Operating Systems as Heroes.

[openfly]

So I was trying to think of a way to express my views on different operating systems... ( an age old puzzle ) while I wait for my dev environment to come back from a reboot.

So, imagine if you will... a group of operating systems personified are walking through middle american suburbia. They spot a house on fire. There's a user inside screaming for help....

Windows XP would run in, burst into flames... run screaming from the burning house into the neighboring house initiating a second blaze.

Linux would summon a biblical flood and cleanse the town of both fire and people.

OSX would toss on a sweet looking cape, run gallantly into the blaze... all the while dousing himself in gasoline.

Vista would look at the fire and promptly explode.

OS 9 has been missing for three years and is actually mummifying in their apt having died years ago.

OpenVMS marks the eons as they pass. It sees the fires of stars burn and fizzle as the cosmic ballet dances on into oblivion. It knows not the plight of man.

FreeBSD steals a fire truck.. drives it through the house... and takes the trapped user with them on the way out... smashed against the grill of the truck.

OpenBSD cordons off the area, men in suits appear and claim there never was any fire and you should disperse immediately.

NetBSD builds a new house, and puts a cardboard cut out of a happy user in it, obscuring the burning house from view.

beOS runs into the building gets to the people and promptly demands payment for each limb that he will save... if you decline to pay he hacks you up and leaves you bleeding on the floor.

HURD is on life support and cannot attend the fire.

Solaris declares a city wide state of emergency and deploys the national guard. They declare Iran responsible for the blaze and launch an ICBM blitz at them. When the dust settles Solaris stands victorious over the ashes of Iran and the burned house... never having even given a moments notice to the users that burned within.

AIX attempted to litigate a solution to the blaze. Defying all logic they were successful.

Irix modeled the blaze on a large cluster solving multiple solutions to save the user, they then sold the model to the DOE for several million dollars. They then bought donuts with the money. The user perished without donuts.

Tru64's grave lies next to that of xenix. Windows 7 was seen ******* on it.

HP-UX couldn't get up the stairs to the door with it's walker.

Android charged into the blaze dual super soakers firing away. He was last seen cackling maniacally as the building collapsed around him. He and the users bodies were never found.

The Arduino bootloader was headed into the blaze when it spotted a squirrel. It chased the hell out of that squirrel.

[bodyharvester]

that made me smile :)

[Philk]

Humorous, well-written, discerning!

I guess this also means you haven't found an OS you really like, or at least that really meets your needs.

Bravo!

[Starlight]

iPhone OS gracefully flies inside, dressed in a perfectly clean and shiny superhero costume, and when inside, realizes that its brand new awesome and shiny fire extinguisher disappeared because it was incompatible with Apple's development guidelines. o_O

[The Real Dave]

Oh that was hilarious!! :D Thank you for making my night better :)

[CharlesA]

Epic. :D

[note32]

:lolflag:

[dragos240]

This topic is awesome.

[clonne4crw]

What about NeXTSTEP, Minix, Darwin, System V, OS/2, DOS, Rockbox (We're counting Arduino BL as an OS), and ReactOS?

[pwnst*r]

iPhone OS gracefully flies inside, dressed in a perfectly clean and shiny superhero costume, and when inside, realizes that its brand new awesome and shiny fire extinguisher disappeared because it was incompatible with Apple's development guidelines. o_O

lame.

[Bachstelze]

This is very inaccurate. Then again, I guess it was just supposed to be funny... Well, it's a fail.

[Frak]

Linux would summon a biblical flood and cleanse the town of both fire and people.


I have a better one:

Linux would put on a very nice looking costume, though composed of two non-consistent parts. He would then put on his prosthetic leg and hop to the scene screaming "WHAT? WHO NEEDS HELP? SPEAK LOUDER, YOU'RE HARD TO HEAR. MY HEARING AID DOESN'T WORK RIGHT NOW. MY OLD ONE WORKED FINE, BUT THIS ONE LOOKED SNAZZIER. GET OFF MY LAWN!"

[clonne4crw]

This is very inaccurate. Then again, I guess it was just supposed to be funny... Well, it's a fail.

Failure is always an option. :p

[dragos240]

Failure is always an option. :p

Well, if you use windows:

http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0805/failure-is-not-an-option-bsod-microsoft-fail-demotivational-poster-1209700709.png

[Frak]

Well, if you use windows:

http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0805/failure-is-not-an-option-bsod-microsoft-fail-demotivational-poster-1209700709.png
That was back when you could hit enter and a bluescreen would just go away (sometimes) without the need for a reboot.

[dragos240]

That was back when you could hit enter and a bluescreen would just go away (sometimes) without the need for a reboot.

Still. I thought it was funny.

[jamieleshaw]

;)

[clonne4crw]

Ugh. Windows bashing. I hates it. I had this one machine that every distro of Linux and BSD would kernel panic on. The only OS that wouldn't fail on it was Windows XP and 2000.

Everything fails at some point.

[Frak]

Still. I thought it was funny.
It was, I was just saying.

[JillSwift]

Linux runs into the blazing house, clumsily spraying water around with a fire hose he doesn't quite know how to use. Amazingly, almost miraculously, he puts out the fire and rescues the house's occupant.

The rescued man, sopping wet and a bit bruised, says "Thank you, Linux."

A bystander yells: "Oh gawd you're such a Linux fanboi!"


A block over, in another burning house, Windows heroically dives in. Wielding the fire hose with more expertise but with more pauses to check on his own personal safety and not without some impressively clumsy moves, he manages to douse the flames in spite of himself and save the occupant.

The rescued man, also sopping wet and a bit bruised, says "Thank you Windows."

A bystander yells: "Linux would have done it better!"


In another city, FreeBSD fights a house fire with old tools that manage to be effective despite their age. With a slow methodical focus, he manages to put out the blaze and rescue the occupant.

The rescued man says "Thank you FreeBSD."

No one else notices.


In another city, Grub notices a house fire and offers to call 911, the direct number to the fire department, or a pizza place, occupant's choice.

[clonne4crw]

Linux runs into the blazing house, clumsily spraying water around with a fire hose he doesn't quite know how to use. Amazingly, almost miraculously, he puts out the fire and rescues the house's occupant.

The rescued man, sopping wet and a bit bruised, says "Thank you, Linux."

A bystander yells: "Oh gawd you're such a Linux fanboi!"


A block over, in another burning house, Windows heroically dives in. Wielding the fire hose with more expertise but with more pauses to check on his own personal safety and not without some impressively clumsy moves, he manages to douse the flames in spite of himself and save the occupant.

The rescued man, also sopping wet and a bit bruised, says "Thank you Windows."

A bystander yells: "Linux would have done it better!"


In another city, FreeBSD fights a house fire with old tools that manage to be effective despite their age. With a slow methodical focus, he manages to put out the blaze and rescue the occupant.

The rescued man says "Thank you FreeBSD."

No one else notices.


In another city, Grub notices a house fire and offers to call 911, the direct number to the fire department, or a pizza place, occupant's choice.

Perfect!

[SunnyRabbiera]

I have a better one:

Linux would put on a very nice looking costume, though composed of two non-consistent parts. He would then put on his prosthetic leg and hop to the scene screaming "WHAT? WHO NEEDS HELP? SPEAK LOUDER, YOU'RE HARD TO HEAR. MY HEARING AID DOESN'T WORK RIGHT NOW. MY OLD ONE WORKED FINE, BUT THIS ONE LOOKED SNAZZIER. GET OFF MY LAWN!"

Meanwhile Windows puts on a transparent uniform that looks nice from a distance but weighs a million tons. He puts on his face mask as despite the fact he has so many powers he is scared to death of germs.
His famous superhero catchphrase is:
"I WILL SAVE YOU, I AM WINDOWS MAN! YOU NEED ME JUST PAY ME A MERE $300 AND I WILL COME TO YOUR RESCUE! YOU CAN BE SAVED BY ME 3 TIMES AFTER THAT BUT IF YOU NEED MY HELP AGAIN I NEED ANOTHER $300!"

Soon after picking up the distressed citizen: "EEK, GERMS!!!"

[armageddon08]

So I was trying to think of a way to express my views on different operating systems... ( an age old puzzle ) while I wait for my dev environment to come back from a reboot.

So, imagine if you will... a group of operating systems personified are walking through middle american suburbia. They spot a house on fire. There's a user inside screaming for help....

Windows XP would run in, burst into flames... run screaming from the burning house into the neighboring house initiating a second blaze.

Linux would summon a biblical flood and cleanse the town of both fire and people.

OSX would toss on a sweet looking cape, run gallantly into the blaze... all the while dousing himself in gasoline.

Vista would look at the fire and promptly explode.

OS 9 has been missing for three years and is actually mummifying in their apt having died years ago.

OpenVMS marks the eons as they pass. It sees the fires of stars burn and fizzle as the cosmic ballet dances on into oblivion. It knows not the plight of man.

FreeBSD steals a fire truck.. drives it through the house... and takes the trapped user with them on the way out... smashed against the grill of the truck.

OpenBSD cordons off the area, men in suits appear and claim there never was any fire and you should disperse immediately.

NetBSD builds a new house, and puts a cardboard cut out of a happy user in it, obscuring the burning house from view.

beOS runs into the building gets to the people and promptly demands payment for each limb that he will save... if you decline to pay he hacks you up and leaves you bleeding on the floor.

HURD is on life support and cannot attend the fire.

Solaris declares a city wide state of emergency and deploys the national guard. They declare Iran responsible for the blaze and launch an ICBM blitz at them. When the dust settles Solaris stands victorious over the ashes of Iran and the burned house... never having even given a moments notice to the users that burned within.

AIX attempted to litigate a solution to the blaze. Defying all logic they were successful.

Irix modeled the blaze on a large cluster solving multiple solutions to save the user, they then sold the model to the DOE for several million dollars. They then bought donuts with the money. The user perished without donuts.

Tru64's grave lies next to that of xenix. Windows 7 was seen ******* on it.

HP-UX couldn't get up the stairs to the door with it's walker.

Android charged into the blaze dual super soakers firing away. He was last seen cackling maniacally as the building collapsed around him. He and the users bodies were never found.

The Arduino bootloader was headed into the blaze when it spotted a squirrel. It chased the hell out of that squirrel.

Thank You! You made my day. :popcorn:

[murderslastcrow]

I don't which of these descriptions is the most amusing.

[JBAlaska]

Guess I'm switching to Solaris

[SunnyRabbiera]

Well here is my approach to the matter:

Apple Man:
Apple Man is the high priced Tony Stark/Bruce Wayne Superhero, meaning you have to be as rich as Stark/Wayne to afford him and unlike most of the other OS superheroes he will only go to one city.
Description: He wears a white and silver uniform, laced with real silver.
He has bright blue hair and has a bright smile.
Powers: Super breath, super speed, super expensiveness.
Weaknesses: Windows Man, Linux Lady, Poor people

Linux Lady:
Linux Lady is the most underestimated superhero, when most look at her they compare her to other heroes and most of the time they pass her up for Windows Man or Apple Man.
But for those who appreciate her they know how special she is.
Linux Lady does not ask for a reward, like a real superhero would.
Description: She dresses up as a penguin normally but she can change her costume at any given time.
She always changes her looks
Powers: Super speed, the ability to acquire more powers, the ability to change her appearance, and to fit the needs of the people she serves.
Weaknesses: Microsoft Man, Microsoft Man's lawyers, Apple Man.

Windows Man:
I already talked about Windows Man, but meh why not do it again.
Windows Man like Apple Man does not work for free, he has a lot of powers and is the most well known superhero.
But he has a tendency to freeze up, turn blue and he is utterly terrified of germs.
In his lair he obsessively cleans everything, in fact he spends more time in a NBC suit (Nuclear, Biological, Chemical) then saving people.
Description: He wears a transparent cape, his uniform is mostly blue.
Weaknesses: Linux Lady, Apple Man, fear of germs.

[ElSlunko]

Great post, very well written :)

[deancasino]

All of these are well thought out and well written :)

[chillicampari]

DOS is still in the street waiting for the IRQ address to the fire.

[JBAlaska]

DOS is still in the street waiting for the IRQ address to the fire.

Well he got the address but there was a conflict..