Before purchasing a chimp, consider these facts...

[Sporkman]

As we all know, there's nothing cuter than primates in diapers... But know the facts before making the leap & whipping out that credit card!

http://www.ehow.com/how_2189341_keep-chimp-as-pet.html

[Phrea]

Thank you for the info.
I was about to purchase a chimpanzee, but I think I will reconsider.

[Sporkman]

Thank you for the info.
I was about to purchase a chimpanzee, but I think I will reconsider.

Mind you - this is not to say that nobody should go out and purchase a chimpanzee this evening. For example, this highly respected internet commentator says the following:


Chimps that are kept in homes are required to wear diapers all the time. This is to ensure that they do not spoil your furniture and precious belongings. Although playing with the chimp will be an enjoyable pastime, the headache of changing diapers will soon get to your nerves. However, if you are prepared to handle all the needs of the primate, then go ahead and buy a baby chimp. Monkeys are just like humans and their average life is 50 to 60 years, so be prepared to welcome a new family member who will probably stay with you for a long time to come!

http://www.mybabiesplace.com/articles/73/1/Tips-for-People-Who-Want-to-Buy-a-Baby-Chimp/Page1.html

[tgalati4]

Diapers are kind of pricey. Does a chimp prefer cotton diapers from a service or disposables?

[cascade9]

Sometimes chimps can learn to use toilets if you let them watch and imitate you.

Ewwww! :shock: Sorry, I'm not into that.

As an aside, you can even train a cat to use a toilet, so no suprise at chimps :lolflag:

[Sporkman]

Diapers are kind of pricey. Does a chimp prefer cotton diapers from a service or disposables?

Excellent question. When it eventually learns to remove them and use them as playthings, I would venture to guess that an active chimpanzee would prefer the increased durability of cotton diapers .

[Dayofswords]

What if they begin to you know....





start to out-smart the owner. my dog has a winning streak on chess against me and beaten me every time in poker...

[Phrea]

What if they begin to you know....





start to out-smart the owner.

This is why I consider myself a warned man.

[Sporkman]

What if they begin to you know....





start to out-smart the owner. my dog has a winning streak on chess against me and beaten me every time in poker...

Indeed, chimpanzees are quite clever, and may use their wits, along with their impressive strength, to assist their owners in de-selecting neighbors, friends, or love interests which they deem to be unacceptable influences on your family unit.

[Sporkman]

(***Disclaimer for the dim-witted: This is all tongue-in-cheek of course - DO NOT KEEP PRIMATES AS PETS.

Get a dog or cat instead. And, as Bob Barker as often advised, be sure to have them spayed or neutered.)***

***The disclaimer also applies to those who do not realize that they are dim-witted, or that have been informed that they are dim-witted but have not accepted that as fact.

[Cuddles McKitten]

Your new monkey (http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:LPYmAem-o34J:www.banterist.com/ftp/Your-New-Monkey.pdf+%22your+new+monkey%22&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESiOxtCZaxIu6R3ivXV9LRKA56vYtxsFPvmqmV6C m4exEXrEXvM0gRoy2QWl8n-RMBi5vPj4u0VvB5TifZiKdKxVEIqhkexkngjCOSd5QudO8_qgY CNUd69_Fjup5T6U0jsehngl&sig=AHIEtbQ5PQAq5OQcTrQuHCQT7pg21Ncllg)

[Ebere]

Federal law prohibits the importation or re-importation of non-human primates for pets. The Center for Disease Control oversees this regulation because primates can carry dangerous diseases, such as Ebola and tuberculosis.

Sooooooo... Federal law doesn't prohibit the importation or re-importation of human primates for pets ?

As for purchasing a chimp... After reading all those warnings, boy am I glad I decided on a gorilla, instead.

[Phrea]

This thread reminds me of one of the earlier banners online, but I can't find it.

I did find the Spank The Monkey (http://www.funny-games.biz/spank-monkey.html) game. I might confuse this with some banner once online, I'm not sure.

[tgalati4]

I keep two primates in my house:

The 800-lb gorilla who sits in the corner of the room and refuses to move. (debt)

The monkey on my back who refuses to get off. (alcohol)

Like I'm really in the mood to get another primate.

[formaldehyde_spoon]

Ewwww! :shock: Sorry, I'm not into that.

...

:D Where do you draw the line? People, no. Chimps, no. Dogs? Cats? Mice? Goldfish?

[dragos240]

Primates don't work as pets. Just watch the news every once in a while to figure out why.