How do you tell someone they stink?

[swoll1980]

My step daughters boyfriend smells like BO. For some reason this doesn't seem to bother her. When this kid comes over my house I almost die from the smell. How do you go about telling someone you don't want them at your house because they smell, without hurting their feelings?

[bentrider1957]

My step daughters boyfriend smells like BO. For some reason this doesn't seem to bother her. When this kid comes over my house I almost die from the smell. How do you go about telling someone you don't want them at your house because they smell, without hurting their feelings?

I don't understand why you can't just tell him. "Say, Mike. You need to take a shower and wash your clothes or something.

I knew a guy in my old Army unit I had to fire from his position for this. I just told him too many people were complaining and he could either change his habits or lose his position and re-up.

EPIC FAIL.

[swoll1980]

I don't understand why you can't just tell him. "Say, Mike. You need to take a shower and wash your clothes or something.

I knew a guy in my old Army unit I had to fire from his position for this. I just told him too many people were complaining and he could either change his habits or lose his position and re-up.

EPIC FAIL.
Well if I was in your situation I could, but it seems a little more delicate a situation, because I don't want to scare him off. I don't think my step daughter would like that very much. It's hard enough dealing with a 16 year old girl.

[julio_cortez]

I'd just say a random sentence like "Smell, there must be something wrong with the sewers.. Don't you think?"

I know, one day or another I'll get beat for this kind of hidden offences:lolflag:

Seriously, I wouldn't know how to put it down in a serious way either..

[doas777]

there is no way to do it without hurting feelings, but if you get along with him, I would try to go the 'fatherly' route, giving him advice. if you hate him, then it's a bit easier...

[texpat]

Yep, that can be difficult. But since its your house and he is your stepdaughter's boyfriend, you may have some "authority". So tell him in a friendly fashion - no one else should be present to avoid extra shame - that his deodorant seems to be failing and that he might want to go for one of those 24-hour ones, rather than perhaps the "nice-perfume" stuff.

Depending on your relation, it may also be an idea to tell your stepdaughter to talk to him.

I find this much more difficult when its a co-worker.

Good luck.

[Excedio]

You could try this method...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtAmNArJih0

[YeOK]

Buy him some soap and deodorant, tell him to go upstairs and wash. Just make sure its you and him, no need to embarrass him in front of anyone else.

[Ebere]

I'd try instead to approach the subject as nicely as possible, with your stepdaughter.

[CharlesA]

Not a good situation to be in, unfortunately.

You'd probably be best off bringing it up in private. Not real elegant way to do that tho. :|

[madjr]

My step daughters boyfriend smells like BO. For some reason this doesn't seem to bother her. When this kid comes over my house I almost die from the smell. How do you go about telling someone you don't want them at your house because they smell, without hurting their feelings?

@swoll1980

why haven't you spoken with your step daughter about this ??

is not your job to tell him, is hers (unless she actually likes the smell...ew)

anyway in psychology you may want to go the "third person" route

like: "someone i know brought up in a conversation that he smelled a bit strange."

dont tell him he smells bad, tell him he smells weird/strange and ask him why he smells like that.

and last it could be a health issue!

[MadCookie]

Just sniff a little, then say "Gosh, what's that smell. Did my neighbour poop or something?". Say it everytime the guy is on a visit, but change the last line everytime.

He will inally get it ;)

[Crunchy the Headcrab]

I would talk to your step-daughter delicately about the issue. She should be able to handle it without hurting his feelings too badly.

[swoll1980]

@swoll1980

why haven't you spoken with your step daughter about this ??

is not your job to tell him, is hers (unless she actually likes the smell...ew)

I have. She won't tell him. She's been dating the kid since she was 12, so I guess she grew into it, or something. Anyways she's in love with him, so I guess it doesn't matter to her.

[CharlesA]

Could be that it's a medical condition that he doesn't know about.

I suppose you could always "go over his head" but um.. yeah, not a good idea thar.

[steve161]

Simple: "By the way, you stink". Of course, it should be yelled out the window of a moving car. Or else, you can either ignore it or sit down with him and tell him in the most delicate terms.

[Irihapeti]

People with that kind of problem won't get hints. If they did, they'd have changed a long time ago.

Using the third person, if possible, is a good move. I also wonder if there's something that's important to him that would be easier or more likely to happen if he improved his personal hygiene. That could increase his motivation to change, which from the sound of it isn't very high at the moment.

Ultimately, you're going to have to tell him, and he's probably not going to like you for doing it. :) Reading up on conflict resolution - practical methods, not theory - would give you some skills for dealing with this.

[jfloydb]

Man...I hope you are not talking about me. PM me if you are.

[Viva]

I don't think you should. It is bad behaviour.

[madjr]

I have. She won't tell him. She's been dating the kid since she was 12, so I guess she grew into it, or something. Anyways she's in love with him, so I guess it doesn't matter to her.

wow, now i know how cave(wo)men didnt care on each other's smelloflepoop

am adding this evidence to my social-antropology journal lol

[Irihapeti]

I sometimes wonder if "love" means "I'll put up with @#$%&% that I wouldn't tolerate from anyone else". /cynicism

[-jay-]

i would pretty much tell him dude you stink seriously your no longer aloud over until you take a shower

[t0p]

OP: You say you have already raised this with your stepdaughter but she won't tell him? Okay, so now it's time to be a little harsher. Tell her that if he doesn't do something about it, you won't let him come to your house any more. After all, it is your house, right? So you can refuse to have him there. Of course, if it isn't your house you have little right to complain.

[Ruzbeh]

I don't think you should. It is bad behaviour.
Bad behaviour doesn't pervade so thoroughly as bad smells do though...

[themarker0]

Give him the newest axe sense, lol.

[handy]

When ever you see them coming, put some Vicks VapoRup under your nose, it will have the effect of clearing your sinuses & may cause the penny to drop for the smelly one when they see you doing this.

If they happen to ask why are you doing that "have you got a cold?" you could tell them about how sensitive your olfactory sense is & that their particular body odour offends this sensitivity.

A scenario that makes it part your fault & part theirs. You could then play on that so as not to be so offensive to the smelly one who unwittingly offends you & with any luck they might think about improving their personal hygiene or throwing patchouli oil on themselves each morning (which should clear their sinuses). :)

[NightwishFan]

What kind of a thread is this. Just tell him or get over it.

[Plumtreed]

@OP

Please be careful, some mental illness manifests in this way, ie lack of personal care.

Perhaps you can just let it go, after all, it really isn't worth the hurt you might generate.

We all know the real reason why you feel this way and I wouldn't want my daughter hanging out with him either!

[swoll1980]

When ever you see them coming, put some Vicks VapoRup under your nose, it will have the effect of clearing your sinuses & may cause the penny to drop for the smelly one when they see you doing this.

If they happen to ask why are you doing that "have you got a cold?" you could tell them about how sensitive your olfactory sense is & that their particular body odour offends this sensitivity.

A scenario that makes it part your fault & part theirs. You could then play on that so as not to be so offensive to the smelly one who unwittingly offends you & with any luck they might think about improving their personal hygiene or throwing patchouli oil on themselves each morning (which should clear their sinuses). :)

I like this idea. I might go ahead, and give it a try. It does kind of split the blame, and it could lighten the moment up a bit. Maybe you were joking, but it sounds just crazy enough to work.

[swoll1980]

What kind of a thread is this. Just tell him or get over it.

I wish decisions in life were as simple as "do it or get over it" Whenever humans are evolved it tends to complicate things. You'll learn when you get older.

[Phrea]

"Sir.."

[jfloydb]

@OP

Please be careful, some mental illness manifests in this way, ie lack of personal care.

Perhaps you can just let it go, after all, it really isn't worth the hurt you might generate.

We all know the real reason why you feel this way and I wouldn't want my daughter hanging out with him either!

Man...I really hope you are not talking about me...

[sailthesea]

It's pretty simple, teenage boys usually have BO and they usually don't realise that.
Get him a gift of some heavy duty sports body wash and antiperspirant and see if he decides to use them. You don't have to say anything but the message should be loud and clear.
Failing that, don't shower for a week yourself and just sit close to him. I bet he stops coming round!;)

[chriswyatt]

Just tell him. I'm sure he'd rather hear it from you rather than from your step-daughter.

I was once a smelly teenager myself and I'd spend ages in the shower and put on deodorant, and still end up smelling of BO at the end of the day. I was a very nervous, sweaty teenager :).

I reckon there's a chance he might take more offence if you just bought him some deodorant.

[HermanAB]

Hmm, in the army we would ambush the stinkerds with firebuckets detergent and scrubbing brushes. They got the message all right after that...

[sudoer541]

pheeww at least your step daughter is not dating RMS, cuz he is the worst ewww!!!
If I was you, I would tell him that he smells.

[Phrea]

pheeww at least your step daughter is not dating RMS, cuz he is the worst ewww!!!
If I was you, I would tell him that he smells.

You smelled RMS...?

[Excedio]

I would say something. If it's bad enough that you have to ask for advise on if you should say something... Say it.

Keep in mind that I couldn't give a rats a** about a 16 year olds feels about his BO. I'm also only 26, so I can...in a way...relate to his youth.

[TheLions]

gift him with a AXE deodorant:

http://www.citysackers.com/images/AXE%20Deodorant%20Body%20Spray%20Essence.jpg

[Irihapeti]

I have just remembered a story I read many years (decades?) ago in some magazine.


A young lady went to see a doctor about some minor complaint. Her real problem, however, was serious BO of which she seemed to be blissfully unaware.

The doctor prescribed the necessary antibiotic or antihistamine tablets. He also impressed upon the young lady that, in order to be effective, these tablets had to be taken in the proper way. This was most important.

And the proper way? During a hot bath involving the use of lots of soap.

As I recall it, the story was told by the doctor.

[wilee-nilee]

I'd just say a random sentence like "Smell, there must be something wrong with the sewers.. Don't you think?"

I know, one day or another I'll get beat for this kind of hidden offences:lolflag:

Seriously, I wouldn't know how to put it down in a serious way either..

Yeah always use a passive aggressive stance that works. To the OP your problem is invalid in my opinion, wanting to ban somebody because you can't stand the smell well; just stinks, buy some incense.
There is more going on here then any odor, if you realise this then maybe it will be a learning moment.

[sudoer541]

ok, serisouly!!! I would tell him that he smells cuz you never know. He may be your future step son-in-law if they ever get married. So tell him since your step-daughter doesint tell him. and he should understand. Otherwise, you have to spray Fabreze(where available)and you have to live with it.
So again!!! tell him directly, and even if he gets mad try and be supportive (although its not your responsibility, but hey!!! your daughter loves him!!!);):p

aaaawwwww l'amour!!!:p
btw thanks for using Ubuntu-answers (formerly Yahoo answers)

[juancarlospaco]

You stink

[steve161]

Look at the bright side. He isn't sneaking into the house without your knowledge. Think of it as an invisible cowbell.

[swoll1980]

Look at the bright side. He isn't sneaking into the house without your knowledge. Think of it as an invisible cowbell.

That made me spit my beer out on the screen. :p