My toaster oven

[machiner]

It was born in the early 1950's... a big, all metal ('ceptin' the handles and giant glass panel), single-knob havin', 30 lb weighin', counter space eating, how would you like your food cooked up SIR?!... kind of toaster oven.

It was a Broil King Infra-red bake-n-broil.

If operating systems were toaster ovens, Linux would be the Broil King.
Windows is the piece of Wonder Bread on the rock in the sun.

The big Broil King passed yesterday, in a whisp of smoke and a pretty arch of blue lightning. A fitting sendoff.

When everything I owned fit into my 1974 Cadillac Sedan De'Ville, I had this toaster oven. When I got married my wife had a toaster oven. We had kids and they know of its history and wax all Hemmingway, pondering the romance and utility of it.


I gotta stop.

[TravisNewman]

machiner, I think you easily win the award for most random topic starter.

But that's really awesome that it lasted that long. Seriously, I remember using my grandmother's appliances (she REALLY took great care of them) and they just seemed to work better back in the day.

[kassetra]

machiner, I think you easily win the award for most random topic starter.

But that's really awesome that it lasted that long. Seriously, I remember using my grandmother's appliances (she REALLY took great care of them) and they just seemed to work better back in the day.

gotta love a machiner thread. :)

About items designed now versus designed "way back when" ... two words: *DESIGNED OBSOLESCENCE*
It's the first you learn when you are becoming a user interface designer / engineer.
For example, your washer has a 5 year life span if you buy it this year. As the designer / engineer, you design the washer to die in five years, so that consumers will purchase a new one in five years, and keep you in a job. It's the rule in consumer products.

[TravisNewman]

That REALLY sucks though. I think it's quite unethical, unless they're up front that it's going to die in 5 years.

[machiner]

How did this thread become about planned obselescence?

My toaster oven is GONE people!

Actually, this old beast is fixable. The switch is no longer good - which boggles me because it's only some metal flaps arranged on a column seperated by small ceramic discs...see the pics.

http://www.madcarters.com/beast.jpg
http://www.madcarters.com/guts.jpg
http://www.madcarters.com/switch.jpg


I looked, feeling like a betraying bastardo, at new ones last night...online. All I can think of is that Prince song that sin-head sang...
"nothing compares to you"


So I either fashion (buy, beg, borrow, steal, make) a new switch, or we go without a toaster oven.

For - ev - errrrrrrrrr.

Thanks for caring.

[gw90se]

Have you tried eBay? Hey, if you can buy a single breast implant, you should be able to find a switch.

[landotter]

I say put a mini ITX board in it and run linux on the toaster oven.

[machiner]

I saw a car commercial yesterday asking if your car "can do this"

The car was a transformer with some kickin' dance moves...I can build that.

I think I like landotter's idea...put a board in it with embedded linux, add a screen and a net connection with a mysql database allowing me to fetch recipes and allow the OS to read the data and spit out a shopping list, and set itself up to cook the recipe.

Now THAT'S progress.

Maybe even voice recognition with some peripherals to control the kitchen.,....YEAH, BABY!!! Now we're talkin.

Build it into a rack...better yet, I'll have my kids do it.

Cool project - they're only (gonna be) 7 and (just about) 4 but I think with a little guidance and the proper motivation .. I've got a rack, er, ummm..exercise device downstairs...and I'm pretty savy in the ways of persuasion.

RIGHT!!! This could work.

My toaster oven is dead, long live the Kitchen Beast!

[bored2k]

I say put a mini ITX board in it and run linux on the toaster oven.

lmao

[BWF89]

My family used to have a nice chrome toaster from the 80's. But it broke and we had to get one of these new plastic pieces of junk.

[Dylanby]

I say put a mini ITX board in it and run linux on the toaster oven.

No, no, no!
Everyone knows NetBSD is for toasters & Linux is for Dead Badgers (http://www.strangehorizons.com/2004/20040405/badger.shtml)

[kassetra]

That REALLY sucks though. I think it's quite unethical, unless they're up front that it's going to die in 5 years.

Consumer Reports does a pretty good job of nailing the really bad ones (say, the washers meant to die in three years) ... but unfortunately, when you have an entire industry based upon consumers AND you have the money and the money invested, you can get away with not telling the consumers everything...

<industry sarcasm here>
Here here! Look at this SHINY new thing! Isn't it SHINY?! Nooooo don't look at the fact that we have a newer shinier one in the works for you to buy next year... Hey! Someone make some rules that says they can't know how we do things!
</end industry sarcasm>

Consumer-Level, and to some extent Professional-Level Desktop/Networked Printers and printer cartridges are the absolute worst example of "throw away" engineering. Got a paper jam? Yeah, just toss the printer away.

[kassetra]

How did this thread become about planned obselescence?

My toaster oven is GONE people!

It's gone and "nothing compares 2 U" ... is exactly "planned obsolescence" ... :(
If they still built toasters like that one, you probably wouldn't love it / miss it so much.

Can you imagine going into a store and purchasing a regular consumer-level product that was not made of plastic (cheap or otherwise) and knowing that it would most likely outlive you?

That's why that toaster is so awesome and why you have to get it fixed and not purchase a new, much cheaper quality one. heh.

(To be fair to the engineers, it's really not their fault that so much crap is shoved out to the consumers anymore, they would kill to design toasters like that one again, but they're not allowed to, for money, time, ROI, etc. reasons)

[kassetra]

I say put a mini ITX board in it and run linux on the toaster oven.

Yeah, but then Microsoft would try to make the bread refuse to toast in the toaster. ;)

[kassetra]

My family used to have a nice chrome toaster from the 80's. But it broke and we had to get one of these new plastic pieces of junk.

I *feel* your pain. Ask me about my (3rd) microwave versus the 3,000 pound radar-ranger that my friend has... I'd kill to have her radar-ranger! (It's from the 60's or 70's...)

[kassetra]

Now THAT'S progress.

Maybe even voice recognition with some peripherals to control the kitchen.,....YEAH, BABY!!! Now we're talkin.

All I want is for my fridge to tell my cell phone when I'm out of milk!

Ok, and for the oven to tell me when I'm about to do some "smoke alarm cooking" ... as in, if the smoke detector goes off... it's done...

Yeah, I'd really like to know before the fire department gets called to my house, so I have coffee ready for them, y'know.

[landotter]

I *feel* your pain. Ask me about my (3rd) microwave versus the 3,000 pound radar-ranger that my friend has... I'd kill to have her radar-ranger! (It's from the 60's or 70's...)
Perhaps you can get the radar range to kill you, or at least make you sterile. Those old suckers leak. Standing near them with the range at groin level is an activity that I don't recommend. :lol:

[machiner]

kassetra tells us:
"Yeah, I'd really like to know before the fire department gets called to my house, so I have coffee ready for them, y'know."

That's community and technology working together for the benefit of all.

You can visit my posts anytime. In fact, why don't you swing that over here - one time.

But what's really funny is Microsoft's refusal to allow the bread to toast. This thread was meant to be funny - but that statement resonates with true gloom & doom.

*******************

The other appliances are beginning to woo me. They just don't get it.

[kassetra]

Perhaps you can get the radar range to kill you, or at least make you sterile. Those old suckers leak. Standing near them with the range at groin level is an activity that I don't recommend. :lol:

Nah! I wear my tinfoil hats! :) And sterile... That might be better than birth control pills... ;)

[kassetra]

kassetra tells us:
But what's really funny is Microsoft's refusal to allow the bread to toast. This thread was meant to be funny - but that statement resonates with true gloom & doom.

*******************

The other appliances are beginning to woo me. They just don't get it.

I just think that firefighters that come out to my house once or twice a week because of a kitchen fire should have coffee, y'know. heh.

y'see, that's why we're here... We WANT our toasters to toast bread! And no patent will stop me!

Don't give in to appliance wooing!

[machiner]

The other appliances say - "hey - that old toaster oven is dead, man. Gone. You have to forget about it and move on. You must cook with one of us, now. Choose!"

And let the wooing begin.

They taunt me with their efficiency and streamlined plastica. Each one may have moments of promise, but they melt away slowly, in their lacking.

SO - this is an Ubuntu Linux forum -- and not wanting to just parade words around I have decided to turn this thread into a call to arms.

Let's see which one of you smarty-pants can rig up some hardware config to make my toaster oven into the thing of miracles.

The brains of the kitchen.

I made a toaster once that buttered the toast as part of the service. Lay your favorite bread in, slide the switch - wait for it....wait. waaaaaaait. BAM - whiiish, slap, spread - boom, out popped buttered toast. The fellas were impressed.

See the pics - envision the goal. Make your mark.
http://www.madcarters.com/beast.jpg
http://www.madcarters.com/guts.jpg
http://www.madcarters.com/switch.jpg

[kassetra]

They taunt me with their efficiency and streamlined plastica.

LOL

machiner, that has to be one of the best quotes about appliances I have ever heard. You, my friend, are a geek-poet.

[poofyhairguy]

The other appliances say - "hey - that old toaster oven is dead, man. Gone. You have to forget about it and move on. You must cook with one of us, now. Choose!"

And let the wooing begin.

They taunt me with their efficiency and streamlined plastica. Each one may have moments of promise, but they melt away slowly, in their lacking.

SO - this is an Ubuntu Linux forum -- and not wanting to just parade words around I have decided to turn this thread into a call to arms.

Let's see which one of you smarty-pants can rig up some hardware config to make my toaster oven into the thing of miracles.

The brains of the kitchen.

I made a toaster once that buttered the toast as part of the service. Lay your favorite bread in, slide the switch - wait for it....wait. waaaaaaait. BAM - whiiish, slap, spread - boom, out popped buttered toast. The fellas were impressed.

See the pics - envision the goal. Make your mark.
http://www.madcarters.com/beast.jpg
http://www.madcarters.com/guts.jpg
http://www.madcarters.com/switch.jpg


I read the forum everyday. Not for "how do I play mp3s?"

Nope. I do it for stuff like this. Priceless.

[machiner]

Stop it.

[kassetra]

Stop it.

(yeah, not going to happen!)

So today, I was going to toast myself some toast when lo' and behold I caught the toaster on fire, again. While I was trying to put it out, I dropped it as well.

I now have a hunk of tin and burnt plastic shards in my trash. Stunk up the place too.

So I went looking for a new toaster today. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. While I was searching for a new toaster I remembered this post and bought myself a breathlessly expensive toaster oven instead.

All metal with a real glass window. Heh. I wonder how long before this one is in the trash too...?

[poofyhairguy]

So today, I was going to toast myself some toast when lo' and behold I caught the toaster on fire, again.

Totally matches the quote in my sig.

[kassetra]

Totally matches the quote in my sig.

Except those puppies don't melt slowly, let me tell you! They'll drip down all over your garage floor in under 2 minutes!

[poofyhairguy]

Except those puppies don't melt slowly, let me tell you! They'll drip down all over your garage floor in under 2 minutes!


SHHH. don't say cool stuff like that too loud. No reason to give cable TV any more bad ideas...


Makes me a little scared of bread. Let me eat cake tonight I guess...

[kassetra]

SHHH. don't say cool stuff like that too loud. No reason to give cable TV any more bad ideas...


Makes me a little scared of bread. Let me eat cake tonight I guess...

Sometime ask me about tea kettles. Yeah. Left the burner on for a couple of hours under the teapot.

I'm telling you. *Two Minutes*

oooh cake.

[poofyhairguy]

oooh cake.


I'll try to bring some to the big distrowatch party this year.

[TravisNewman]

Kassetra, are you ADD? Not trying to offend-- I'm ADD myself, and that sounds like something I would do, leaving things too long, and not even noticing until I smell the burning.

[kassetra]

Kassetra, are you ADD? Not trying to offend-- I'm ADD myself, and that sounds like something I would do, leaving things too long, and not even noticing until I smell the burning.

Oh heck no, because then I could take something to help with my issue! Nope, I put my headphones on sometimes...

And catch the toaster on fire...
Catch the tea kettle on fire...
....
need I go on?

[machiner]

Kassetra, dear - you must respect your appliances. Treat them with love and care for them....

I did some research and while I will never deny that appliances, nay - consumerables - are made to fail; I have learned some interesting news.

In the late 1940's a band of "earth-talkers" migrated to the US. THey took with them their culture and beliefs.

Some of them found jobs in nearby manufacturing plants. THese plants made toaster ovens.

Manufacturing used to be a lot less "sterile" - what I mean is - there were more pieces of debris and "raw earth material" that ended up in the foundries, manufacturing plants, et al. The earth-talkers have a reverence for any objects forged from earth-materials - and because of this they are "on a level of communication" with all things that were alive - at any point, on any level.

In the making of their products - like the farmers of history, and many cultures, they gave something of themselves in the making of these toaster ovens.

The old farmers (and I daresay, many current farmers) would give something of themselves when tilling the land - say an arm, or a few drops of blood....always, their sweat and heart.

So these earth-talkers know the ways of cycles and gave prayers and blood and sweat to every appliance they made....and the appliances were forged with earth energy.

Over the years the appliances they made fell into the hands of "consumers" instead of "users" and the magic died. Many toaster ovens made by this company those decades ago fell victim to dis-ease (no magic, no give-take) and were "used" by people with no respect for the process and cycle of things.

Landfills eat dead magic.

My toaster oven was fortunate to land in my posession - I am a great believer in magick the way of things. Of cycles and memories, of giving and taking.

With its quiet sharp edges it took from me. Took my sweat and blood that it might live another day. It took my looks of appreciation, and felt good about its role in my home.

I'm glad for the exchange.

As is true of many items, some wool clothing, utilities, tools, cast-iron skillets -
It is important to not clean them with chemicals. You must use only water or a natural soap. You must never wash your rag-wool sweater, you must never wash your pea-coat.

Kassetra - when your hand touches a thing you reveal magic - you cannot look to your toaster oven and expect compliance when your touch is cold and remote. Let your appliance become warm from your heart.

When you replace your loss, yo must welcome your new appliance into your home, with a warm heart. You must not ignore it or look upon it with cold eyes. You must not EXPECT - you must only hope to get back a level of longevity and hassle-free-service commensurate with your output of the same.

It is the way of things.

My 3 year old demands original and unique bad-time stories.

PS - "...but they melt away slowly, in their lacking." is metaphorical.

[kassetra]

Kassetra, dear - you must respect your appliances. Treat them with love and care for them....

Let your appliance become warm from your heart.

My 3 year old demands original and unique bad-time stories.

PS - "...but they melt away slowly, in their lacking." is metaphorical.

machiner, I love your posts. Your 3 year old must be one of the most creative children on this planet to receive "bad-time" stories such as this.

I guess I must get into my zen with my appliances; especially since I just killed my coffee maker (now I'm really happy I purchased that espresso maker)...

I promise I will try to get into my zen with my appliances.

[machiner]

It is the way of things.

[TravisNewman]

seriously, if I didn't know that you used to be a writer, I'd tell you that you should have been a writer ;) very incredible wordplay

[poofyhairguy]

Kassetra - when your hand touches a thing you reveal magic

That would explain the fires
:o



Sorry, when I read something that good I have to make a joke to handle it.

[machiner]

seriously, if I didn't know that you used to be a writer, I'd tell you that you should have been a writer ;) very incredible wordplay

Oh, yeah - smart guy say this 10 times fast:

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter pick??

..or sumfin' like that.

What's all this "should have been..." What? Am I old? Dood!

[machiner]

That would explain the fires
:o



Sorry, when I read something that good I have to make a joke to handle it.


That was pretty funny... hey - funny guy.

[machiner]

My toaster oven sits alone where it used to tirelessly and selflessly serve our family.

Our youngest, Carter - asked why I didn't go and " Daddy - just go buy a new toaster".

It wasn't a toaster, son - it was a toaster oven. It was the Broil King infra-red bake-n-broil.
Ahh, the sweet innocence of youth.

I have decided against fixing or replacing the switch. I'm still all for some hotshot to scheme a way to allow my beloved toaster oven a rebirth. But, as the old is wont to say - the appliance had a long and useful life. It has effected the lives of so many in a positive way. Just as the milk in my college fridge stayed fresh weeks after the "sell by" date, this hearty appliance saved many a meal from charcoal utopia.

It's sad to look upon it now, still and broken. The Earth-Talkers would tell me it listens still and that I should not wax sentimental lest it feel useless in its after-state.

My boy's birthday is the Spring Equinox - we will mourn the toaster oven until this time and as we celebrate the life of our boy, we shall celebrate the lives enhanced by, and the passing of: My toaster oven.

Thank you all for your thoughts.



No doubt the future will bear wondorous stories of recycling.

[bored2k]

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter pick??


Ok I just choked trying this ... I guess hispanics aren't allowed to try this $@^^#% up jokes lol .

[machiner]

**UPDATE**

Santa brought us a new "toaster". Sleek, shiny, light-as-a-feather (which I don't trust), accomodating and fast...smelley, messy and silent.

Cold.

It is the John Henry killer. I need time...

--machiner