Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn

[matthew]

I felt the need for a little levity. I'm trying to get a grasp of this stuff a little early (I'm 36). Some of these are insightful (I particularly like #12 & 13).

from: http://www.scribd.com/doc/3716/ebookebook-16-things-it-takes-most-of-us-50-years-to-learn


Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 years to learn:

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your true friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

[karellen]

17. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
18. I can resist anything but temptation.
19. Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
20. America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
21. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
22. Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.
23. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.
24. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
25. Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
26. If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
27. Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
28. The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.
29. The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
30. Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
31. The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
32. Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
33. Is there life before death?
34. In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.

[tkjacobsen]

35. The remote control allways places itself 5 inches out of reach.
36. The later you get home from work the more empty the fridge is.
37. Girls really do like flowers!!!
38. A warm beer does not taste good -- never

[Nikron]

I
4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.


Huh, I know I'm a below average driver.

[Bartender]

"No good deed goes unpunished."

When I first heard that saying, in my late 20's, I dismissed it as nonsense.

I'm 50 now, and know it to be true.

[Zuuswa]

38. A warm beer does not taste good -- never
Nonsense. I've had plenty of good warm beers - although I will say that for every beer that tastes good warm, there are 50 that taste bad warm.

[KiwiNZ]

From my experience of late it took me along to to learn ..

Being in pain means you are alive so Pain can be your driving force.
Pain only limits you if you let it .

And another , every journey starts with a one step, it may be your hardest step, but when taken the rest get easier and easier. Never fear to take that first step.

[%hMa@?b<C]

We observe DST so that we have a longer overlap with London's stock market.

[dbbolton]

38. A warm beer does not taste good -- never
i diasagree wholeheartedly. but, to each his own.

[euler_fan]

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

Indeed there is! And it can be a very blurry line at that! :lolflag:

[Scarlett]

39. Everything takes longer, costs more, and is more trouble than you think it will be.
40. That which does not kill you makes you stronger. (Am I dead yet?)
41. If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullsh*t.
42. If at first you don't succeed, don't take up skydiving.
43. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes going 65mph down the highway.
44. Life is rough. Buy a helmet.
45. Face down, 9-edge first.

[prizrak]

There is actually a real answer to #2 (DST). This was put forth by comrad Stalin back when he was in charge and alive.
"DST is a way to make citizens obey what government says without question".
Same goes for wearing seatbelts, there is no compelling reason for it to be a law.

[fuscia]

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

so true. being nice to janitors, aside from being the right thing to do, is just good personal policy. you never know when you're going to need them. many moons ago, i was a fill in supervisor at a large college library. we had a power outtage and had to shut down the building (i had to run this shutdown in front of the admin. who already thought i was a 'bad element'). the janitors, who were by this time all friends of mine, enthusiastically worked to help me get everything closed up, making me look like the king of spit mountain. if you show people a little kindness, it's amazing what they'll do for you when you need them. oh, and nobody ever peed in my soup, either.