PDA

View Full Version : Kubuntu's installation slideshow - NEEDS URGENT FIXING



cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:08 PM
The person who wrote the text in those slides didn't have a good grasp of the English language. I hope that he/she won't take any offence; we all have something to learn.

Anyway, I made some corrections, but time has run out and I can't continue anymore.
I'm sorry that I'm posting this here, but this issue needs exposure and correction ASAP.

You can find the slides in the attached Zip file.


Here's what I could do in this limited time - see the following posts.



PS: It should be mentioned that I am not a native English speaker, so some of my corrections may be wrong. If that's the case, my apologies.

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:09 PM
----- The Welcome screen -----
THE CURRENT STATE:
"Thank you for choosing Kubuntu 10.04."
THE WRONG:
It's an exclamation, so it should end with an exclamation mark (!).
MY VERSION:
"Thank you for choosing Kubuntu 10.04!"

THE CURRENT STATE:
"We believe every computer user should be free to work in the environment of their choice and to download, change, study and share their software for any purpose."
THE WRONG:
The way the author conveyed his thoughts is completely wrong. One can understand what he means, but from the English language point of view a major overhaul is neccessary.
MY VERSION:
<TODO>

THE CURRENT STATE:
"As part of our promise, we want Kubuntu to work as well for you as possible. So while it installs, this slideshow will provide a quick introduction."
THE WRONG:
Logical flaws, bad grammar and bad sentence construction all over.
eg 1: Which is "our promise"? The Ubuntu promise, maybe, but that is nowhere to be seen in the installer and the rest of the sentence does not correlate with the Ubuntu promise anyway.
eg 2: "as *well* for you as possible". Don't use "well" here.
MY VERSION:
"<TODO>"

THE CURRENT STATE:
"Kubuntu is designed to be easy. Feel free to explore!"
MY VERSION:
"Kubuntu is designed to be easy TO USE. Feel free to explore WHILE IT INSTALLS!"

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:10 PM
----- The Personal Information Manager slide -----
THE CURRENT STATE:
Kontact is the fully-featured personal information management software that comes with Kubuntu. It contains applications for E-mail, Calendar, Address Book, and more.
THE WRONG:
After reading this slide I am not sure if Kontact is something completely different from the applications mentioned below or it integrates all that stuff.
MY VERSION:
Kontact is the fully featured personal information management software suite that ships with Kubuntu.
It integrates applications for E-Mail, Calendar, Address Book and more. (No comma before "and" please)

THE CURRENT STATE:
Send e-mail with KMail from services such as Yahoo, GMail, and various groupware services.
THE WRONG:
a) Bad naming of services; it's "Yahoo! Mail" and "GMail". Considering that Kubuntu is the responsability of a company - Canonical - are you sure we can use these names AT ALL?
b) Plural should be used: "e-mails"
c) The construction of the sentence could be better.
MY VERSION:
<TODO>

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:13 PM
----- The Office Suite page ----
CURRENT STATE:
OpenOffice.org is a powerful office software suite that is very easy to learn and use.
MY PROPOSED IMPROVEMENT:
a) Since you're using so many adjectives, it'd be better if you group them
b) It's implied that it's a software thingie, so for the sake of sounding better, remove the word "software"
THEREFORE, MY VERSION:
OpenOffice.org is a powerful but easy to use Office Suite.

CURRENT STATE:
Use it to create letters, presentations and spreadsheets, as well as diagrams and databases.
WHAT I THINK IT'S WRONG:
a) the repeated use of the word "USE" (at the end of the last sentence and again here)
b) "as well" is unjustified
MY VERSION:
You can create letters, presentations, spreadsheets, databases and many more!

CURRENT STATE:
OpenOffice.org works with documents from other popular office applications include WordPerfect and Microsoft Office. It uses the standard OpenDocument format.
THE WRONG:
a) Bad logical construction & grammar.
b) Can we mention those commercial products? Kubuntu is the responsability of a company, not a pet project...
MY VERSION:
Openoffice.org utilises the standardized, high quality OpenDocument file format, but it is also compatile with those of Microsoft Office or WordPerfect.
OR
Openoffice.org utilises the standardized, high quality OpenDocument file format, but it is also compatile with other Office Suites.

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:16 PM
----- Music and movies in Kubuntu -----
CURRENT STATE:
Amarok audio player lets you organize your music and listen to Internet radio, podcasts, and more, as well as synchronizes your audio collection to a portable audio player.
WHAT'S WRONG:
It's a very long statement which makes it hard to read AND it could use improvements on the grammar side.
MY VERSION:
With Amarok you can organize or listen to your music collection and sync it with every popular portable audio player. You can also listen to Internet Radio stations, podcasts and others.

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:21 PM
I'm so dizzy I couldn't do more or better, so I hope you guys can continue my work. I'll return tomorrow.

Anyway, Kubuntu should not be released with the current slides, me thinks.

cguy out.

piousp
April 23rd, 2010, 10:32 PM
Should we open a bug report for this??? I don't think the kubuntu devs will notice this thread :(

Simian Man
April 23rd, 2010, 10:37 PM
While I think some of your phrasing is slightly better than what's there, some I think was better originally. At the very least I think saying that this needs to be fixed urgently and that the author doesn't have a good grasp of the English language is a gross exaggeration.

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 10:58 PM
I can't go to sleep when there's unfinished business, lol.
Should we open a bug report for this??? I don't think the kubuntu devs will notice this thread :(
Of course, but let's fix what's necessary first.

@Simian Man: come on, man, I'm not trying to be an ***, but some things are plain wrong. We may all understand what the author wrote in those slides, but analyze carefully and see that he used Internet English, not proper English.

cariboo
April 23rd, 2010, 11:11 PM
You should have put this in the proper forum, if it's so urgent.
This may be a better place:

http://kubuntuforums.net/forums/index.php?board=114.0

cguy
April 23rd, 2010, 11:16 PM
Who'd have seen it there? Not many visit that place. ;)

jamboarder
April 23rd, 2010, 11:29 PM
Really? I don't see many show stoppers here, and the proposals seem to range from mildly better to significantly worse. The intent is certainly laudable, but so is some perspective. The basic spelling and grammar mistakes should probably be addressed, but the sky isn't falling. I recommend moderating the Chicken Little commentary and direct this to the kubuntu-devel mailing list.