Any Italian speakers out there?

[josephellengar]

Strange question: I just need to know if what I've written makes grammatical sense. I'm in Italian 101 and need to hand this in tomorrow and I am very bad at foreign languages, so I just want to make sure that it makes sense. Any help would be much appreciated. As follows:

Il Giro a Tassi a Roma

Questo e una storia di una tassista strano a Roma.
Sono una turista a Roma. Ho bisogno di andare di il Tevere, un fiume a una pensione. Io non camino perche e Iontano da il Tevera. Denomino un tassi piccolo.
Il tassista domanda dove ho voglia andare. Domando andare a una pensione. “Si, piacere. Come ti chiami?”
Io rispondo, “Mi chiamo Ross. Piacere.”
Guiodiamo, pero non guidamo a una pensione. La tasista parli, “Ho voglia di essere una guida turistica. Ti presento a Roma.” Guidamo verso il Coloseo.
Verdo molto Roma. La tassista e io guidiamo a i monumenti, le chiese, e le rovine. Verdo la Citta Vatican, e verdo Lo Papa. La tasista domanda, “Come verdere Roma?” E molto contento.
“Si. Hai ragione la mi presentare.”

[ecmatter]

http://oem.ciare.com/en/297/360/prodotti.php

[ChrT]

Learning the language itself is just the tip of the iceberg. If you want to sound italian, just talk, speak up, keep talking, get aggresive when someone else wants to start talking, and most importantly, don't stop talking. Talk at all times, never shutting your mouth. If necessary, use self-confirmation techniques to convince yourself of the fact that other people don't need to talk in your presence, ever. Learn to love the sound of your own voice. Practice to increase the endurance of your speaking muscles, and test that endurance always. Consciously ignore the fact that you're boring and annoying everyone around you when you talk. Apply psychological conditioning to feel sad and depressed whenever you're not the one talking. When you reach that goal, you'll sound like a true italian.