by far my most intense post - death of a parent

[mjp29]

I have not walked in these shoes. Some of you have. My parents are both still alive. Like most my age, I have experienced grandparents' deaths - but it's not the same.

I have this vision [thought] of my mother or father dead in a casket at the funeral home. I have attempted to hypothetically imagine what I will feel at this moment when it occurs as by fate it will one day. In my mind, I am attempting to prepare myself for perhaps the worst thing that will ever occur in my life. The single and only thing worse than this is if one of my children would die before I do, or my spouse would, which usually don't occur in that sequence for most but has occurred to some.

My thoughts right now: My mother is in a casket dead and I'm thinking I just spoke with her yesterday. I'm thinking I wish I only had 5 more minutes with her to tell her something more like how much I truly love her.

It's morbid I know. But I do have these thoughts. I also feel that there may be a sense of guilt by me that I didn't do this or didn't do that for her or could have done this or that to save her life. A flood of emotions run through my mind.

This post was inspired by a farmer that owns a very large farm in both acreage and livestock and crop, where I live in a small subdivision, and I thought he had it all, yet he told me he would give up all of this [his farm, land, ...] for just [to spend] five minutes with his loving deceased father.

[J-Buntu]

I think about these things too, not exactly the same, but of losing my parents of course. I think what is important, is that you are open with them now, while you have the chance - and not let that "what if i had just said/done/forgiven/forgotton etc" - situation be there, when the inevitable moment arrives. Tell them what you need to now, you have nothing to lose from it, but probably much to gain.

I think much depends too on what you believe happens after death.
It's only my opinion :)

[cariboo]

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I would suggest you find professional help, whether it be a religous leader or a therapist.

This thread is closed.