Girl Troubles IRL... -.-

[soloman469]

Ok so I have no idea whether this was the right place to post this topic but it said 'lighthearted and enjoyable discussions' and so I needed to get this out of my system.

Ok so first of all, I've liked this girl for 3-4 months now and so I didn't know if she liked me back. I finally found out and when I did I found that she used to like me, but moved on to liking one of my good friends. At first when I told him that she liked him, he was like "I know but i don't like her back", then, a couple of weeks later, I find that he had been practically forced into liking her by one of HER FRIENDS and now they are dating. I'm not ticked, i'm actually really happy for them, but whenever I try to move on, something always keeps preventing me.

Can anyone help me at all cause I seem to be on the point of emotional collapse right now. I have been told many things, form moving on to giving it some time. I have no idea what to do next.

[Annadin]

You know something along the lines of this happened to me last year, as a curious question do u happen to be me from the past? Or have i found another human that shares my luck in irony and bad timing?

[montag dp]

In my opinion, the best things you can do are as follows:

1) Stop thinking about her and realize there are plenty of other girls out there. 3-4 months may seem like a long time to invest emotionally, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not. Move on to other people, do other things to keep busy, and don't let this get in the way of friendships.
2) Learn from this experience. Next time you like someone as much as you apparently liked this girl, ask her out. Being rejected feels a lot better than what you are experiencing now, because it brings closure, and the next time it won't be as big a deal.

[fontis]

Bro.
I'm sorry your feelings are not shared.
But bro, life is long. There are so many interesting people on this planet - you have no idea. And even if it feels really hard to deal with it today and cope with how things are you have to be strong.

The best tip I can give you is, break away from your circle. Most of the times we build up habits around what we like, which in a way reinforce the feeling we get from whatever it is we enjoy (person, smoking, food, whatever, etc). So if you want to get away from it, just break away from it.
I know it's really hard to disrupt ones habits, because we all like familiarity. It's safe. It's known. But man, go out there into the unknown. Keep an open mind to the world and when you least expect it - at the most obscure moment - you will find someone who fits you like a glove.

[mastablasta]

I know it's really hard to disrupt ones habits, because we all like familiarity. It's safe. It's known. But man, go out there into the unknown. Keep an open mind to the world and when you least expect it - at the most obscure moment - you will find someone who fits you like a glove.

well said.

for men especially, the problem is actually not there.

i solved my problem by realising:
1. for some reason i found there are plenty of "soulmates" out there. plenty of girls i am "compatible" with.
2. there are almost 2 women for each man. so i should just relax as eventually i will find a still single soulmate that would like me back.

so i was burden free and suddenly they came like bees to honey :-) and they still do. that bothers me more than my wife it seems. since i don't have time for them and my decision about my soulmate was made.

[mips]

Learn from this experience. Next time you like someone as much as you apparently liked this girl, ask her out. Being rejected feels a lot better than what you are experiencing now, because it brings closure, and the next time it won't be as big a deal.

This ^^

[Grenage]

If you live in fear of rejection or failure, you'll never get anywhere.

You're obviously very young; just think about things this way, 'what's the worst that can happen'. ;)

[Paqman]

I seem to be on the point of emotional collapse right now.

You'll get through it, don't worry. Try doing something that makes you focus on things outside of yourself.

[CharlesA]

If you live in fear of rejection or failure, you'll never get anywhere.

You're obviously very young; just think about things this way, 'what's the worst that can happen'. ;)

This.


You'll get through it, don't worry. Try doing something that makes you focus on things outside of yourself.

And that.

I've been it situations where feelings aren't mutual. Never a fun place to be, but all you can do it move on.

I remember seeing this article on Facebook, it's a good read:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-to-forget-her/

:)

[Moose]

Just listen to some music to take your mind off of it. Not those soft sad songs though. Listen to some heavy metal. Always works for me. ;)

[greatsirkain]

Girl trouble and you post in a linux forum? :P

Got my heart broken 3 years ago, still think about her all the time, still hurts. It's like all loss, it doesn't get any easier but you evolve and adapt so that you can function normaly again and it doesn't destroy you inside anymore then you will eventually find someone who loves you back because if she doesn't love you back then she was never worth it to begin with.

Feel like I should leave a final thought or something

*goes to read CharlesA's 'getting over her' link*
"Unless you’re one of those types that believes in things like destiny and magical thinking, in which case none of this will be helpful."
...I'm out.
*goes to wallow while listening to leonard cohen*

[QIII]

When you are older and the hair you have left is gray, you will have forgotten her name.

But you will probably remember having brought up your girl problems on a computer geek forum.

Whether you will laugh about it or be embarrassed about it remains to be seen...

[anaconda]

2. there are almost 2 women for each man. so i should just relax as eventually i will find a still single soulmate that would like me back.


What? Where?
Men outnumber women in most places. Except with people that are really old because woman live longer..


To the OP.
It took me a long time to understand, but it is as Osho says.
Love is a positive feeling
When you love it is beneficial to you. If you love you will enjoy. Love is such a beautiful phenomenon.
You don't have to "own" or "get" the other person.

When you get older you will understand...

[lisati]

"Love" has many facets. Sometimes it's what you feel, sometimes it's what you do, and sometimes it's something else again.

Don't give up when what you feel takes a nose dive: it took me 30 years to meet and notice Mrs Lisati, and 20 years later, in spite of (because of?) encountering a number of potholes on the journey, we're still together.

[anaconda]

Girl trouble and you post in a linux forum? :P

Got my heart broken 3 years ago, still think about her all the time, still hurts. It's like all loss, it doesn't get any easier but you evolve and adapt so that you can function normaly again and it doesn't destroy you inside anymore then you will eventually find someone who loves you back because if she doesn't love you back then she was never worth it to begin with.


Its all about the point of view.
About 3 years ago I was also badly in love. She didn't like me "that" way.
But she was nice about it.
Nothing much happened, but the little niceness I got is still one of the best memories I ever got. Still get a good warm feeling and a smile on my face when I think about it. :)

Funny thing is that if I had been 10 years younger I probably wouldn't have been able to see the niceness and would only have seen the fact that she didn't like me "that" way and that I could not have her...

And LOL. Linux forums may not be the best place to ask help for girl problems. Unless they are about dealing with not getting the girl.
With hints about how to get a girl I would google David Deangelo....

[CharlesA]

"Love" has many facets. Sometimes it's what you feel, sometimes it's what you do, and sometimes it's something else again.

Don't give up when what you feel takes a nose dive: it took me 30 years to meet and notice Mrs Lisati, and 20 years later, in spite of (because of?) encountering a number of potholes on the journey, we're still together.

You pretty much nailed it.

[soloman469]

Ok so I have just one more problem. What if I somehow p.i.s.s her off (excuse my language) and she tells my good friend? Could he not be my friend anymore afterwards?

Overall though, wow guys, this was all really deep and helpful, I can already feel myself coming back together. Thank you all for your kind help, it has helped me so much. I guess a lot can happen in just two days right? ;D

And as the TF2 Spy always says: Well, now the moment has passed, BACK TO WORK! :D

[mikodo]

When you are older and the hair you have left is gray, you will have forgotten her name.

But you will probably remember having brought up your girl problems on a computer geek forum.

Whether you will laugh about it or be embarrassed about it remains to be seen...
^^ Really!

Keep it up!!! I believe you, that it is hard now. Talking about it is a huge step, which is a healthy way to dispel negative emotions and allow one to move on. That you chose, to do this on a Linux forum is priceless. You know you are a geek when ... Lol. Be thankful it wasn't a divorce with kids involved. That really bites.


Warm regards.

;p

[PJs Ronin]

Young man... stop wondering about all the 'what ifs' that may come your way; that only leads to an ulcer. Let what's in the past be in the past and get on with enjoying your life. If these friends are true friends they will stick with you no matter what. Go do something different (take a tandem parachute jump or visit an art gallery) and let time pass. Life is good, real good... go grab yourself some.

[llanitedave]

Some day you'll be saying something like this to someone who's actually right for you:

Looking back from where I stand tonight
I wouldn't change a thing about my life
Wrong turns I had to take back in those crazy years
Could not have been mistakes if they brought me here

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

I don't regret a single broken heart
That taught me what love is and what it's not
Someone must have planned our two paths would cross
I couldn't see it then but I was never lost

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

Detours, dead ends, endless explorations
You were my only destination

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you


(Karen Taylor-Good/Annette Cotter)

[coldraven]

Just do things that make you happy. Whether it is dog walking, tree climbing, swimming etc. go and enjoy yourself. People (girls) are attracted to confident, happy people. You are young, make the most of it.

[King Dude]

Ask yourself this question, "Do you think she's worth fighting for?" If you answer yes, then fight for her, but if you are unsure or say no, then move on. Women are abundant, and can be replaced in almost the same fashion as underwear.

The best way to get over a woman is to get another.

[soloman469]

Is it alright if I be friends with her? She only wants to be friends...

[King Dude]

I see, so you got friend zoned. Well, you could just be friends, but I wouldn't recommend that. The last girl I tried to "just be friends" with turned out to be a total witch who was just using me to get marijuana. It's better to just move on and find another girl, or else you'll just get hurt.

[fontis]

You can't be friends with her.
Because you want more from her. So in a way, every interaction from her side towards you will be influenced by your feelings and everything you do towards her will have an agenda.

It's just better to move on all together.
I mean, you don't need to tell her to GFTO or something but just let her fade into the pages of history :)

[3rdalbum]

Losing somebody who you liked, can really hurt. It can hurt for a long time.

For her to now be going out with your friend - every time you see your friend you'll see her (unless they break up) - that's really really tough.

You just need to keep looking, because funnily enough you will find somebody who wants you as much as you want them. I know you are thinking "Well I won't, because I'm not attractive" - well, I'm not attractive and I found another girl who I liked and now I love!

I still think about the girl who I liked the most, who didn't like me as more than a friend. Earlier this year I had a dream about her where we were together. I still wonder about what would have been. However, it's very possible that you and her didn't end off together because the guy upstairs knew it couldn't work. The girl I liked the most moved across the country and I could never have moved away from home with her, so it's better that it never happened.

[King Dude]

Losing somebody who you liked, can really hurt. It can hurt for a long time.

For her to now be going out with your friend - every time you see your friend you'll see her (unless they break up) - that's really really tough.

You just need to keep looking, because funnily enough you will find somebody who wants you as much as you want them. I know you are thinking "Well I won't, because I'm not attractive" - well, I'm not attractive and I found another girl who I liked and now I love!

I still think about the girl who I liked the most, who didn't like me as more than a friend. Earlier this year I had a dream about her where we were together. I still wonder about what would have been. However, it's very possible that you and her didn't end off together because the guy upstairs knew it couldn't work. The girl I liked the most moved across the country and I could never have moved away from home with her, so it's better that it never happened.
I say just cut her loose.

How much did you hang out with this girl before, OP? If you hardly ever did and weren't that great of friends, then she probably friend zoned you because she didn't like you. It sucks, I know, but it gives you a free ticket to be a jerk to her. Don't push her around or call her names or anything like that, but constantly put out the negative vibe when you're around her. It might seem like a cold-hearted method, but it feels good. But it's totally up to you dude, don't let anyone force you to do anything, just don't let this girl step on you.

[Roasted]

I know it's really hard to disrupt ones habits, because we all like familiarity. It's safe. It's known. But man, go out there into the unknown. Keep an open mind to the world and when you least expect it - at the most obscure moment - you will find someone who fits you like a glove.

^^^ Nailed it.

I was in a relationship for 5 years, then another for 2 years, 1 year, and another for 1 year. All of them were train wrecks in some way shape or form, but in each one I still had some degree of emotional ties to the point of feeling like we'd even get married someday. Then, out of no where, life changed. In less than 2 years time, I met a girl, married her, bought a house with her, and we are now expecting our first child in 9 weeks. Some might consider that to be a bit fast, but when you know... you know. Life has been fantastic ever since.

There will be countless more opportunities that come about, some of which may be out of left field with zero warning. Don't get hung up on something like this. The sea is big my friend.

[Bandit]

In my opinion, the best things you can do are as follows:

1) Stop thinking about her and realize there are plenty of other girls out there. 3-4 months may seem like a long time to invest emotionally, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not. Move on to other people, do other things to keep busy, and don't let this get in the way of friendships.
2) Learn from this experience. Next time you like someone as much as you apparently liked this girl, ask her out. Being rejected feels a lot better than what you are experiencing now, because it brings closure, and the next time it won't be as big a deal.

Indeed..

One other thing I can offer as advice, is to be more forward when talking to girls. Ladies like men who are man enough to show them a good time and take control. At least most.. I cant tell you how many girls I could have went out with growing up if I would just had man'd up and ask them out and not been a scared little kid. Not saying your a kid mind you, but I was at one time. Age teaches you a lot, but unfortunately it shows you mostly "woulda, shoulda, coulda's" in life.. But hey like stated above, there are many ladies on this planet. Be polite, forward and dont forget to smile when you ask them, if they say no. Mark the gal off the list and move to the next one.. ;-)

[t0p]

OP, your situation arose cos you didn't make the move fast enough. Learn from this: if you like someone, go tell her! The worst that could happen is she laughs at you and says "No way!" And that ain't really likely to happen, either your love interest will say "I like you too" or "I don't like you that way, I see you more as a friend blah blah blah."

So, make your move, tell the person in question how you feel. If she's into it, cool. If not, that's still cool, you'll meet someone else so long as you don't hide away in your bedroom crying over a photo or whatever. Everyone wants someone. And there will be cases where that someone is you! So don't ask a bunch of geeks like us how to catch a lover, just go do it! Go get 'em Tiger, as Mary Jane would say to Peter...

[rewyllys]

@OP

A long time ago (more than 50 years, ouch), my fiancée suddenly -- to me, at least -- called it off.

I still remember the initial pain. But I also remember the morning, about a week later, when I suddenly and happily realized that I was free of her!

I hope it works that way for you, and soon!:p

[3rdalbum]

Strike while the iron is hot.

Faint heart never won fair lady.

[llanitedave]

Just remember the closing verse to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights"

[eggwite]

One way to forget her ....
www.legion-recrute.com

:D

[fontis]

One way to forget her ....
www.legion-recrute.com

:D

This has to be dumbest but most original thought I've read in a while.
You sir, made my day! :D

For the record, FFL was used back in the day as a free pass at a new life. People escaped their troubled real life and got amnesty there. After they served their tour they received new identities by the French government. So.. at least you're historically correct :D :D