Your funniest quotes from confused computer users?

[K.Y.A]

I was helping someone fix their Vista install over a chat program, as she was not seeing images in firefox (told her to clear cache). The next thing she said was this:


when u click those buttons is something supose to happen

I laughed my **** off. Heh, hope you have some good stories!


BTW, you can view my other funny quotes at www.directoryadmin.info and reloading the page to see another.

[Mehall]

I would have LOL'd














But it wasn;t funny.

[swoll1980]

"I thought I couldn't get viruses when I'm logged into Firefox"

That's a classic.

[K.Y.A]

I would have LOL'd



But it wasn;t funny.


It was funny when you are 3hrs into the conversation attempting to fix a simple problem... And they ask if they were supposed to be doing anything....

[Jesus_Valdez]

Is a story more than a quote but anyway, I heard it from a guy who used to work at an AOL call center, and one time this guy call claiming that the cd doesn's work and complaining about the dozen call he have made and the problem persist, and after a very long, long call the costumer finally told him one very important thing about his PC, it was a Fisher Price one.

[K.Y.A]

Is a story more than a quote but anyway, I heard it from a guy who used to work at an AOL call center, and one time this guy call claiming that the cd doesn's work and complaining about the dozen call he have made and the problem persist, and after a very long, long call the costumer finally told him one very important thing about his PC, it was a Fisher Price one.

That reminds me, my Uncle had Windows 2000, and a 40gb hard drive. The machine was made by dell, and he had AOL dialup. AOL generated a file of 30gb, some how. Browsing cache I guess that accumulated over the years. I told him to delete it, and he didn't. The result? A broken Windows install. Instead of just reinstalling and going with a different ISP, he bought a new Dell Computer, and got the new version of AOL, AGAIN!

[DeadSuperHero]

"There's nothing wrong with Free Software interfaces, EVER."

-Penguin Pete, whose blog is probably the most technologically-clueless pro-Linux blog I've ever seen.

[K.Y.A]

"There's nothing wrong with Free Software interfaces, EVER."

-Penguin Pete, whose blog is probably the most technologically-clueless pro-Linux blog I've ever seen.

Could you link me to his blog? :)

[Tristam Green]

"There's nothing wrong with Free Software interfaces, EVER."

-Penguin Pete, whose blog is probably the most technologically-clueless pro-Linux blog I've ever seen.

Darn you. I'm laughing every bit of myself dry reading this thing now.

[ricardisimo]

"I'm not getting any letters, just stars."

- Complaint a friend of mine got working tech support; the caller didn't quite get the concept of password protection.

[MaxIBoy]

"Whenever you install something, it uses up so much memory that the system breaks."
-My dad, when I suggested installing Wubi with a five-gig image on his still-mostly-empty-after-five-years 250-gig hard drive.

[pricetech]

User: I can't log in
Me: What happens when you try ?? Are you getting an error of some kind ??
User: Yes, it says microsoft is not available.

Caller: I can't get on the Internet and my mother paid the bill this time !!
Me: What error are you getting ??
Caller: I'm not getting an error !!
Me: If you're not getting an error, you must be connected.
Caller finally tried again and when she called me back with the error message I just told her to reboot and it fixed the problem (win95)

Then there was to old man whose nephew had given him a computer. After much grief on my part trying to help him get set up and dialed in, he called me.
Old Man: I finally got connected.
Me: Good, glad to hear it.
Old Man: But I still have a problem. When I click on that blue E thing it goes to this college thing and I don't want to go there. I want to go somewhere else.
Me: Just type in the URL of the website you want to see and press Enter
At this point I was waiting to hear him ask "what's an url???" but no....
Old Man: What's a website ???
I told him to call his nephew.

I could think of a whole lot more, but you get the idea. Supporting "joe user" can be fun sometimes.

[Quake]

I don't think it's related but nevertheless, it was funny:

"You know computers right? Can you hack into Hotmail?"

[Woormy]

Me over the phone: Just highlight that text and press the delete key.
Idiot on the other end using the exact same model of computer that I am: My computer doesn't have a delete key.

[Tibuda]

- I have a message error.
- What's the message?
- Yes.

[Viva]

If Richard Stallman had to make a living from writing software rather than whatever he does, I’m curious how much of his code he’d really open-source.

Some nutcase Mono developer, http://www.itwire.com/content/view/26075/1090/1/0/

[Gizenshya]

After I installed my mom's first fax machine, she needed to send an important file. I set up the options, ten started to fax.

She starts yelling "NO!! STOP!! WAIT!!!! I haven't copied it yet!!!"

After a second I realized why she was so scared: She thought that fax machines physically sent the document through the phone lines, like a teleporter off of Star Trek :p

Ohh, and there was this other female relative I was teaching how to use the elaborate "copy and paste" feature. She STILL calls me up for reminders. :(

I've had countless conversations with old people like the following. (and the following is an actual phone conversation from a couple weeks ago):

old person: "I can't remember... when I right-click, is it once or twice?"

me: "It is always once with the right-click."

old person: "Ohh, ok. But when I click twice with the left, it turns blue."

me: "No, just left-click once for copy and paste. Sometimes you need to click twice with the left-click, but not for copy and paste."

old person: "ohh, ok. Now how do I get it back to.. uhh, normal paper?"

me: "Left-click once in an empty area"

old person: "where is the empty space? there is stuff everywhere."

me: *thinks like old person* "click on part of the paper that has no words on it."

old person: "OK. (pause) well now it's all blue."

me: *bangs head on the wall* "You double-clicked, didn't you?"

old person: "... uhh... I don't remember. I don't think I did, though."

me: "left-click once in part of the blue paper, where no writing is."

old person: "ohh, ok."

me: *sighs in relief* "anything else?'

old person: "ohh, yeah. The reason I called you is I want you to teach me that copy thing again."

and it went on like that for about 2 hours.

[azangru]

Me: Just type in the URL of the website you want to see and press Enter
At this point I was waiting to hear him ask "what's an url???" but no....

Saying the word "url" to an old man who sounded that confused was... cruel :p

[Old_Grey_Wolf]

-Penguin Pete, whose blog is probably the most technologically-clueless pro-Linux blog I've ever seen.

I bookmarked that blog. I like his humour. :)

[hoagie]

Caller: Hello I'm having a serious problem.
Me: What is it?
Caller: I can't see anything on my computer screen.
Me: What do you mean?
Caller: Everything went dark and I can't see anything.
Me: Is the VGA cable connected properly from the computer to the monitor.
Caller: I don't know the electricity was cut an hour ago and I can't see anything.

[dragos240]

"It says 'press any key to continue', where's the any key?'

[Gizenshya]

ohh, and a while back I was talking with someone my age about computers, and the subject of hacking came up. somewhere in that conversation, one quote is etched into my memory...

We were in a computer lab talking casually up until this point. He quiteed his voice to just above a whisper, and said: "I've done a thing or two in my day, too. I found this website the other day and right-click wouldn't work. So I used the 'ol 'control+c' *wink* "

Upon his face was as pure and sincere a display of pride and accomplishment as I've ever seen in my life.

I don't remember much else about it, but I decided not to burst his bubble :)

[dragos240]

ohh, and a while back I was talking with someone my age about computers, and the subject of hacking came up. somewhere in that conversation, one quote is etched into my memory...

We were in a computer lab talking casually up until this point. He quiteed his voice to just above a whisper, and said: "I've done a thing or two in my day, too. I found this website the other day and right-click wouldn't work. So I used the 'ol 'control+c' *wink* "

Upon his face was as pure and sincere a display of pride and accomplishment as I've ever seen in my life.

I don't remember much else about it, but I decided not to burst his bubble :)

Call him up, and burst his bubble. He could of turned off javascript >.<.

[meho_r]

"It says 'press any key to continue', where's the any key?'

This reminds me of "Press any key to continue, or any other to exit/quit" :-)

[Excedio]

After I installed my mom's first fax machine, she needed to send an important file. I set up the options, ten started to fax.

She starts yelling "NO!! STOP!! WAIT!!!! I haven't copied it yet!!!"

After a second I realized why she was so scared: She thought that fax machines physically sent the document through the phone lines, like a teleporter off of Star Trek :p

This took me 10 minutes to finally stop laughing, wipe the tears off my face...and quote this...

...priceless

[ericmc783]

I just so happened to have one yesterday. Someone in Win XP was having trouble saving an Excel document. They were getting an error: "Cannot save. the disk is full."

User: "The file isn't on a disk though, it's on my computer!!".