Computer Cracks! Humor and more

[Omnios]

Every forum should have one of these so thought id start one. Find something funny pertaining to computers please feel free to post it here.

I remembered a joke from a while ago and there is so many of these I can't even guess to how many there may be.

Anyways

A lady bought a new computer and a few days later phones teck support that her coffee cup holder is broken. The tecki confused asks what do you mean coffee cup holder. She replies you know the one on the top front of the computer thats slides out when you press the button, well it won't slide out anymore.

[Omnios]

You know you have been roleplaying way to long when someone in your group tells you they have to go to dinner. And you answer can I come along!

[maruchan]

Heh...well, I used to do computer support for a private religious university.

One morning we came in and there was a message in our voice mail, from a woman with a *very* stressed out voice. She sounded like she was about to cry. Apparently, since she had a nice computer in her office, she thought it would be convenient to bring her fiance in after hours and look for airline tickets online.

Anyway, she typed the wrong address for a major airline, and a very ,VERY bad Russian adult website came up, complete with millions of popups, flash videos, etc.

So they turned off the computer and left, but then they remembered there are people who can monitor their activities while using the university network. It was a pretty funny phone call; she gave us her boss's phone number, her home phone number, etc....it's always fun to see the "welcome to the real internet" initiation ceremony go so perfectly :D

.....oh, and another one...

When I was a young freshman hacker wanna-be (this was in '96), I thought it was cool to browse Jamie Zawinski's website and read the stories. One morning I was waiting for some software to compile in the CS lab, and none of my friends were there -- just a bunch of Chinese grad students -- so I browsed on over to about:jwz, where I mindlessly clicked this link (http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/multimedia/sun-sounds/screams/sally.au).

Talk about genius. But wait, it gets better. This was an HP-UX machine, and I wasn't sure what to do. Where was the sound coming from? Where is the volume control? Aaaaghh! All of the Chinese students were staring at me, embarrassed to hear this SOUND coming through my machine's speaker! (is that even legal in Red China?)

So I reached around and switched the machine off, then left the lab. Later in the day, I returned to a different lab, only to find my account had been locked, and I needed to go talk to the sysadmin. Completely humiliated, I explained the whole thing. It turns out there were several other CS students logged into the machine I was on when I turned it off.

Ahh, the day I first learned about true multi-user systems :D

[sonny]

I can't remember any joke or fun story about pc's, but I do know about a geek comic, I hope you like it.
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/

In case you don't want look all the comic (wich I think it's almost impossible not to), here are my favs:
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-171-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-105-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-106-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-10-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-162-e.png

I found this comic really funny.

[sonny]

Two more I remember (sorry, but this are so great):
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-87-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-127-e.png

[Sam]

Linux kernel swear counts (http://www.vidarholen.net/contents/wordcount/)

[Omnios]

I can't remember any joke or fun story about pc's, but I do know about a geek comic, I hope you like it.
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/

In case you don't want look all the comic (wich I think it's almost impossible not to), here are my favs:
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-171-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-105-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-106-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-10-e.png
http://mirror4.escomposlinux.org/comic/ecol-162-e.png

I found this comic really funny.

Sweet! speachless! please find more! There better than the windows versions lol.

[Juergen]

I still like this story:
http://www.totalillusions.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=328&st=0

[Omnios]

I still like this story:
http://www.totalillusions.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=328&st=0

That is like 100% original, never heard one like that before. Ubber never let it down funny.

[DJ_Max]

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

[nrayever]

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

hehehe nice!! really familiar to me in both cases!! :grin:

[panickedthumb]

Here's one that happened to me while I was working at an ISP a few years ago.

Me: Thank you for calling <censored>, how may I help you?
Her: I'm having some computer problems
Me: ok, can I get your account information?
(after getting said information)
me: Ok, now what seems to be the problem?
Her: What does this mean?
Me: What does what mean?
Her: THIS!
Me: Ma'am I don't know what you're talking about.
Her: This error message!
Me: what does it say?
Her: this one. The one that says "Illegal operation" and all.
Me: Ma'am, I can't see your screen, I'm in another city.
Her: you mean you can't see what I'm doing on my computer right now?
Me: no.
Her: Well what the hell am I paying you for?!?!
Me: internet service.
*click*

[Omnios]

wise crack of the day.

Applicant: Can I become a moderator please!

Moderator: And why would you want to be a moderator

Applicant: Because hate this thread and I want to deleate it.

[Synt4x_3rr0r]

wise crack of the day.

Applicant: Can I become a moderator please!

Moderator: And why would you want to be a moderator

Applicant: Because hate this thread and I want to deleate it.

LOL! Is that one true or just something you came up with? :)

[nocturn]

I still like this story:
http://www.totalillusions.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=328&st=0

LOL, I almost died laughing (and I'm at work).

Good one.

[nocturn]

Here's one that happened to me while I was working at an ISP a few years ago.

Me: Thank you for calling <censored>, how may I help you?
Her: I'm having some computer problems
Me: ok, can I get your account information?
(after getting said information)
me: Ok, now what seems to be the problem?
Her: What does this mean?
Me: What does what mean?
Her: THIS!
Me: Ma'am I don't know what you're talking about.
Her: This error message!
Me: what does it say?
Her: this one. The one that says "Illegal operation" and all.
Me: Ma'am, I can't see your screen, I'm in another city.
Her: you mean you can't see what I'm doing on my computer right now?
Me: no.
Her: Well what the hell am I paying you for?!?!
Me: internet service.
*click*


LOL, good one. And familiar to anyone that ever did any computer support.

[nocturn]

Ok, a tale from the crypt.

I used to work for an R&D lab of a major Telecom company. One of the things I did was maintain some bugtracking systems. One day, I get a call to go install a newer client on the PC of a developer as a test. I go over to the guy, and it goes like this.

Me: Hi $name, I'm coming to install the new version you asked for
Dev: Yes good.
Me: So where is your PC?
Dev: I lend it out for a demo do a consultant.
Me: Ah, tough luck, I'll have to install it later (wondering why he didn't tell me this on the phone)
Dev: But I need it right now.
Me: Sure, where should I install it
Dev: on my PC
Me: But where is your PC
Dev: I don't know, I lend it out to a consultant...
Me: but then I can't install it, do you have another PC?
Dev: No, but I need it right now
Me: (starting to get somewhat angry) I cannot install it if you do not have a PC
Dev: (get's angry too) I need it right now.
Me: Call me when your PC is back
* walks away to my desk*

So I think this is over, when some 15 minutes later my boss walks into my cubicle...
boss: I got a call from the head of $researchproject. He says you refuse to install $program on $name's PC.
me: He does not have his PC, he lend it out to some consultant.
boss: But he needs it right now, and it is a very important project
me: But he does not have a PC to install it on
boss: Can't you install it anyway

I got real angry at this point, it continued like this for a while until my boss walked off. It wasn't mentioned again, but I'm not sure if he got the problem.

[Omnios]

wise crack of the day!

post of a strange guy?

Post!

Hello I have a slight problem I heard about the furum support thing and ive looked through just about every file and can't find it.

[Kyral]

I got this from my cousin

"What is Linux? Is it like AOL?"

[az]

This is a video of two prominent forum contributers getting into a discussion about the default forum theme.

http://www.dataflo.net/~mpurintun/videos/drunk_kid_punched.mpeg

[panickedthumb]

This is a video of two prominent forum contributers getting into a discussion about the default forum theme.

http://www.dataflo.net/~mpurintun/videos/drunk_kid_punched.mpeg
uhhh... which two ;)

[Omnios]

You have to check out this thread it is shall we say funny

Thought this would amuse you (http://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=47548)

[xmastree]

Plenty here (http://rinkworks.com/stupid/)

Some old, some new. mostly funny

[SKLP]

Here's one that happened to me while I was working at an ISP a few years ago.

Me: Thank you for calling <censored>, how may I help you?
Her: I'm having some computer problems
Me: ok, can I get your account information?
(after getting said information)
me: Ok, now what seems to be the problem?
Her: What does this mean?
Me: What does what mean?
Her: THIS!
Me: Ma'am I don't know what you're talking about.
Her: This error message!
Me: what does it say?
Her: this one. The one that says "Illegal operation" and all.
Me: Ma'am, I can't see your screen, I'm in another city.
Her: you mean you can't see what I'm doing on my computer right now?
Me: no.
Her: Well what the hell am I paying you for?!?!
Me: internet service.
*click*
:smile:

[Ride Jib]

Well, at the place I used to work at, we would get bored and messing with the other employees was the highlight of our day (helpdesk type job). Anyway, one day this woman calls us up and is complaining about how her internet is acting very slowly. My coworker goes on to explain to her about how computers communicate completely in binary (ones and zeros) and all those ones and zeros are transmitted over her ethernet cable in the back of her machine. He informs her that if the cable is bent, then "ones" being transmitted tend to get stuck on the corners. The zeros, he tells her, can flow through without a problem because the can flatten themselves out, unlike the ones which are stick-like.

After much laughter for us when the call is terminated, we venture around the office making "house-calls." As I pass by said woman's cubicle, I notice her on the ground under her desk. I ask her what she is doing, if something is broken or if she needs help. To which she promptly replies that she is "straightening out the ethernet cable so the ones don't get stuck."

I reply "oh, thats a good idea. I should probably check mine too..." and walk away biting my lip.

[benplaut]

Well, at the place I used to work at, we would get bored and messing with the other employees was the highlight of our day (helpdesk type job). Anyway, one day this woman calls us up and is complaining about how her internet is acting very slowly. My coworker goes on to explain to her about how computers communicate completely in binary (ones and zeros) and all those ones and zeros are transmitted over her ethernet cable in the back of her machine. He informs her that if the cable is bent, then "ones" being transmitted tend to get stuck on the corners. The zeros, he tells her, can flow through without a problem because the can flatten themselves out, unlike the ones which are stick-like.

After much laughter for us when the call is terminated, we venture around the office making "house-calls." As I pass by said woman's cubicle, I notice her on the ground under her desk. I ask her what she is doing, if something is broken or if she needs help. To which she promptly replies that she is "straightening out the ethernet cable so the ones don't get stuck."

I reply "oh, thats a good idea. I should probably check mine too..." and walk away biting my lip.


that is truely hilarious...

[TristanMike]

A bit of background here. Where I live we have a cap on our internet. 40GB up/download per month. My mother works for an inbound internet tech support center.

My mother and I are having a discussion on the general over use of water in our culture(I had no idea the conversation was about to turn technical).

Mom: I pay for the water so I should be able to use as much as I want.
Me: But water is a natural resource.
Mom: That's like the internet.
Me: What? How?
Mom: You pay for that and can only download a certain amount a month.
Me: So.
Mom: Well, the internet is a natural resource too.
Me: ............what??
Mom: Well, the internet is just floating around in the air isn't it?

Needless to say, that conversation ended right there and my father, who was lying on the couch, and I had a pretty good laugh later.

[xmastree]

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated that hurricanes at one time were all given feminine names and that ships and planes are usually referred to as "she."

One of the students raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?" Not having a ready answer, the teacher divided the class into two groups, males in one and females in the other, and asked each group to decide whether a computer should be considered masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.


The group of women concluded that computers should be considered masculine because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.


The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should be considered feminine because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[agger]

You know you have been roleplaying way to long when someone in your group tells you they have to go to dinner. And you answer can I come along!
real men don't do backup

but real men cry a lot.

[agger]

Linux kernel swear counts (http://www.vidarholen.net/contents/wordcount/)

Well, now someone mentioned Jamie Zawinski:

Censorzilla (http://www.jwz.org/doc/censorzilla.html)

[Omnios]

Crack of the day.

A windows user: I rock on with windows I have windows blinds!
A Linux user : I have Gnome KDE and a few more.

A windows user: Haven't you seen the comercial think of all the possibiliteis with all the software than runs on windows.
A Linux user : Haven't you every visited source forge.

A windos user : Well I get good deals on software.
A Linux user raises his eye brow and states "and you paid how much!"

[Omnios]

Hi Guys.

Step Mom sent me this and thought it was phuny. Get a few neet ones once in a while.


A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:


Scroll down...You're gonna love this



http://www.witko.ca/image-shack/IMG/image00111.gif

'You got Male