What would you do in this sad situation?

[oddabe19]

So, this is massivly off topic, but it's the community forum...

Anyway...

My girlfriend called me at around 430 this afternoon (that's EST)... to tell me her father passed away at around 3. She went home last friday to be with him and her mom since he wasn't doing so hot... he was on his 3rd battle with cancer and this one won :( So they were basically expecting it.

She's only 24 (too young to lose a parent, especially her father) and requested I stay here (Lancaster) to finish out classes this week, she wants me there, but there are too many people and her mom is going nuts with all those people... but i feel useless in that case... Since he was like a second father to me.

Anyway... I've been to many funerals/memorials (12 in all?), but none of my g/f's father... so i don't know what to do in general, what to say, how to act... blah......

so the point is...

What would YOU do....

If you're the praying type, please pray for her mom and her since the next days will be hard and if you're not, please keep them in your thoughts.

[mstlyevil]

So, this is massivly off topic, but it's the community forum...

Anyway...

My girlfriend called me at around 430 this afternoon (that's EST)... to tell me her father passed away at around 3. She went home last friday to be with him and her mom since he wasn't doing so hot... he was on his 3rd battle with cancer and this one won :( So they were basically expecting it.

She's only 24 (too young to lose a parent, especially her father) and requested I stay here (Lancaster) to finish out classes this week, she wants me there, but there are too many people and her mom is going nuts with all those people... but i feel useless in that case... Since he was like a second father to me.

Anyway... I've been to many funerals/memorials (12 in all?), but none of my g/f's father... so i don't know what to do in general, what to say, how to act... blah......

so the point is...

What would YOU do....

If you're the praying type, please pray for her mom and her since the next days will be hard and if you're not, please keep them in your thoughts.

You need to go especially if you and your girlfriend are serious enough to consider moving to the next level in your relationship. She will need you there if you are that close to each other and you should not worry as much about her Mom being freaked out by the number of people. Your comitment is to your GF not your GF's mom.

[Lovechild]

Go, it would be a sign of respect and love - why would people get upset if you pay respect to a person you obvious loved as do they?

You want to be there (you should), your girlfriend needs you there - this is a no brainer, even if you didn't know the person very well the mere fact that your girlfriend needs support in hard times should be enough.

[Deaf_Head]

If you stay to finish out classes for the week than call every day to see how she's doing, losing a parent is hard, but at the very least she was lucky that it wasn't as sudden and unexpected for her as it is for many people.

At anyrate how far away from you is she? If she is less than 2 hours away you can hopefully spare the time to see her atleast once between now and the weekend.
(there are people where I live taht drive 2 hours to pheonix for work than 2 hours back every day)

EDIT*
I'm assuming that your relationship is serious enough that you presence would be welcomed? or atleast favorable by your girlfriend and ehr mother. You just need not to overstep your bounds, because like mstlyevil said .. your reponsibility is to your gf adn not her mom.

[Vlammetje]

You need to get up nand go there immediately. She needs you there, your classes can wait but she cannot.

If you don;t know what to say, say so. Most people are unable to find those precise comforting words they would like to offer at tims like these. Your presence will more than make up for your not knowing what to say.

You can always catch up with your classes later on. You can not ever go back and be there with here and help her through this if you do not go now.

Go, be strong and may god help you all through this.

[raublekick]

How close were you to her father? If you knew the guy pretty well then I would definitely go.

She would probably appreciate the support if you went, but I dunno sometimes people like to keep it mostly family. How long have you been dating her? If it's just recently then maybe it's a little too soon to get involved with something like this.

Where do you go to school? I see you are from Lancaster, me too. If you go to Millersville, like me, then you probably will have to deal with professors who really don't care. Usually it is not an issue, but the university policy on deaths is immediate family only. Most professors don't follow policy, but some do. Just keep that in mind.

[oddabe19]

I was close to her father... I guess... her father always kinda kept to himself, but her parents are kinda like family to me. We've been dating almost 2 years...

Her family lives 3 1/2 hrs away... so its not exactly convient... she's strong too, she asked that I stay here, I told her I want to come and I feel useless, she said 'don't worry about me, i want you think more about my mom, there are way way too many people here and most aren't family, i want you to goto class and come up when your classes are over this week, I want you here, but there's too many people and I would want you to wait to come up'

I want to respect her wishes as well. I think me being is welcomed, but not this soon. We've been talking everyday on the phone since he was in the hospital and she went up there. She's an independent woman too, so if i know her (and i'd like to think i know her pretty well), she's more then fine without me there. I am going up for services though... And i'll be there a day or two before, and probably a week after to make sure her mom is ok.

[Bandit]

Just go and be a comfort to her.
You dont have to act anyway you dont feel like, you dont even have to say anything. Your presence will be enough for her.
Cheers,
Joey

[byen]

As many have suggested here.. I think it is best if you go! She is your girlfriend and this is one of those situations where you gotta drop whatever is at hand and be there for her. Its her dad and she needs you there...Doesnt matter if anyone else came or did anything...doesnt matter if her family needs you or not. She needs you there and thats where I sincerely think you should be!
I wish you guys good luck!
~byen

[raublekick]

Based on what you said that she said, I definitely would just follow her directions. Family deaths are very stresful, and they get even more stressful when there are tons of people (most not family, like she said) trying to provide comfort. It just becomes too much. I'm guessing what she would really like is some time alone to think about things and just cool off. But she probably can't because of all the people. Plus, you being the boyfriend, would be expected to be by her side, adding even more strain to that. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she really doesn't want you there until the weekend. Don't take offense to that, it's just how some people deal.

[PapaWiskas]

Trust me on this one....stop reading these posts and get there ASAP. You will not have a 2nd chance to do this, don't make a mistake, your heart has already told you to go. So get up from your desk right now, turn off the PC....and head her way.

God speed to you and her family in this time of need.

Best Regards,
Papa

[matthew]

There are many things in life that we later regret. Spending time with people we love, especially at emotionally intense periods, is generally not one of them.

If you love her, go. Honor her father's memory with your presence. Honor her mother and other surviving family members by not being a burden on them in any way. If there really is nothing you can do to help them and they don't want more people hanging out at the house, just say a quick "hello" and stay at a hotel, coming to be with them as much or as little as they want/need. Do your best to be sensitive to their wants/feelings/needs, but definitely GO, just to be nearby at the very least.

EDIT: Oh, and as per your request, for what it's worth the family is in my prayers