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inspriation26
June 6th, 2009, 02:15 AM
Hey everyone, I just need some advice from the older audience today. When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble. I know that in my state if you are 12 or older you can choose where you live. She has asked me to be her roomate. My parents will be a tad edgy about it but I want to know if you guys think its a good idea or not. I just want to become more independent from my parents. Since her dad is sort of rich I'm guessing he will be taking care of the bills. How should I talk to my parents about it as well?

Cowchip7
June 6th, 2009, 02:35 AM
You're sixteen and should live with your parents until you're 18. Case closed. No parent would let their child move into someone else's home, nor should they.

(Probably not what you want to hear)

sports fan Matt
June 6th, 2009, 02:38 AM
Ok..Have a few questions...

-Why would she ask you to move if she's under the supervision of relatives?

-I can completely understand independence--I myself am 9 days away from moving cross country

-What do you mean, be her room mate? (Usually when that is implied there is rent to pay..etc)

-If (from your post) someone would step in and be taking care of the bills, why even a room mate situation at all? (I can see moving that far and not knowing anyone..etc)

Sorry, just trying to understand this more

SLEEPER_V
June 6th, 2009, 02:41 AM
depends on you. perhaps you should talk to the parents about doing it on a weekend interim basis and then potentially moving into more. I got kicked out at 17, so I dont agree with cowchip. Give them a key and tell them to come over ANY TIME day or night to check up on you. I know that seems intrusive, especially to the other girl, but it might be the only way. I think its a bad idea, personally, but you might be able to handle it, idk.

pwnst*r
June 6th, 2009, 03:25 AM
Hey everyone, I just need some advice from the older audience today. When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble. I know that in my state if you are 12 or older you can choose where you live. She has asked me to be her roomate. My parents will be a tad edgy about it but I want to know if you guys think its a good idea or not. I just want to become more independent from my parents. Since her dad is sort of rich I'm guessing he will be taking care of the bills. How should I talk to my parents about it as well?

don't move.

xuCGC002
June 6th, 2009, 03:31 AM
Hey everyone, I just need some advice from the older audience today. When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble. I know that in my state if you are 12 or older you can choose where you live. She has asked me to be her roomate.

No, you're not. She's not paying rent, neither are you, and you're underage. The only point of this is so you can live together, which, doesn't seem so smart. So just don't move.

PurposeOfReason
June 6th, 2009, 03:40 AM
Moving out sucks balls, don't do it. It sounds fun until you start having to pay bills, go to school, go to work, etc. Then you have no fun time. Not for a while and you have it all figured out. Being 16, that isn't what you want.

steveneddy
June 6th, 2009, 03:55 AM
You're sixteen and should live with your parents until you're 18. Case closed. No parent would let their child move into someone else's home, nor should they.

(Probably not what you want to hear)

Agreed.

Don't do something stoopid.

Just stay home and send an e-mail and IM every night.

You'll be 18 soon enough.

And go to college.

Out in the real world without an education sucks.

kerry_s
June 6th, 2009, 03:56 AM
if you ain't got no job, leaving your parents should be the last thing on your mind.
your assuming/guessing a lot, you need to talk to her.
how long have you known each other?

the fact that you even have to ask, tells me your not ready. i left home when i was 16, but i was working since i was 14, i already had my own place and paid all the bills, joined the army at 17 to travel around a bit and continue learning, i couldn't keep up with the rising costs of education on my own, the military helped pay for that.

bottom line is your not ready.

Jackelope
June 6th, 2009, 04:29 AM
Trust me, moving out sounds good till you do it. You're better off at home till at least 18...sorry but its just the truth. I wish you the best either way.

racerraul
June 6th, 2009, 06:01 AM
I have a brother in law that just turned 18 thinking the same thing...

Try as I might to steer him right, he just thinks he's got everything figured out, and this isn't his 1st time moving out against his mothers will and making a mess of things, forced to return back home... yet he's willing to do it all over again...

I don't get it. This independence and impatience to grow up is over rated. Privacy he says... yeah to do what he damn well knows he shouldn't be doing. And belive me... this kid gets to do crap I would never have tolerated and will NOT with my children... some of it is down right irresponsible parenting and where I place the blame... He's sort of a bred beast.

If I were him, I'd stay at home... get a part time job to start getting some job experience so that your work history starts showing a little maturity and responsibility in the work place. Help out around the house to EARN my parents TRUST in my PERSONAL judgment, so that my PRIVACY is a by product of their earned trust. Play more video games, sport, go on as many dates with as many diff gals and think of what I want to do for a living before it is time to actually move out.

Moving out without a job, any life experiences in a world filled with takers looking to take advantage of the naive, is by far the DUMBEST idea a teenager can have.... SPECIALLY for teenagers with all the answers that have it all figured out!

I know... I used to be one of them. But if you are like me, then you will find out the hard way and live to regret it.

At least you are asking for advice... a step in the right direction.

DeadSuperHero
June 6th, 2009, 07:03 AM
Move in with me! It'd be a great bonding experience, and we could use an extra nerd in the house.

Mom's single and lonely, and I'll bet you're really handsome.

Warpnow
June 6th, 2009, 08:45 AM
I'm moving out tomorrow. Have half my stuff moved. I'm 19, and an Economics Student at UT Dallas. I'm moving for two reasons. To be with my girlfriend, who is currently 600 miles away but is flying in on sunday. The second reason is to be closer to my school. I currently have an hour and a half drive each way.

I realize its not necessarily the wisest decision in the world, but if I don't make it, the alternative is a signifigantly negative impact on my life. I realize it will be more difficult and tiring, but that is how life works: We work harder for the things we want the most.

My family and hers has actually been very supportive.

My suggestion is to do not what you want the most, but what will help you to build the life you want. If you move out, where will you be in 10 years, as opposed to staying at home?

The Real Dave
June 6th, 2009, 09:33 AM
Hey everyone, I just need some advice from the older audience today. When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble. I know that in my state if you are 12 or older you can choose where you live. She has asked me to be her roomate. My parents will be a tad edgy about it but I want to know if you guys think its a good idea or not. I just want to become more independent from my parents. Since her dad is sort of rich I'm guessing he will be taking care of the bills. How should I talk to my parents about it as well?

From another 16 year old, I wouldn't advise it. Moving out sounds great, but in practice, ain't as much fun as you might think. Its alot of work, and alot of responsibility on your shoulders. If something goes wrong, its your fault, and its on your head to fix it.

Also, there seems to be alot of un certainties about where you would be going. "Her dad is rich, so I guess he'll take care of the bills". Guess. Thats the key word.

Also, your friend, though she might your best friend in the world at the moment, wont be forever. People eventually drift apart, and move on.

In my opinion, you really shouldn't move. What can be so bad about living with your family? You'll be 18 soon, and going to College. You'll be older, wiser, and more mature (not saying that you aren't at the moment.) When your going to College, then move. Go to another State, another area, or even abroad.

Untill then, stay with your family. Its where your meant to be. Home.

benj1
June 6th, 2009, 10:15 AM
i seem to remember when i was 16 i was barely in anyway, hell if the OP goes to uni he'll be moving out in 2 yrs anyway.

the OP seems to be fairly sensible (well he's asking advice, how many 16 year olds do that ?).

anyway its up to you (i don't know about legally, in the uk you can), just be aware that you will need money (more than you think, even if you don't have to pay bills) oh and you have to do your own washing and ironing, but the freedom is good, you'll never want to go back.:p

kirsis
June 6th, 2009, 10:17 AM
Moving out is kickass!

Even the routine chores are suddenly enjoyable, when you realize - "hey, I'm on my own."

I say, move out and get a taste for it. You can always move back in with your parents (assuming they won't hold a grudge, which sensible parents won't), if it doesn't work out, so no harm done.

pwnst*r
June 6th, 2009, 12:17 PM
Moving out is kickass!

Even the routine chores are suddenly enjoyable, when you realize - "hey, I'm on my own."

I say, move out and get a taste for it. You can always move back in with your parents (assuming they won't hold a grudge, which sensible parents won't), if it doesn't work out, so no harm done.

@16? think about that for a minute. no wait, take two.

etnlIcarus
June 6th, 2009, 12:35 PM
Christ, there's some passionate opinions being thrown about.


I'm 21 and still living with my parents. It's not so much a matter of choice as it is a matter of practicality (long story).

I'd like to move out. Hell, I'm just about dying to escape this oh-so-functional family but I won't seriously entertain the idea unless the details are concrete. Even if you've got your own money and a few pieces of donated furniture, getting started is enough to leave you wondering how you'll pay your first month's rent. Sharing a place with someone you know is a step in the right direction but you have to seriously think about whether this person is going to make things easier or more difficult and whether you can co-exist sustainably. Ground rules, priorities and finances should all be agreed to and exist in some formalised form before either of you agree to live together. Obviously, you also need to trust this person and have confidence in their responsibility. A formal agreement should also exist with the person who actually owns the house. If you don't have legal tenancy, you need to be pretty confident that your friend won't ring daddy after you have an argument and daddy won't have you escorted from the premises in the middle of the night. Details like who pays for the maintenance/repair of the premises/possessions are also important to know before deciding to move out.

There's really a lot to consider. You're going to need extensive help from your parents in figuring this all out but make sure you're not just letting 'the adults' do all the talking and signing for you, else you're not going to know how ready you are to cope with these matters and may quickly find yourself out of your depth, once you've moved out. If you're going to seek adult living arrangements, you need to prove not just to others but to yourself that you're responsible, informed and smart enough to handle your own affairs and you need to do this before you've moved out and are in the proverbial deep-end.

And don't be deterred by blanket, "case closed", statements. Part of being grown up is being able to determine good advice from one-size-fits-all nonsense. I'm not going to tell you not to do it - especially with the scarce details you've provided; I'm just going to advise you to be very f***ing careful what you get yourself into and don't prematurely burn any bridges you may need to cross back over.

t0p
June 6th, 2009, 12:38 PM
I can't believe how ***** and negative most of the replies to this thread have been. As far as I can see, kirsis has the right general idea. Pwnst*r and the others are being so narrow-minded and conservative - which is surprising to me, I always thought tech-minded folk were inclined to be more anti-authoritarian.

Okay, OP: first you need to find out for definite how this is going to work. For instance, you said you "guess" that your friend's dad is going to pay the bills etc. You need to know what, if anything, he will pay. He might be willing to pay his daughter's share of the bills and buy her food, but expect you to pay your own way. In which case you need to get your paren)ts to do the same for you (which ain't likely to happen if they're against you moving in the first place!) or you need to find a job that pays enough (which ain't likely at age 16).

In short: focus on the practicalities first. Money, and stuff like that. Find out if this is realistically possible.

But if it is possible: go for it! You only live once. And it will be a valuable learning experience, even if it does screw up. The way some people are talking here, it's like you're moving out forever - like if you make a mistake that's it, end of the world. Which ain't how the world works. Go live a little.

mr.propre
June 6th, 2009, 12:39 PM
If you have doubt, your better stay with your parents. Trust me on this, I live alone since my 18th what's relatively young in Belgium. It was a decision I had to take, not one I could choose.

If I had a choose, I would have stayed. I'm not going to deep into the reasons why I moved. But let us just say that some parents aren't really parents.

iponeverything
June 6th, 2009, 01:21 PM
It's hard to see when you actually there, but because of way a 16 year-old brain is wired -- they don't make the best choices sometimes. It's actually quite amazing the changes that place in the brain between the ages of 15 and 17. Living at home, generally, the impact of this particular fact limits the types of choices to those where the long range impact is limited -- and its all about learning.

When you are out on your own, the choices that you will be presented with will be of an entirely different magnitude. The impact of one of these choices, can have effects far beyond what you ever imagined.

Namtabmai
June 6th, 2009, 02:41 PM
Ask yourself some simple questions about what would happen if you liked in this house, such as

"The electricity cuts out at night, what do you do? What don't you do?"
"What bills/laws do I need to be aware of?"
"You get a final demand for a bill, what do you do?"
etc, etc

If you answer any of the questions with "Phone my/her dad" then you're probably not ready to move out yet.

On an even more basic level, can you cook? can you clean? Change a light bulb? Change a fuse?

These may sound like stupid questions but when I started uni I met lots of 18 year olds that couldn't manage simple things like this.

sports fan Matt
June 6th, 2009, 02:52 PM
I totally get where people are coming from..Im 9 days myself like I said from doing what this 16 yr old wants to do.

Thats why I was (I at least think) sensible, trying to get more details on how this would work. It's a very scary thing--but can be done.

Dark Aspect
June 6th, 2009, 03:28 PM
Hey everyone, I just need some advice from the older audience today. When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble. I know that in my state if you are 12 or older you can choose where you live. She has asked me to be her roomate. My parents will be a tad edgy about it but I want to know if you guys think its a good idea or not. I just want to become more independent from my parents. Since her dad is sort of rich I'm guessing he will be taking care of the bills. How should I talk to my parents about it as well?


inspriation26, I am 19 and living at home and I would say stay and don't move. The world is near impossible to live in now days without a college degree or higher education in some way and what happens if your friend's dad doesn't pay the bills? Trust me, just because a family member/friend has tons of money doesn't me they want you to see a dime of it. My guess would be this, if you moved out, your roommate would probably start expecting you to pay the bills and such. How old is your friend anyway? Does she have enough responsibility to pay the bills if her dad didn't.

I can assure you what ever reason you want out of you parent's house is not as bad as what some people have to put up with. In my own family situation, I have had family counselors tell me to leave plus a long series of domestic violence. If you family isn't throwing you out of moving vehicles, beating you for no known reason and isn't sending you to the hospital every couple of months than I would personally stay as long as possible to cut down on the cost of acquiring a degree.

Dimitriid
June 6th, 2009, 03:42 PM
Everybody just says dont do it but I think you should. I agree with most of the reasonings for not doing it, however it might be better for you to realize on your own, sometimes you gotta try for yourself and go through it yourself.

My best advise is that you should probably 1) Talk to the parent caues that "no rent" deal is too good to be true and 2) Do not assume it will last and move in gradually. Try it but be smart about it and just stay a few days and regularly go back to your house. Once everybody involved is comfortable with the situation then think about a more permament move.

CharmyBee
June 6th, 2009, 03:48 PM
Don't move and don't run away. Period. You'll just drama it up and make things worse for yourself and others.

I miss PSAs on TV. They were there for a reason. I want them back. The Ad Council's PSAs are way too hammy.

Viva
June 6th, 2009, 03:51 PM
Are you a girl too?

neo_1in
June 6th, 2009, 04:06 PM
People learn from their own mistakes. Smart people learn from other people's mistakes. Moving out or not, don't do anything just for the sake of trying, be sure. Wish you good luck for any decision you take.

Harpie Queen
June 6th, 2009, 04:13 PM
From another 16 year old I think you should stay. You need to atleast find out for certain details, like whether her Dad would pay your way. If he won't you'll need a job. Do you have any experience in work? Experience raises your chances. Working enough to be able to look after yourself will seriously mess up your education, which you'll regret later. Also, you are still a child. Maybe you are more mature, but you don't wanna start acting to much like an adult. I have been behaving alot older than I am for a while, and I miss being younger. I don't spend much time missing it, but I do want that back and wish I had not tried so hard to act so mature. Also, your parents are there to look after you, make sure you don't screw up. Do you really have the self control to move out? When you are 16 you can live relatively independently, but you have your parents there to catch you if you fall if you live with them. Can you even drive? Go through a day, writing down every single thing your parents do for you. The most trivial things. 'Have you done your homework?", when you grab a bit of food from the pantry etc. Can you supply yourself with all of that and not mess up anything else? I think you will find the answer is no.

It is good you are asking for advice.

abhilashm86
June 6th, 2009, 04:21 PM
well ask your best freind to come to your home:) problem solved right................

PurposeOfReason
June 6th, 2009, 04:33 PM
I can't believe how ***** and negative most of the replies to this thread have been. As far as I can see, kirsis has the right general idea. Pwnst*r and the others are being so narrow-minded and conservative - which is surprising to me, I always thought tech-minded folk were inclined to be more anti-authoritarian.


I'm about a concertavite as they come. Sorry to blow your mind there. However, I did think about it. A 16yr old kid wants to move out; no, a 16yr old boy wants to move out to live with a girl. Right there I can cast a huge blanket over the whole situation because:
1) We all know where that would end up, no matter who says what
2) He had to ask, that means hes not ready. When you're ready, you just do because its time.
3) Money. Easiest thing to get in current times. It's not like jobs would be going to the older people. :roll:
3a) Yes, her dad is "rich", doesn't mean you should use it when not needed.
4) His parents are "edgy". Hell, I'm only 19 and when I was growing up, if you're parents said no, it meant no. You need a 100% all clear.
5) He did not give one reason why he needs to do this thus, he does not need to do this.

etnlIcarus
June 6th, 2009, 04:47 PM
What the hell's a, "concertavite"?

We all know where that would end up, no matter who says whatErm, if the insinuation is that it'll lead to sex, I feel sorry for you.

He had to ask, that means hes not ready. When you're ready, you just do because its time.You're right: complete self-certainty is a mark of maturity...

dcraven
June 6th, 2009, 05:07 PM
Do yourself a favor and stay at home. It's not as easy to be on your own as you think. Take advantage of the fact you have a home now and stay there until after you complete your education (unless of course you attend post-secondary out of town).

Good luck,
~djc

benj1
June 6th, 2009, 05:15 PM
"The electricity cuts out at night, what do you do?
erm thats not an age thing, ask my girlfriend what she would do, or my mum?
EDIT: not being sexist, just the only two people i know that wouldn't know where the fuse box was.


What don't you do?"
you got me there i don't know, what?


"What bills/laws do I need to be aware of?"
well how many people are aware of all the bill that have to be paid when they first move out, alot of people probably aren't aware some years later. laws? it amazes me how many people don't know basic consumer law. that can't be a basis for being allowed to move out


"You get a final demand for a bill, what do you do?"
again comes down to basic law, and not getting into that situation in the first place



On an even more basic level, can you cook? can you clean? Change a light bulb? Change a fuse?

well i take your point but they aren't barriers to moving out. what % of 30+ yr olds dont pass these tests.

i would agree that maturity comes into play on how you deal with these issues, but that isn't something you are magically gifted with on your 18th birthday.

toupeiro
June 6th, 2009, 07:33 PM
every 16 year old thinks they are ready to move out and in reality less than 1% of them are truly ready to take on EVERYTHING that it entails. Look, you're only going to be in your teens one time, and an adult with adult responsibilities for the rest of your life, so just enjoy it. You'll be on your own soon enough, remembering how easy things used to be.

inspriation26
June 7th, 2009, 12:46 AM
exuse me sir, I AM FEMALE. I realise its a bad idea at this point because it killed me inside when my mother broke down and cried. I know her dad as well as I know her and I feel like its not right to expect him to do that. I've decided not to do it for now. Please dont take this the wrong way but on the issue of my sex, does it matter? My parents would be just as pissed if I was male. Right now, I'm not sure what I would do if I ran out and did that. Thank your for you input anyway.

forrestcupp
June 7th, 2009, 02:51 AM
When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble.

Let me ask a question that I didn't see anyone else ask.

Why the hell would any judge in his right mind give custody to a man who is going to leave his daughter and move states away? That's about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.


But for the record, I also thought it was ridiculous that people assumed that you are a boy.

pwnst*r
June 7th, 2009, 02:53 AM
I can't believe how ***** and negative most of the replies to this thread have been. As far as I can see, kirsis has the right general idea. Pwnst*r and the others are being so narrow-minded and conservative - which is surprising to me, I always thought tech-minded folk were inclined to be more anti-authoritarian.

Okay, OP: first you need to find out for definite how this is going to work. For instance, you said you "guess" that your friend's dad is going to pay the bills etc. You need to know what, if anything, he will pay. He might be willing to pay his daughter's share of the bills and buy her food, but expect you to pay your own way. In which case you need to get your paren)ts to do the same for you (which ain't likely to happen if they're against you moving in the first place!) or you need to find a job that pays enough (which ain't likely at age 16).

In short: focus on the practicalities first. Money, and stuff like that. Find out if this is realistically possible.

But if it is possible: go for it! You only live once. And it will be a valuable learning experience, even if it does screw up. The way some people are talking here, it's like you're moving out forever - like if you make a mistake that's it, end of the world. Which ain't how the world works. Go live a little.

narrow-minded? LOL!

starcannon
June 7th, 2009, 03:12 AM
Hey everyone, I just need some advice from the older audience today. When my best friend's dad gets custody of her, he is buying the house they live in and moving to Colorado. She will be living there under the supervision of realives leaving nearby to make sure she keeps the house clean and stays out of trouble. I know that in my state if you are 12 or older you can choose where you live. She has asked me to be her roomate. My parents will be a tad edgy about it but I want to know if you guys think its a good idea or not. I just want to become more independent from my parents. Since her dad is sort of rich I'm guessing he will be taking care of the bills. How should I talk to my parents about it as well?
You should enjoy the love and safety that come from a home for as long as you are able.
Why rush out into the big bad world, it will be there when your an adult.
I know that if one of my kids brought this sort of thing to me, I'd be crushed, worried, and disappointed. I'd wonder why or what caused my kid to want to leave before they were even done with high school.
My advice, stay home till your done with college, or at least until your done with high school and have a good job. I'd also advise you to keep in mind that what seems like a good idea this second, may turn into a drama nightmare from hell in 10 minutes. Personally I see nothing but disaster for the situation, adding more kids to it only exacerbates the problem, it does nothing what so ever to diminish it.

etnlIcarus
June 7th, 2009, 03:16 AM
Why the hell would any judge in his right mind give custody to a man who is going to leave his daughter and move states away?Because obviously, they're planning on telling the judge about that... (assuming a judge is involved at all).


That's about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.Then you haven't heard much.


narrow-minded? LOL!Yeah man, pwnst*r's seen and done kinkier **** than you can imagine!

pwnst*r
June 7th, 2009, 03:17 AM
you got that right ;)

inspriation26
June 7th, 2009, 05:08 AM
Let me ask a question that I didn't see anyone else ask.

Why the hell would any judge in his right mind give custody to a man who is going to leave his daughter and move states away? That's about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.


But for the record, I also thought it was ridiculous that people assumed that you are a boy.
I don't understand the situation that much. I think its because he thinks that she is mature enough to do something like that. He just wants her to be happy and so far her friends like me have been holding her together since she had those two miscarages and he doesnt want to take her support away. Parents cant do it alone ya know. Thank you!

inspriation26
June 7th, 2009, 05:13 AM
Another thing I'd like to add is that she wanted me to do that because I have been holding her together since she lost the babies and he boyfriend left her, not because of the children but because of his parents moving. She just needs someone she trusts there. Maybe shes not ready at all but I cant be the judge of that.

TheSlipstream
June 7th, 2009, 05:41 AM
Somehow, I don't feel that someone who has an accidental pregnancy at 16 is really capable of running a house. Especially if the miscarriage was a result of drugs/alcohol (not saying it is). I strongly advise you to not take this action, and attempt to persuade your friend to stay at home. Good luck.

waldopepper
June 7th, 2009, 06:05 AM
I just want to become more independent from my parents. Since her dad is sort of rich I'm guessing he will be taking care of the bills.

This is the part I like best. You want to become more independent from your parents and THEN you are going to become DEPENDENT on a best friend's "rich" Dad? Do you have any idea how goofy that sounds? Stay home. They love you, even when you sound goofy!

In two years when you're 18, you can show real independence and maturity by deciding on a job or college. I'll bet it's college. You sound like you're really pretty smart (if still a little goofy -- like most 16 year olds!).

PS. This is grandfatherly advice. I'm old enough!

etnlIcarus
June 7th, 2009, 10:40 AM
Yeah... pregnant twice, while still in her teens (and an emotional mess to boot). There's a fine line between being a friend and letting someone drag you down. I get the distinct impression that moving in with someone like that would fall into the latter category.

Swagman
June 7th, 2009, 10:55 AM
As the father of three daughters I was thinking the same thing.

I'm pleased your staying at home.


Viz the scene if you had moved in with her....

Two young girls....

Party (drunken) Parrrrrrrteeeeeeeee

Oh.. I (you) missed a period

tears

Clue... I'm (used to be) a red blooded male.

Boys DO take advantage of the girlies in that scenario

This friend sounds like she's a bit free with her favours (if you get the gist)

forrestcupp
June 8th, 2009, 12:33 AM
Because obviously, they're planning on telling the judge about that... (assuming a judge is involved at all).

Then you haven't heard much.
Are you really knocking me for thinking it's crazy that someone is given custody of a child when he's just going to turn around and leave her?

And around here, a judge is always involved in child custody decisions even if it doesn't have to go to court. Judges do more than just preside over trials.


I don't understand the situation that much. I think its because he thinks that she is mature enough to do something like that. He just wants her to be happy and so far her friends like me have been holding her together since she had those two miscarages and he doesnt want to take her support away. Parents cant do it alone ya know. Thank you!But she's a minor. And after what she's been through, that's when she needs her dad to be strong for her and not desert her. If relatives are going to be looking out for her, then maybe her dad should allow them to have custody.

Wiebelhaus
June 8th, 2009, 12:40 AM
nm

tubezninja
June 8th, 2009, 01:12 AM
Another thing I'd like to add is that she wanted me to do that because I have been holding her together since she lost the babies and he boyfriend left her, not because of the children but because of his parents moving. She just needs someone she trusts there. Maybe shes not ready at all but I cant be the judge of that.


At the same time, I would be very concerned at the prospect that in essence, you're going to be her keeper, probably more than her parents. Do you really want to be saddled with that? when I see "lost the babies" + "boyfriend left her" and inference of possible emotional issues resulting from that, that sounds like an awful lot of drama for you to stepping into.

I realize that you're her friend and you have a closeness to her, but you need to take a deep breath, step back and look at the situation from an objective point of view before going through with this. I admit I don't know the full situation, but the sense I'm getting is that you're thinking of doing this out of a feeling of obligation, and that you're going to be taking on a lot of things that maybe her parents should be doing, and not you. Not to say that you won't do them well, but, you will very soon have your own life that you need to start living, and may wake up to find the situation to be quite unfair.

Beyond that, the situation is up to your parents, and then if they concede, then it's ultimately up to you. I hope you make the right decision, whatever it may be. But if you ask me, based on the limited info I'm seeing here, I worry you might find yourself in over your head if you take that leap, at least with this person.

Just my 2 cents.

eolson
June 8th, 2009, 01:24 AM
I'm just a stodgy old 66 year old. But, I've done a fair amount of time wandering around the world as a young fellow; Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Formosa, Vietnam, Phillipines, Guam, Hawaii (and a few places that wouldn't mean anything to you), and all of them had little darlins that tickled my fancy. All before I was 25. Funny thing about being young, some things look awfully attractive, especially when our hormones get to talking. It's not my place to judge, or even to give advice, but if it was me; I'd sit back and very carefully evaluate the situation. Don't forget to evaluate EVERYTHING. I got lucky and waited until I was 25 and got married, been that way for 40 years now and couldn't be happier. She doesn't even get mad when I come home drunk at 2 in the morning (well, maybe she does and doesn't say anything). Whatever your choice, good luck.

sandyd
June 8th, 2009, 01:27 AM
Moving is seriously NOT FUN. at all.
youll realize this on the first day that you live without them

my parents were deported a few years ago... so i had two choices..
1. Go back to my home country
2. I was born here, so why not go live with someone?

I chose #2. Went and lived (practically got adopted into their family) with my boyfriend's family and have been living with them ever since.

but always, always, from day one i wish that me and my parents still lived together. And for this, I couldn't turn back.

At all. With no passport or anything, im trapped in Canada.

albinootje
June 8th, 2009, 01:33 AM
Another thing I'd like to add is that she wanted me to do that because I have been holding her together since she lost the babies and he boyfriend left her, not because of the children but because of his parents moving. She just needs someone she trusts there. Maybe shes not ready at all but I cant be the judge of that.

I left my parents house when I was about 17, and went to study elsewhere. One thing I learnt from all those years is that you need more than just one friend, and you need to take care about yourself first. Because if you cannot take care of yourself, then it becomes much harder to help other people.

So.. I tend to agree with the comment where someone wrote that you can phone and IM every day.

Stay where you are right now, and make other good friends too, go study or work, and ... settle down, and have your own place.

hanzomon4
June 8th, 2009, 03:22 AM
Whenever it's time to leave the nest you'll know. It's like being possessed, some force just drives you to leave and you won't feel normal until you do.

etnlIcarus
June 8th, 2009, 04:11 AM
Are you really knocking me for thinking it's crazy that someone is given custody of a child when he's just going to turn around and leave her?Jesus, you're a manipulative little con-artist. That's not what you said; I know it, you know it ...but just for posterity's sake, here's what you actually said:

Why the hell would any judge in his right mind give custody to a man who is going to leave his daughter and move states away?And that's also what I responded to.


But she's a minor. And after what she's been through, that's when she needs her dad to be strong for her and not desert her. If relatives are going to be looking out for her, then maybe her dad should allow them to have custody.You're being a tad presumptuous. We know absolutely nothing of this family, nor their predicament. The only thing we can say with any certainty is that, historically, their daughter hasn't made the best judgement calls.

inspriation26
June 8th, 2009, 10:04 AM
Thank you everyone who has posted to this point. I realise that when I approached my parents about this it was it bit more than edgy. It broke my mothers heart and killed me inside as I had said before. The fact of the matter is that I am having a power struggle with my parents right now because it feels like I want to go out and do things and they want me to remain in diapers but isn't this typical of the American Teen? I realise that I have my college degree in video game design and programing and I don't want to mess this up for myself and my family. My friend is fine with me not moving in. I may move in with her later on while I'm in college but as the majory says I'm not leaving the nest quite yet. I've got two years to figure out before I try anything else. Again thanks.

now how do we close this thread. it isn't necessary to have up any more is it?

overdrank
June 8th, 2009, 10:43 AM
now how do we close this thread. it isn't necessary to have up any more is it?

If you would like it closed just say so. :)

anaconda
June 8th, 2009, 11:33 AM
Moving out is kickass!

Even the routine chores are suddenly enjoyable, when you realize - "hey, I'm on my own."

I say, move out and get a taste for it. You can always move back in with your parents (assuming they won't hold a grudge, which sensible parents won't), if it doesn't work out, so no harm done.

I agree!

But remember you have to know what you want and stick to it. Not one of your relatives will support your decision, but if you want it enough you can do it. Just do what you have to do.

I wish I had moved out earlier. It is SO much better on your own.

etnlIcarus
June 8th, 2009, 11:37 AM
If you would like it closed just say so. :)

Oh dear god, please close it.