A little personal problem.

[XxsydenxX]

Yes yes, I know I said personal, but really this community is so nice and trust worthy, and has always helped me with Linux issues, that i cant help but feel that you can help me with this.

A few days ago, I helped a good friend with something, mind you this friend is VERY important to me, as are all of my friends.

She decided for all of my hard effort with no prevail mind you, She was going to get me a gift. Well..I refused, over and over again, her asking turned to pleading, which made me feel bad. Like really really bad.

Now you may wonder why I couldn't accept, I personally have a form of OCD, which makes me feel guilty for accepting gifts. So i have refused them all my life, i even joke around with my best friend whom hasn't gotten my a birthday gift in 12 years asking where my gifts are...of course he is to cheap to buy them anyways >_>

So one could say i'm a complete noob to gift receiving. But oddly enough, I now want her gift, because i wouldn't feel guilty. In fact i would feel alot better letting her do this and allowing me to buy me a gift...Now here is where my current issue stands...since i am a complete and utter noob to this modesty. I asked her about her budget...she said she had Said amount of money laying around...and i said ok and looked online for a bit..made a few joke which probably didnt help my situation at all [EPIC FAIL] And then gave her the link http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=4366418&Sku=W10-9300

And now my friends, she seems angrier, or hell..disappointed in me..No i am not a social cripple, but this is honestly my only social down fall..i dont know what to do....please any advice would be treasured at this point..

[PurposeOfReason]

Well since you don't see what you did, let me explain. You didn't want a gift. You said no many times. Then, when you do want a gift, you choose (whether a joke or not), not only an expensive gift, but a selfish one. What she was looking for was something cheaper that you two could enjoy together, not some toy for you to have fun with. Yeah, you could watch movies together, but obviously she didn't want that.

You really should have held your ground and said no.

[XxsydenxX]

Well since you don't see what you did, let me explain. You didn't want a gift. You said no many times. Then, when you do want a gift, you choose (whether a joke or not), not only an expensive gift, but a selfish one. What she was looking for was something cheaper that you two could enjoy together, not some toy for you to have fun with. Yeah, you could watch movies together, but obviously she didn't want that.

You really should have held your ground and said no.

Thats more complicated, seeing as though she wouldn't be able to enjoy it with me..circumstances of where she lives at this point in time..

[Screwdriver0815]

as far as I understood, you have searched for a gift, based on the amount of money she wants to spend?

Normally it is like that: she wants to give you something, she asks what you want, you tell her in what category (electronics, food, maybe going out for an evening) you want (should not be much and should be not expensive, related to the favour you did her), she buys/ pays it - done.

so I only would tell her the category of the things you would like to have and leave the decision what to buy up to her. This is the normal "process" for that IMO. And I would prefer "going out for an evening" if I was you ;)

[PurposeOfReason]

circumstances of where she lives at this point in time..


And I would prefer "going out for an evening" if I was you ;)

Read only these parts.

[kestrel1]

Probably best to just let her select an appropriate gift for you. That way she is making the choice, the way she see's fit. You would have been better off saying yes in the first place though.

[Screwdriver0815]

Read only these parts.
so then some materialistic stuff!! :D

[Danny Dubya]

Okay, I have some advice. You're not going to like it, but good life advice is often boring and harsh anyway : tell your personal hang-ups to go screw, and just accept her gift! If it helps at all, stop focusing on yourself, and think ONLY of how much better your friend will feel after you accept the gift. Problem solved.

There are very few situations in which you shouldn't accept others' kindness, and this isn't one of them.

[XxsydenxX]

Well now she is like, she doesnt care and wants me to choose what i get but she lowerd her budget so im assuming i went to high?

[Wiebelhaus]

Say bud , your not very smooth with the females are you? you totally screwed up! say your sorry and hope she forgets about it and tell her how much of a butt head you are and how much you appreciate her friendship that you don't deserve.



And if your very very lucky this might , just might blow over.

[jbruced]

I don't know why I'm sending a post. Far be it from me to even attempt to give anyone life lessons. But here goes(this is just my opinion on why she's pissed)

#1, A gift is something someone picks out for you, picking it yourself takes out the fun.

#2, She's female. How can you really tell why a woman is pissed off?

disclaimer: I love and appreciate women in many many ways. Never could really understand them though.

[Wiebelhaus]

Poor girl! Now I want to give her a hug.

[yoda2031]

Okay, I have some advice. You're not going to like it, but good life advice is often boring and harsh anyway : tell your personal hang-ups to go screw, and just accept her gift! If it helps at all, stop focusing on yourself, and think ONLY of how much better your friend will feel after you accept the gift. Problem solved.

There are very few situations in which you shouldn't accept others' kindness, and this isn't one of them.

Agreed. Hard as it is, this is definitely the best solution.

For your current situation, I'd tell her that what you did for her was out of the kindness of your heart and not in return for any reward.

Personally, I don't like receiving gifts either; so you're not alone in that regard. When people ask me what I want, I used to stall - the coping strategy I developed was to tell people to surprise me and that I'd be happy with whatever they got me. Seeing as I'm pretty anti-materialistic anyway, it's not too far from the truth.

Caveat: Relationships are HARD. There is are several industries that exist because of this (matchmaking/online dating being one which springs to mind). It takes time and effort to get to know somebody. My advice for your situation is to talk to your friend. Be honest, and try to understand where she's coming from. This is a more permanent solution than the patch-up that I started this post with.

Edit: Having seen the post by jbruced, I have to comment on it!
The female creature is as incomprehensible as she is beautiful. Which is to say, there is no hope.

[gn2]

You have to realise that as she's a girl it's impossible to please her all the time, if ever.

Just apologise for offending her and do your best to explain things.

[XxsydenxX]

Say bud , your not very smooth with the females are you? you totally screwed up! say your sorry and hope she forgets about it and tell her how much of a butt head you are and how much you appreciate her friendship that you don't deserve.



And if your very very lucky this might , just might blow over.

Actually, im good with the ladies..until it comes with them buying me gifts...then im crippled its my kryptonite..besides..she isnt anything like that to me [meaning THAT CLOSE] she is simply a good friend..but now worries i finally found something that made her make amens with me

[swoll1980]

People love to give gifts. It makes them feel good. You do somebody a favor when you accept their gifts. I get offended if someone doesn't accept my gift. I'll say "Either you take it, or I'm throwing it in the trash!

[Bodsda]

im assuming i went to high?

She said she had X amount lying about, she didnt say you could have it all :)

If I were you, I would take her out to dinner and forget about the gift unless she brings it up again.

If she does bring it up again, respectfully decline. It will (hopefully) look like your being generous because of your epic FAIL earlier and she may just give up.

Either that or give her the bill for the meal :)

Regards,

Bodsda

[yoda2031]

People love to give gifts. It makes them feel good. You do somebody a favor when you accept their gifts. I get offended if someone doesn't accept my gift. I'll say "Either you take it, or I'm throwing it in the trash!

The open source development model thrives on this fact. You feel good for developing a piece of software which has helped someone else out, and this "good feeling" is worth a lot more than the money you'd get if you'd sold it.

That is, at least, why I develop open source rather than commercial software.

[Wiebelhaus]

The open source development model thrives on this fact. You feel good for developing a piece of software which has helped someone else out, and this "good feeling" is worth a lot more than the money you'd get if you'd sold it.

That is, at least, why I develop open source rather than commercial software.

And I appreciate your gifts very much , thank you.

[starcannon]

When a member of the opposite sex wants to buy you a gift, then what you do is this, allow it (yeah OCD and all). Never probe for the budget/cost/price and shop for yourself, even if you somehow chose the same exact thing they were thinking of, the spontaneous/fun element has been removed. Remember, gift giving is as much or more about the person giving the gift than it ever was about the person receiving the gift; she probably thought it was kind of selfish of you to keep all the joy of doing something nice for someone else to yourself, she wanted to have that feeling as well. We say thank you in many ways, but its always to make sure the person we are thanking understands that we cherish the action they provided, and that we feel a need to reciprocate with a thankyou/gift/money/middle finger/etc...

So, anyway, when you've done something nice for someone, and they want to buy you a gift, then don't think of it as "a gift", and since OCD kinda throws a wrench in it, then think of it as a payment, but with warm fuzzy attatched to it :)

[Hallvor]

Just tell her the truth and apologise for behaving like an idiot.