Bonehead Customer Quotes

[gumbi18]

Hi guys, just thought that we could start a thread that contains quotes from customers who are a few kangaroo's short in the top paddock. The quotes can be from any field of work be it IT tech support, retail or whatever.

This quote is just a small slice of what happens to me in my job as tech support at my local computer store:
Me: And when was your machine asking you for the password?
Woman: It asked for it after the loading thingie.
Me: Do you mean the windows load screen?
Woman: Yeah that's it... The thing is I don't have a password.
Me: Did you try to leave the password box blank and then click ok?
Woman: Can you do that? Oh and another thing my machine says it has Xp Professional when it only has Xp.
Me:Uhhhh.....

Turns out someone else had turned on the netware services for windows, which caused Windows to disable the welcome screen and display the net logon dialog box.

[n3tfury]

i'm sure you've had your share of bonehead quotes with things you're totally not familiar with. that "quote" isn't even funny.

[gilgongo]

I once had somebody try to guess what SMTP stood for - they thought it was probably "Send Mail to Person" which I thought was rather cute.

[sr20ve]

I had to explain to someone what control alt delete was once so he could unlock his server.

[GreyShadow]

I work at a library
. And the usual is "that book ,you know the one everyone is talking about" or
"I think it has a blue cover" or "Whats the matter with you? you don't watch TV?"
Like I'm a hopeless idiot!:)

[-grubby]

http://www.customerssuck.com/

[Tundro Walker]

Worked at a book store long time ago. Really annoyed me when folks would come in and expect a minimum wage worker to know where every single book was without checking the computer. Then, when you'd go to where it should be, but couldn't find it, but found it close to where it should be (usually because a previous customer mis-shelved it), the person would give you a *sigh* like you're not doing your job. It was a real pain, and that's why any time someone is giving greif to a min. wage worker who's trying their best, I usually pipe up and tell the customer to chill out.

[n3tfury]

http://www.customerssuck.com/

lol customers suck. too bad they're your paycheck.

[Eric the Grey]

The one that always makes me want to hit my keyboard with my forehead is when I ask someone for their user ID, and they give me their password.

Me: I'm sorry, but I rather doubt that your username is Mary23 (when HIS name is Bob....)

*shakes head*


:cool: Eric the Grey

[JpBя]

Me: In what county do you live?
Customer: <Names city>.
Me: And what county would that be in?
Customer: What do you mean?
Me: You said you live in <City>, What county is that in?
Customer: I've never been asked that before. I'm right here on <Road>, where it hits <Other road>.
Me: I just need to know what county that's in.
Customer: You mean <Names state>?
Me: No, I just need to know what county in <State> you live in. Do you know what county you live in?
Customer: I guess I'm just not sure what you're asking me.
Me: ](*,)

[n3tfury]

^ lol that's a good one

[prizrak]

Me: In what county do you live?
Customer: <Names city>.
Me: And what county would that be in?
Customer: What do you mean?
Me: You said you live in <City>, What county is that in?
Customer: I've never been asked that before. I'm right here on <Road>, where it hits <Other road>.
Me: I just need to know what county that's in.
Customer: You mean <Names state>?
Me: No, I just need to know what county in <State> you live in. Do you know what county you live in?
Customer: I guess I'm just not sure what you're asking me.
Me: ](*,)

Lots of people don't know the county they live in. I had no clue Brooklyn was Kings county until couple of years ago and I lived here for a while.

I had the funniest call yesterday. I work as tech support for a financial company (my team supports the actual servers not the app itself) and this is the call I got yesterday:

Me: Hi can I help you?
Cust: Hi, I am unable to access my company's e-mail or even Yahoo!
Me: I am sorry to hear that sir unfortunately I will not be able to help as we only support our product and any issues that may arise with it. I suggest you give your company's IT department a call or possibly your ISP.
Cust: So what should I do?
Me: You should talk to your internal IT/Tech Support department and they should be able to resolve your issue.
Cust: OK, but if it doesn't work I'm calling right back.
Me: You are welcome to do that, sir.

I was working REALLY hard to hold back laughter.

[toupeiro]

I don't have so much of a quote, but, some years ago when I was in desktop support, I got a trouble call saying the floppy drive wont work anymore. So when i went out to the little analyzer shack this computer was in, the floppy drive had been completely covered with chewing chaw from people on night shift who use chewing tobacco, spit for the trash can and miss.

Bonehead customers don't actually have to say anything to be boneheads.

[2cute4u]

ok my aunt was a macintosh consultant back in the 80's she told me a couple stories that really showed how stupids some people could be

The first: She got a voice mail from a customer who said "You really need to explain all this drive stuff to me, I think I drove the data right off my computer" ( what happened was he, accidently created a new folder on his hard drive and there were no files in it)

The second one: She was teaching a woman how to use use a BBS with Zterm. My aunt told her "just do what it says on the screen and see how far you can go by yourself". While the modem was connecting, it gave the message "Please Stand By...", so the woman stood up.

:lolflag:

[Swmmrman]

I got list of bonehead customer tricks.

One of my favorites.
You mean i have to plug the modem in.
And a close second.
So password isnt a good idea as a password.

I have worked Tech support for 2 companies. One software the other a router/modem manufacture.

Almost forgot. It says put the disc in.. What do i do now.
And What do i put in where it says Name...

Though the most stupefying question ever came from another tech.

Whats a mouse
He actully didnt know what a mouse was.

[BuffaloX]

One of my friends worked as a consultant.
The best he ever told me was this one.

He asks:
What's on your screen.

Customer:
A teddy bear...
How did you know I had something on it???

[Arthur Archnix]

I wasn't actually tech support, but everyone in the office would ask me for help because I usually had the answer and I was faster than IT. So one lady calls me and says her pictures are missing. I show up at her office and she's changed folder view from thumbnails to details. You're pictures are still here, I say, we just need to look at your thumbnails. She looks at me like I'm crazy for a second, then she shows me her hands.

[disturbed1]

I used to work for an ISP as tech support. Many, many funny stories, but these have always stuck out.

Me:Thank you for calling ISP, how can I help?
CU: I want to file a complaint against ISP.
Me: I'm sorry to here that. What sort of problems are you experiencing.
CU: The ISP installer screwed up my PC, TV, VCR, lights everything!
Me: WOW!!! That's sounds serious. Can you explain the problem to me in detail.
CU: I just bought my PC and had ISP service installed. Now every I turn on the PC, my TV, VCR, PC and lights shutoff. He screwed it up, and I want it fixed now!!!!

I instantly realized the person most likely had the PC plugged into a surge protector along with everything else. Turning on the PC overloaded the circuit causing the breaker to reset. After a long explanation, and almost an argument about how a surge protector does not allow you to overload a circuit, the problem was solved by simply switching outlets.


Next -

Me: Thank you for calling ISP. How can I help?
CU: I'm a Microsoft certified engineer, so I know what I doing.
^^ If you know so much why are you calling tech support to find out that cable disconnected actually means the cable is unplugged?


Next-

Me: Thank you for calling ISP. How can I help?
CU: Do you know who <Name of ISP CEO> is?
Me: Yes sir I do.
CU: Well I have his cell phone number right here. I will call him if I have to.
^^ And your point is? If you actually knew the CEO, and had his number why would you bother to call me?



Next -

Me: Thank you for calling ISP. How can I help?
CU: My computer is broke.
Me: I'm sorry to here that. Did you mean you are unable to browse the internet?
CU: Yes. It doesn't work.
Me: What type of Operating system do you use? Windows 98, 2000, XP?
CU: HP Pavilion 1150w.
Me: I'm sorry, but that's the computer model number. When you start the computer you should see a screen that says Windows, usually with something 98, or 2000, or XP.
CU: Intel Inside Pintum 4?
^^ That was a long call.


Next -

Me: Thank you for calling ISP. How can I help?
CU: I'm having issues reaching a web page.
Me: I'm sorry to here that. Is this issue with all, some, or only one paticular web site?
CU: I think the other sites load just fine. It's a web site I'm a member of. I was just there earlier today, but now it won't load.
Me: Can I have the web address, so I can check it out from here?
CU: SURE!!!! It's www.______.com (http://www.______.com)
^^ Never again will I ever ask that question again. It was a web site that should have been filtered from employees to view, of the male on male nature proudly, largely, with sound displayed on the home page:oops:

[cerealtx]

I used to work for a IT company that does nationwide support for a few companies, and OMFG it was either people who couldn't find where the Enter key was or people who would type out space instead of hitting the space bar. Ive Also had people try to lie to me completely thinking i didn't know wtf was going on, was getting some info from a person and i asked him to open up command prompt by going to Run and typing in cmd and hitting okay, he asked if he was suppoused to do that in terminal. i said sir are u using Linux, hes like uh, no, (we didn't support linux) i asked him to run ipconfig, and kept telling me it wasn't working so i asked again if it was linux and he finally admited it, and hung up before i could say anything, except all i wanted to do was laugh.

[rowanparker]

Me: Thank you for calling ISP. How can I help?
CU: I'm a Microsoft certified engineer, so I know what I doing.
^^ If you know so much why are you calling tech support to find out that cable disconnected actually means the cable is unplugged?

Doesn't that some up Microsoft Engineers really :)

[Scotty Bones]

Customers are not the only dumb ones.
I received a call from a customer who had an issue connecting to the internet. She had just signed up for cable high speed service. The install tech came out and set the service up (guessing HQ was able to ping the modem) but was unable to get her computer working. He told her the reason she could not access the internet was because of an incompatibility in her adobe and she would have to call the manufacture for further assistance.
Needless to say I damn near hit the floor. A simple power cycle and she was up and running.


BTW this thread perfectly explanes the reason for my avatar :)