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Christian.w
September 23rd, 2009, 08:25 PM
Good day to you.
In 6 months I am going to the US with my class, to study at Santa Rosa Junior College for 5 weeks. During that time I am going to live with a host family. So to "attract" a host family we have all written a personal letter to introduce ourselves. The problem is I lost my teachers notes and we are supposed to hand the letters in tomorrow. Therefore I am going to copy/paste my letter here and if someone (preferably american) could read through it and help me correct the mistakes I have done I would really appreciate it.

Here you have the letter:

Hi there!


My friends may call me Batman but I am actually Superman. Did you find that sentence funny? I laughed quite a lot when I came up with it. Now I hope you are as interested in me as I am of you. When I come to the US in about a year I would like to meet the coolest people ever. But since you don't want to buy the pig in the poke I am going to tell you a little about myself.


My name is Christian and as you might have guessed I think humour is important. I enjoy a good laugh. Something that makes me laugh is Scrubs. It is simply one of the greatest comedy shows ever. I know almost all the jokes by heart.
So what else do I do in my spare time. I spend a lot of my time listening to music. Sometimes I can get lost in my music for hours and when I come back to reality I realize I have something important to do. I prefer listening to Power Metal which I know is a rarer genre in the US compared to Europe. However, sometimes when I feel likeit I also listen to Japanese pop/rock. Almost everything I like is connected to Power Metal in some way. For example I love reading fantasy novels and most lyrics in Power Metal have a fantasy theme. I also have a burning interest in the middle ages of European history. As you might guess, Power Metal lyrics contain a medieval theme.


I have an immense passion for Japan. I love the Japanese culture and I am trying to learn the Japanese language which is quite hard while studying and keeping up with everything else. However I won't give up until I know how to use it fluently.


At the moment I live with my mother and my two sisters, Sanna and Moa, on the 7th floor or as we call it, Seventh Heaven. During my time in the US I would like to live closer to the ground perhaps in a detached house, with a nice family. A pool would be awesome!


Perhaps I should mention that I am allergic to nuts. It's not serious but I should avoid consuming nuts of any sort. I also have asthma. I rarely experience any symptoms except for when I put much strain on my body or when I get really stressed. However when it happens I know how to deal with it.


What other activities do I perform in my spare time? Well, I am a scout leader so I enjoy most activities associated with that, for example canoeing. I like to try new activities and I am always up for a challenge as long as it doesn't involve heights. I am terrified of heights.


I have read that almost 80% of the American people are religious. That is quite an astonishing number. I am not a religious type of guy. I'm an atheist fair and square. Nevertheless I am interested in religion and I like to discuss it with other people. Maybe I'll change my mind someday and go Christian (pun intended since my name is Christian).


By now I hope you have a good picture of me and who I might be. I'm really looking forward to meeting you and spending five of the most thrilling weeks of my life with you.


I have always believed in destiny. Therefore I believe that whomever I get to live with during my time in the US, is going to be the perfect match for me. What about you? Do you believe in destiny? Even if you don't you should pick me because I'm already looking forward to meeting you.


See you soon!
Your future son

dragos240
September 23rd, 2009, 08:28 PM
The last line would imply you were going to be adopted.

Christian.w
September 23rd, 2009, 08:31 PM
The last line would imply you were going to be adopted.

Yeah I know but it is a line that they told us is good to use.

schauerlich
September 23rd, 2009, 08:33 PM
The last line would imply you were going to be adopted.

Well, the host family picks which student to host... so in a way, it is like being adopted.

dragos240
September 23rd, 2009, 08:33 PM
Yeah I know but it is a line that they told us is good to use.

In my opinion, this is similar to the "if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it?" Scenario. Honestly, I would be confused If I received that letter.

Christian.w
September 23rd, 2009, 09:05 PM
What would you suggest I use as a fininshing line instead? I take it there were no other mistakes then?

jaxxstorm
September 23rd, 2009, 09:37 PM
See what you think of this, I must say I'm not sure about the opening line, but I didn't change it.

I've added some grammar and punctuation corrections as well as rewording some sentences to make them read better


Hi there!
My friends may call me Batman but I am actually Superman! If you find that sentence funny, we may share the same sense of humour as I laughed quite a lot when I came up with it! Now I hope you are as interested in me as I am interested in you. When I come to the US in about a year I would like to meet the coolest people ever. But since you don't want to buy "the pig in the poke" I am going to tell you a little about myself.
My name is Christian and as you might have guessed I think humour is important. I enjoy a good laugh - something that makes me laugh is Scrubs. I think it is simply one of the greatest comedy shows ever, I may even know almost all the jokes by heart!
So what else do I do in my spare time? I spend a lot of my time listening to music. Sometimes I can get lost in my music for hours and when I come back to reality I realize how much time I have lost! I prefer listening to Power Metal which I know is a less popular genre in the US compared to Europe. However, sometimes when I feel like in the right modd I also listen to Japanese pop/rock. Almost everything I like is connected to Power Metal in some way, for example I love reading fantasy novels and most lyrics in Power Metal have a fantasy theme. I also have a burning interest in the middle ages of European history. As you might guess, Power Metal lyrics contain a medieval theme.
I have an immense passion for Japan. I love the Japanese culture and I am trying to learn the Japanese language which is quite hard while studying and keeping up with everything else. However I won't give up until I know how to use it fluently!
At the moment I live with my mother and my two sisters, Sanna and Moa, on the 7th floor or as we call it, Seventh Heaven. During my time in the US I would like to live closer to the ground perhaps in a detached house, with a nice family. A pool would be awesome!
Perhaps I should mention that I am allergic to nuts. It's not life-threatening but I should avoid consuming nuts of any sort. I also have asthma however I rarely experience any symptoms except for when I put much strain on my body or when I get really stressed. Luckily when it happens I know how to deal with it.
What other activities do I perform in my spare time? Well, I am a scout leader so I enjoy most activities associated with that, for example canoeing. I like to try new activities and I am always up for a challenge as long as it doesn't involve heights - I am terrified of heights.
I have read that almost 80% of the American people are religious. That is quite an astonishing number. I am not a religious type of guy. I'm an atheist fair and square. Nevertheless I am interested in religion and I like to discuss it with other people. Maybe I'll change my mind someday and "go Christian" (pun intended since my name is Christian).
By now I hope you have a good picture of me and who I might be. I'm really looking forward to meeting you and spending five of the most thrilling weeks of my life with you.
I have always believed in destiny. Therefore I believe that whoever I get to live with during my time in the US is going to be the perfect match for me. What about you? Do you believe in destiny? Even if you don't, perhaps you should pick me because I'm already looking forward to meeting you!
See you soon!
Your future "son"
Christian

Christian.w
September 23rd, 2009, 09:47 PM
Thanks for the help jaxxstorm. I will use some of the changes you made but not all. Anyhow thank you really much. :D

Dullstar
September 23rd, 2009, 10:05 PM
I was going to point out a grammatical error, but the jaxxstorm beat me to the punch! While not needed, I'm not sure if you'd want to replace humour with humor (humor is the spelling we use in America, although I do prefer the spelling "humour").

DouglasAWh
September 23rd, 2009, 10:23 PM
I was going to point out a grammatical error, but the jaxxstorm beat me to the punch! While not needed, I'm not sure if you'd want to replace humour with humor (humor is the spelling we use in America, although I do prefer the spelling "humour").

To be fair, you probably don't want to stay with someone that has such an anti-British bias that they wouldn't pick you because you use extra u's. Which begs the question, why isn't it Ungland or Eugland? ;)

Anyway, they probably won't bat an eyelash and give you credit for being informed if you use humor, but if you use humour you will definitely single yourself out as foreign...though being a foreign exchange student, I'm not sure that matters. Using humour makes you more exotic.

And, plus, the ladies love the British accent...

Eisenwinter
September 23rd, 2009, 11:35 PM
And, plus, the ladies love the British accent...
Yeah, he should also remember to use the words "Oi", "Mate", and "Bollock s" as much as possible ;)