I am not liked in my class by a certain student for reasons beyond me

[mickbuntu]

I'm angry and this is College should not be happening in such a childish issue. First few weeks of my second semester class. I decided to sit to student [X] as the seat was empty who I was on good terms with. The other student comes [Y] and moves my seat and my bookbag somewhere else. Without asking me first or saying he like to get the seat I'm occupying. While I'm operating the camera in the broadcasting studio. He does say -- sort of say sorry when I come back. We continued to have this friction after that but it gets worse.


--- Jump to today ---

My new issue is we have classes together and I wanted to take opportunity of the new club my sub director opened for hands on he is in that class. Today on few occasions I felt mentally stabbed by this guy. I feel as if he hates my nationality or simply hates me for some reason.

Today I was standing with student [X] at the hands on center. As we were brought into the media editing room [Y] is their too. So [Y] says in front of my eyes to [X] as to get me to envy that hey, [X] do you want me to buy lunch for you? It's on me as i'll pay for it. Than [X] says no so he leaves. Anyway, when we were supposed to leave at the end of the day [Y] gives a handshake to some other student again in front of my eyes. Than as we move around the narrow hallway. [Y] makes it look like he is trying not to see me as we meet face to face as the hallway is short.



I feel hated so i dropped out from the extra hands on maybe s-upid I know; I figured it will only get worse between me and him (him doing the hating if i understood it correctly). But I could not tolerate feeling hated. I felt like it was discrimination but between White students although he really is a white Hispanic. Between the moving of my chair, the body language, and ignorance on occasions. I felt so raging mad that is why my sentences are still not cognitively coherent as i can write much better when not upset. I feel angry, but bottled up angry as really nothing much I can do. I feel like the bottle cap is closed but inside it is like a bottle with full gas. I don't know why I posted perhaps i wanted to be heard. I was going to call [X] just to talk to him that i'm not ggoing to come and just talk with him for a few minutes. But I decided not to made matters worse. I may be imagining this whole thing up but I don't think so as first moving desk than doing all these nonsenses.

* Am I dreaming this up and misunderstanding? Or, the desk moving plus what has happened and all means Bias? Be it on my ethnicity, character or something else.

[aklo]

Don't even bother about him. If he don't want to be friends, so be it.

If i were you, i won't even attempt to ask him why or try to be nice. Just continue with your own stuff with your other friends and act as if he weren't there.

If he turns nasty just fk him back. Not really talking about fighting here...just return him some sarcastic remark.

[steve161]

Welcome to reality. Just don' t let it become your reality. If you are going to play the game with him, make sure it is not on his court. God, I'm being obtuse tonight.

My friend Bob said:
While one who sings with his tongue on fire
Gargles in the rat race choir
Bent out of shape from society's pliers
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole
That he's in.

[Brandel Valico]

I felt like it was discrimination but between White students although he really is a white Hispanic.

This sort of thinking would make me dislike you. If it is what it seems to be. (I'm hoping I misunderstand it) It seems like you are saying it seems like your being racially discriminated against by another "White" student. who is really a "White Hispanic".

Note the Stressing I added. Reading it this way makes it seem like your hoping to twist the views of the reader by suggesting racism. ( I do realize this may not be your intent. But the fact you denote he is "White Hispanic" instead of simply saying person "Y" does suggest your use of the Race Card)

I normally refuse to denote anything but Human when asked Race. Using Ancestry,Skin Tone,or the other differences we humans have to denote Race isn't logical. We are all simply humans.

I bring all this up not to make it seem like your falsely yelling discrimination (Though I have seen a great many people on all sides do so to justify their own views) but to make sure that your not doing so.

Okay first thing first.

is Student X of the opposite sex then you and Y? as this may be cleared up quickly if so.

Second

Assuming you didn't give the first offense in Y's mind (Odds are Y feels you did) Then I suggest you do the same as Akio suggested ignore Y as much as you can. (You may simply ask directly whats going on)

[AllRadioisDead]

This is cute.

[Kdar]

I have such thing happen before me too. People would leave bags and other junk on my table because they wanted to keep that sit for their friend. At that time I was a bit polite, was thinking maybe someone else forgot to take their bag.

But now I don't care. If I need the sit (my or not mine), and if it is convenient for ME to sit there. I just take it.

[swoll1980]

This sort of thinking would make me dislike you. If it is what it seems to be. (I'm hoping I misunderstand it) It seems like you are saying it seems like your being racially discriminated against by another "White" student. who is really a "White Hispanic".

Note the Stressing I added. Reading it this way makes it seem like your hoping to twist the views of the reader by suggesting racism. ( I do realize this may not be your intent. But the fact you denote he is "White Hispanic" instead of simply saying person "Y" does suggest your use of the Race Card)

I normally refuse to denote anything but Human when asked Race. Using Ancestry,Skin Tone,or the other differences we humans have to denote Race isn't logical. We are all simply humans.



If his skin is a different color than x and y then it very well could be racism. I understand and agree with your views on humanity, but unfortunately many people in this world do not. Either way "ignore it" is good advice. Let him hate anyone he wants to as it is his prerogative. You can't let other peoples ignorances influence your life. Just tell yourself it's his loss, and move on. I believe the hispanic remark was made out of disbelief that someone that isn't white can be racist. The only reason I say this is because I see this attitude everyday. Unfortunately white people have been made the poster children for racism, and many people fail to realize that this is a disease that affects all races, and nationalities.

[Khakilang]

Wait for hime to be alone and go up to him and stare him in the eye for 10 second and see how he respond. He may stare back at you, move away or ask what you want. if he ask you what you want than you tell him how you feel and why he hate you so much and try to resolve it there and than. Just be aware when you do that he might throw a punch at you.

[seenthelite]

This is a form of bullying it happens to many people, not just you, I am not sure if anyone really knows how to deal with these people, some say ignoring them works I'm not so sure. I hope you find a way to deal with it.

[NightwishFan]

Koh Kook Loon, awesome. :)

Something like this is not worth troubling over. People are unreasonable and irrational. Just be your own person and be better than it. Watch your back when this person is around, just do not socialize.

[witeshark17]

Prolly best to just move on...

[steve161]

Just be aware when you do that he might throw a punch at you.

Should have posted that in caps for liability reasons.

T
his is a form of bullying it happens to many people, not just you

It's college, not "Heathers". Hit him with one of those huge, overpriced hardcover textbooks.

[HolidayQueen]

why do you even care? do your own thing.

I dont get people who feel that everybody should be their friend and get all offended when reality comes knocking.

My problem tends to be the exact opposite. There are many people at work i simply don't want to get to know, and when they realize this, they get offended, then they get on my case (as if i started some sort of personal vendetta) :-({|=

[iponeverything]

Wait for hime to be alone and go up to him and stare him in the eye for 10 second and see how he respond. He may stare back at you, move away or ask what you want. if he ask you what you want than you tell him how you feel and why he hate you so much and try to resolve it there and than. Just be aware when you do that he might throw a punch at you.

Growing up this was always my way. I was never large, but always found that the move from passive aggressive to action to be quite liberating. Doing this in a situation where its just the two of you, is good. Though -- my advice is not the best, as I was sent home at least a half dozen times for fighting.

[LookTJ]

Be careful what you wish for.

[wilee-nilee]

Welcome to the isms club, don't let social norms of acceptance from yourself or the other, be a controlling factor in semi-rational always subjective thought, objectivity is a nice theory but hardly exits.
http://phrontistery.info/isms.html

[eriktheblu]

*sigh* so glad I'm not in high school any more.

extend Ki>>move off line>>blend>>take balance>>harmony

[Crunchy the Headcrab]

Wait is this college or highschool?

Here's a little advice. The guys probably being a jerk to get a reaction out of you. By quitting the the class/club you're letting him win. Usually if you act like a loser doesn't exist eventually they get bored and move on.

[rottentree]

Buy a leather glove and when he does something again that hurts you( if he is not facing you tap him on the shoulder ) say: "You have impugned my dignity. I challenge you to a duel!" *glove-slap* (You should come up with a duel which you are really good in just in case he accepts the challenge)

[Warpnow]

You're an adult, act like one, and deal with your problem. If you can't deal with it, then just operate in a way that it doesn't affect your work. Its college, you are there to learn, not participate in a social club. All throughout your life people will dislike you for the color of your skin, the shape of your body, the way your hair looks, thew way you talk, move, think, work, ect. People are in the game of disliking each other. Most people have the maturity to not let their dislike show, but not everyone. If you are unable to perform your task as a student because of someone else, then you do not deserve a college degree, or the job opportunities that come with it.

Think about it. Would you want to hire someone who quits because another person is mean to them? Work harder, try harder, and learn to give a flying **** what some little **** thinks about you. He has no power of your life unless you give it to him.

[RiceMonster]

You're not going to get along with everyone you meet. You're best being the mature one and not trying to play any silly games to get back at them. Just be the mature one, keep doing things as you usually would, and don't do things like get dropping out to avoid them.

[mickbuntu]

Thanks all for the replies but I would like to mention couple of things.

I left the club because I did not want to get into another confrontational situation with this individual. I'm not their to have problems or throw fights. I feel like he is trying too hard to strike a nerve and turn this into a brawl; which I would loose first based on my height and not too strong. He is starting up with me not me trying the other way.
The reason i brought up who and I are in skin tones. Is because I ethnically lean to ancestry of middle east, despite being white. I'm not sure why he hates me if I have no hate for him. So one of the possibilities I thought may be skin related.


But you know what, I may just attend but if he assaults me I'll just press charges. I'm not going to be looking directly at him, if he chats so be it, I will not be looking for trouble but if he gets more aggressive without me taking part in it. But then he may get whole group of friends to stalk my household. I understand of what you said about not deserving a degree but I thought this may get out of hand. I did not want anymore remarks and especially that he keeps reemphasizing that he is Puerto Rican. I have nothing against as a group I go on person to person base.


I have decided how to proceed in a calm way. If I get threats, etc I would know obviously from who it is coming from. He has my phone number and email address. As we all received a list with email addresses and phone numbers.


P.S I have found this site: http://www.lifeafteradultbullying.com/620/index.html

I think it is as quoted from site above partially:


Verbal Bullies

Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. Verbal bullying includes name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and constant teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on others. It is quick and to the point. It can occur in the least amount of time available, when no one else is around and its effects can be more devastating in some ways than physical bullying because there are no visible scars.




You're an adult, act like one, and deal with your problem. If you can't deal with it, then just operate in a way that it doesn't affect your work. Its college, you are there to learn, not participate in a social club. All throughout your life people will dislike you for the color of your skin, the shape of your body, the way your hair looks, thew way you talk, move, think, work, ect. People are in the game of disliking each other. Most people have the maturity to not let their dislike show, but not everyone. If you are unable to perform your task as a student because of someone else, then you do not deserve a college degree, or the job opportunities that come with it.

Think about it. Would you want to hire someone who quits because another person is mean to them? Work harder, try harder, and learn to give a flying **** what some little **** thinks about you. He has no power of your life unless you give it to him.

[Duncan J Murray]

Haven't read all of the replies above, but did read your original post.

Just a few things from my experience of growing up and (trying to get along). Firstly, I've been wrong judging people by their body language. What you describe may be true, but you must remember that sometimes we get it completely wrong!

Secondly, if you are right - it likely doesn't matter. I don't know anyone who is universally liked. I've just come round to accepting that there will be people who will never like me. In much the same way that there will always be the odd few people who I will never get along with either. There's such a mixture of personalities in our society, that you cannot expect everyone to like you.

Unless he's in a position to deny you something that you need/want, I would just ignore him.

There's something about the way the post is written, which might suggest the third person is female. That might go some way to explaining why you might be more upset about this than you might expect. In which case, all I can say is - it's a free society, and if you're keen on some girl, then she's free to choose who to go for. But I may have completely misread that bit!

Duncan.

[madjr]

I'm angry and this is College should not be happening in such a childish issue. First few weeks of my second semester class. I decided to sit to student [X] as the seat was empty who I was on good terms with. The other student comes [Y] and moves my seat and my bookbag somewhere else. Without asking me first or saying he like to get the seat I'm occupying. While I'm operating the camera in the broadcasting studio. He does say -- sort of say sorry when I come back. We continued to have this friction after that but it gets worse.


--- Jump to today ---

My new issue is we have classes together and I wanted to take opportunity of the new club my sub director opened for hands on he is in that class. Today on few occasions I felt mentally stabbed by this guy. I feel as if he hates my nationality or simply hates me for some reason.

Today I was standing with student [X] at the hands on center. As we were brought into the media editing room [Y] is their too. So [Y] says in front of my eyes to [X] as to get me to envy that hey, [X] do you want me to buy lunch for you? It's on me as i'll pay for it. Than [X] says no so he leaves. Anyway, when we were supposed to leave at the end of the day [Y] gives a handshake to some other student again in front of my eyes. Than as we move around the narrow hallway. [Y] makes it look like he is trying not to see me as we meet face to face as the hallway is short.



I feel hated so i dropped out from the extra hands on maybe s-upid I know; I figured it will only get worse between me and him (him doing the hating if i understood it correctly). But I could not tolerate feeling hated. I felt like it was discrimination but between White students although he really is a white Hispanic. Between the moving of my chair, the body language, and ignorance on occasions. I felt so raging mad that is why my sentences are still not cognitively coherent as i can write much better when not upset. I feel angry, but bottled up angry as really nothing much I can do. I feel like the bottle cap is closed but inside it is like a bottle with full gas. I don't know why I posted perhaps i wanted to be heard. I was going to call [X] just to talk to him that i'm not ggoing to come and just talk with him for a few minutes. But I decided not to made matters worse. I may be imagining this whole thing up but I don't think so as first moving desk than doing all these nonsenses.

* Am I dreaming this up and misunderstanding? Or, the desk moving plus what has happened and all means Bias? Be it on my ethnicity, character or something else.

you should study some psychology, does wonders

if that doesnt work learn judo, self-defense or get in the army

[NightwishFan]

You will be just fine. Just give him a nice grin if he gets on your case, and begin to do school work. If he attacks be clever and keep desks in his way. An instructor should be able to keep the peace or if you have friends. As was said, do not let them control your life.

As for Judo learn some Muay Thai and Krav Maga as well. /joke

[RiceMonster]

if that doesnt work learn judo, self-defense or get in the army

Haha, what?

[Crunchy the Headcrab]

You're an adult, act like one, and deal with your problem. If you can't deal with it, then just operate in a way that it doesn't affect your work. Its college, you are there to learn, not participate in a social club. All throughout your life people will dislike you for the color of your skin, the shape of your body, the way your hair looks, thew way you talk, move, think, work, ect. People are in the game of disliking each other. Most people have the maturity to not let their dislike show, but not everyone. If you are unable to perform your task as a student because of someone else, then you do not deserve a college degree, or the job opportunities that come with it.

Think about it. Would you want to hire someone who quits because another person is mean to them? Work harder, try harder, and learn to give a flying **** what some little **** thinks about you. He has no power of your life unless you give it to him.
I endorse this statement.

I think you are pretty safe on the campus. Not only would he face criminal charges for assaulting you there, his enrollment status would be in jeopardy. If anything serious happens, don't hesitate to call the police.

[sdowney717]

assaulting you? Perhaps this guy is a bully type who for some reason chooses to victimize who ever he feels like.
No matter, he is not worth the trouble or worry he has caused you and if he knows you are getting upset by what he does, likely is enjoying your response.

I have run into several of these types of people and I usually try to ignore them up to a point.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html#

[bsharp]

So let's get it straight, you're furious and feel like you're being racially discriminated against because:

1. He moved your stuff and took your seat,
2. He offered to buy someone else's lunch in front of you
3. He shook someone else's hand
4. He refused to look at you

I think you're taking things WAY out of proportion.* It's true, he may not like you, but wants to be friends with one of your friends. So what? There's no universal requirement that everyone you meet be your friend, or to even acknowledge you as a human being. It would be nice if things were that way, but our world is a harsh and cold place, and the sooner you learn this the better off you will be.

Another thing I have a problem with is how quickly you blame it on racial hatred. This may surprise you, but most people in the world aren't bigots. Pulling the race card for petty things like this ruins the integrity of people who are victims of actual** acts of racism.

*This is my opinion based on what information you gave in your post. There may have been other stuff I don't know about which would give a reasonable cause for your anger.

**Again, opinion is based on info in post. If there have been racial slurs, then obviously my opinion would change.

My advice: accept that this person doesn't like you and move on.

You may now flame me to hell.

[eriktheblu]

...I feel like he is trying too hard to strike a nerve and turn this into a brawl;
You are the only one who can control your reaction. He can't force you to strike first. If he strikes first, that doesn't force you to hit back.

...which I would loose first based on my height and not too strong.I'm 6' tall and 200 pounds. My former sensei couldn't have been much more than 5' and 120. She would throw me around the mat like nobody's business. Fighting has nothing to do with size, speed or power; it's about dedication and timing.

If you are in fact dealing with a bully (which is difficult to assess from your posts), know the only thing they respect is violence. They do not stop unless resisted, or incarcerated (where they usually learn they aren't the baddest dude around)

[Irihapeti]

I had stuff like that happen to me when I was at school, many years ago now.

Looking back on it now, I know that it was definitely real - the sort of passive-aggressive stuff that some people like to do. They know what they can get away with and they do only that much, knowing that it's enough to have an effect.

I also know, looking back, that my reactions were a big part of what kept it going.

I've studied psychology, and I only wish I'd known then what I know now. Fortunately, these days you don't have to get a degree to find these things out - there are plenty of books available.

[madjr]

As for Judo learn some Muay Thai and Krav Maga as well.

+1 for krav maga ^^

that's hell good self defense


You are the only one who can control your reaction. He can't force you to strike first. If he strikes first, that doesn't force you to hit back.
I'm 6' tall and 200 pounds. My former sensei couldn't have been much more than 5' and 120. She would throw me around the mat like nobody's business. Fighting has nothing to do with size, speed or power; it's about dedication and timing.

yeah am 5.6 / 150 and my cousin is 6.4 and 250. he has never been able to beat me in judo practice, usually me being smaller gives me an advantage most of the time, specially on the floor.

knowledge is power. Check out sun-tzu's teachings and know thee self

you would be surprised how fragile is the human body. You're only as strong as your weakest point/link

anyway i dont promo violence in anyway, you learn martial arts specially to avoid getting bullied or having to get violent

[wojox]

Just ignore the individual. If they see that their little games have no effect on you, then they'll move along.

[mickbuntu]

Conclusion:

I'm not going to flame you to hell but if you read my follow up (regarding race cards). To add just now: He claimed this other guy was "his brother" (Z) = fourth person who happens to be his nationality and also on good terms with me so it is xyz in the end. He brought into it that he is of certain ancestry. My second friend (classmate) happens to be part of my ancestry and part of his. I ask the moderators to lock this topic, it has ran its course. I also thank those who took part in answering my posts regardless of views. Even to the person who I am responding to now. I also thank the moderators for letting me speak freely regarding the matter here.



So let's get it straight, you're furious and feel like you're being racially discriminated against because:

1. He moved your stuff and took your seat,
2. He offered to buy someone else's lunch in front of you
3. He shook someone else's hand
4. He refused to look at you

I think you're taking things WAY out of proportion.* It's true, he may not like you, but wants to be friends with one of your friends. So what? There's no universal requirement that everyone you meet be your friend, or to even acknowledge you as a human being. It would be nice if things were that way, but our world is a harsh and cold place, and the sooner you learn this the better off you will be.

Another thing I have a problem with is how quickly you blame it on racial hatred. This may surprise you, but most people in the world aren't bigots. Pulling the race card for petty things like this ruins the integrity of people who are victims of actual** acts of racism.

*This is my opinion based on what information you gave in your post. There may have been other stuff I don't know about which would give a reasonable cause for your anger.

**Again, opinion is based on info in post. If there have been racial slurs, then obviously my opinion would change.

My advice: accept that this person doesn't like you and move on.

You may now flame me to hell.


I'm not going to flame

[lisati]

Thread closed. Good luck, and I hope something turns up soon that will help restore your good humour and your faith in the people around you.