Linux Jokes

[chessnerd]

I've got two:


Being a Linux user is sort of like living in a house inhabited by a large family of carpenters and architects. Every morning when you wake up, the house is a little different. Maybe there is a new doors, or some walls have moved. Or perhaps someone has temporarily removed the floor under your bed...


Three friends, Bill, Steve, and Linus, walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they would like to drink. Bill orders a basic beer, Steve orders an expensive imported draft, and Linus gets a glass of water. Bill and Steve are confused by this and ask why Linus doesn't want a drink.

He responds, "Don't you see? This water is free. I'll be able to go to my baker friend to get yeast, a farmer friend to get hops, and another friend has got a brewery. Together, we can turn this glass of water into the best beer in the world! It'll only take a few days and it'll be totally free!"

Bill and Steve roll their eyes and say, "Linus, one of these days you're going to have to understand that the idea of free beer isn't that important."

Anyone else know some Linux jokes?

[jrusso2]

I always like the Linux airlines one where you have to build your own seat on the plane with a set of instructions.

The seat is very comfortable and the ride is free. But when you tell your friends all they can say is you had to do what with the seat?

[MikeTheC]

Hmm...


Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.


PENGUIN 1: Squak squak squak screech squak squak *shake head* squak.
PENGUIN 2: Screech squak?
PENGUIN 1: Squak; squak squak screech screech squak.
[raucous laughter ensues]

Sorry, I'm right out of Linux jokes now.

[DeadSuperHero]

Hmm...





Sorry, I'm right out of Linux jokes now.

I really liked your second one.

[geekygirl]

Q: Why did the penguin cross the road?

A: Because it can.

[roharme]

One Windows Joke(No Offence).

Never go for Windows airlines. When you are in situation to open your parachute, you will get a message "Do you wish to open the parachute? Yes No"

[lisati]

One Windows Joke(No Offence).

Never go for Windows airlines. When you are in situation to open your parachute, you will get a message "Do you wish to open the parachute? Yes No"

Are you sure? Yes/No.
Parachute needs permission to continue. Allow/Ignore/Cancel.

[DeadSuperHero]

Eh, screw it. Cancel.

[chessnerd]

One Windows Joke(No Offence).

Never go for Windows airlines. When you are in situation to open your parachute, you will get a message "Do you wish to open the parachute? Yes No"


Are you sure? Yes/No.
Parachute needs permission to continue. Allow/Ignore/Cancel.

"The Windows registry has reported that one or more required files are damaged or missing. To correct this problem, please reinstall Parachute."

Now, to be fair, Linux doesn't have support for Parachute, but I hear there is this great open source alternative called Free Falling...

[DeadSuperHero]

Stallman's a big fan of Free Falling. With his weight configuration, I hear he FALLS FASTER than the average skinny Linux user.

[Giant Speck]

I really liked your second one.

Me, too.

[starcannon]

"The Windows registry has reported that one or more required files are damaged or missing. To correct this problem, please reinstall Parachute."

Now, to be fair, Linux doesn't have support for Parachute, but I hear there is this great open source alternative called Free Falling...
Yeah, it'd be better if they'd get a GUI on that; I heard somuns working on freefall-gtk but I haven't been able to locate a package or source for it.

I get some weird errors when I run freefall.


starcannon@starcannon-desktop:~$ freefall -terminalvelocity -3 -waterlanding 1

> *terminal velocity has been increased.
> *warning, you have chosen an ammo dump as your landing zone.
> *error, program exited unexpectedly, unable to save user data.

starcannon@starcannon-desktop:~$

[TheNosh]

Stallman's a big fan of Free Falling. With his weight configuration, I hear he FALLS FASTER than the average skinny Linux user.

he'd be offended by that. not because of anything you said about his weight, but because you didn't say "I hear he FALLS FASTER than the average skinny GNU/Linux user."

[DeadSuperHero]

TheNosh, you make a good point.

But I have a better one.

Can he use his beard as a Parachute? Or do the birds that live in it pull him to safety?

[Nevon]

This is not directly related to Linux - in fact, it's not really a joke - but it makes me giggle anyway.


- Does the c compiler not tell you what you did wrong?
- C is great!
- The Java compiler is all like: "you have an uninitialised variable there, would you like a hug?"
- Gcc is like "raaagh! I do no bounds-checking!"

[infestor]

couldn't stop myself:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sandwich.png

[koshatnik]

f(x) walks into a bar and orders some chips. The barman says sorry we don't cater for functions.

[lisati]

Q: How many users of MS products does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Who needs a light-bulb when you have Windows?

[Trail]

This is not directly related to Linux - in fact, it's not really a joke - but it makes me giggle anyway.

Well, first of all, it's not gcc's "fault", it's C's "fault".

Second, use proper compiler flags and warnings, then the compiler will issue warnings for things you are not even aware of :) The ones I use, and I'm quite satisfied, are usually:


-std=c++98
-ffor-scope
-fno-gnu-keywords
-foperator-names
-pipe
-Wall
-Wextra
-Wold-style-cast
-Wpointer-arith
-Woverloaded-virtual
-ggdb3
-Weffc++ //usually good, but annoying when you HAVE to inherit from a class without virtual destructor (kinda buggy, does not respect -Wno-non-virtual-dtor, it's treated differently)
-Wsign-promo
-Wshadow
-Wcast-align
-Wconversion
-Wsign-conversion
-Wmissing-declarations
-Wpadded
-Winline
-Wdisabled-optimization

-D_GLIBCXX_CONCEPT_CHECKS
-D_GLIBCXX_DEBUG
-D_GLIBCXX_DEBUG_PEDANTIC

-fno-threadsafe-statics //single-threaded
-march=native
-mtune=native
-findirect-inlining

[stinger30au]

Are you sure? Yes/No.
Parachute needs permission to continue. Allow/Ignore/Cancel.

error

parachute failed to open as your license has expired or is non genuine and you may be in possession of counterfeit software

lol!

[lisati]

error

parachute failed to open as your license has expired or is non genuine and you may be in possession of counterfeit software

lol!

I'll just have to go for the reserve chute, a.k.a. Ubuntu. (and yes, I did have two parachutes come out once at more-or-less the same time once back in the 1980s - and I managed to catch one of them somehow! This is a true anecdote.)

[megamania]

Well, first of all, it's not gcc's "fault", it's C's "fault".

Second, use proper compiler flags and warnings, then the compiler will issue warnings for things you are not even aware of :) The ones I use, and I'm quite satisfied, are usually:

That's the best joke so far! ;-)

[The Real Dave]

Parents, warn your kids about Linux!!

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cautionary.png


Some other good XDCD stuff :D

"Frustration"

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frustration.png

"Sporks"

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/forks_and_spoons.png

"Designated Drivers"

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/designated_drivers.png

[izizzle]

Not really a Linux joke, but...

After a long night, Bill Gates and his wife woke up with smiles on their faces. His wife remarked: "Oh Bill! Now I know why you named your company MICRO-SOFT!"

I always chuckle at that one...

[Nevon]

Well, first of all, it's not gcc's "fault", it's C's "fault".
That's one way to completely kill a joke.

[Keyper7]

Me, too.

I'm not sure if I agree. The first penguin sounded a little racist.

However, the phrase he said is very complex and open to a lot of different interpretations, so I could be wrong.

[sydbat]

I'm not sure if I agree. The first penguin sounded a little racist.

However, the phrase he said is very complex and open to a lot of different interpretations, so I could be wrong.And the award for 'Best answer to a quote of a quote of a post' goes to...

[chessnerd]

couldn't stop myself:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sandwich.png

I knew someone would have to bring up xkcd...

[freebeer]

Now, to be fair, Linux doesn't have support for Parachute, but I hear there is this great open source alternative called Free Falling...

Who needs a parachute when you can just "cd ~"?

[bodyharvester]

Who needs a parachute when you can just "cd ~"?

haha, sherlock holmes said that the right answer was almost always the simplest, or something like that

[TheNosh]

haha, sherlock holmes said that the right answer was almost always the simplest, or something like that

it was something along those lines, but he took it from occam's razor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_razor)

[Elep.Repu]

You're doing an administrative activity, please type your password.

[Eviltechie]

You're doing an administrative activity, please type your password.

Just hope that parachute doesn't require root access.

[racerraul]

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_j__cjyJkwjM/SS2b5P-O4aI/AAAAAAAAEDk/uHT--e85Fww/s800/diveadamn.gif