Open Letter to Ubuntu Users: Patent Infringement

[flowingfire]

Dear Ubuntu Users,

My Patent, #5322346432, directly impacts all Ubuntu users. I am writing to inform you that each user owes me back-charges that will be waived if you agree to my licensing terms.

The relevant patent covers utilizing the human diaphram muscle to draw air into your trachea and ultimately into your lungs through cavities in your cranial region. This is including, but not limited to, the oral cavity and the nasal cavity. If the purpose of this method of drawing in surrounding gases is to utilize the oxygen contained in therein, you are subject to my patent.

While the patent doesn't specifically cover instances where people are unconscious and unable to perform this method independently, other patents I hold leave you open to possible litigation-- it's best to be safe and continue with the licensing terms under these circumstances.

Please also note that tracheotomies where a the neck is punctured to create a cavity is still a cavity in the "region" of the cranium. Before performing this operation in an emergency situation, please take heed of the special licensing requirements associated with creating new cavities. If you're unsure if this will be necessary for you, it is best to upgrade to our "Ultimate" licensing package that includes this possible eventuality.

Licensing rates are reasonable on an individual basis, but if you would like to be sure you are utilizing air legitimately, please switch your citizenship to the nation of North Korea, whose oxygen-converting inhalation activities will not be litigated. Further, as a part of the agreement, I will be marketing North Korean goods and services.

Failure to comply will eventually result in litigation. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-David

----------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum 1: RESPONSE TO QUESTIONS- 10:58 am

First, I would like to address the issue of other species. Genetic code all generally comes from the same original source. Thus, the genetic code used to facilitate the process of oxygen absorption in fish or frogs is an unauthorized use of my patent.

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins, then they are exempt from the patent. But clearly, this is not the case and I am due proper compensation for this intellectual property.

Thus, the fish who posted is not exempt. Many, many lines of code are similar and in question. The skin-breathing frog is likely not exempt either, but that matter may be taken up with an investigation board.

As for the smoking question, yes there are discounts for smokers as less oxygen is absorbed in individual breaths. Asthmatics can have similar licensing discounts. However, these users must be "Home Premium" users to qualify.

[DR_K13]

:confused: K. :confused:

[PartisanEntity]

Hehe I like it, a play on the recent MS patent claims I take it :)

[lakersforce]

You are right. I am sorry. I will pay you all back-charges I owe you from the moment I was born, and immediatly stop breathing :D

Brilliant post :KS

[dca]

rats, I wish I posted something like that...

[saulgoode]

Are smokers eligible for license fee discounts?

[scrooge_74]

Breathing through the skin as frogs is covered by the patent? is it legal if I do it this way?

[badactress]

I was considering patenting the colour Brown... Mark Shuttleworth would owe me millions! :)

[briealeida]

What are your licensing requirements?
I don't want this to go to court. lol.

[brim4brim]

I was considering patenting the colour Brown... Mark Shuttleworth would owe me millions! :)

We both know you can't patent brown. It has to be something that isn't obvious like the use of brown in a user interface. Nobodies every thought of that before!

Damn hippies, breaching patent law without a care in the world.

[Dragonbite]

Dear Ubuntu Users,

My Patent, #5322346432, directly impacts all Ubuntu users. I am writing to inform you that each user owes me back-charges that will be waived if you agree to my licensing terms.

The relevant patent covers utilizing the human diaphram muscle to draw air into your trachea and ultimately into your lungs through cavities in your cranial region. This is including, but not limited to, the oral cavity and the nasal cavity. If the purpose of this method of drawing in surrounding gases is to utilize the oxygen contained in therein, you are subject to my patent.

...

Failure to comply will eventually result in litigation. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-DavidGood thing I'm a fish.




:lolflag:

[flowingfire]

Thank you all for your questions.

First, I would like to address the issue of other species. Genetic code all generally comes from the same original source. Thus, the genetic code used to facilitate the process of oxygen absorption in fish or frogs is an unauthorized use of my patent.

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins, then they are exempt from the patent. But clearly, this is not the case and I am due proper compensation for this intellectual property.

Thus, the fish who posted is not exempt. Many, many lines of code are similar and in question. The skin-breathing frog is likely not exempt either, but that matter may be taken up with an investigation board.

-----
As for the smoking question, yes there are discounts for smokers as less oxygen is absorbed in individual breaths. Asthmatics can have similar licensing discounts. However, these users must be "Home Premium" users to qualify.

(I will be amending my original post to include these answers.)

[steven8]

I just KNEW this was going to happen some day. :( I am a 41 yr old non-smoker. How much do I owe?

[matthinckley]

Thank you all for your questions.

First, I would like to address the issue of other species. Genetic code all generally comes from the same original source. Thus, the genetic code used to facilitate the process of oxygen absorption in fish or frogs is an unauthorized use of my patent.

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins, then they are exempt from the patent. But clearly, this is not the case and I am due proper compensation for this intellectual property.

Thus, the fish who posted is not exempt. Many, many lines of code are similar and in question. The skin-breathing frog is likely not exempt either, but that matter may be taken up with an investigation board.

-----
As for the smoking question, yes there are discounts for smokers as less oxygen is absorbed in individual breaths. Asthmatics can have similar licensing discounts. However, these users must be "Home Premium" users to qualify.

(I will be amending my original post to include these answers.)
Well my patent covers the expulsion of air through the anus.. so I guess I could grant you an exemption on my patent if you would do the same for me.. To everyone else: you better hold it! or you'll have to pay!

[fjevader]

Not bad wish I had thought to patent it first.

[in_flu_ence]

I have already been sold to the Ubuntu community. Nothing left to pay your patent. Maybe you try other Linux community and get them sold here as well:P

How about a counter to MS windows? your patent might be valid to their OS .. haha

Try Mac as well.

[smoker]

would a lung transplant mean i would have to purchase a new licence?

[Sunnz]

Oh, but we were only testing it, and that the idea described in your patent was “never advertised to the public in any way”.

The method has been removed from our Web server.

No Web links were ever provided to the idea.
The idea was never assigned a domain name.
The idea was never advertised to the public in any way.
The idea used was a proof of concept awaiting approval to move into production.
The idea was only ever used for testing purposes.

Should we have decided to make the move to production, then we would have paid for your patent that would have authorise us to run a version of the the breathing method.

If you are confused please visit: http://torrentfreak.com/mpaa-we-were-only-testing-forest-blog/

[moffatt666]

Best Microsoft patent case parody. Ever.

[earobinson]

lol that was great!

[karellen]

brilliant :lolflag:
how much do I owe you? :D

[scrooge_74]

Oh, well I will have to change to photosyntesis then since it is cover under the GPL

[flowingfire]

Yeah, you could switch to photosynthesis. Sure. But the hardware support is really limited. You only really can operate leaves and stems and stuff. Maybe flowers if you're lucky.

The end-user experience is much better with oxygen-conversion. You can run circles around those photosynthesis species-- literally.

Plus, photosynthesis is certainly not dominant-species ready yet!

For a truly interactive production environment you need my patents. Or else you'll just be standing in one place for a long time waiting to evolve some better support.

[rajeev1204]

Are smokers eligible for license fee discounts?

LOL

[ghostboy]

Thats pretty funny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!:lol:

[PersistentLurker]

When I started reading, I was seriously scared. I thought the patent threat had really come to fruition.

That was a grand gag!

[use a name]

Am I glad I'm a plant.

To all who use the air I produce: please check if the air you use is legal. An implementation as brought to you by the OP may assist in using only legal air.

[matthinckley]

Am I glad I'm a plant.

To all who use the air I produce: please check if the air you use is legal. An implementation as brought to you by the OP may assist in using only legal air.

well you should definitely look into ways to halt the OP's actions or perhaps invalidate his patent as in the event of the OP succeeding in enforcing his patent many of us air breathers may have to halt all of our air breathing activities.. in that case the production of carbon dioxide will be greatly reduced which may cause problems with your lifestyle.

[droppedd]

quick... let's start a massive prior art search! It'll be tough, I know, but we have to try!

[tszanon]

Fortunately I'm an anaerobic bacteria. No air is needed, so no patent infringement.

Good luck to you, air-breathing dominant species!!!

[WilliamKB]

According to Global Warming AIR is becoming less valuable and more dangerous. It is causing long term damage to our internal processors and creating negative effects. Because of the restricted licensing we are unable to upgrade or modify our breathing process to a more efficient user customizing method of breathing. Therefore

1) All air breathing ppl will begin suing you for injuries incurred.
2) We will then all stop breathing and you will go bankrupt.

POWER TO THE ZOMBIES!! HA!HA!HA!

[Koori23]

I was considering patenting the colour Brown... Mark Shuttleworth would owe me millions! :)

The Freight company UPS would owe you even more. EVERYTHING they have is brown.

[ruibuntu]

How bored are we to start joking with MS???


:lolflag:

[meldroc]

Sorry to break it to you, but I'm afraid your patent is invalid due to the existence of prior art. I'd be happy to take you and your legal counsel to the Natural History Museum and show you at least one billion years of prior art. I will not be paying you royalties.

:biggrin:

[detyabozhye]

First, I would like to address the issue of other species. Genetic code all generally comes from the same original source. Thus, the genetic code used to facilitate the process of oxygen absorption in fish or frogs is an unauthorized use of my patent.

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins, then they are exempt from the patent. But clearly, this is not the case and I am due proper compensation for this intellectual property.

Thus, the fish who posted is not exempt. Many, many lines of code are similar and in question. The skin-breathing frog is likely not exempt either, but that matter may be taken up with an investigation board.

Gills and lungs do in fact come from different genes on the chromosome, therefore making non-lung breathers exempt to your patent.

But, I'm patening the process of extracting oxygen through the use of gills now...

[Oki]

Dear Ubuntu Users
Remember my friend - there is a world outside US - and we DON'T have patents(thanks whomever) :) So no FUD for us:KS

[Ebuntor]

Crap, I knew it had to happen some time. Let's hope someone will form a community that offers an alternative free/open source way to breathe with a special air-GPL. :tongue:

[kspringer]

A brilliant, brilliant post!

Man, I wish I would've thought of that.

Made my day. Thanks!

k

[SeanWuzHere]

Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck. Funny! :lolflag:

[Rhox]

This is stupid. You completely misunderstood their claims. They are not claiming that Linux is violating a unpatentable patent. You guys are disgusting hypocrites. Also, patents have 7 non-comma characters not 10.

[Ebuntor]

You guys are disgusting hypocrites.

No need to call me and the rest of the posters "disgusting" even if we would be so called hypocrites.

[Rhox]

No need to call me and the rest of the posters "disgusting" even if we would be so called hypocrites.

I'm just conveying my thoughts.

[ComplexNumber]

Rhox
tone it down slightly ;).

MS is citing a report where the report says the opposite of what ballmer is claiming. they are hinting that linux infringes on patents. you can read more here (http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1759,1729908,00.asp).
note: its actually a really old issue that ballmer is bringing up. possible because MS feel thretened and because things aren't looking too good for MS in any areas where they are active.

[99bluefoxx]

LMOA!!!!
but if he's patented breathing then i am patenting those "other" bodily functions
you know which ones I'm talking about^-^

[jimbo2150]

I have a patent on "viewing or eitherwise seeing a computer monitor" which means all of you (including, but not limited to, William Gates, Steven Ballmer, and Steve Jobs) owe me almost as much as you owe him. :) :lolflag:

[Bronto]

Sir,

It has come to my attention that you have made an unauthorized use of a breathing mechanism which is obviously a derivate of my copyrighted work, "Membrane Gas Exchange for Unicellular Organisms" (the "Work") which I released under GPL on May 15, 1.2 billion years ago.

I demand that you immediately cease the use and distribution of all infringing works derived from the Work, and all copies, including electronic copies, of same, that you deliver to me, if applicable, all unused, undistributed copies of same, or destroy such copies immediately and that you desist from this or any other infringement of my rights in the future. If I have not received an affirmative response from you by tomorrow indicating that you have fully complied with these requirements, I shall take further action against you.

[Sunnz]

Bronto, it is unfortunate that copyright expires in 70/100 years... depends on your location but it is very likely that your work is now in public domain!!

[Bronto]

Damn' !
I knew this whole "Extintion Event" will end up screwing something up...

[sandman55]

I'm holding my breath I refuse to pay http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/bevelheadgrl/thud.gif

[alienseer23]

Brilliant.

[Dragonbite]

I also claim exemption under the following reason (emphais added by me)

Dear Ubuntu Users,

My Patent, #5322346432, directly impacts all Ubuntu users. I am writing to inform you that each user owes me back-charges that will be waived if you agree to my licensing terms.

The relevant patent covers utilizing the human

(a fish is not a human, no matter how much he/she drinks)
diaphram muscle

(so I would be exempt if I have the offending muscle removed!)
to draw air into your trachea

(it is not used to draw air, it is used to draw water, it can be proven that water is the desired item by allowing a fish to access the air directly and see whether or not it can continue a normal, full life span )
and ultimately into your lungs through cavities in your cranial region

(except during cranial-rectal-insertions, otherwise I will have to report some co-workers!)
. This is including, but not limited to, the oral cavity and the nasal cavity. ...

----------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum 1: RESPONSE TO QUESTIONS- 10:58 am
...

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins

(how about we take 100 lawyers, hold their "cranial region" under water for about a couple hours and if any of them derive air through their cranial region and trachea the courts will agree in the similarity of the oxygen-absorption process between fish and homo-sapiens, if they don't then we'll call it a wash ... you supply the lawyers, I'll supply the water )
, then they are exempt from the patent.

:popcorn:

[lepz]

It's not only microsoft that has the patents bug (http://www.freepatentsonline.com/crazy.html) :lolflag:

[gnomeuser]

Over my cold dead body :)

[Extreme Coder]

"Dear Living organisms,
We would like to inform you that every thing on this planet with atleast one living cell, has infringed on a patent covered by me.
My patent cover any thing with atleast one living cell, which performs the act of living.
And viruses are not exempt from this patent.

License rates are available at the cost of $1,000,000 per nanosecond. And every nanosecond you take to buy a license costs $3,000,000

Failure to comply will eventually result in immediate death. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-Ahmad"

[autoexec]

you seem to be taking the angle that its the dna code that makes us all liable
usa != whole world... :P
not everywhere has software patents

[strixy]

You are right. I am sorry. I will pay you all back-charges I owe you from the moment I was born, and immediately stop breathing

What if I do that in the reverse order? :)

[Somenoob]

lol, good post.

[use a name]

"Dear Living organisms,
We would like to inform you that every thing on this planet with atleast one living cell, has infringed on a patent covered by me.
My patent cover any thing with atleast one living cell, which performs the act of living.
And viruses are not exempt from this patent.

License rates are available at the cost of $1,000,000 per nanosecond. And every nanosecond you take to buy a license costs $3,000,000

Failure to comply will eventually result in immediate death. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-Ahmad"

I'm no expert, but wouldn 't that cause inflation?

[Jhongy]

I claim prior art!

[Schalken]

This might be the slightest bit funny if you were the actual inventor of aerobic respiration.

All of Microsoft's patents are on things they did in fact invent.

[detyabozhye]

post deleted

[deepwave]

This might be the slightest bit funny if you were the actual inventor of aerobic respiration.

All of Microsoft's patents are on things they did in fact invent.


Its not who invents, but who first patents. Unfortunately the OP did not bother mentioning when the patent was applied for and under which patent board (I did not know Centauri patent law applied to Earth too... hmm...). So I claim prior art, as did a previous poster.

*shouts off-screen* Hey will you guys hurry up uploading me into that robot shell?

[el_baby]

MMhhhh I came 3 days late to this thread, and now I owe you three more days of infringing your patent... I'm sorry,

I'm 42, non-smoker, would you please tell me how much I owe you?

Just in case, I'll immediately stop using your patented art and ggggggggggggggg......... :-&

[Goliath!]

Go ahead and sue me. I'm continuing to breathe - see if you can stop me and the billions of other breathers!!

:D

[detyabozhye]

Well, I doubt he'd try after reading ur screen name...

[Goliath!]

Unless his name is David :)


Well, I doubt he'd try after reading ur screen name...

[detyabozhye]

...Failure to comply will eventually result in litigation. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-David

----------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum 1: RESPONSE TO QUESTIONS- 10:58 am...

Well, what do u know, his name is David. Better watch out...

[EdThaSlayer]

Oh god, lol. Hahahahaha!!! Nice one, it made my day. :D
*holds breath*

[phatty420]

I couldn't find air on nasdaq, or any other market, how am I supposed to know what the current rate for air is? Also do the backcharges apply to the value of air at the time of consumption, or are all backcharges valued at the current market value? how do we figure in the value of air when mixed with smoke (tobacco/other)? Is the air charged at cubic-centimeters of complete lung compacity, or the actual amount of oxygen consumed? Who is responsible for the air my dog consumes? What if he was given to me as a present? What if the ownership of the dog was by multiple individuals (like say family pet)?

Please clarify so i can take care of these back charges immediatley. I have sent bill gates a check for using a computer without microsoft windows installed, so I will send you a check also, for unauthorized breathing.

[BLTicklemonster]

Dear Ubuntu Users,

My Patent, #5322346432, directly impacts all Ubuntu users. I am writing to inform you that each user owes me back-charges that will be waived if you agree to my licensing terms.

The relevant patent covers utilizing the human diaphram muscle to draw air into your trachea and ultimately into your lungs through cavities in your cranial region. This is including, but not limited to, the oral cavity and the nasal cavity. If the purpose of this method of drawing in surrounding gases is to utilize the oxygen contained in therein, you are subject to my patent.

While the patent doesn't specifically cover instances where people are unconscious and unable to perform this method independently, other patents I hold leave you open to possible litigation-- it's best to be safe and continue with the licensing terms under these circumstances.

Please also note that tracheotomies where a the neck is punctured to create a cavity is still a cavity in the "region" of the cranium. Before performing this operation in an emergency situation, please take heed of the special licensing requirements associated with creating new cavities. If you're unsure if this will be necessary for you, it is best to upgrade to our "Ultimate" licensing package that includes this possible eventuality.

Licensing rates are reasonable on an individual basis, but if you would like to be sure you are utilizing air legitimately, please switch your citizenship to the nation of North Korea, whose oxygen-converting inhalation activities will not be litigated. Further, as a part of the agreement, I will be marketing North Korean goods and services.

Failure to comply will eventually result in litigation. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-David

----------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum 1: RESPONSE TO QUESTIONS- 10:58 am

First, I would like to address the issue of other species. Genetic code all generally comes from the same original source. Thus, the genetic code used to facilitate the process of oxygen absorption in fish or frogs is an unauthorized use of my patent.

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins, then they are exempt from the patent. But clearly, this is not the case and I am due proper compensation for this intellectual property.

Thus, the fish who posted is not exempt. Many, many lines of code are similar and in question. The skin-breathing frog is likely not exempt either, but that matter may be taken up with an investigation board.

As for the smoking question, yes there are discounts for smokers as less oxygen is absorbed in individual breaths. Asthmatics can have similar licensing discounts. However, these users must be "Home Premium" users to qualify.

This *sucks.

*(copyrighted)



:lolflag: