Open Letter to Ubuntu Users: Patent Infringement

[flowingfire]

Dear Ubuntu Users,

My Patent, #5322346432, directly impacts all Ubuntu users. I am writing to inform you that each user owes me back-charges that will be waived if you agree to my licensing terms.

The relevant patent covers utilizing the human diaphram muscle to draw air into your trachea and ultimately into your lungs through cavities in your cranial region. This is including, but not limited to, the oral cavity and the nasal cavity. If the purpose of this method of drawing in surrounding gases is to utilize the oxygen contained in therein, you are subject to my patent.

While the patent doesn't specifically cover instances where people are unconscious and unable to perform this method independently, other patents I hold leave you open to possible litigation-- it's best to be safe and continue with the licensing terms under these circumstances.

Please also note that tracheotomies where a the neck is punctured to create a cavity is still a cavity in the "region" of the cranium. Before performing this operation in an emergency situation, please take heed of the special licensing requirements associated with creating new cavities. If you're unsure if this will be necessary for you, it is best to upgrade to our "Ultimate" licensing package that includes this possible eventuality.

Licensing rates are reasonable on an individual basis, but if you would like to be sure you are utilizing air legitimately, please switch your citizenship to the nation of North Korea, whose oxygen-converting inhalation activities will not be litigated. Further, as a part of the agreement, I will be marketing North Korean goods and services.

Failure to comply will eventually result in litigation. You may contact me for further details about licensing requirements.

-David

----------------------------------------------------------------
Addendum 1: RESPONSE TO QUESTIONS- 10:58 am

First, I would like to address the issue of other species. Genetic code all generally comes from the same original source. Thus, the genetic code used to facilitate the process of oxygen absorption in fish or frogs is an unauthorized use of my patent.

If it can be shown that the lines of genetic code used to facilitate oxygen-absorption in other species is DIFFERENT than in homo-sapeins, then they are exempt from the patent. But clearly, this is not the case and I am due proper compensation for this intellectual property.

Thus, the fish who posted is not exempt. Many, many lines of code are similar and in question. The skin-breathing frog is likely not exempt either, but that matter may be taken up with an investigation board.

As for the smoking question, yes there are discounts for smokers as less oxygen is absorbed in individual breaths. Asthmatics can have similar licensing discounts. However, these users must be "Home Premium" users to qualify.

[DR_K13]

K.

[PartisanEntity]

Hehe I like it, a play on the recent MS patent claims I take it

[lakersforce]

You are right. I am sorry. I will pay you all back-charges I owe you from the moment I was born, and immediatly stop breathing

Brilliant post

[dca]

rats, I wish I posted something like that...

[saulgoode]

Are smokers eligible for license fee discounts?

[scrooge_74]

Breathing through the skin as frogs is covered by the patent? is it legal if I do it this way?

[badactress]

I was considering patenting the colour Brown... Mark Shuttleworth would owe me millions!

[briealeida]

What are your licensing requirements?
I don't want this to go to court. lol.

[brim4brim]

Originally Posted by badactress I was considering patenting the colour Brown... Mark Shuttleworth would owe me millions!

We both know you can't patent brown. It has to be something that isn't obvious like the use of brown in a user interface. Nobodies every thought of that before!

Damn hippies, breaching patent law without a care in the world.