View Full Version : Something we can all do to help each other out.

May 29th, 2009, 09:44 AM
I base this all on my experiences as an ex-troll, ex-Mac-basher, ex-firefox-hater, and (hopefully) ex-idiot. I'm using this experience, and some introspection, to figure out how a person like this reacts to certain stimuli, and I think I figured out something which will be of immense use and amusement to everyone else. I got the idea from a prank pulled by an acquaintance of mine.

This is most likely to be useful in a high-school setting.

You know that infantile person who constantly trolls you regarding your software choice? I can tell you first-hand that such people have no idea what they are talking about. They rely on barely-understood or not-at-all understood jargon, picked up by eavesdropping on your conversations, and thrown around at a high rate of fire. It's fairly straightforward to implant some "extra-special" jargon into this vocabulary.

When the troll in question sidles up to you and mentions your software choice, sigh and say, "well, it's been pretty good so far, except that my flux capacitor isn't supported very well. When I install the drivers, they (insert silly symptom here.)"

Believe it or not, this will actually work. Someone like this will usually be unable to put two and two together. Even if he/she gets suspicious, you can just use a handwave (http://www.retrologic.com/jargon/H/handwave.html) to gloss it over. Trust me, it'll work.

Should this person ask what it is for, just say that the flux capacitor is a "very important component for temporal modulation," and that "anything made more recently than '03 has one." The Coupe de GrÔs: "Without a working flux capacitor, crysis won't run very well, although that's a pretty bad game anyway." Just even the mention of games not running well will set him/her foaming at the mouth.

If he/she asks what the flux capacitor does, roll your eyes, then say, "it's complicated. Google 'modulation device,' you should find a good explanation." But in all likelihood, the this final step will be unnecessary, as the troll probably doesn't actually want to know any of facts behind this. (Trust me, I used to be one.)

How does this help? Well, from now on, flux capacitor hardware support will be the troll's flagship argument, his shiniest, coolest evidence. He will be sure to whip it out right away when he meets a new victim. He will ignore the laughter and ridicule from those who know better (or if he doesn't, that means he's capable of getting a clue, which is a good sign.) Most importantly, if any new person notices you use Linux and then starts jeering about the flux capacitor support, you will instantly know that this person is a troll, and that this person is therefore not worth your time. It'll be our secret little way of "tagging" these people, the way seagulls have those plastic bands on their legs.

Good luck all!

May 29th, 2009, 09:48 AM
This is very amusing, thanks for this little morning giggle :)

May 29th, 2009, 10:37 AM
Just tell him you need to rotate your RAM,...

May 29th, 2009, 12:00 PM
you could also mention the need for the floggle toggle switch to be integrated fully with the humgrummit, otherwise the aforementioned flux capacitor will overheat.

May 29th, 2009, 07:51 PM
Why not add some abreviations for good measure, like XLC, KTR,
or maybe some phantom libraries like libcram or libfusz, or is that a bit much?

May 29th, 2009, 08:00 PM
How about a QFC - quantm flux capacitor :D

May 29th, 2009, 08:06 PM
ex-Mac-basherSorry to hear that, I hope you'll regain your balance again.

May 29th, 2009, 08:44 PM
The flux capacitor should also have a tri-radial rod (TRR) for added stability.