

-grubby
January 6th, 2008, 08:59 PM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"

markp1989
January 6th, 2008, 09:01 PM
mark@mark-desktop:~$ fortune
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
-- Mark Twain

xyz
January 6th, 2008, 11:21 PM
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment
of license fee (binary only).
...

p_quarles
January 8th, 2008, 07:24 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.

hellion0
January 8th, 2008, 04:55 PM
taralyn@gardevoir:~$ fortune
"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What
is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark
squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the
little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling
them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored,
glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic.
-- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"

-grubby
January 9th, 2008, 01:45 AM
darn!

nathan@linda:~$ fortune
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.

p_quarles
January 9th, 2008, 01:49 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Life is like an analogy.

init1
January 9th, 2008, 09:19 PM
Simon's Law:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.

p_quarles
January 10th, 2008, 01:13 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
Hmph. There go my plans.

overdrank
January 10th, 2008, 01:15 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Your love life will be... interesting.

?

FuturePilot
January 10th, 2008, 03:47 AM
Well I better stop reading my fortunes:-k


You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
this sort of trash.

p_quarles
January 10th, 2008, 03:52 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
This fortune intentionally left blank.
:|

FuturePilot
January 10th, 2008, 03:56 AM
Well I can't stop. :p

~$ fortune
Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.

:lolflag:

p_quarles
January 10th, 2008, 03:57 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!

overdrank
January 10th, 2008, 04:14 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
:(

FuturePilot
January 10th, 2008, 04:26 AM
~$ fortune
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.

:-k

Samhain13
January 10th, 2008, 04:27 AM
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails,
whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through
the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
-- Captain Ahab, "Moby ****"

nikoPSK
January 10th, 2008, 05:00 AM
niko@home:~$ fortune
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim
that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking
around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at
the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted
and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
niko@home:~$
:|



niko@home:~$ fortune
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
niko@home:~$
:lolflag:

niko@home:~$ fortune
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
niko@home:~$
:(

hellion0
January 10th, 2008, 08:05 PM
taralyn@gardevoir:~$ fortune
Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools
that think they are truffles.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Samhain13
January 11th, 2008, 11:15 AM
$ fortune
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.


Too bad it's already the weekend. :(

xyz
January 11th, 2008, 11:48 AM
Finally a good one:

Your love life will be happy and harmonious.

...but totally untrue!!

FuturePilot
January 11th, 2008, 06:15 PM
:~$ fortune
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One leg is both the same.

Err.....:-k

hanniph
January 11th, 2008, 06:26 PM
fortune
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
:evil:

p_quarles
January 12th, 2008, 12:24 AM
Great. Now my fortune is trolling me:

lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
My little brother got this fortune:
/{the command that shall not be mentioned}
So he did...

nikoPSK
January 12th, 2008, 12:40 AM
well, Im obviously to close....


niko@home:~$ fortune
If you can read this, you're too close.
niko@home:~$

overdrank
January 12th, 2008, 12:59 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Are you making all this up as you go along?

I guess I am :KS

Joeb454
January 12th, 2008, 03:17 AM
/ Q: What looks like a cat, flies like a \
| bat, brays like a donkey, and |
| |
\ plays like a monkey? A: Nothing. /
----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||


I thought I'd post it how I see it :)

For those who don't know, just run
sudo apt-get install cowsay and then fortune | cowsay

-grubby
January 12th, 2008, 03:25 AM
fortnathan@linda:~$ fortune
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.
nathan@linda:~$

p_quarles
January 12th, 2008, 03:26 AM
I can see this going downhill fast ;)

lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune | cowsay -f ghostbusters.cow
________________________________________
/ I know you're in search of yourself, I \
\ just haven't seen you anywhere. /
----------------------------------------
\
\
\ __---__
_- /--______
__--( / \ )XXXXXXXXXXX\v.
.-XXX( O O )XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-
/XXX( U ) XXXXXXX\
/XXXXX( )--_ XXXXXXXXXXX\
/XXXXX/ ( O ) XXXXXX \XXXXX\
XXXXX/ / XXXXXX \__ \XXXXX
XXXXXX__/ XXXXXX \__---->
---___ XXX__/ XXXXXX \__ /
\- --__/ ___/\ XXXXXX / ___--/=
\-\ ___/ XXXXXX '--- XXXXXX
\-\/XXX\ XXXXXX /XXXXX
\XXXXXXXXX \ /XXXXX/
\XXXXXX > _/XXXXX/
\XXXXX--__/ __-- XXXX/
-XXXXXXXX--------------- XXXXXX-
\XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX/
""VXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV""

-grubby
January 12th, 2008, 03:55 AM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune | cowsay -f turkey.cow
_________________________________________
/ Your aims are high, and you are capable \
\ of much. /
-----------------------------------------
\ ,+*^^*+___+++_
\ ,*^^^^ )
\ _+* ^**+_
\ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, )
_+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ )
{ ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\
{ (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ )
{:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) /
( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \
U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) )
( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / /
( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^
( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _)
*+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^
\ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^)
(_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^)
^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\
^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\
___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\)
^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\)
^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^
nathan@linda:~$

FuturePilot
January 12th, 2008, 04:17 AM
_________________________________________
/ You will stop at nothing to reach your \
| objective, but only because your brakes |
\ are defective. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\ \_\_ _/_/
\ \__/
(oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||

nikoPSK
January 12th, 2008, 04:20 AM
_________________________________________
/ You will stop at nothing to reach your \
| objective, but only because your brakes |
\ are defective. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\ \_\_ _/_/
\ \__/
(oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||


How???? :KS

-grubby
January 12th, 2008, 04:33 AM
_________________________________________
/ You will stop at nothing to reach your \
| objective, but only because your brakes |
\ are defective. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\ \_\_ _/_/
\ \__/
(oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||


hey i got that one earlier. Maybe this thread will become a bunch of repetitve fortunes?

nikoPSK
January 12th, 2008, 05:03 AM
hey i got that one earlier. Maybe this thread will become a bunch of repetitve fortunes?

they are. I went through lots already and received a few mulitple times.

wesley_of_course
January 12th, 2008, 05:12 AM
______________________________
/ Writing is turning one's worst moments \
| into money. |
| |
\ -- J.P. Donleavy /
----------------------------------------
\ ___-------___
\ _-~~ ~~-_
\ _-~ /~-_
/^\__/^\ /~ \ / \
/| O|| O| / \_______________/ \
| |___||__| / / \ \
| \ / / \ \
| (_______) /______/ \_________ \
| / / \ / \
\ \^\\ \ / \ /
\ || \______________/ _-_ //\__//
\ ||------_-~~-_ ------------- \ --/~ ~\ || __/
~-----||====/~ |==================| |/~~~~~
(_(__/ ./ / \_\ \.

p_quarles
January 12th, 2008, 05:28 AM
Hmm.

lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune | cowsay -f cheese.cow
_________________________________________
/ Fortune finishes the great quotations, \
| #17 |
| |
| "This bud of love, by summer's ripening |
| breath, |
| |
| May prove a beauteous flower when next |
| we meet." |
| |
\ Juliet, this bud's for you. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\
_____ _________
/ \_/ |
| ||
| ||
| ###\ /### | |
| 0 \/ 0 | |
/| | |
/ | < |\ \
| /| | | |
| | \_______/ | | |
| | | / /
/|| /|||
----------------|
| | | |
*** ***
/___\ /___\

wesley_of_course
January 12th, 2008, 06:39 AM
________________________________________
/ Writing is turning one's worst moments \
| into money. |
| |
\ -- J.P. Donleavy /
----------------------------------------
\ ___-------___
\ _-~~ ~~-_
\ _-~ /~-_
/^\__/^\ /~ \ / \
/| O|| O| / \_______________/ \
| |___||__| / / \ \
| \ / / \ \
| (_______) /______/ \_________ \
| / / \ / \
\ \^\\ \ / \ /
\ || \______________/ _-_ //\__//
\ ||------_-~~-_ ------------- \ --/~ ~\ || __/
~-----||====/~ |==================| |/~~~~~
(_(__/ ./ / \_\ \.
(_(___/ \_____)_)


Finally !

FuturePilot
January 12th, 2008, 06:43 AM
:~$ fortune | cowsay
_________________________________________
/ Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and \
\ other exciting things. /
-----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||

nikoPSK
January 12th, 2008, 06:11 PM
/ You're almost as happy as you think you \
\ are. /
-----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||


Im happy!

earobinson
January 12th, 2008, 06:12 PM
earobinson@MinusOne:~$ fortune
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.


one char

p_quarles
January 12th, 2008, 08:25 PM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.

wesley_of_course
January 12th, 2008, 08:30 PM
________________________________________
( This report is filled with omissions. )
----------------------------------------
o ___-------___
o _-~~ ~~-_
o _-~ /~-_
/^\__/^\ /~ \ / \
/| O|| O| / \_______________/ \
| |___||__| / / \ \
| \ / / \ \
| (_______) /______/ \_________ \
| / / \ / \
\ \^\\ \ / \ /
\ || \______________/ _-_ //\__//
\ ||------_-~~-_ ------------- \ --/~ ~\ || __/
~-----||====/~ |==================| |/~~~~~
(_(__/ ./ / \_\ \.
(_(___/ \_____)_)

wesley_of_course
January 12th, 2008, 08:44 PM
_______________________________________
( I use not only all the brains I have, )
( but all those I can borrow as well. )
( )
( -- Woodrow Wilson )
---------------------------------------
o . _ .
o |\_|/__/|
/ / \/ \ \
/__|O||O|__ \
|/_ \_/\_/ _\ |
| | (____) | ||
\/\___/\__/ //
(_/ ||
| ||
| ||\
\ //_/
\______//
__ || __||
(____(____)

FuturePilot
January 13th, 2008, 04:34 AM
_______________________________________
/ You never hesitate to tackle the most \
\ difficult problems. /
---------------------------------------
\
\
("`-' '-/") .___..--' ' "`-._
` *_ * ) `-. ( ) .`-.__. `)
(_Y_.) ' ._ ) `._` ; `` -. .-'
_.. `--'_..-_/ /--' _ .' ,4
( i l ),-'' ( l i),' ( ( ! .-'

wesley_of_course
January 13th, 2008, 04:42 AM
______________________________________
( Q: How can you tell when a Burroughs )
( salesman is lying? A: When his lips )
( move. )
--------------------------------------
o
o
oO)-. .-(Oo
/__ _\ /_ __\
\ \( | ()~() | )/ /
\__|\ | (-___-) | /|__/
' '--' ==`-'== '--' '

wesley_of_course
January 13th, 2008, 05:18 AM
wesley@Ratdog:~$ cowsay -f rms -W 60 `vrms`

__________________________________________________ __________
/ Non-free packages installed on Ratdog bsdgames-nonfree \
| rogue, the classic dungeon exploration game Reason: No |
| commercial use grokking-the-gimp GIMP tutorial book by |
| Carey Bunks (HTML) human-icon-theme Human Icon theme |
| linux-generic Complete Generic Linux kernel |
| linux-restricted-modules Generic Linux restricted modules. |
| linux-restricted-modules- Non-free Linux 2.6.22 modules on |
| x86/x86_64 linux-restricted-modules- Non-free Linux 2.6.22 |
| modules helper script linux-restricted-modules- Restricted |
| Linux modules for generic kernels nvidia-glx-new NVIDIA |
| binary XFree86 4.x/X.Org 'new' driver nvidia-glx-new-dev |
| NVIDIA binary XFree86 4.x/X.Org 'legacy' driver develo |
| sun-java6-bin Sun Java(TM) Runtime Environment (JRE) 6 |
| (architecture sun-java6-jre Sun Java(TM) Runtime |
| Environment (JRE) 6 (architecture tangerine-icon-theme |
| Tangerine Icon theme unrar Unarchiver for .rar files |
| (non-free version) Reason: Modifications problematic |
| w64codecs Proprietary codec binaries, x86_64 version 15 |
\ non-free packages, 1.0% of 1556 installed packages. /
------------------------------------------------------------
\ @@@@@@ @
\ @@@@ @@
\ @@@@ = = @@
\ @@@ @ _ _ @@
@@@ @(0)|(0) @@
@@@@ ~ | ~ @@
@@@ @ (o1o) @@
@@@ ####### @
@@@ ##{+++}## @@
@@@@@ ## ##### ## @@@@
@@@@@#############@@@@
@@@@@@@###########@@@@@@
@@@@@@@#############@@@@@
@@@@@@@### ## ### ###@@@@
@ @ @ @ @
@ @

xyz
January 15th, 2008, 09:42 AM
Do what comes naturally. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.

I'll go to the Yell Thread now...

Rhubarb
January 15th, 2008, 09:59 AM
fortune -o

"The Bible is such a gargantuan collection of conflicting
values that anyone can "prove" anything from it."
[Robert Heinlein, Dr. Jacob Burroughs
in "The Number of the Beast"]

p_quarles
January 16th, 2008, 02:10 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
Drop that pickle!

FuturePilot
January 16th, 2008, 06:26 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
Drop that pickle!

ROFL!! :lolflag:


_________________________________________
/ You will be attacked by a beast who has \
| the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, |
\ and the face of Donald Duck. /
-----------------------------------------
\ ,-^-.
\ !oYo!
\ /./=\.\______
## )\/\
||-----w||
|| ||

Cowth Vader

xyz
January 16th, 2008, 10:10 AM
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.

xpod
January 16th, 2008, 10:23 AM
dad@home1:~$ fortune
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.

:-({|=


i much prefer

dad@home1:~$ fortune
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.


[-(

Things come in threes though so here goes.......third time lucky.

dad@home1:~$ fortune
You have many friends and very few living enemies.


:-\"

Samhain13
January 16th, 2008, 10:24 AM
$ fortune
Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Joeb454
January 16th, 2008, 10:28 AM
$ fortune
Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?

:lolflag: I like it!

xpod
January 17th, 2008, 12:33 AM
$ fortune
Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Reminds me of an old joke...

How do you confuse an idiot???

7

:confused:

Xavieran
January 17th, 2008, 12:43 AM
xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
"I find this a nice feature but it is not according to the documentation.
Or is it a BUG?"
"Let's call it an accidental feature. :-)"
-- Larry Wall in <6909@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
-- Aristotle Onassis
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
-- Lazarus Long
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$

:)

and


[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you
To tell you of something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday (which is good Friday),
There will be a convention held in the
Women's Club which is strictly for Men.
Admission is free, pay at the door,
Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor.
It was a summer's day in winter,
And the snow was raining fast,
As a barefoot boy with shoes on,
Stood sitting in the grass.
Oh, that bright day in the dead of night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Three blind men to see fair play,
Forty mutes to yell "Hooray"!
Back to back, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and arrested those two dead boys.
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune

p_quarles
January 17th, 2008, 12:45 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!Okay! Calm down! Sheesh.

Xavieran
January 17th, 2008, 01:04 AM
Excellent day to have a rotten day.

:(...too true...

Xavieran
January 17th, 2008, 01:08 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!Okay! Calm down! Sheesh.

Kinda like this one xD


[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
I'm having an emotional outburst!!
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$

p_quarles
January 17th, 2008, 01:10 AM
Kinda like this one xD
Yep. Fortune is endlessly entertaining.


lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.

Lostincyberspace
January 17th, 2008, 01:11 AM
A link to a bunch more fortune files http://www.progsoc.uts.edu.au/~timj/wfortune/more.html (http://www.progsoc.uts.edu.au/%7Etimj/wfortune/more.html)

over 37 years worth.

HotShotDJ
January 17th, 2008, 01:15 AM
~$ fortune
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

Xavieran
January 17th, 2008, 01:15 AM
Classic:
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only
came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Lostincyberspace
January 17th, 2008, 01:20 AM
lee@lee-desktop:~$ fortune Holygrail
From "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

ARTHUR: Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
MINSTREL (singing): He is sneaking away and buggering up--
ROBIN: Shut up! No, no no-- far from it.
HEAD KNIGHT: He said the word again!
ROBIN: I was looking for it.
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
ROBIN: Uh, here, here in this forest.
ARTHUR: No, it is far from--
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word!
ARTHUR: Oh, stop it!
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT: Oh! He said it again!
ARTHUR: Patsy!
HEAD KNIGHT: Aaugh! I said it! I said it! Ooh! I said it again!
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

available through my above post

Lostincyberspace
January 17th, 2008, 01:23 AM
lee@lee-desktop:~$ fortune Holygrail
From "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Robin.... So each of the knights went their
separate ways. Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of
Ewing, accompanied by his favourite minstrels.
MINSTREL (singing):
Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, oh Brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!
His head smashed in, and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off,
And his ***** split ... and his ...
lee@lee-desktop:~$

Wow that was graphic.

Xavieran
January 17th, 2008, 01:50 AM
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
Your password is pitifully obvious.
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$

Damn...

-grubby
January 17th, 2008, 02:03 AM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
Today is the last day of your life so far.
nathan@linda:~$

Xavieran
January 17th, 2008, 04:19 AM
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
Uh... deity is a word, and diety isn't.

Or is it supposed to be one of those recursive acronyms? Diety Is
Excellent To You. Deity Eats Icecream That's Yellow. Diety Is
Eloping To Yokohama. I'll stop now.
-- Guy Maor
[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$

xD

Some really weird ones there...


[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
earthquake n.

[IBM] The ultimate real-world shock test for
computer hardware. Hackish sources at IBM deny the rumor that the
Bay Area quake of 1989 was initiated by the company to test
quality-assurance procedures at its California plants.

[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$

I also have the tidbits of the kernel mod...


[xavieran@Le-Chateau ~]$ fortune
die_if_kernel("Kernel gets FloatingPenguinUnit disabled trap", regs);
linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c

p_quarles
January 17th, 2008, 07:24 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.

Samhain13
January 17th, 2008, 04:32 PM
$ fortune
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.

Goodie! :)

FuturePilot
January 17th, 2008, 06:33 PM
:~$ fortune
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.


Ubuntu?:-s

Lostincyberspace
January 17th, 2008, 07:03 PM
lee@lee-desktop:~$ fortune
A sinking ship gathers no moss.
-- Donald Kaul
lee@lee-desktop:~$

sanderella
January 17th, 2008, 09:02 PM
sandra@sandra-laptop:~$ fortune
Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner

The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up

It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up

Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.

p_quarles
January 18th, 2008, 02:17 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
Pardo's First Postulate:
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Arnold's Addendum:
Everything else causes cancer in rats.

stoodleysnow
January 18th, 2008, 01:28 PM
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
- - Mark Twain

It is.:)

Samhain13
January 19th, 2008, 04:41 PM
$ fortune
The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
career.
-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

b0rka7a
January 19th, 2008, 05:42 PM
linuxa@ubuntu:~$ fortune -s
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
linuxa@ubuntu:~$

corney91
January 20th, 2008, 09:43 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find
at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

-grubby
January 20th, 2008, 09:57 PM
nathan@linda:~$ fortune
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"

p_quarles
January 21st, 2008, 04:36 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.

kodak
January 21st, 2008, 04:42 AM
user@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.

FuturePilot
January 21st, 2008, 06:38 AM
Uh oh, I think I broke it

:~$ fortune
>>> Internal error in fortune program:
>>> fnum=2987 n=45 flag=1 goose_level=-232323
>>> Please write down these values and notify fortune program administrator.

:shock:

xyz
January 21st, 2008, 09:05 AM
.....

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
.....

p_quarles
January 23rd, 2008, 03:02 AM
lee@rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M.
-- Charles Pierce

Het Irv
January 23rd, 2008, 03:04 AM
irv@irv-desktop:~$ fortune
Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: The cats keep trying to bury them.

FuturePilot
January 23rd, 2008, 03:09 AM
:~$ fortune
Old MacLinus had a stack/l-i-n-u-x/and on this stack he had a trace/l-i-n-u-x
with an Oops-Oops here and an Oops-Oops there
here an Oops, there an Oops, everywhere an Oops-Oops.
-- tjimenez@site.gmu.edu, linux.dev.kernel
:lolflag:

leafhound
January 23rd, 2008, 03:13 AM
@ubuntu:~$ fortune
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace--
I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.

wesley_of_course
January 23rd, 2008, 03:25 AM
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.


:confused:

Samhain13
January 25th, 2008, 03:35 PM
~$ fortune
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

nikoPSK
January 25th, 2008, 04:54 PM
~$ fortune
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

I thought that said something else.. .:shock:

xyz
January 26th, 2008, 09:54 AM
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
...

wesley_of_course
January 27th, 2008, 05:36 AM
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
Here we go .

FuturePilot
January 27th, 2008, 06:45 AM
:~$ fortune
Due to the closed source development model of XFree it is impossible
to support, or even speculate about, features in pre- or beta releases
of XFree.
-- Marcus Sundberg

sports fan Matt
January 27th, 2008, 06:50 AM
How do you do this? im trying but cant figure it out haha

FuturePilot
January 27th, 2008, 07:30 AM
Type

fortune
in a terminal :)

xyz
January 27th, 2008, 01:33 PM
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
...

euler_fan
January 27th, 2008, 08:02 PM
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.

overdrank
January 27th, 2008, 11:20 PM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.

hhhhhx
January 28th, 2008, 03:25 AM
i think my terminal hates me :)


Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
xhhux@Lucy:~$ fortune
You will gain money by an immoral action.
xhhux@Lucy:~$ fortune
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
xhhux@Lucy:~$ fortune
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
xhhux@Lucy:~$ fortune
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
-- Mark Twain
xhhux@Lucy:~$ fortune
Excellent time to become a missing person.

xyz
January 28th, 2008, 10:05 AM
...
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Samhain13
January 28th, 2008, 04:14 PM
~$ fortune
In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made
school boards.
-- Mark Twain

FuturePilot
January 28th, 2008, 09:32 PM
:~$ fortune
A watched clock never boils.
:-k

overdrank
January 29th, 2008, 12:59 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner

The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up

It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up

Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.

:KS

nat6138
January 29th, 2008, 03:16 AM
nathan@nathan-laptop:~$ fortune -a
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.

Figures.

xyz
January 30th, 2008, 12:53 PM
You will be surrounded by luxury.


I am...surrounded... only! darn!

wesley_of_course
January 30th, 2008, 11:57 PM
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
( looks over shoulder ,,,,,,,,

Ptero-4
January 31st, 2008, 09:00 PM
Good day, to have a rotten day

nikoPSK
January 31st, 2008, 09:27 PM
too bad windows doesn't have fortune... :lolflag:

overdrank
January 31st, 2008, 09:35 PM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Your domestic life may be harmonious.

wesley_of_course
February 1st, 2008, 02:40 AM
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.

baracuda68
February 3rd, 2008, 08:38 AM
bob@baracuda:~$ fortune
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
...

$igmund
February 3rd, 2008, 10:07 PM
sigmund@5l3dg3H4mm3r:~$ fortune
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.

wesley_of_course
February 3rd, 2008, 10:10 PM
wesley@Ratdog:~$ fortune
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.

init1
February 4th, 2008, 04:29 AM
You have taken yourself too seriously.

p_quarles
February 4th, 2008, 04:32 AM
lee@Rimbaud:~$ fortune
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.

FuturePilot
February 4th, 2008, 07:14 AM
:~$ fortune
I develop for Linux for a living, I used to develop for DOS.
Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117.
-- Lawrence Foard, entropy@world.std.com


:lolflag:

xyz
February 4th, 2008, 12:05 PM
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
...

overdrank
February 5th, 2008, 02:47 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

FuturePilot
February 5th, 2008, 07:46 AM
:~$ fortune
My NOSE is NUMB!

I had no clue....

xyz
February 5th, 2008, 12:06 PM
Q: How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
...

p_quarles
February 9th, 2008, 04:44 AM
lee@Rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
grasshopotomaus:
A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once.

bjschuma
February 9th, 2008, 04:56 PM
I got:

"You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess."

p_quarles
February 10th, 2008, 04:08 AM
lee@Rimbaud:~$ fortune
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
-- Samuel Goldwyn

fissionmailed
February 10th, 2008, 06:12 AM
"You will soon forget this."

xyz
February 10th, 2008, 03:01 PM
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall....

overdrank
February 10th, 2008, 03:39 PM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
:(

p_quarles
February 10th, 2008, 03:40 PM
lee@Rimbaud:~$ fortune -s
The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
add ten percent.

FuturePilot
February 10th, 2008, 03:41 PM
:~$ fortune
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.

:KS

corney91
February 10th, 2008, 05:27 PM
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.


Haha. I like the second one :p

And another:D

dan@dan-laptop:~$ fortune
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.

p_quarles
February 12th, 2008, 06:01 AM
lee@Rimbaud:~$ fortune
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman

xyz
February 12th, 2008, 12:32 PM
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
...

linuxisfree
February 12th, 2008, 12:38 PM
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
-- Mark Twain


Gotta love this command!!!:guitar:

maximilion
February 12th, 2008, 12:45 PM
"You are a bundle of energy, always on the go."

Don't I know it. ;P

Christmas
February 12th, 2008, 02:54 PM
$ fortune
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs.
-- Tom Lehrer
$

overdrank
February 13th, 2008, 05:04 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.

mzembe
February 13th, 2008, 06:15 AM
brian@m70-numbar1:~$ fortune -a
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
brian@m70-numbar1:~$

overdrank
February 14th, 2008, 02:45 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
If you can read this, you're too close.
mine@ubuntu:~$

overdrank
February 17th, 2008, 05:52 AM
mine@ubuntu:~$ fortune
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.