Quote of the day

[matthew]

New thread... Here's the idea: share your favorite quote of the day. One quote per post, and preferably one quote per person per day. Try to keep it short. It can be funny, witty, deep or whatever. Let's try to keep it out of the backyard, though. :)

EDIT: If you want to post a Backyard style quote, Iandefor has started a thread for that (http://www.ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?p=1281248).

Here's mine to get us started
When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.
Edward R. Murrow (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_R_Murrow)
US broadcast journalist & newscaster (1908 - 1965)

[chimera]

Blessedness is the supreme and the most perfect thing in the universe. Blessedness is Perfection itself. Whoever is blessed is truly a totalitarian being.

~ The department of Pure and Applied Philosophy (http://www.nskstate.com/philosophy/index.php)

[Lord Illidan]

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything.
Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain

P.S. I like fortune...
P.P.S Good thread.

[Havoc]

Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

--Anemones

;)

[Arktis]

Havoc, you have the funniest sig I've ever seen. Awesome. I'm going to steal it for use on other forums as such:

"Ubuntu is an ancient African word, meaning: 'I can't configure Debian'."
-Havoc


Anyhow, here's my actual quote for the thread:

"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
-Benjamin Franklin (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin)

[bonzodog]

Arktis, check out the second site in my sig - havocs quote comes from the Ubuntu page there. I am now helping out at Uncyclopedia. Please note that Uncyclopedia is not serious, it is a parody site of wikipedia.

[fuscia]

"sure, they look alike, but there's a big difference between chocolate and dog mess."

[Stormy Eyes]

My father used to tell me, "God created man, but man created religion. If man isn't careful, religion will destroy him."

[blueturtl]

"Millions believe in One True God, yet they all have different gods. It isn't God who's confused."

[raublekick]

"Jefferson, you're on the two. Hamilton? You get the ten. I'm calling dibs on the one. That's all me, baby. What's that, Adams? You wanted the one? All right, that's it: You don't get to be on anything. That's right, I'm taking back the quarter. Anyone else want to complain? I didn't think so."
- George Washington, 1789 [from America (The Book)]

[beercz]

"If it was't for the last minute, nothing would get done." Oscar Wilde (I think)

[BWF89]

"I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google."
-Steve Ballmer

[Master Shake]

Here's a few...

"I can't die! My snooze alarm still works!" -- Me

"The wearer of this belt will recieve all the superpowers of 70's supergroup, Foreigner..." -- Igniggnokt (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

"Giving power and money to politicians is like giving whiskey and car keys to a teenage boy" -- P. J. O'Rourke

[mstlyevil]

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get.

Sally Fields as Forest Gumps Mom.

[red_Marvin]

"In theory there's no difference between theory and practice.
In practice, there is."

No Idea who said that

[beercz]

Any fool can be uncomfortable!

Necessity is the mother of invention!

Those who say it can't be done are usually proved wrong by someone else actually doing it!

[Iandefor]

I might be able to shoehorn a reference count in on top of the numeric
value by disallowing multiple references on scalars with a numeric value,
but it wouldn't be as clean. I do occasionally worry about that. --Larry Wall

Even though the OP asked us to keep it down to 1 quote per post per day, here's fortune's quote:

FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX!

[Alpha_toxic]

"Only the Universe and human Stupidity are infinite, although I'm not sure about the first one"
-Albert Einstein

[briancurtin]

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-benjamin franklin

[DigitalDuality]

A man has a right to use his knife to cut his meat, a fork to hold it; may a patentee take from him the right to combine their use on the same subject?

-- Thomas Jefferson

[manicka]

My head is a box filled with nothing, and that's the way I like it

- Ben Lee

[bored2k]

"The sum intelligence of the universe is a constant. Unfortunately, the population is increasing." - Unknown

[imagine]

"Why, of course, the people don't want war. Why would some
poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that
he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece.

Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in
England, nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is
understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who
determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the
people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or
a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the
bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of
patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in
any country."

-- Hermann Göring



This quote proves itself over and over again.

[matthew]

11AM Beta Testing

Director: We simply can't idiot-proof everything. Sometimes the idiots just have to suffer and die.
Co-worker: I think that's called "evolution".

From: http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/001592.html

[TeeAhr1]

"I sold my soul for freedom; it's lonely but it's sweet." -Melissa Etheridge, Talking To My Angel

[Rumor]

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

I don't know to whom this is attributed.

[Stormy Eyes]

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

I don't know to whom this is attributed.

That sounds like something George Carlin might say.

[Stormy Eyes]

*meow*


Every man and every woman is a star.

[fuscia]

from the movie, breaker morant:

"live each moment as if it were your last and, one day, you're sure to be right."

[Bandit]

My favorite quote.
From the movie Madagascar:

Corperal - Skippa, should we tell them that the ship is out of fuel?
Skipper - Nope, just smile and wave boy's. Smile and wave.

[jpkotta]

Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even
when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

From Goedel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas Hofstader

[hesee]

Quotes of Albert Einstein are my favorites. So true, yet some of them quite funny and even romantic:


"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration."

"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."

[beercz]

We don't have unique problems, just unique data - unknown

[timczer]

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. -Doulgas Adams

[TeeAhr1]

"They were never defeated; they were only killed." -Epitaph of the French Foreign Legion

[Rumor]

One of my favorites:

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use."
Søren Kierkegaard

[briancurtin]

"it aint what you know, its what you can prove"
-alonzo in the movie training day

[matthew]

"Nearly all men can withstand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."
-Abraham Lincoln

[Iandefor]

"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace"- Oscar Wilde

"Politics is constructed from the latin root 'Poly' meaning 'many' and 'ticks' meaning 'blood-sucking parasites' "
You can thank Larry Hardiman for that one :-D.

[DigitalDuality]

A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a ******* cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.
-Bill Hicks

Ah, good taste! What a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness.
Pablo Picasso

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever.
George Orwell

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
Tom Robbins

Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
Tom Robbins

"When they tell you to grow up, they mean stop growing."
Tom Robbins

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Are not laws dangerous which inhibit the passions? Compare the centuries of anarchy with those of the strongest legalism in any country you like and you will see that it is only when the laws are silent that the greatest actions appear.
Marquis De Sade

the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace things, but burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "AWWW!"
- Jack Kerouac

[RaiSuli]

"I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work." - unknown

"There's a fine line between hobby and mental illness." - Dave Barry

"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." - Errol Flynn

"There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time." - Edith Wharton

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?" - Doctor Who

[timczer]

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. --Martin Luther King, Jr.

[briancurtin]

"**** the packers"

[timczer]

I'm sure the **** stands for LOVE the Packers.

[Stormy Eyes]

I'm sure the **** stands for LOVE the Packers.

Only a love of the dirty, rude, animalistic kind.

[matthew]

"ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

[fuscia]

my cousin on whether just the two of us should get a 12 pack, or a case:

"let's get a case. anything worth doing is worth overdoing."

[bored2k]

"Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age."
Pope John XXIII

[Qrk]

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
~Bertrand Russell

[yabbadabbadont]

From a bumper sticker:

The Dark Ages: When religion ruled the world.

[jason.b.c]

"I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work." - unknown

Yes, so do I!:p

[MrDan]

Raspberry!!! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry!! -Dark Helmet

[briancurtin]

"that rug really tied the room together"

[papangul]

"The ordinary society is like a paperweight on you: it won't allow you to fly."
- Osho
[The Ubuntu society is no ordinary society and we are all flying here :D ]

[lovebyte]

... but as I proceeded in my labour, it became every day more
horrible and irksome to me. Sometimes I could not prevail on myself
to enter my laboratory for several days, and at other times I toiled
day and night in order to complete my work. It was, indeed, a filthy
process in which I was engaged.
Frankenstein (Mary Shelley)


I use the shorter version in my .sig

[futz]

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
--------Abraham Lincoln--------


Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
--------Frank Zappa--------


The starting point of maturity is the realization that no one is coming to the rescue. Everything you are or ever will be is up to you. This is not a rehearsal for something else, this is the real thing. The game is on. Time is passing quickly, and all of your decisions and indecisions, your actions and inactions to this point have added up to create the life you are living at this very minute. If you want things to be different in the future then you will have to make things different in the present. You will have to take complete charge of yourself and your life and make things change, because they will not change by themselves.
--------Unknown--------

[cstudent]

Life's like an hourglass glued to the table. ---From the song Breath (2am) by Anna Nalick---

[matthew]

I'm going to break my own rules for this thread... :)

Here's a selection of quotes from Edith Wharton (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edith_Wharton), a writer and traveler of some years past. I like her--she traveled to one of my favorite countries in the world, Morocco, and she's a writer. (For those who don't know, I have lived in Morocco and am moving back there very, very shortly, and I am a writer.)

Without further ado, here we go.

A classic is classic not because it conforms to certain structural rules, or fits certain definitions (of which its author had quite probably never heard). It is classic because of a certain eternal and irrepressible freshness. http://www.quotationspage.net/icon_blank.gif

After all, one knows one's weak points so well, that it's rather bewildering to have the critics overlook them and invent others.

How much longer are we going to think it necessary to be ''American'' before (or in contradistinction to) being cultivated, being enlightened, being humane, and having the same intellectual discipline as other civilized countries?

I have never known a novel that was good enough to be good in spite of its being adapted to the author's political views.

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.

There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

[KiwiNZ]

Someone has been given some Crayolas :p

Can we go easy on the colors I have a hangover and the Boss likes us to limit the water colors ;)

Thanks

[matthew]

Someone has been given some Crayolas :p

Can we go easy on the colors I have a hangover and the Boss likes us to limit the water colors ;)

Thankslol

Will do, chief. I just thought it was a nice was to set the quotes apart from one another. I'll keep the color in my sig in this post. Here they are again, color removed.


A classic is classic not because it conforms to certain structural rules, or fits certain definitions (of which its author had quite probably never heard). It is classic because of a certain eternal and irrepressible freshness. http://www.quotationspage.net/icon_blank.gif

After all, one knows one's weak points so well, that it's rather bewildering to have the critics overlook them and invent others.

How much longer are we going to think it necessary to be ''American'' before (or in contradistinction to) being cultivated, being enlightened, being humane, and having the same intellectual discipline as other civilized countries?

I have never known a novel that was good enough to be good in spite of its being adapted to the author's political views.

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.

There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

[KiwiNZ]

Its cool thanks mathew

[fuscia]

"a family man is a man with a lot of little mouths to feed and one big one to listen to."

"behind every great man stands an amazed mother-in-law."

"mother-in-law' is an anagram for 'woman hitler'."

"always buy chocolate cake. it doesn't show the dirt."

[KiwiNZ]

Unlike puppets we have the possibility of stopping in our movements, looking up and perceiving the machinery by which we have been moved. In this act lies the first steps towards freedom.' Peter Berger Sociologist

[matthew]

Its cool thanks mathewNo stress. I was actually quite amused. BTW, nice quote.

[Gustav]

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

-President Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

[Lovechild]

"There's a thin line between being perverted and developing X" - Zack Rusin

[jc87]

Soldiers when in desperate straits lose the sense of fear. If there is no place of refuge, they will stand firm. If they are in
hostile country, they will show a stubborn front. If there is no help for it, they will fight hard.
-- Sun Tzu


I could have made money this way, and perhaps amused myself writing code. But I knew that at the end of my career, I would look back on years of building walls to divide people, and feel I had spent my life making the world a worse place.
-- Richard Stallman


Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had.
-- Linus Torvalds

We think basically you watch television to turn your brain off, and you work on your computer when you want to turn your brain on.
-- Steve Jobs


I don't agree with the copyright laws, and I don't have a problem with people downloading the movie and sharing it with people… as long as they're not doing it to make a profit off it as long as they're not, you know trying to make a profit off my labor— I would oppose that but you know I do quite well, and I don't know... I make these books and movies and TV shows because I want things to change, and so the more people who get to see them, the better. And so I'm…I'm happy I'm happy if that happens Should I not be happy?.I don't know, It's like if a friend of yours had the DVD of my movie— gave it to you to watch one night is that person doing something wrong? I'm not seeing any money from that, but he's just handing the DVD to you so that you can watch my movie, that he bought, and you're not buying it— and yet you're watching it without paying me any money you see, I think that's okay, I mean, that's always been okay right? — You share things with people and I think information, and art, and ideas should be shared.
-- Michael Moore


Sorry couldn´t resist to this quotes:-k

[clash]

I just got these in an email today.

If the whole human race lay in one grave, the
epitaph on its headstone might well be: `It seemed
a good idea at the time.' - Dame Rebecca West (1892-1983)

Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless. - Proverb

“The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it” - Unknown

Maybe this isn't appropriate, please remove if it isn't.


Cathal Brugha: The Minister is as usual exceeding his brief!
Michael Collins: And what is my brief, Cathal?
Cathal Brugha: Intelligence.
Michael Collins: ********! I'm Minister for Gun-Running, Daylight Robbery, and General Mayhem.

Discussion between two members of the Irish Dáil (parliment) during the Irish War of Independence. Cathal was officially the head of the army but Michael Collins in practice ran the army.

[fuscia]

i'm not sure i agree with it, but it has stuck in my head for a long time...

"If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work" - bill something

[chimera]

'You put the white fluffy stuff in the bag, and when you fill the bag with it, take it to the truck and get another empty bag. Anyone willing to translate that to ebonics?'
~Tom Shelly

'Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you'll be a mile avay from him and have his shoes when you criticise him'

:mrgreen:

[Master Shake]

"Good luck with the casual sex!" -- Master Shake

[papangul]

"Love, trust, beauty, sincerity, truthfulness, authenticity -- these are all feminine qualities, and they are far greater than any qualities that man has. But the whole past has been dominated by man and his qualities".
- Osho, excerpted from Sermons in Stones, Chapter 17

[briancurtin]

"ive got a shotgun and a shovel, any questions?"

[Iandefor]

"Why do we waste our lives using words as weapons? Once used, their damage can't be undone." - Frank Kuhl (My dear math teacher)

[yabbadabbadont]

"Everybody remember where we parked." -- Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

[rjwood]

"If you all can fly that plane 500 miles per hour in the dark and find Los Angeles, you can find my bags"
an elderly black lady at LAX -- taken from the 'Flip Wilson show' sometime in the 70's

[mcduck]

"The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo Sapiens ("Wise Man"). In any case it's arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan Narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee"

"What about Homo Sapiens? Yes, we think that would be a very good idea.."

Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen

[beercz]

Computers are like air conditioning, open windows and they don't work properly.

[mcduck]

here's some more:

"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music."
Marcus Brigstocke

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home."
Ken Olsen (1926 - ), President, Digital Equipment, 1977

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld magazine

"Give a man a fire and keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he will be warm for rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett

[John.Michael.Kane]

“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.”
Benjamin Franklin

[Bandit]

Quote for google search..



Failure
Looking for Failure?
Find everything you want at
www.eBay.com

[matthew]

Great shot, kid. Don't get cocky.
--Han Solo

[yabbadabbadont]

The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

From Slate article: The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld http://www.slate.com/id/2081042

[chimera]

12"Truly, truly, I say to you,

He who believes in me will also do the works that I do;

and Greater Works than These will he do...

John 14



3 "Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

4 "Blessed are those who Mourn, for they shall be comforted.

5 "Blessed are the Meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

6 "Blessed are those who Hunger and Thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

7 "Blessed are the Merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

8 "Blessed are the Pure in Heart, for they shall see GOD.

9 "Blessed are the Peacemakers,

for they shall be called Sons (and Daughters) of God.

10 "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

11 "Blessed areYou when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

12 "Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you!

~Jesus Christ

[super]

So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
i don't think you want to know the context of that line, just believe me when i say that it was ridiculously funny.

[matthew]

(reading chimera's post...) Bible quotes? I know a few.

Howzabout this from John the Baptist...
Luke 3:7-14 "So he said to the people who went out to him for baptism: You offspring of snakes, at whose word are you going in flight from the wrath to come? Make clear by your acts that your hearts have been changed; and do not say to yourselves, We have Abraham for our father: for I say to you that God is able from these stones to make children of Abraham. And even now the axe is put to the root of the trees; and every tree which does not have good fruit will be cut down and put into the fire. And the people put questions to him, saying, What have we to do? And he made answer and said to them, He who has two coats, let him give to him who has not even one; and he who has food, let him do the same. Then tax-collectors came to him for baptism and said to him, Master, what have we to do? And he said to them, Do not make an attempt to get more money than the right amount. And men of the army put questions to him, saying, And what have we to do? And he said to them, Do no violent acts to any man, and do not take anything without right, and let your payment be enough for you."

And from Jesus...
Matthew 25:31-46 "But when the Son of man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then will he be seated in his glory: And before him all the nations will come together; and they will be parted one from another, as the sheep are parted from the goats by the keeper. And he will put the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then will the King say to those on his right, Come, you who have the blessing of my Father, into the kingdom made ready for you before the world was: For I was in need of food, and you gave it to me: I was in need of drink, and you gave it to me: I was wandering, and you took me in; I had no clothing, and you gave it to me: when I was ill, or in prison, you came to me. Then will the upright make answer to him, saying, Lord, when did we see you in need of food, and give it to you? or in need of drink, and give it to you? And when did we see you wandering, and take you in? or without clothing, and give it to you? And when did we see you ill, or in prison, and come to you? And the King will make answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Because you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.
Then will he say to those on the left, Go from me, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire which is ready for the Evil One and his angels: For I was in need of food, and you gave it not to me; I was in need of drink, and you gave it not to me: I was wandering, and you took me not in; without clothing, and you gave me no clothing; ill, and in prison, and you came not to me. Then will they make answer, saying, Lord, when did we see you in need of food or drink, or wandering, or without clothing, or ill, or in prison, and did not take care of you? Then will he make answer to them, saying, Truly I say to you, Because you did it not to the least of these, you did it not to me. And these will go away into eternal punishment; but the upright into eternal life. "

By the way, let's not get into a full blown religious discussion in this thread...I don't really want to move to the Backyard. I'm pretty sure quotes are okay, though, as they fit the "quote of the day" topic. If you want to discuss this or any fully religious topic start a new thread in the Backyard.

[beercz]

Read the screen!

[rjwood]

I thought this would be apropos:

"The information necessary to create
a male is encoded in our DNA, but it takes
all the institutions of a culture to
produce a man. The male body is the
biologically give 'hardware,' the myth of
manhood is the 'software' inserted by
society through a series of formal and
informal rites of passage."

-----Sandor McNab

[sapo]

I heard one anonymous quote in portuguese today that is kind funny, i ll try to translate:

"Drug dealers and software developers are the only ones that have users instead of clients"

Sorry about my english, but the phrase is funny :mrgreen:

[Tipo]

"Optima dies... prima fugit."
--Virgil

Latin saying, translated into: "The best days are the first to flee"

[matthew]

I heard one anonymous quote in portuguese today that is kind funny, i ll try to translate:

"Drug dealers and software developers are the only ones that have users instead of clients"

Sorry about my english, but the phrase is funny :mrgreen:Funny! BTW, your English is quite good...far better than our Portuguese, I'm sure.

My qotd:
"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." --Euripides

[Swiss]

"A Government big enough to give everything you want, is big enough to take everything you have" -notsurewho

[fuscia]

"if you can't play it, fake it. if you can't fake it, **** it." - 'tiny' martin, former bass player boston symphony orchestra

[mips]

"Never Argue With An Idiot. He'll Drag You Down To His Level And Then Beat You With Experience." -Unknown but a wise person.

Sometimes I forget the above to my own detriment :(

[fuscia]

"Never Argue With An Idiot. He'll Drag You Down To His Level And Then Beat You With Experience." -Unknown but a wise person.

either way, that's good advice right there.

[matthew]

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
--Gracie Allen

[mstlyevil]

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Benjamin Franklin

[sapo]

Funny! BTW, your English is quite good...far better than our Portuguese, I'm sure.

My qotd:
"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." --Euripides
Thanx :D

I ll try to remember more brazillian phrases, we have a lot of funny ones :mrgreen:

[matthew]

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
--Will Rogers

[mstlyevil]

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Will Rogers

[papangul]

Even kings and emperors with heaps of wealth and vast dominion cannot compare with an ant filled with the love of God.
~ Guru Nanak

[bored2k]

"Do not let the sun go down on your anger."
Ephesians 4:26

[yabbadabbadont]

"The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it is taking place." -- George Bernard Shaw


I often find this quotation to be oddly appropriate while reading forums. ;)

[chimera]

"Unlike Christianity, which preached a peace that it never achieved, Islam unashamedly came with a sword."
- Steven Runciman

"First gain the victory and then make the best use of it you can."
- Horatio Nelson

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government."
- Edward Abbey


"A communist is like a crocodile: when it opens its mouth you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up."
- Winston Churchill

[Enter]

im a man on a mission thath clicking something 100 times does make it work faster

[mstlyevil]

I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.

Thomas Jefferson

[Iandefor]

"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

-Albert Einstein

[r4ik]

Take youre dreams into the day.

[matthew]

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.
--Anonymous

[Parkotron]

I was trying to pick out my favourite Deep Thought by Jack Handey, but that proved way too difficult. So here's all of them with personal favourites bolded. I'm sure a lot of people are going to hate me for this, but I can't resist sharing the joy of Jack Handey.

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for pretty rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke, just to get out of writing a simple letter. And I thought I was lazy.

I bet what happened was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel.

I can still recall old Mr. Barnslow, getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to that old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped, he'd yell, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy, but then, we had some growing up to do.

I remember how my great uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it, and no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

I think a cute idea would be about a parrot who is raised with eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After awhile though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He sees two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.

I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver, and since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up real quick and hand it to him.

I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then at the very end, there's a page you can lick, and it tastes like Kool-Aid.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair, and get so bummed out that I just quit my job, and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampoland, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seem to be getting out of control.

If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's OK to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny.

In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset, and he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet, and also, you're drunk.

Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself, "mankind". Basically it's made up of two separate words, "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.

The sound of fresh rain runoff splashing from the roof reminded me of the sound of urine splashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients, but we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. P.S.: this also works with men.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable, until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home, his face might burn up.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must've sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job."

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house, and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern, with a knife stuck in the side of its head, with a note that says "you". After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy, and people will try to catch you, because hey, free dummy.

Anytime I see something screech across a room, and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much, he made a woman out of dirt, and married her, but when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said "dust to dust", some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in Heaven, with a gun."

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad". We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke", but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him, and not feel too bad.

We used to laugh at grandpa, when he'd head off and go fishing, but we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some ***** he picked up in town.

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color, to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some chihuahuas with some good ideas.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

If you're a young mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, "What if I was an ant, and she fell on me?" Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Today, I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house, and I thought, "I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself - a shell if you will - but my shell isn't made out of a hard protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags."

I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave, and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on, we found out he was a bear.

If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.

I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion, or the tiger, or even the elephant. It's a shark, riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish." Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them. Man, wise up!

It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.

Too bad there's not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you'd probably be proud to be sprayed by one.

Children need encouragement, so if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.

If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing, or the cranberry sauce, or anything else, just pretend you're eating it, but instead put it into your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big cough and throw the ball to the ground, then say, "Boy, these are good cigars."

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.

Instead of having answers on a math test, they should just call them "impressions", and if you got a different impression, so what? Can't we all be brothers?

I bet for an indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.

Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad, and then I think, "Ah, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"

I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head, and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.

If you're an ant, and you're walking across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

Marta talks about sensuality, but I don't think she'd know sensuality if it bit her on the ***.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?

If I was a doctor operating on a patient, and he died on me, and his spirit was hovering above his own body, looking down on it, I would take out a hundred dollar bill, flash it at the spirit, and then stuff it in the hand of the dead body. This would coax the spirit to return to his body. If that didn't work, I'd put the body's hand on the breast of a nurse. That oughta do it. In any case, I'd take the hundred dollar bill back before he woke up.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?", or, "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe, but the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed, and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."

If aliens from outerspace ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just kidding, that this isn't really our civilization, but a gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to come back in 20 years to see our real civilization. After that, we start a crash program of coming up with an impressive new civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens as they're waving goodbye.

When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

I wish outerspace guys would conquer earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket beds with my name on it.

When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!" Then I drive them out into the desert, to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life.

You know what it is that frightens ants the most? It's not the anteater, and it's not the steamroller. No wait, it is the steamroller. I got mixed up.

Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth.

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.

It's easy to sit and scoff at an old man's folly, but also, check out his Adam's apple.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No wait, not me, you.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like more money, and I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy, just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't necessarily think it means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it easy!

If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots.

I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy, and I'll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes. Hey, better try the emergency brake.

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long blonde hair.

You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of "accidentally" brand each other every once in awhile. It's their way of letting off stress.

The whole town laughed at my great grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano, and collect the gold nuggets that shot out everyday. It turned out he was right. After 40 years the volcano petered out. Everybody left town and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg, and the doctor's bills were real high.

I remember one day I was at grandpa's farm, and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you." So we did, and there on the ground were my parents having sex.

You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime to keep mosquitos away from you and your guests? Just a big bag full of blood.

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is don't run with a wooden stake.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police, but then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.

When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.

They say the mountain holds many secrets, but the biggest is this: "I am a fake mountain."

Before a mad scientist goes mad, there's probably a time when he's only partially mad. And this is the time when he's going to throw his best parties.

It's funny, but when you look at an old man, then you look at a photo of him when he was a young man, then look back at the old man, then the photo, back and forth, pretty soon you'll do whatever anybody tells you to.

When he was a little boy, he had always wanted to be an acrobat. It looked like so much fun, spinning through the air, flipping, landing on other people's shoulders. Little did he know that when he finally did become an acrobat, it would seem so boring. Years later, after he finally quit, he found out he hadn't been working as an acrobat after all. He had just been a street weirdo.

One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genitalia.

Instead of crucifying a guy on a cross, what about a windmill? That way you get the pain and the dizziness.

Many people don't realize that playing dead can help not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.

Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.

[matthew]

I was trying to pick out my favourite Deep Thought by Jack Handey, but that proved way too difficult. So here's all of them with personal favourites bolded. I'm sure a lot of people are going to hate me for this, but I can't resist sharing the joy of Jack Handey.Okay...let's not get carried away. First, I think these are hysterical and have from the beginning. However, wow that's a lot of info to take in at once. I'll leave it in, but please try not to post in huge flooding actions like that, okay amigo? :)

BTW, I'm laughing as I read these again as if for the first time. I may have found my new message of the day list or source for my fortune program...

[chimera]

"Verloren ist nur, wer sich selbst aufgibt" - Only he who abandons himself is lost.

-Hans-Ulrich Rudel

[TeeAhr1]

"You see, life is like that. We change, that's all...the guy I am now is not the guy I was then. If the guy I was then met the guy I am now he'd beat the **** out of me. Those are the facts." -Stevo, SLC Punk!

[papangul]

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

- Albert Einstein

[Master Shake]

"'We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are represented in this programme. It was never our intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are concerned more with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today. Nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive.


We are sorry if this impression has come across." -- Monty Python (As read by Eric Idle)

[fuscia]

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

'common sense' is just a nice way of saying 'average intelligence'.

[mstlyevil]

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Billy Crystal

[fuscia]

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Billy Crystal

that made me think of - "sex is sort of like pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty good".

[mstlyevil]

that made me think of - "sex is sort of like pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty good".

True, so very true.

[Alpha_toxic]

Sorry for the uncesored one :)

Anyone can p*ss on the wall, be a man - sh*t the cieling!!!
- anonymous graffiti writer in the toilet of my ex-school

[Master Shake]

This was a lovely thread. Too bad it'll probably be locked now.

[mstlyevil]

Please leave quotes out from known racist due to forum guidelines.

Thank you.

[public_void]

Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day - Polish Proverb

You can see a lot by just looking - Yogi Berra

A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top - Unknown

[matthew]

When you are content to simply be yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
--Lao Tzu

Racism is lame.
--matthew

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.
--Proverbs 27:2

He who praises himself has an audience of one.
--anon

[mstlyevil]

Racism is lame.
--matthew

So simple yet so profound
--Me

[fuscia]

Racism is lame.
--matthew

racism is on a par with hair-colorism.

[Tipo]

One of my favorites:

"Be still like a mountain and flow like a great river" --Lao Tzu

[Titus A Duxass]

Don't kick your Granny when she's shaving.

[TeeAhr1]

"Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era - the kind of peak that never comes again...Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant...There was madness in any direction, at any hour...You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning...And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave...So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill...and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - the place where the wave finally broke, and rolled back."

-Hunter S Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

[xyz]

The Dalai-Lama is the only lama that won-t spit in your face.

source>modest me.

[UltimaGuy]

In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." --> Galileo Galilei

[Master Shake]

"I've always said there's nothing an agnostic can't do if he doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not." -- Graham Chapman

[mstlyevil]

You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too.

John Kenneth Galbraith

[matthew]

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.--William Safire

[mstlyevil]

Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society.

Benjamin Franklin

[curuxz]

The diffrence between a really inteligent man and a genius is that when a really inteligent person says something you think "why didnt I think of that?" when a genius says something you know you never would have....

---One of the workers from Bletchley park talking about Alan Turing (the father of modern computers)



I'd be afraid I would just blue myself

---David Cross - Arested Developments

[cro.smiley]

You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.

[matthew]

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
--Doctor Who

[papangul]

Clay walls are moulded into a pot, but the usefulness of the pot lies in its emptiness.
-Lao Tzu
["Emptiness" is an ultimate state of consciousness, according to eastern religions/philosophies.]

[beercz]

We don't have unique problems - just unique data

[jam'ez]

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

[fuscia]

graffiti in a boston university bathroom stall...

writer #1: E=MC/2 - albert einstein

writer #2: nice try, albert. next time, show your work. C+

[beercz]

I am a great believer in this:

KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid!!

[jam'ez]

"I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processings is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice-Hall, 1957

[knalle]

"don't eat the yellow snow" - Frank Zappa

[xyz]

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi

[matthew]

Actions lie louder than words.
--Carolyn Wells

[mstlyevil]

When anger rises, think of the consequences.

Confucius

[DJ Scribblinni]

"There are some things in life that people want that they don't need, yet there are things people need that they don't want." - DJ Scribblinni

[KiwiNZ]

Racism is a learned affliction and anything that is learned can be unlearned

Jane Elliott


Just as you have the instinctive natural desire to be happy and overcome suffering. So do all sentiant beings; just as you have the right to fullfill this innate aspiration,so do all sentient beings. So on what grounds do you discriminate.

The Dalai Llama

[futz]

If we removed the airbags in cars and put a 6" steel spike in it's place, wouldn't we all drive much more carefully?

[fuscia]

If we removed the airbags in cars and put a 6" steel spike in it's place, wouldn't we all drive much more carefully?

i saw that! that guy was sooooooo right.

[beercz]

I am not fat, just undertall! (Garfield)

[beercz]

Back up or **** up!!!!!

Definately believe in that one!!!

[jam'ez]

"640k ought to be enough for anybody"
-Bill Gates, 1981

[chimera]

"Before you pass judgement ask yourself just what it is you are condemning and what it says about your attitudes to art, music, and life. Ultimately your judgement is irrelevant - "We can not be defended and does not have to defend itself."

How do we plead before the court of history? That is your problem."

-Laibach, regarding the comments about the WAT release that they are "antique"

[mstlyevil]

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

Sir Winston Churchill

[matthew]

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
--P.G. Wodehouse

[matthew]

The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
--G. K Chesterton

[virgule]

If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple.
But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. - George Bernard Shaw

[SSTwinrova]

"If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
-Albert Einstein

[krusbjorn]

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
Benjamin Disraeli

[jeremy]

‘The architecture was made out of stone.’

Name unknown (an american architect on some documentary I saw once.)

[s_spiff]

Back up or **** up!!!!!

Definately believe in that one!!!

liked that one!

[mstlyevil]

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Ronald Reagan

[matthew]

It's too bad this seems so true...

"Everyone rises to their level of incompetence."
--Laurence J. Peter

[futz]

A computer is like a violin. You can imagine a novice trying first a phonograph and then a violin. The latter, he says, sounds terrible. That is the argument we have heard from our humanists and most of our computer scientists. Computer programs are good, they say, for particular purposes, but they aren't flexible. Neither is a violin, or a typewriter, until you learn how to use it.

------- Marvin Minsky, ``Why Programming Is a Good Medium for Expressing Poorly-Understood and Sloppily-Formulated Ideas'' -------

[mstlyevil]

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
R. D. Laing

[Alpha_toxic]

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
R. D. Laing
And a deadly one, too ;)

[dukeleto]

When asked what he thought about western civilisation, Gandhi answered that
"it would be a good idea".

[simone.brunozzi]

My personal favorite one:

"Money isn't everything... if you can get it".
Mae West


Havoc, this one is excellent:
"Ubuntu" is an ancient African word, meaning: "I can't configure Debian."

Cheers,

[Master Shake]

"Some people say the glass is half empty. Some say the glass is half full. I say 'Hey! Who drank half my beer?'"

[mstlyevil]

After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.

Fred Thompson

[Iandefor]

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."- Ambrose Bierce

[matthew]

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
--Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

[Gustav]

"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity."
-- Karl Marx

[fuscia]

"the other night, my wife and i had great sex. when we were done, i asked her, who were you thinking about?"

"my wife is so stupid, it takes her an hour and a half to watch sixty minutes."

both from rodney dangerfield

[TeeAhr1]

"Power stems from the barrel of a gun." -Mao Tse Tung

[mstlyevil]

Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.

Benjamin Franklin

[bored2k]

"Knowledge comes by eyes always open and working hands, and there is no knowledge that is not power." Jeremy Taylor

[xyz]

springtime is that time of the year when men finally understand what women knew all along in wintertime.

[krusbjorn]

"DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS, DEVELOPERS. "
-Ballmer

[matthew]

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.
--Richard Nixon

[matthew]

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
--Galileo Galilei

This is my last quote/post for a while...I'm in the process of moving internationally. I'll be back later once I'm settled in.

[mstlyevil]

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

Abraham Lincoln

[mstlyevil]

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin

[John.Michael.Kane]

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

[John.Michael.Kane]

Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
Sun-tzu

[yabbadabbadont]

"I met your mother in the institution... but I'm feeling much better now."

--Buddy on Night Court

[Iandefor]

The melons look cool,
Flecked with mud
from the morning dew

-Basho

His poetry is so beautiful. Such a shame some people try to translate them into rhyming triplets!

And you can also look at my signature for the sentiment I'm feeling the most right now.

[John.Michael.Kane]

The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
Socrates

[fac]

God sees everything - except television!
Graffiti

If you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel then it is because not all tunnels are straight pipes.
Bent Melchior (translated from danish)

[duality]

"To install,, Or not to install... That is the question.." -duality

[xenmax]

Don't know if anybody posted this before, could not find it in search.

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world"
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

[Stormy Eyes]

I saw this on a men's room wall once:

There are few personal problems that cannot be solved with the judicious application of high explosives.

[Master Shake]

The light at the end of the tunnel is usually an oncoming train.

[John.Michael.Kane]

It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right.
Friedrich Nietzsche

[Al3xanR0]

Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.

- Jesus the Christ of Nazareth

[arctic]

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

[Stormy Eyes]

Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.

You don't have to live by the sword to die on one.

[cstudent]

This was on my Google Home page today. I liked this one.

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams


.

[papangul]

The prelude of night is commenced in the music of the sunset, in it's solemn hymn to the ineffable dark.
- Rabindranath Tagore.

[Christmas]

Can I put here the one in my signature? If not, here's mine for today:

"Blinded by dawning though you would take me
Further away, away from the fall
Oh, you told me I must never dream again
A true damnation, you left me the pain."

That's from Lake of Tears' melody "So Fell Autumn Rain". Totally addicted to rock! ;)

[TeeAhr1]

"It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety." -Asimov, Foundation

[dmacdonald111]

I've always like this one;

The grass was covered in dew as if it has been left out all night

[Iandefor]

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time:

"On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
--Charles Babbage

And here's one I particularly like.

"In Heaven, all the interesting people are missing."
--Nietzsche

[cstudent]

Another one from my Google Home Page today:




The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

[John.Michael.Kane]

Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
Sun-tzu

[Master Shake]

She thinks I'm crazy, but I'm just growing old -- Steely Dan (Donald Fagen, Walter Becker) "Hey Nineteen"

[jimbren]

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.
Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005), "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

[WildTangent]

"The right person in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."
-G-Man from Half-Life 2

-Wild

[Stormy Eyes]

I saw this on Slashdot the other day: "Logic is a sword, and philosophy is swordplay. One is useless without the other."

[cstudent]

This one made me laugh this morning. :)



In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
- Ellen DeGeneres

[Christmas]

"A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog." - Jack London

I found this one on BrainyQuote.com, I don't know in what book written by Jack London appears though. However he still is my favourite author.

[cstudent]

Here's one for the ladies. :)



Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
- Charlotte Whitton

[John.Michael.Kane]

Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.
Mahatma Gandhi

[wmcbrine]

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." -- Carl Sagan

[xyz]

Frank Zappa:
There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

[SFN]

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
- P. J. O'Rourke

[RAV TUX]

"You know what's interesting about this whole thing? According to polls, 51 percent of Americans do not approve of gay marriage, but 70 percent of Americans do not approve of President Bush. So gay marriage is actually more popular than he is." --Jay Leno

[John.Michael.Kane]

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.
Albert Einstein

[TeeAhr1]

"You see, life is like that. We change, that's all...the guy I am now is not the guy I was then. If the guy I was then met the guy I am now he'd beat the **** out of me. Those are the facts." -Stevo, SLC Punk! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133189/)

[SFN]

"You know what's interesting about this whole thing? According to polls, 51 percent of Americans do not approve of gay marriage, but 70 percent of Americans do not approve of President Bush. So gay marriage is actually more popular than he is." --Jay Leno
I just read that to my wife and she said "Eh, what do the Polish know about it?"

Read it out loud. It took me a while.

[aktiwers]

A clever person solves a problem.
A wise person avoids it.

-- Einstein

[RAV TUX]

I just read that to my wife and she said "Eh, what do the Polish know about it?"

Read it out loud. It took me a while.

you mean a play on the word polls? (slang for Polish?)

cute.

[matthew]

I just read that to my wife and she said "Eh, what do the Polish know about it?"

Read it out loud. It took me a while.Polls=Poles. Funny. :)

[TeeAhr1]

"Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era - -the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant. There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - -on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - -the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."
Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

[John.Michael.Kane]

To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.
Sun-Tzu

[xyz]

I just read that to my wife and she said "Eh, what do the Polish know about it?"

Read it out loud. It took me a while.

Your wife's very funny...do you polarize her totally?...just asking!

[beercz]

Come On England!!! :-)

[matthew]

Come On England!!! :-)Unless you can cite the source that really isn't a quote. Let's stay on topic, please. :)

[John.Michael.Kane]

The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. The trite subjects of human efforts, possessions, outward success, luxury have always seemed to me contemptible.

Albert Einstein

[beercz]

Unless you can cite the source that really isn't a quote. Let's stay on topic, please.
OK
Come on England!!! - Ian Collier and millions of England fans!! 10th June 2006 :-)

(The thead is titled "Quote of the day")

[matthew]

OK
Come on England!!! - Ian Collier and millions of England fans!! 10th June 2006 :-)

(The thead is titled "Quote of the day")LOL -matthew

[matthew]

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
--Will Durant

[rjwood]

"I SEE"

---A blind person

[rjwood]

'I LIE'

----a person being honest at that moment--

[matthew]

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
--Mark Twain

[Lopsicle]

Never trust someone with a tidy desk and never trust someone that calls football, soccer.

Lopsicle 2006 :eek:

[ajifans]

If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you ever tried.

[TeeAhr1]

"I take too many pills, trying to ease the pain/Made a bunch of dollar bills, but I still act the same" -Kid Rock

[John.Michael.Kane]

The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. The trite subjects of human efforts, possessions, outward success, luxury have always seemed to me contemptible.

Albert Einstein

[beercz]

"If you are going to **** it up, you may as well do it in front of millions of people." - Bob Geldof, Live Aid, July 1985

[23meg]

If 100 average Windows users can't be convinced to learn how to set up their router does that mean routers are useless too?.

[Engnome]

"640k ought to be enough for anybody"
-Bill Gates, 1981

Not true (or rather out of context): http://www.faktoider.nu/640kb_eng.html //great site mostly Swedish but some are translated to english.


One of my favorite qutoes:

"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry


BTW you might wanna have a look at wikiquote.org They have some good quotes, Linus torvalds for example has said some things that are worth reading.

[rjwood]

'Life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans'
----John Lennon--

[zugu]

I'm afraid of people who are afraid of bicycles.

Saw this in someone's sig on these forums.

[matthew]

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
--G. K. Chesterton

[matthew]

The very word "secrecy" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings. We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it.
--John F. Kennedy

[John.Michael.Kane]

Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth.
Charles A. Dana