Free presents, and are people grateful for it?...

[simpleblue]

For the past two days I helped at the Salvation Army to give free presents to those who 'supposedly' cannot afford it. Each person gets the opportunity to shop around a giant store and pick out an assortment of gifts (all of them get: stocking stuffers, family gift, children's gifts, clothing, air fresheners, hats/mitts, a family game, craft, a DVD, a book, large blanket, and food.....). These gifts would amount to about $200 Canadian, on average, likely more. And these are all up to date * NEW * brand name quality gifts; Barbies, My little ponies, Remote control cars, Tonka trucks, Lego, Duplo, LCD video games, Model cars, Harry Potter DVDs, $10 and $25 gift certificates... They are not the cheap rip-off no name stuff.


Are they grateful / unselfish?

- Almost every person asked for more then the alloted share of presents even after I repeatedly said "Only one present per child. If I gave everyone two presents we'd not have enough..."
- Parents would grab two gifts and look at them both sadly (they are acting here) hoping I will intervene and say they can have two presents
- I told a lady, "I could get in trouble if I gave you an extra present". She winked at me, touched my arm, and said, "Everybody does it. It's okay."
- Many parents picked their kids toys out and later wanted to exchange them for presents that could not possibly be for a child
- Parents saying they were pregnant and asking for baby items. I did not believe they were pregnant as they did not look it
- People seemed to be taking gifts just because they were offered, when they don't need them


After helping people pick presents for much of the day I question if most of them really need, or even deserve them.

Sorry to rant. It's been a long day.

[TriBlox6432]

People are greedy. I'm sure there are SOME people that really need this kind of project to give their kids something, and are super grateful for it, but most people are just plain greedy.

[NightwishFan]

Donating is more fun than receiving. Those that do not have limited means should have been helping.

[NMFTM]

That doesn't really surprise me at all and I've had similar experiences. I was at a customer's house helping fix a broken shower head and heard the homeowner complaining in the next room about how terrible it was that she had to actually drive to the food bank to receive her free welfare Thanksgiving turkey.

[CharlesA]

People are greedy. That is human nature.

[Superkoop]

Often times I feel like very few people actually should be going to soup kitchens and things like this. I've worked at places that feed homeless people, and when you smell weed on them and you see them with their fancy phones, iPods, handheld games, etc you wonder what the point of this is. It's like, you try helping people, and the majority of the people who take it are just taking advantage of nice people...
There are some people who need these things, but so many times I feel as if all of the money that was raised to help these people was wasted on the people who have plenty and just want a free meal so they can keep paying for their superfluous goods.
Then I begin to wonder, am I really helping these people, or am I just enabling them to keep squandering their money so that they never learn how to actually take care of themselves? Like the old saying goes, give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish and feed him for a life time.
Sometimes I think the system might be a bit dysfunctional...

[Frak]

I'm big into community service myself, and something I've learned over the years is to just let any prejudices I may have go.

I've been in the United Way and American Red Cross for some time. I've been contracted out by UW for various other organizations and I've seen the things mentioned, homeless with fancy items, parents using their children for their own good, and people gripe about the donations they would be receiving (can't be too specific, but it was giving resources to disaster victims from a tornado that hit Oklahoma, from the Red Cross).

In the end, you really have to want to volunteer in such ways. This is why I wouldn't recommend services like Americorp. VISTA to anybody except those that have volunteered for a few years already. I hope in the end that my deeds helped those individuals, and that I somehow lessened their burden. I try not to judge, because doing so would leave me miserable.

[treesurf]

I'm big into community service myself, and something I've learned over the years is to just let any prejudices I may have go.

...I hope in the end that my deeds helped those individuals, and that I somehow lessened their burden. I try not to judge, because doing so would leave me miserable.


Well said. The only way to really practice generosity is to give up on any expectations you might have about those you are giving to.

[JDShu]

Well said. The only way to really practice generosity is to give up on any expectations you might have about those you are giving to.

Succinctly put. I completely agree with the above two posters.

[phrostbyte]

Succinctly put. I completely agree with the above two posters.

I think it's a terrible philosophy. The point of charity is to improve the world, not to feel generous.

[Austin25]

Maybe it would be possible to set up a reward system for those who are grateful.

[phrostbyte]

Maybe it would be possible to set up a reward system for those who are grateful.

So whoever is the better actor gets a reward? :p

[JDShu]

I think it's a terrible philosophy. The point of charity is to improve the world, not to feel generous.

First, look deep into your heart and tell yourself truthfully that you don't feel good about yourself when you do something generous.

My point however is that you should not do an act of kindness if you expect the recipient to be graceful about it.

[Frak]

First, look deep into your heart and tell yourself truthfully that you don't feel good about yourself when you do something generous.

My point however is that you should not do an act of kindness if you expect the recipient to be graceful about it.
Exactly, for you, Phrostbyte, the reward might be to better the world, but to some of us, it gives us that warm feeling at the end of the day that we did something good for someone else, to, "lighten the load of life", if you will.

Ever serve coffee to a firefighter who just came out at 3AM to put out a fire? The smile they give you is payment enough.

[Austin25]

So whoever is the better actor gets a reward? :p

No, set it up unannounced to anybody. Have some hidden cameras focussed on a jar of candy with a sign that says, "free - take one." Appear to not watch it. Announce to everyone that there will be a sale the next day, then give a set discount to those who where uninvolved, less discount to those who took more than one, and more discount to those who saw it and took one or less.

[phrostbyte]

First, look deep into your heart and tell yourself truthfully that you don't feel good about yourself when you do something generous.

No, I do not. In fact, I'd be pretty (and rightfully) ticked off if I did something generous and others were abusing my generosity.



My point however is that you should not do an act of kindness if you expect the recipient to be graceful about it.

I guess my philosophy is different: you should do something if believe you can repair the world by doing it. When you do charity, you should constantly assess and justify your actions to ensure they have a net benefit on making the world a better place. I did not invent this philosophy, this is the essence of Tikkun Olam, an important and complex pillar of the Jewish religion.

[3rdalbum]

The church that my girlfriend and I go to, had a thing where we take a card that describes a particular person in need, and then we can go and buy a present for them and leave it under the tree at the church.

Ours said "Male, 30s" so we bought a "knockoff" cologne, disposable razers (so they don't feel like they have to buy expensive cartridges in future) and some shaving cream.

I'd like to think that the recipient was grateful for the gift, and not some guy who was going to complain that it wasn't a designer brand fragrance or an electric shaver.

[julio_cortez]

Well said. The only way to really practice generosity is to give up on any expectations you might have about those you are giving to.
Surely it's true. But when you see someone you're trying to help with all your good will taking unneeded (and not meant) advantage of your kindness, sometimes you wonder why you still do that.

I usually donate clothes, but sometimes I wonder if it's worth:
I know they're stocked in a big container near the local church (and I trust the organization that collects, stocks and re-distributes them), but when you see someone force open that container, take away the clothes then running away in a BMW, you really wonder if it's worth.

[NightwishFan]

Trust me it is always worth it to do good. Even a chance at helping someone makes it worth all the effort.