My story. Read it and tell me how it is.

[abnordude]

I hope I can post about this here(It is not at all related to ubuntu, except it was written in Libreoffice). :)

I wrote a story. I just wanted you to read the story and tell me how it is.

Here is the link.

http://www.wattpad.com/13671115-sandriya

Do read and tell me how it is.

(If anyone feels that this kind of questions should not be put here, then they can remove this)

[Ace.....]

Well I've just read it.

I also checked your account, to see if you were a one post wonder...... and you're not. So that changed my perspective, and as this is The Cafe: "for lighthearted and enjoyable discussions" I guess this just about fits... though hardly light hearted.

Okay, so I'll give a totally honest review, on artistic merit.

My Story
A short essay retelling the real horror of sexual abuse, merged into a 'white knight' fantasy, portraying the desperate hope for an idealised lover (that understands, and by his very presence, almost nullifies the past, but never would or could). A fantasy lover/companion that would be the best that could ever be hoped for (in the authors mind), yet existing only to be destroyed by the realities of life (in certain parts of India). Destroyed, even though the fantasy was just a fantasy.... yet still destroyed.

No hope then.

Style: Mills & Boon or Bollywood romance (eyes meet eyes, lips meet lips........ but no....... always there exists a barrier to true love).

For this style, it is well delivered.

The theme of 'unattainable love' is embedded (repetitively) in dramatical productions of the region, therefore it is part of the psyche of the population.
Definitely no Northern Grit here.
The grit is replaced by a sad tale of abuse, that in reality (for this reviewer) is overpowered by the fantasy....... probably understandably re the author, yet for an audience not accustomed to Mills & Boon romance, it fails to deliver any empathy.

The fantasy balances the abuse, and we are left with little or no impact.

My Conclusion (on artistic merit)
For an audience of programmers, and probably the developed world in general..... the story leaves no lasting impact, because of this mis-match of romance and horror.
However it was well written for the chosen style.
**********

As for a true scenario.
I can't comment, cos I've never been there.
If it was true, then hopefully for your sake, by writing it down, the process was cathartic.

Last word..... assuming you're delicate about this..... then you really need to be ready for an honest response.... if you ask for one.

:-s

[abnordude]

This post has beed edited out

@meteourrock : I will definitely read that book, to get the idea of what you are trying to say. And dont be sorry for being harsh as that is what i really wanted. As for the target audience, I actually didnt think who I was writing the story for. You can say it is for the general audience. But I was actually just trying to convey the story of Sandriya and I never thought of who the target audience will be. Yes, it was a serious effort. I know that I have to improve. I have to learn. Thank you for your honest reply too.

[abnordude]

I also started writing blogs. Here are the links to my blogs. One contains only the story that I've already posted on wattpad. But I will update it. I have my exams now so I am unable to update the blogs. Read them and iff you like it, then follow it. You can also comment in it too.

www.dialoguesandmonologues.wordpress.com

and

www.theuniverseinmyhead.wordpress.com (http://www.theuniverseinmyhead.wordpress.com)

Read both of them and tell me your honest opinion on how it is.

[Ace.....]

@ace : Well... English is my second language, and I have a few difficulties in understanding what you wrote.

hmmm.
Try reading it in the third person, like as if you weren't involved.
Sometimes when you might ask for criticism, you actually fail to absorb what has been said, because you ain't really reading it (as you would some other text).

Also, I would suggest that the short essay format, must impart the authors thoughts, but the interpretation is going to be varied to some degree, because there is simply not enough data to enable people to see the same thing....... the few sentences you've written can only stimulate one response of many.

So re-quoting passages from the essay just doesn't do anything for me (or anybody?) reading your post.

I read it, and got what I got out of it.
That's literature.

No point in telling me what I should have understood, cos in that case you should have written a factual account. ;)

[abnordude]

@ace : I know that people will give their own intepretation. Hence, i wrote in that format. But I was just giving 'my' interpretation. That was all I did. You understood the story in your own way. I understood the story in my own way. All those things that I wrote were just my interpretations of the story. I purposely provided less details to see what other interpretations might be possible. I requoted from the passages just to give my interpretation of the story (Just separating myself from my story and becoming a reader). I know urs (and others) might be different and I accept that.
:)

WOW... reading my post, I can see that I am very repititive, aren't I? :D

[abnordude]

And I edited out my interpretation. Reading it I can see why u were confused. In it, I didnt tell that it was my interpretation. Maybe that's y. I'm sorry for that. Really am.

[abnordude]

Come on. There are many views on this thread, but no one is commenting.

[abnordude]

Anyone here? Why isn't anyone commenting?

[abnordude]

Anyway, here is a link to a poem that I wrote. Please tell me what you think about the poem. Also, where and how I can improve?

http://www.wattpad.com/14161570-summer-night

[abnordude]

Bump...

[abnordude]

Anyone please... Why isn't anyone commenting?

[sffvba[e0rt]

Perhaps this in't the best forum get the feedback you so much desire. I am sure there are several online communities better suited (and more willing) to give you feedback of this nature.


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