Four months ago I was diagnosed with cancer in my liver running up the length of my spine to my brain. The doctors said that I had about two to two and a half months to live. Needless to say I was distraught. I was in total denial; I couldn’t believe that I would die of cancer at such a young age. Then I became angry at my cancer, angry at God for allowing me to get cancer, and angry at whatever had caused the cancer. I then made up my mind that I would use what little time I had left to find out what had caused the cancer and strike back in any way I could. After the doctors had run some more in depth tests on my tumors, they found the cause. And the cause was a life long exposer to Windows. That’s right, Microsoft Windows. It turns out that when Windows is running the computer emits an undocumented frequency that usually makes the people in the vicinity look uglier and loose more than a few brain cells. Only in rare cases does it cause cancer. Armed with this information I formulated my plan to strike back at the Evil Empire. My first course of action was to find a new operating system, and spare my family my fate. That is when I stumbled across Ubuntu. All other Linux distros I had looked at where confusing and left me totally lost. Time was running out for me so I figured that I had may as well give it a try. As the ISO burned to a disc I began to feel faint. The world around me began to spin and everything went dark. I remember waking up in the hospital. There where tubes hooked up to me every where and all of my family was standing by my side. It turns out that the vile cancer had disrupted the signal from my brain to my lungs and I had lost the ability to breathe reflexively or consciously, I need a machine to breath for me. The doctors said that I had only hours now to live. I new that time was running out and that there was still one thing that could be done to strike back. Timing with the unnatural inhalation and exaltation provided by the machine that filled my lungs with air, I waited until my lungs were filled. Then with all of my waning strength I pulled the breathing tube from out of my throat, and yelled "Ubuntu! Bring me Ubuntu!” I then began to gasp as I struggled for air, and orderlies rushed in to re-insert the breathing tube. My time was now down to just minutes, I could feel it. My father had only just left to get my laptop and burned ISO. Just as he arrived the heart monitor went flat as my tortured body finally gave out. I could see a distant darkness, there was no tunnel, but there was a light. I flew closer and closer to the light until it blinded me. And just as I began to merge with the light, I stopped. All was still for minutes until I started to move slowly backwards form the light. Gradually at first, and then at terrifying speed the light vanished and I was hurled back it to my body. It burned my body. It felt as though I had been cut into a thousand pieces. All of my sense where blurred and dull. Slowly the pain subsided to a dull ache, and my sense began to come back. As my vision cleared, I could make out something glowing and orange, soft and comforting. That glowing and orange, soft and comforting thing was of course the Ubuntu desktop. It turns out that as I died the Live CD had then just booted. The doctors say that as soon as the desktop loaded, that my vitals began to come back. They say it was a miracle, and I believe it. With time the tumors declined and then completely vanished. One day I and many others will face the Dark Lord together armed with the sword of open source and the shield of truth and freedom.
Ubuntu even makes your dreams come to life and then some! One time I dreamt about a pony and low and behold! There were ten miniature ponies in my room when I woke up!