Post Your Favorite Monty Python Quotes!

[steven8]

Title says it all. I'll start:

"We are the knight's who say. . .nee!"

[Circus-Killer]

bring out yer dead!

[steven8]

"I'm not dead yet."

"I feel happy!"

[sw1995]

He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

...I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa!!

--From The Lumberjack Song

[matthew]

Come see the violence inherent in the system. Look at the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

[Chilli Bob]

Python quotes on a Linux forum!! Could there be anything nerdier??

One for the real nerds....

"If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy!!"

[steven8]

"E's not pinein'. E's bleedin' demised!"

+1 for the nerds.

[BigSilly]

"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy"!

[steven8]

"Blimey! I'm raisin' pole cats for peace."

[jariku]

"You're all individuals!"
"We're all individuals!"
"...I'm not!"

And one for the fans of the jargon file, "And there was much rejoicing."

[Fenryr]

"'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"

:popcorn:

[regomodo]

Run Away!!!!!

[gnomeuser]

Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, you don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for yourselves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd (in unison): Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd (in unison): Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in Crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Shhh!

[steven8]

"I fart in you general direction!"

[M7S]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/monty_python.jpg
http://xkcd.com/c16.html

[3rdalbum]

Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberry!

[derjames]

....what did the Romans do for us?.....

[Fenryr]

"Must be a king...'E hasn't got **** all over'im."

[steven8]

. . .and now for something completely different. . .

[reston5]

are you telling me the coconuts can migrate

[Fenryr]

"She turned me into a NEWT!"

[steven8]

"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"

[pseudonym]

"Yes, but we still need to 'ave yer liver out. Come on!"

[steven8]

"And now for something completely different: a man with a tape recorder up his brother's nose."

[Dragonbite]

(sung)
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too.
Life can be fine
If we both 69....

:popcorn:

[corney91]

"Red...NO! Blue...Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
(Or was it the other way around?)

[graabein]

ekki ekki ekki pa-thang whooosh blahblahblah!

[Medieval_Creations]

"I feel happy... I feel happy..."

"So many... hard to choose"

[dca]

"My hovercraft is full of eeeelsss"

[jjbean]

Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

[Onyros]

"Spare a talent for an old ex-leper??"

[Ebuntor]

It isn't really a single quote but I love the first scene from The Holy Grail. You just spend like ten minutes watching that scene while actually nothing happens and they do is talk about coconuts. :D

KING ARTHUR:
Whoa there!
[clop clop clop]
SOLDIER #1:
Halt! Who goes there?
ARTHUR:
It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
SOLDIER #1:
Pull the other one!
ARTHUR:
I am,... and this is my trusty servant Patsy.
We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER #1:
What? Ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR:
Yes!
SOLDIER #1:
You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR:
What?
SOLDIER #1:
You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
ARTHUR:
So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through--
SOLDIER #1:
Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR:
We found them.
SOLDIER #1:
Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR:
What do you mean?
SOLDIER #1:
Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR:
The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
SOLDIER #1:
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR:
Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1:
What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR:
It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1:
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
ARTHUR:
Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
SOLDIER #1:
Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
ARTHUR:
Please!
SOLDIER #1:
Am I right?
ARTHUR:
I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2:
It could be carried by an African swallow!
SOLDIER #1:
Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
SOLDIER #2:
Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
ARTHUR:
Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
SOLDIER #1:
But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2:
Oh, yeah.
SOLDIER #1:
So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
[clop clop clop]
SOLDIER #2:
Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1:
No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2:
Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1:
What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2:
Well, why not?

[Dragonbite]

Spank me!
No, meeeee !

[LaRoza]

I am going to report this thread as "Spam".

[bonzodog]

"Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again".

[Celegorm]

"Oh lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that it might blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

[reacocard]

http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol25.jpg (http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_025.php)

[stuh84]

So many to choose from, I could go on for days quoting Python.

One of my favorites will always be the whole Village Idiot sketch

"Figgis (educated voice) Well I feel very keenly that the idiot is a part of the old village system, and as such has a vital role to play in a modern rural society, because you see ... (suddenly switches to rural accent) ooh ar ooh ar before the crops go gey are in the medley crun and the birds slides nightly on the oor ar ... (vicar passes and gives him sixpence) Ooh ar thankee, Vicar ... (educated voice) There is this very real need in society for someone whom almost anyone can look down on and ridicule. And this is the role that ... ooh ar naggy gamly rangle tandie oogly noogle Goblie oog ... (passing lady gives him sixpence) Thank you, Mrs Thompson... this is the role that I and members of my family have fulfilled in this village for the past four hundred years... Good morning, Mr Jenkins, ICI have increased their half-yearly dividend, I see.
We see Mr Jenkins pass, he is also an idiot, identically dressed.
Mr Jenkins Yes, splendid.
Figgis That's Mr Jenkins - he's another idiot. And so you see the idiot does provide a vital psycho-social service for this community. Oh, excuse me, a coach party has just arrived. I shall have to fall off the wall, I'm afraid."

[machoo02]

I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'...

He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.

[Medieval_Creations]

"I like traffic lights."
"I like traffic lights."
"I like traffic lights, but only when they're green."
"I like traffic lights."
"I like traffic lights."

[Kumeelyun]

There are some people who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some were born sane, some became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to help these people overcome their sanity.

Reverend Arthur Belling, Vicar of St. Loony-up-the-Cream-Bun-and-Jam

Side Note: The musical Spamalot! recently opened here in Las Vegas and not only did I get to see it (completely hilarious!) but I ended up sitting five seats away from Eric Idle who happened to be there to see how this version of the production was going. I think his son was with him (either that or he just hangs out with someone who looks a hell of a lot like him) He darted out amid the finale so I couldn't meet him, but it was fun seeing him mouth the words and tap his feet to the show. If you get a chance to see the show, do it. It is as if Monty Python invades a Broadway show, with a lot of fourth wall-breaking and quick change scenes and humor.

[codypumper]

Some day this will all be yours!
What? The curtains?

[Fenryr]

You want to come back to my place?

[steven8]

It's Bicycle Repairman!

[steven8]

'elp, 'elp! I'm being repressed!

[steven8]

I believe in peace. . .and banging two bricks together!

[odiseo77]

ehm, not sure if Brazil was co-created with Monty Python, but I remember a scene that made me laugh a lot:

Sam Lowry: Sh*t!!
Archibald Tuttle: We're all immersed in it

(or something like that, I saw the spanish version :D )

[steven8]

ehm, not sure if Brazil was co-created with Monty Python, but I remember a scene that made me laugh a lot:

Sam Lowry: Sh*t!!
Archibald Tuttle: We're all immersed in it

(or something like that, I saw the spanish version :D )

Terry Gilliam directed and wrote the screenplay for Brazil. Any project of any of the members of Monty Python is eligible for this thread.

I am quite surprised at the lack of interest in this thread. I though sure there would be a HUGE outpouring of quotes, but thanks to an early post, everyone is afraid to be pegged as a nerd. Come on, guys. Post away!!

[RAV TUX]

Fav Python qoute:

The more of an IT flavor the job descriptions had, the less dangerous was the company. The safest kind were the ones that wanted Oracle experience. You never had to worry about those. You were also safe if they said they wanted C++ or Java developers. If they wanted Perl or Python programmers, that would be a bit frightening. If I had ever seen a job posting looking for Lisp hackers, I would have been really worried. (Paul Graham)http://www.sysprog.net/quotjava.html

[odiseo77]

Terry Gilliam directed and wrote the screenplay for Brazil. Any project of any of the members of Monty Python is eligible for this thread.

I am quite surprised at the lack of interest in this thread. I though sure there would be a HUGE outpouring of quotes, but thanks to an early post, everyone is afraid to be pegged as a nerd. Come on, guys. Post away!!

I don't consider myself as nerd just for liking good cinema, and anyway, this is the community café, isn't it? ;)

BTW, a bit off topic: T. Gillian's "Tideland" is simply beautiful, and the little child performance was really amazing!! (I just can't remember any quote from this film :( )

[steven8]

King Arthur: We'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite!

[the real omni]

Brian's hippie girlfriend: "You're all individuals!"

Thronging masses: "Yes! We're all individuals!!"

[pp.]

Albatros!

[Ms_Angel_D]

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts


King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid Bas*tard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: *Look*!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

but this is my favorite scene


Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Sir Lancelot: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.
Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Sir Robin: That's easy.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
Sir Robin: I don't know that.
[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]
Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?
Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Galahad: I seek the Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Galahad: Blue. No, yel...
[he is also thrown over the edge]
Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?
King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
[he is thrown over]
Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

[frankleeee]

Always look on the bright side of life

The life of Brian

[skitzware]

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

[Luffield]

King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
This is my favorite.

[TravisNewman]

"I like traffic lights."
"I like traffic lights."
"I like traffic lights, but only when they're green."
"I like traffic lights."
"I like traffic lights."

WOW, that's one that most people aren't going to get. The Final Rip Off, I love that album.

Anyway, mine is probably the phrasebook sketch.

"I will not buy this record, it is scratched!"
"My hovercraft is full of eels"
"Do you... WAAAANT... Do you Waaaaant to go back to my place, bouncy bouncy?"

[gn2]

Romanes eunt domus, what does that mean then?
It says Romans go home!
No it doesn't, it says Romans they go the house.

[fatality_uk]

What makes you think she's a witch?
Well, she turned me into a newt!
...

[Dragonbite]

What makes you think she's a witch?
Well, she turned me into a newt!
...
I got better!

[Ms_Angel_D]

this is not a Monty Python Quote but excuse me while I bump this thread :wink:

[frankleeee]

hint hint nudge nudge know what I mean.

[sanderella]

"he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"!

+1 :)

[reacocard]

Why is this thread not dead yet?

[Dilligaf]

Only the true messiah would deny he's the messiah.

[derekr44]

No thanks! You see... he's already got one!

I told them we've already got one! <snicker>

[YoungCthulhu]

The brain is like an enormous fish. It is flat and slimey, and provided with holes around its edges through which it can see. When these holes become blocked the messages transmitted by the lungs can't reach the brain; a condition known as "whooping cough", and that, Mrs Aegis, is what your husband is suffering from.

[Trail]

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPA... oh bugger.

[graabein]

"Uhm, is there someone else up there we can talk to?"

[Rorke]

Did we do Bicycle Repair Man?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=rxfzm9dfqBw
Used to be my favourite, but seems just mad now.

[qazwsx]

Every sperm is sacred (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8)
:D

[gn2]

Why is this thread not dead yet?

It will be by Thursday....

[Forbees]

THATS NOT FUNNY!
::laughs historically::
Der Flippermire Gesput!!!
::death by laughter:

[brookswm]

Not my favorite, but it was in my head since I was reading this article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7649876.stm

Newscaster: And right now it's time for athletics, and over to Brian Goebells in Paris.

Goebells: Hello, well you join us here in Paris just a few minutes before the start of today's big event: the final of the Men's-Being-Eaten- By-A-Crocodile event. I'm standing now by the crocodile pit where- AAAAAAHHHHH!

(FX: Crocodiles eating, French exclamations and sirens)

Newscaster: Ah. Well I'm afraid that we've lost Brian. While they're sorting that out, we have a report from Barry Loothesom in Lughtborrow on the British preparations for this most important event.

Loothesom: Here at Lughtborrow are the five young men chosen last week to be eaten by a crocodile for Britain this summer. Obviously, the most important part of the event is the opening 60 yard sprint towards the crocs. And twenty-two year old Nottingham schoolteacher Gavin Watterlow is rated by some not only the fastest but also the tastiest British morsel since Barry Gordon got a bronze at Helsinki. In charge of the team is Sergeant Major Harold Duke.

Duke: Aww, well, you not only got to get in that pit first, you gotta get EATEN first. When you land in front of your croc, and 'e opens his mouth, I wanna see you right in there. Rub your 'ead up against 'is taste buds. And when those teeth bite into your flesh, use the perches to thrust yourself DOWN his throat...

Loothesom: Duke's trained with every British team since 1928, and it's his blend of gymnastic knowhow, reptilian expertise and culinary skill that's turned many an un-appetizing novice into a crocodilic banquet.

Duke: Well, our chefs have been experimenting for many years to find a sauce most likely to tempt the crocodile. In the past, we've concentrated on a fish based sauce, but this year, we are reverting to a simple bernaise.

Loothesom: The British team are worried because Olympic regulations allow only the competitor's heads to be sauced. Gavin Morolowe...

Morolowe: Yes, well, I mean, (clears throat) you know, four years ago, everyone knew the Italians were coating the insides of their legs with bolinaise, the Russians have been marinating themselves, One of the Germans, Biolek, was caught actually putting, uh, remolarde down his shorts. And the Finns were using tomato flavoured running shoes. Uh, I think there should either be unrestricted garnishing, or a single, Olympic standard mayonnaise.

Loothesom: Gavin, does it ever worry you that you're actually going to be chewed up by a bloody, grey crocodile.

Morolowe: The only thing that worries me, Jim, is being the first one down that gully.

Loothesom: Well, the way things are going here at Lughtborrow, it looks as though Britan could easily pick up a place in the first seven hundred. But nothing's predictable in this tough, harsh, highly competitive world where today's champion is tomorrow's crocodile ****. And back to you, in the studio, Norman.

[PSP_DEMOLISHER]

i love the scene from flying circus with the :popcorn:"second leg of the mens championship hide and go seek"

i also am drawn to the

"How do ya know she's a witch?"
"She turned me into a newt"
(silence)
"well i got better"

[dmsynck]

"One day lad, all this will be yours"
"What, the curtains ?"

[Hyper Tails]

Cut romeo into pieces and make him the stars

OMG

[benny bronx]

Tirpitz (to Zeppelin) "Tell me, what is the principle of these balloons?"

Zeppelin: "It's not a balloon! You stupid little thick-headed Saxon git! It's not a balloon! Balloons is for kiddy-winkies. If you want to play with balloons, get outside." (Throws Tirpitz out of the Airship).

[y6FgBn)~v]

Brave Sir Robin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZwuTo7zKM8)

[MikeTheC]

I actually have (was given as a birthday present) the two-volume set "Monty Python: All The Words".

I love the introduction to the University of Walabaloo (sp?) which goes, in part, something like...

"Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce."

"Mind if we call you Bruce, just to keep it clear?"

I won't try to do all the quotes, but how about the interview with composer Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson? Or the gameshow (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB8VZT_UsE8) where they have Mao Zedong, Lenin, Che Guevara and Karl Marx? Or (speaking of game shows) how about Blackmail, anyone remember that one?

Also, if you folks haven't seen it, you've got to watch "How To Irritate People", which stars John Cleese, Graham Chapman and Michael Palin, but also has some other semi-regulars from the Flying Circus show on it.

Actually, Monty Python now has their own "channel" on YouTube. How cool is that?

[gnomeuser]

As the proud owner of the Monty Python DVD boxset, I am going to have to go with Bruce' Philosphers Song. So hard to pick from so many favorites though.



Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram

And René Descartes was a drunken fart
I drink, therefore I am

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed


Also, this one



We use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest-quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose."

[snip]

"If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?"

[MikeTheC]

I was going to mention "Never be rude to an Arab", but felt I might get in trouble for it, never mind me actually posting a link to it (wonder if they have it up on YouTube somewhere...)

All I can say is Eric Idle is a genius when it comes to comedy song writing. Just imagine if he put his head to doing "filk". OMG...

[mips]

Cardinal Ximinez (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001589/): NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise!... Surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency! Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Hmf... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surpr... I'll come in again.