skoal
September 1st, 2005, 04:47 AM
One of my favorite movies was Escape from New York, starring Kurt Russell. I saw that flick in the theatres when it came out, and have followed his career ever since. I grew up on Dexter Riley and Disney as a kid.
Well, I read a recent thread (http://www.ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=61463) in these forums pertaining to getting an Ubuntu linux box nice and pristine. Images danced across my mind as I read those posts, glancing back and forth at the OP's avatar. So, I jacked a few images and quotes off the net, "adapting" them to my own "screenplay". There's probably a philosophical point being made in this script somewhere, I suppose. I really don't know. It just all came together at once. It probably won't make much sense to most here who've never seen that movie gem, but anyways, I hope you enjoy it. I sure did while morphing pictures...
[Snake Plissken, on parole from Windows penitentiary, is given instruction by his warden, Ubuntu Hauk, to find the President of FSF Nation. Hauk grabs a hypospray and presses it against Snake's neck, inserting several time released CodeRed nanobots into his bloodstream...]
http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/1186/snake8au.jpg
Ubuntu Hauk: There was an accident about an hour ago. A small jet went down on Patent Island. You go in, find President Stallman, bring him out in less than 24 hours, and your're a free man.
Snake Plissken: Bull shiznitt!
Ubuntu Hauk: I'm making you an offer. A GNU life.
Snake Plissken: Get a new president.
Ubuntu Hauk: Is that your answer?
Snake Plissken: I'm thinking about it.
Ubuntu Hauk: Think hard. We're still at war. He has the wiki documents and GNU code to end this OS slavery. We need him alive.
Snake Plissken: I don't give a jack about your war...your wiki...or your president.
Ubuntu Hauk: You used Windows for ten years, you shelled out hundreds in AV software, and thought IE pop ups were an integrated OS feature. You know how to get in quiet.
Snake Plissken: I guess I go in one way or the other. Gimme the map.
[Snake rips the paper from his hands and boards the OSS-1 glider. Two hours later, skipping across a heli pad strip atop IBM headquarters, Snake manages to bring his glider to a halt. With a quick glance at the beeping red locator, he works his way outdoors. Several Software developers with disheveled faces and tattered clothing lunge for his wallet as he dashes past the Chock Full O' Nutz bar, a cyber cafe used for on-line transactions running unpatched XP(s). He dives into a taxi and meets up with an old Outlook junky driving a cab. Snake feels the presence of another passenger, who's shadow lurks ominously in the back seat...]
http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/6321/cabby4qs.jpg
Cabbie: Brain? Brain, I brought somebody to see you.
Snake Plissken: Mark . . . Shuttleworth . . .
Brain: Snake?
Snake Plissken: I'm glad you remember me. Yeah, a man should remember his past. Russia, four years ago, you ran out on me. You took a ride aboard a Soyuz TM34. You left me sitting there at a linux command prompt.
Brain: You were GUI'd.
Snake Plissken: We were buddies, Mark. You, me, and Linus. You know what they did to Linus?
[uneasy pause]
Snake Plissken: Where's the President?
Cabbie: The Duke got him. Everybody knows the Duke's got him. You don't have to put a Symantec AV .45 to my head. I'll tell you.
Snake Plissken: Who's the Duke?
Cabbie: The Duke? The Duke of OS, A-Number-1, the Big Man, that's who!
Snake Plissken: I wanna meet this Duke.
Cabbie: You can't meet the Duke! Are you crazy? Nobody gets to meet the Duke. You meet him once and then your willpower is |-|4x0r'3|)!
[Snake gets out and sneaks his way deep into the bowels of W3C Arena, where Duke Gates is entertained by developers. He hears them above, bashing out future web standards with clubs, knives, and threats of indignant /. posts.]
http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/7536/prezstallman6bq.jpg
[Snake manages to free President Stallman from his shackles. Both run back to the IBM building but are caught by the Duke's accomplished informant, Bootlicker Ballmer. Twisting a piece of broken green fab from a closed source Nvidia board into his leg, the Duke proceeds with the interrogation...]
http://img359.imageshack.us/img359/9804/dukegatesbig9nx.jpg
Duke Gates: [torturing Snake Plissken] Snake . . . Plissken . . .
[The Duke fires up his Dell pre-installed XP laptop and forces him to watch BSOD's, malware, and even more virii until he passes out several times. Still in a daze...]
Duke Gates: I heard you installed Ubuntu.
Snake Plissken: Don't f' with me!
[The Duke turns to the hordes of MS followers gathered nearby, gesturing with his hand...]
Duke Gates: They sent in their best man, and when we roll out on Vista street bridge tomorrow, on our way to OS domination, we're going to have their best man leading the way - from the neck up!
[cheering erupts]
Duke Gates: On the hood of my car!
[more cheers]
[The Duke takes Snake back to W3C Arena, where he manages to fight his way free. In the confusion, Shuttleworth grabs the President and meets up with Snake in Cabbie's running taxi. With just 30 minutes left, they gun it across the Vista bridge, dodging and weaving their way through the DRM landmines.]
http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/7374/dukecadfin4ks.jpg
[The Duke pursues them in his vintage caddy. Both cars hit an iPod, and the remaining parties make out on foot. The President is pulled to safety and Snake scales the secure wall. Stallman turns and unloads salvo after salvo into Duke's chest from a nearby guard's 50cal sudo...]
Snake Plissken: We did get you out. A lot of people tried Vista beta in the process, I just wondered how you felt about it.
President: Well...Ubuntu developers? Well, I...I wanna thank them. The FSF nation appreciates their sacrifice.
[Snake stands indignant as the President is whisked off to a nearby podium to deliver his speech...]
President Stallman: Good evening. Although I shall not be present at this historic Canonical summit meeting, I present these .deb files in the hope that our great nations may learn to live in peace...
[Snake Plissken flicks his Marlboro Red at the podium, shakes his head, and walks off in disalusionment. Hauk catches up to him...]
Ubuntu Hauk: You're a free man, Snake. You going to read the Ubuntu wiki or use the forum search button?
Snake Plissken: Not now, I'm too tired.
[pause of resignation]
Snake Plissken: Maybe later.
[Snake rips up a printed bash manual, stolen from the President's briefcase...]
Ubuntu Hauk: We'd make one hell of a team, Snake!
Snake Plissken: The name's Plissken!
\\//_
Well, I read a recent thread (http://www.ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=61463) in these forums pertaining to getting an Ubuntu linux box nice and pristine. Images danced across my mind as I read those posts, glancing back and forth at the OP's avatar. So, I jacked a few images and quotes off the net, "adapting" them to my own "screenplay". There's probably a philosophical point being made in this script somewhere, I suppose. I really don't know. It just all came together at once. It probably won't make much sense to most here who've never seen that movie gem, but anyways, I hope you enjoy it. I sure did while morphing pictures...
[Snake Plissken, on parole from Windows penitentiary, is given instruction by his warden, Ubuntu Hauk, to find the President of FSF Nation. Hauk grabs a hypospray and presses it against Snake's neck, inserting several time released CodeRed nanobots into his bloodstream...]
http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/1186/snake8au.jpg
Ubuntu Hauk: There was an accident about an hour ago. A small jet went down on Patent Island. You go in, find President Stallman, bring him out in less than 24 hours, and your're a free man.
Snake Plissken: Bull shiznitt!
Ubuntu Hauk: I'm making you an offer. A GNU life.
Snake Plissken: Get a new president.
Ubuntu Hauk: Is that your answer?
Snake Plissken: I'm thinking about it.
Ubuntu Hauk: Think hard. We're still at war. He has the wiki documents and GNU code to end this OS slavery. We need him alive.
Snake Plissken: I don't give a jack about your war...your wiki...or your president.
Ubuntu Hauk: You used Windows for ten years, you shelled out hundreds in AV software, and thought IE pop ups were an integrated OS feature. You know how to get in quiet.
Snake Plissken: I guess I go in one way or the other. Gimme the map.
[Snake rips the paper from his hands and boards the OSS-1 glider. Two hours later, skipping across a heli pad strip atop IBM headquarters, Snake manages to bring his glider to a halt. With a quick glance at the beeping red locator, he works his way outdoors. Several Software developers with disheveled faces and tattered clothing lunge for his wallet as he dashes past the Chock Full O' Nutz bar, a cyber cafe used for on-line transactions running unpatched XP(s). He dives into a taxi and meets up with an old Outlook junky driving a cab. Snake feels the presence of another passenger, who's shadow lurks ominously in the back seat...]
http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/6321/cabby4qs.jpg
Cabbie: Brain? Brain, I brought somebody to see you.
Snake Plissken: Mark . . . Shuttleworth . . .
Brain: Snake?
Snake Plissken: I'm glad you remember me. Yeah, a man should remember his past. Russia, four years ago, you ran out on me. You took a ride aboard a Soyuz TM34. You left me sitting there at a linux command prompt.
Brain: You were GUI'd.
Snake Plissken: We were buddies, Mark. You, me, and Linus. You know what they did to Linus?
[uneasy pause]
Snake Plissken: Where's the President?
Cabbie: The Duke got him. Everybody knows the Duke's got him. You don't have to put a Symantec AV .45 to my head. I'll tell you.
Snake Plissken: Who's the Duke?
Cabbie: The Duke? The Duke of OS, A-Number-1, the Big Man, that's who!
Snake Plissken: I wanna meet this Duke.
Cabbie: You can't meet the Duke! Are you crazy? Nobody gets to meet the Duke. You meet him once and then your willpower is |-|4x0r'3|)!
[Snake gets out and sneaks his way deep into the bowels of W3C Arena, where Duke Gates is entertained by developers. He hears them above, bashing out future web standards with clubs, knives, and threats of indignant /. posts.]
http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/7536/prezstallman6bq.jpg
[Snake manages to free President Stallman from his shackles. Both run back to the IBM building but are caught by the Duke's accomplished informant, Bootlicker Ballmer. Twisting a piece of broken green fab from a closed source Nvidia board into his leg, the Duke proceeds with the interrogation...]
http://img359.imageshack.us/img359/9804/dukegatesbig9nx.jpg
Duke Gates: [torturing Snake Plissken] Snake . . . Plissken . . .
[The Duke fires up his Dell pre-installed XP laptop and forces him to watch BSOD's, malware, and even more virii until he passes out several times. Still in a daze...]
Duke Gates: I heard you installed Ubuntu.
Snake Plissken: Don't f' with me!
[The Duke turns to the hordes of MS followers gathered nearby, gesturing with his hand...]
Duke Gates: They sent in their best man, and when we roll out on Vista street bridge tomorrow, on our way to OS domination, we're going to have their best man leading the way - from the neck up!
[cheering erupts]
Duke Gates: On the hood of my car!
[more cheers]
[The Duke takes Snake back to W3C Arena, where he manages to fight his way free. In the confusion, Shuttleworth grabs the President and meets up with Snake in Cabbie's running taxi. With just 30 minutes left, they gun it across the Vista bridge, dodging and weaving their way through the DRM landmines.]
http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/7374/dukecadfin4ks.jpg
[The Duke pursues them in his vintage caddy. Both cars hit an iPod, and the remaining parties make out on foot. The President is pulled to safety and Snake scales the secure wall. Stallman turns and unloads salvo after salvo into Duke's chest from a nearby guard's 50cal sudo...]
Snake Plissken: We did get you out. A lot of people tried Vista beta in the process, I just wondered how you felt about it.
President: Well...Ubuntu developers? Well, I...I wanna thank them. The FSF nation appreciates their sacrifice.
[Snake stands indignant as the President is whisked off to a nearby podium to deliver his speech...]
President Stallman: Good evening. Although I shall not be present at this historic Canonical summit meeting, I present these .deb files in the hope that our great nations may learn to live in peace...
[Snake Plissken flicks his Marlboro Red at the podium, shakes his head, and walks off in disalusionment. Hauk catches up to him...]
Ubuntu Hauk: You're a free man, Snake. You going to read the Ubuntu wiki or use the forum search button?
Snake Plissken: Not now, I'm too tired.
[pause of resignation]
Snake Plissken: Maybe later.
[Snake rips up a printed bash manual, stolen from the President's briefcase...]
Ubuntu Hauk: We'd make one hell of a team, Snake!
Snake Plissken: The name's Plissken!
\\//_