The "Corrupt a wish" game

[robsoles]

In a very strange incident a young person quite literally sprays you with their popcorn, while they are apparently choking on it, and of all things a huge popped corn goes straight in your mouth and lodges in the back of your throat. As you join the young person choking you try to find some irony to amuse yourself in what may be your last moments but there's nothing. You are just choking on popcorn, sorry about that, I might have gotten out of bed on the wrong side today

I wish I had a little pet robot.

You have your little pet robot. It is a Warrior Robot toy and it stands 1 foot high. Coincidentally your aggressively competitive neighbour ordered one too, it's a medium sized one and stands 4 foot tall instead. Stroke of luck for you though, they are assassin dolls designed to thin out the population in your area and you stand a much better chance against yours. I'm not in the loop about when they will activate, let us know how you get on

I wish for mayhem with very little bloodshed and no (apparent) loss of life

[PCaddicted]

No loss of life, but you lose your left leg and your right arm in that mayhem.
I wish robsoles was the Epic Fail Guy.

[cgroza]

He is, and your are his best friend. So you are now the Epic Fail Guy nr. 2

I wish I were batman.

[PCaddicted]

You are. But, while flying, you accidentally hit a glass skyscraper and brake the opaque window. You're now inside the building, but where exactly? In a bathroom. You've just broken someone's privacy, by mistake. For this you are sentenced to death.
I wish cgroza was the Epic Fail Guy no. 3. (robsoles is no.1 and I am no. 2 ).

[pricetech]

I wish for mayhem with very little bloodshed and no (apparent) loss of life

I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion, but anyway;

You get your mayhem. You also get Januaryhem, Februaryhem, Marchhem, Aprilhem, Junehem, Julyhem, Augusthem, Septemberhem, Octoberhem, Novemberhem, Decemberhem, and one little know hem called "Decembuaryhem".

All twelve "extra" hems are catastrophic, bloody, and deadly.

I wish robsole wouldn't hem so much.

[PCaddicted]

He doesn't, but instead he mehs too much.
I wish cgroza was the Epic Fail Guy no.3 (I am no.2 and robsoles is no.1).

[cgroza]

Yes, and a I am the least Epic Failure and people usually laugh only at you 2.

I wish PCaddicted would show up on the news as the Epic Fail Guy.

[PCaddicted]

I do. I show up wearing a Guy Fawkes mask thus no-one recognises me. You don't recognise me either.
I wish we were all Epic Fail Guys wearing Guy Fawkes masks.

[cgroza]

We are, but all of a sudden we get too cool and dump you and your mask.

I wish this whole Fail parade would be over.

[cpmman]

Everybody including mods wishes this whole Fail parade would be over.

Fixed it.

I wish upon a star.