The "man" rules !!

[JOHNNYG713]

Here is the way it is Lady's ;)

Man Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "The Rules "
From the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only! if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have! no idea what mauve is!

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but! it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. :D

[NoaHall]

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "


Why?

[pwnst*r]

Because "the man" can't count past that?

[NoaHall]

Because "the man" can't count past that?

Well, I'm a man, and I can count past that. Strange...

[LeifAndersen]

I saw the post title, and thought it referred to man pages.

[Eisenwinter]

I saw the post title, and thought it referred to man pages.
Me too, actually.

[chucky chuckaluck]

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "


Why?

they're all equally important. they can all be summed up pretty much like this: if you think i'm a moron, don't be so surprised if i act like one.

[iponeverything]

Me too, actually.

So did I, but I thought maybe person was confused because man pages are generally quite cryptic.

[LeifAndersen]

So did I, but I thought maybe person was confused because man pages are generally quite cryptic.

True...so according to his rules, we should change it to the wo-man pages. :lolflag:

[-grubby]

Delicious pasta.

[Linuxforall]

:D:D:D

Good for MCPs like myself, gonna print out and post it around the house.

[squilookle]

Seen it before but it doesn't get old. :)

And it's surprisingly accurate.

[forrestcupp]

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. :lol:

When I read the title, I thought "rules" was a verb and that you were going to get in a lot of trouble. I was pleasantly surprised.

[aaaantoine]

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Woman: Why were you out so late last night?
Man: Yes.

[Ms_Angel_D]

Here is the way it is Lady's ;)


Call.
Don't lie.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
"Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
Dishsoap is your friend.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
You're wrong.
You're sorry.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Call.
Don't lie.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
She only let's you think your in charge, no matter how much it might seem the opposite.

[qazwsx]

Well, I do read manuals but I prefer much more kio slave + konqueror combination than man commad.

[forrestcupp]

Call.
Don't lie.
Never tape any of her body parts together.


We'll make an attempt at your rules if you make an attempt at ours. Although the part about tape is a hard one to follow. :)

[JOHNNYG713]

Sooo we agree then !! LMAO !! :D

[schauerlich]

In before accusations of sexism.

[Eisenwinter]

In before accusations of sexism.
In before someone says in before... oh crap...

[steveneddy]

Call. About what? Turn on the TV.
Don't lie. Accusing me already?
Never tape any of her body parts together. huh?
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. Um, we do - but it's not our wives.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. We can't help where they touch us....
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes." Please get more confident about yourself.
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" Same answer as above.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. According to who?
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. Then make a decision.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. Then stop parking in front of my house.
"Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad. Holy crap! You're running around with the wrong guys.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. Not every time....
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. Then get our attention by getting neked.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. Who's bringing them up - again....not me.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. Me....cook?
Dishsoap is your friend. Dish what?
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. What bizarro world are you living in?
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. Really?
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. Shouldn't it?
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" Nobody's (sometimes we can't remember or don't know how it got there....really. Really.
Two words: clean socks. Goes without saying.
Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. Oh yeah?
Burping is not sexy. I agree - now stop belching.
You're wrong.
You're sorry.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. don't we know this already.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. Oooo - yuck - I threw up a little just thinking about using your toothbrush.
Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. Why do you wanna walk anywhere at 11:pm?
Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. Sometimes it's easier that way.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers. You're kidding....right?
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Call. Is the TV broke again?
Don't lie. sometimes it helps.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your *** smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
She only let's you think your in charge, no matter how much it might seem the opposite. Huh? Really?


My take on this as long as we're having fun with this.

[Shpongle]

lol :-p

[JOHNNYG713]

My take on this as long as we're having fun with this.
FREAK"N GREAT !!! LMFAO !!!!:guitar: Did this take some time or no time at all ! :D

[steveneddy]

FREAK"N GREAT !!! LMFAO !!!!:guitar: Did this take some time or no time at all ! :D

No time at all when you're livin' it, Dude!

You spend much time at all around the opposite sex you become accustomed to the same questions, same insecurities and the same weird "I don't know where that came from" personality changes.

That's why I make my living on the road. I can hang up and not re-answer my cell phone and blame it on a dropped signal or "I'm in a poor reception area" excuse.

I hope she isn't on the UF somewhere that I don't know about.

If so....

Hi, Honey - Love you....sweety

[fatcrab]

"Hi, Honey - Love you....sweety":lolflag:.
You KNOW thats not going to work! It will take at least a night out.:D

[JDShu]

My first thought was that this thread was about how corporations are awesome. But then I thought maybe it was about man pages. Guess I was wrong haha.

[koenn]

2. Don't lie.

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
[...]

49. Don't lie.


see, this is where it gets complicated ... especially if


13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

[sliketymo]

I like pie.

[jwbrase]

see, this is where it gets complicated ... especially if
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

Not true. I'm not a girl, but I'm willing to bet that most of them would accept the following corollary:

13a: A kiss is an acceptable answer to many questions.

"Do I look fat?" is not an inquiry as to whether she is of a healthy weight. That's what a doctor is for.

[forrestcupp]

"Do I look fat?" is not an inquiry as to whether she is of a healthy weight. That's what a doctor is for.

Lol. So maybe we should just say, "I'm not a doctor, honey." :)

[dmizer]

Funny, yes.

Appropriate for this forum ... not so much.

Thank you all for participating.