Joke Thread, esp. Geeky jokes.

[lukjad007]

Do you know a good joke? Do you know a geeky joke? Do you know a good geeky joke? (Sorry for the oxymoron.) Post it here! If the joke is really geeky, please explain it to we, the unenlightened.

Rules:

1) Must be family friendly.
2) Must be funny.
3) That's it.

I'll start it off.

"I can't explain this. I think it's obvious, though."

- an MIT Algebraic Geometry professor, March 17, 2000

[From 'Quote of the Day', Submitted by: Rick Sayre, Mar. 20, 2000]

[flytripper]

think it may be an illiteration rather than an oxymoron: military intelligence.

[sydbat]

Homer J Simpson - "Where's the 'any' key"??

[lukjad007]

Microsoft Works.

[lukjad007]

"Obvious" is the most dangerous word in mathematics.

-- Bell, Eric Temple (1883-1960)

[kitili]

A group of functions are having a party: everyone dancing and having a good time, with the sole exception of a single f(x)=ex who is standing off in the corner by himself. Another function approaches him, hoping to help him enjoy himself more, and asks: “Why don’t you try to integrate?”

In response, the f(x)=ex says dejectedly: “I know it won’t make any difference.”

[zxscooby]

Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus... But there are fundamental differences:
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.

[Tim Sharitt]

From the linux-kernel mailing list 02 Mar 2005 (http://lkml.org/lkml/2005/3/2/247):

- 2.6.<odd>: still a stable kernel, but accept bigger changes leading up
to it (timeframe: a month or two).
- 2.<odd>.x: aim for big changes that may destabilize the kernel for
several releases (timeframe: a year or two)
- <odd>.x.x: Linus went crazy, broke absolutely _everything_, and rewrote
the kernel to be a microkernel using a special message-passing version
of Visual Basic. (timeframe: "we expect that he will be released from
the mental institution in a decade or two").

[tamoneya]

$ sudo apt-get alife
E: Invalid operation alife

[zxscooby]

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was TWICE as easy for him as it would be for a Linux user.
A: One to run the wizard , or call support if there is no wizard.

Q: How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: sudo apt-get install lightbulb

[SpenceMakesSense]

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was TWICE as easy for him as it would be for a Linux user.
A: One to run the wizard , or call support if there is no wizard.

Q: How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: sudo apt-get install lightbulb

HAHAHAHAHA...sigh thats funny

spence@spence-desktop:~$ sudo apt-get autoremove windows
[sudo] password for spence:
Reading package lists... Done
Building dependency tree
Reading state information... Done
E: If only it was that easy

[lukjad007]

Heehee! Good one.

Yucks Digest Sun, 9 Nov 97 Volume 7 : Issue 22

From: "Roberts, Robin"

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as
business executives. Now follows a rigorous mathematical Proof
that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,

Work
---- = Power
Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have

Work
----- = Knowledge
Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Work
--------- = Money
Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity
regardless of the Work done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates
dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he stumbled
upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of
his career to the pursuit of ignorance.

I have another one like this proving that girls are evil. I'll post it later.

[lukjad007]

I had been really working hard at school and it took a ot out of me. One day when I came home all bleary eyed from my latest round of math tests my Mom turned to me with a twinkle in her eye and said: "Son, tell me the truth. Have you been taking derivatives?"
:D

[wildman4god]

Chuck Noris was trying to install Windows on his computer, He got angery that it was taking so long, His anger caused windows to spontaniously change into Ubuntu.

[sydbat]

And thus, it turns into a Chuck Norris thread...simply because Chuck Norris willed it to be so...

[imronak]

[-x Chuck Norris please. He deserves a new thread instead ;):p

[lukjad007]

Well, if you want to make one you can link to this thread and back.

[gjoellee]

A friend told me: "I prefer Windows because there is much more software for Windows"
I answered: "Yes if you include the anti virus software"
Windows, what are you gonna do about it!?

[klange]

A group of functions are having a party: everyone dancing and having a good time, with the sole exception of a single f(x)=ex who is standing off in the corner by himself. Another function approaches him, hoping to help him enjoy himself more, and asks: “Why don’t you try to integrate?”

In response, the f(x)=ex says dejectedly: “I know it won’t make any difference.”



That would have been funnier if you had actually put e^x. int(f(x)=ex,x) = (ex^2)/2 + c

[tom66]

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a cafe outside a house. Two people enter the house. Time passes. Three people leave.

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty."

----------

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."

"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."

Both from Wikipedia.

[Cygnus]

---- Satan is a mathematician ----
The tattoo demon laughed.
"I shall inscribe you with pi
a pi whose digits are fractal glyphs
of transcendental agony, whose serifs
are inflourescent with infinities.
And I shall render it with all
the panache of a pointillist
creating continua from the discrete.
But where to begin? The umbilicus
or the anus? The alpha or the omega?"

"Hey, wait a minute!" cried
the mathematician, and the demon
raised an eyebrow. "Pi's an irrational number
with a nonrepeating decimal.
Such a task would take an eternity!"

"Imagine that," said the demon,
and smiling smugly, it poised a talon
tapering a single atom, plucked lint
from the navel of it flinching victim.

Playing his last card, the mathematician
rose up on his elbow. "Have you really
thought about this? When the flesh
of one man emblazoned subsumes the infinite,
you will have modeled God from numbers
and I will destroy you!"

The other eyebrow twitched. "Well then,
I shall adorn you with the closest
rational approximation of pi."

"s h i t !" said the mathematician.

"As you whish," replied the demon,
and began with the anus.

--Keith Allen Daniels--

[irv]

I think I am coming down with a geek flue. I have been on the pot with my laptop in my lap passing bits and bites in mega portions and I keep typing clear in the terminal screen. When my wife was shopping today I left her in the store and drove around town trying to find hot spots because I was chilled.
Maybe I better go see the Computer Doctor and gets some anti-virus pills. Maybe to get a good night sleep I will count penguins.
Good night.

[jimi_hendrix]

someone said they would post a girls = evil thing earlier

since i dont see it i will steal it



go here:http://www.plig.net/things/pictures/tn/evil-women.jpg.html

[use a name]

Hehe...

Maybe too well known, but I like it very much:

When it comes to understanding binary, there are 10 types of people: the ones that do and the ones that don't.

[Cygnus]

Hehe...

Maybe too well known, but I like it very much:

When it comes to understanding binary, there are 10 types of people: the ones that do and the ones that don't.

No no, there are only 10 kinds of people in this world...

Those that don't understand binary, those that think they do, and those that understand trinary.

[Bodsda]

Computers are like air conditioners:

They just don't function properly if you open Windows

[tom66]

The biggest oxymoron in the English language:

http://i33.tinypic.com/33wxlaa.jpg

[jimi_hendrix]

you know your a geek when you hear C# and dont think of the note

[Naralas]

http://www.funnyphotos.net.au/images/microsoft-word-gansta-edition1.jpg

[lukjad007]

Funny Unix Commands

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce? man::
Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

[zxscooby]

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.