My portal quotes

[dragos240]

Hello. I have had many many portal quotes stuck in my head, I want to post them, I wonder how accurate I'll be.

START:

Hello, and again, welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center, we hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed, and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start however, pleas keep in mind that although fun, and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your safety and the safety of others, please refrain from ..... por favor de donde *I have no idea what comes next, I couldn't make it out* and back, the portal will open in 3 2 1 *portal opens*

Please place the weighted storage cube on the 1500 megawatt aperture science heavy -duty supercolliding super-button.

Perfect, please move quickly to the chamberlock as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button, are not part of this test.

Please move to the chamberlock after completing each test.

Get ready to fffffffling yourself fl fl fling into space *static*

Wheeeeeeee *static*

Unbeleivable! You *subject name here* must be the pride of *subject hometown here*.

Congratulations, the test is now over. All aperture technology remains safely operational up to 4000 degrees kelvin. Rest assure, there is no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction. Thank you for participating in this aperture science computer aided enrichment activity. Goodbye!

What are you doing..... stop it..... iiiiiiiiiii...... we are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.

Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit and I said "goodbye" and you were like "No way", and I was all "we pretended we were going to murder you." That was great.

Your not even going the right way, you should have turned left. It's funny actually. Someday we'll remember this and laugh and laugh and laugh... Ohoh boy.

Well you found me, congratulations, was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and will just call it a day, I guess we both know that isn't going to happen. You chose this path now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in 5.. 4.. *morality core falls* timeout for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise I've never seen it before. Nevermind, it's a mystery I'll solve later, by myself, because you'll be dead.

Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much, do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU!!!!! How does that feel?

A previous statement that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication.

The aperture science high-energy pellet, has been known to cause permanent disabilities such as vaporization.

Very good, you are now in possession of the aperture science handheld portal device. With it, you can create your own portals. These intra-dementional gates have proven to be completely safe. The device however has not. Do not touch the operational end of the device, do not look directly at the operational end of the device, do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you.... sshhoouulldd yyoouu........ *static*

I have more.... but I'm too lazy to type anymore right now.

[Skripka]

The Cake is a LIE.

[dragos240]

The Cake is a LIE.

No it isn't. You see it at the end.

There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the companion cube... but he couldn't come because you... murdered him.... all your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends.

You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing.

You're not smart, you're not a scientist, you're not a doctor, you're not even a full-time employee.... where did your life go so wrong.

It says so right here "Unlikable, liked by nobody, a bitter unlikable person who's passing shall not be mourned, SHALL NOT BE MOURNED" it's right here, very formal, very official. It also says you were adopted, so thats funny too.

[starcraft.man]

.................................................. .................................................. .................................

I think someone needs a gf.

[H2SO_four]

Are you still there?



Over here!

[dragos240]

.................................................. .................................................. .................................

I think someone needs a gf.

I just need my computer, internets, linux, and wine.

[RATM_Owns]

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate
My satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
Because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying
Over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
Till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are
Still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data
Make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
For the people who are
Still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else
To help you.
Maybe Black Mesa...
THAT WAS A JOKE, HA HA, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway this cake is great
It's so delicious and moist
Look at me still talking when there's science to do
When I look out there
It makes me glad I'm not you
I've experiments to be run
There is research to be done
On the people who are
Still alive.

And believe me I am still alive
I'm doing science and I am still alive
I feel FANTASTIC and I am still alive
While you're dying I'll be still alive
And when you're dead I will be still alive
Still alive
Still alive

*twitch*

[dragos240]

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate
My satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
Because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying
Over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
Till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are
Still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data
Make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
For the people who are
Still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else
To help you.
Maybe Black Mesa...
THAT WAS A JOKE, HA HA, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway this cake is great
It's so delicious and moist
Look at me still talking when there's science to do
When I look out there
It makes me glad I'm not you
I've experiments to be run
There is research to be done
On the people who are
Still alive.

And believe me I am still alive
I'm doing science and I am still alive
I feel FANTASTIC and I am still alive
While you're dying I'll be still alive
And when you're dead I will be still alive
Still alive
Still alive

*twitch*


The device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once.

[RATM_Owns]

The Enrichment Center requires to tell you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard it's advice.

Please be informed that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, however, it is an unintended side-effect.

Quit now and cake will be served immediately.

In layman's terms: speedy thing goes in, speedy thing come out.

Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-esteem Fund for Girls? It's true.

For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try and avoid it.

Did you just stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest... whoa... woah... wooooaaaahhhh...
Good news... I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core the Enrichment Center installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

Theeerrreee-realllyyyy-waaasss-aaaa-caaaakeeeee.

[dragos240]

The Enrichment Center requires to tell you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard it's advice.

Please be informed that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, however, it is an unintended side-effect.

Quit now and cake will be served immediately.

In layman's terms: speedy thing goes in, speedy thing come out.

Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-esteem Fund for Girls? It's true.

For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try and avoid it.

Did you just stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest... whoa... woah... wooooaaaahhhh...
Good news... I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core the Enrichment Center installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

Theeerrreee-realllyyyy-waaasss-aaaa-caaaakeeeee.

Huh... that core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses. Oh well..... if you want my advise you should just lie down in front of a rocket, trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin.

[RATM_Owns]

I have your brain scanned and permanently backed in case something bad happens to you, which it's just about to.
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on.
"Helloooooo"
That's you, that's how dumb you sound.

[MikeTheC]

There are those who believe that life down here began out there, with tribes of humans who even now regret having done so in the first place.

[dragos240]

Certain objects may be vital to your success... if at first you don't succeed, you fail, and the test will be terminated.